1554 réponses à ce sujet

[PMC65]

Reapers defeated and Shepard is having a meal with Liara in a Citadel restaurant.

Liara: "This is nice Shepard .... Shepard?"
Shepard ducking under table: "Shhh! There is that racist Ash"
Liara: "Chief Williams is a hard woman to get to know but she was very kind to me after Noveria."
Shepard: "Racist just the same."
Liara: "Shepard, I do- .... What now?"
Shepard ducking back under table: "Samara. I hate Justicars. Judge, jury and executioner ... Who does she think she is?"
Liara: "Shepard, Justicars are highly respected and needed in the Asari world."
Shepard: "Hmmph, they should all be killed."
Liara: "So visiting Thessia or Asari space altogether should be removed from our ... what did you call it? Bucketlist?"
Shepard: "No, the Asari's should outlaw them."
Liara: "Shepard, you need to unders ..... Now what?"
Sheprad back under table: "Mordin that genocide salarian! Playing God by wiping out the Krogan!"
Liara: "Shepard, the genophage was to limit the births due to their ..... oh by the Goddess, should we have our dinners placed under the table?"
Shepard: "Ssshhhhh! I don't want Tali seeing me. She wants to eliminate the Geth and that is wrong!"
Liara: "Why did I decide to date a newcomer to the galaxy?"

[ADLegend21]

^hahahahaha.

[PMC65]

This banter aws heard in my head when I went from playing Mass Effect on the PC to the XBox ... As in trying to get used to the different controls.

Scene: Fight on Feros with Tali & Wrex as squadmates
Wrex: Shepard, the enemy are over there!
Tali: Shepard, stop bumping into me .... and why aren't you shooting?
Wrex: Shepard, where are you walking to? We are in the middle of a ...... "
Tali: Oh, Keelah! Now she is shooting the rocks!
Wrex: Shepard, I think the rock is dead ... now can you focus on the geth!

Scene: Fight in Synthetic Insights office with Tali & Liara
Liara: Tali, why is Shepard shooting the chair?
Tali: Maybe you should ask a rock on Feros.
Liara: Shepard, the enemy are over there!
Tali: Shepard, stop bumping into me!
Liara pushes Shep into bullet-ridden chair, takes away weapon and goes back to fighting as she stands between Shepard and the enemy.
Tali: That was a little harsh .....
Liara: Someone had to save the furniture.

[Firewolf99]

Tali: So, essentially, for this date, you are taking me to place where we sit in a carriage and hurtle forwards dangerously at ridiculous speeds while very tightly restrained?
Shepard: and what's wrong with Alton Towers exactly?
Tali: Nothing. It just sounds a lot like riding the Mako with you driving...

[Sandbox47]

Shep: I can't see!
Tali: What? Why?
Shep: There a plant in my face and if I move they start shooting!
Tali: ... What's the plan?
Shep: Use a drone!
Tali: Go Chiktikka!
Shep: Ah! What the hell, Tali?
Tali: What now?
Shep: My head's inside the drone!
Tali: It's eating the plant! That way, it's no obstruction.
Shep: But I still can't see!
Tali: Oh, right. Chiktikka, move up.
*Shep makes strangled noises*
Shep: Are you *cough* trying to hang me?
Tali: I'm so sorry! Chiktikka, down!
Shep: Shut it off! Before it crushes me, shut it off!
Garrus: *headshots the final charging krogan* For the love of... *sigh* Every effing time we go out, this happens.
Tali: I'm sorry!
Garrus: Not as sorry as Shepard will be if you let that drone go any deeper to the floor.
Tali: Oh keelah!
(^ True story, that. Got stuck in a drone while killing krogan in Grunt recruit mission)
_________________________________________________________________________________

Shep: Oh hey. Look at that.
Tali: What?
Shep: We can use these as shields.
Tali: These are geth shields...
Shep: So what?
Tali: They won't stop geth ammo.
Shep: Pfft, don't be stupid. Look, we'll take cover here and you use a drone to draw the buggers out.
Tali: I'd rather stand behind this solid wall.
Shep: Suit yourself.
Tali: Go, Chiktikka...
*two years later*
Shep: Where am I?
Miranda: Commander, this facility is under attack! Grab your weapons and armor from the locker!
(How it really happened)
_______________________________________________________________________________

Garrus: You can't drive up a wall.
Shep: Oh.
Garrus: You can't time the jump bursts to remain airborne in the Mako.
Shep: Right, sorry.
Garrus: Driving through laval kills us.
Shep: Yeah, I knew that.
Garrus: So does falling down a cliff.
Shep: Of course.
Garrus: And a Colossus won't die by you repeatedly crashing into it.
Shep: Huh.
Garrus: You know what, how about I drive?
Shep: No way. I'm still allowed to crash into turrets.
Garrus: No, don't-...
*no front wheels on mako no more*
(Why Garrus insists on calibrations for the Normandy)
________________________________________________________________________________

Shep: Die, green asari!
Garrus: Focus fire on that thorian keeper!
Shep: No, kill the asari!
Garrus: She's taking cover, now kill the ones charging us!
Shep: But I want to kill the asari! She can make me levitate down to first floor!
Garrus: Oh for fuuu-...
Tali: *blasts a hole through the keepers with mrs shotgun* That do? Now can we move on?
Shep: Sure. Oh, hey what?
Garrus: Focuse fire on the asari!
Tali: Chikikka, get Shepard before she falls on the thorian.
Shep: I told you, Garrus! But "nooo, we kill the ones who don't have any superpowers first!"
Garrus: Shut up and levitate back here!
(Almost a true story)
_________________________________________________________________________________

*Normandy floats in the darkness of space. Every inhabitant is dead or dying, all of them unable to reach the communication systems on account of Shepard forgetting to buy food supplies through out ME2, so they all starved to death. And now there is a happy Reaper, sending a bunch of text messages with smileys to all his friends.*

[PMC65]

Tali trying out the Nerve-Stim Pro Deluxe Edition while in a sleeper pod as Shepard is walking through from the med bay to his cabin.

There is a slight hum which draws Shepard's attention. He follows the sound to a sleeper pod and as he opens it Tali jerks in surprise.

Shepard: Tali? Are you okay? What is that noise?
Tali: Noise? Uuuhhhh, that is my suit's filter cleaning itself (hum raises a little) .. oh, Keela .....
Shepard: Tali?
Tali: Let me find the switch to (hum raises again) .... oh, Keela!
Shepard: Can I help you? Is it malfunctioning?
Tali: ooooohhhhhh! (Tali grabs Shep's arm)
Shepard: Tali?
Tali: Shepard, mmmmm Shepard, (hum goes lower) oh Keela!
Shepard: Keela selai to you too .... I'll go get Garrus, maybe he can calibrate the filter.
Shepard pries himself away from Tali's grip with a worried look and runs to get Garrus.

Moments later Shepard & Garrus return to a now empty pod.
Shepard: She was here earlier.
Garrus: A slight hum you say?
Shepard: Yes. Her suit's filter must have been acting up.
Garrus: Right ... Shepard, have you seen the vid "The Quarian's Solitaire"?
Shepard: What?

[Gingi]

betd2 wrote...

skcih-deraj wrote...

Miranda: So Shepard are we going to tell Wiliams about that thing in engineering?
Shepard: I'd rather not die again. Why is this comming up.
Miranda: Sure you broke it off between us and things are working out fine for you two. (grimices in anger) But you have to tell her it's only right.
Shepard: We don't need to tell Ash any thing. (he says trying to get off the topic.)
(Ashley walks in)
Ashley: Tell me what?

Shepard: Miranda used to be a man.
Miranda: WHAT!?

LOL

[daxmeister]

PMC65 wrote...

Tali trying out the Nerve-Stim Pro Deluxe Edition while in a sleeper pod as Shepard is walking through from the med bay to his cabin.

There is a slight hum which draws Shepard's attention. He follows the sound to a sleeper pod and as he opens it Tali jerks in surprise.

Shepard: Tali? Are you okay? What is that noise?
Tali: Noise? Uuuhhhh, that is my suit's filter cleaning itself (hum raises a little) .. oh, Keela .....
Shepard: Tali?
Tali: Let me find the switch to (hum raises again) .... oh, Keela!
Shepard: Can I help you? Is it malfunctioning?
Tali: ooooohhhhhh! (Tali grabs Shep's arm)
Shepard: Tali?
Tali: Shepard, mmmmm Shepard, (hum goes lower) oh Keela!
Shepard: Keela selai to you too .... I'll go get Garrus, maybe he can calibrate the filter.
Shepard pries himself away from Tali's grip with a worried look and runs to get Garrus.

Moments later Shepard & Garrus return to a now empty pod.
Shepard: She was here earlier.
Garrus: A slight hum you say?
Shepard: Yes. Her suit's filter must have been acting up.
Garrus: Right ... Shepard, have you seen the vid "The Quarian's Solitaire"?
Shepard: What?

That...um...I.....

Hnnnggh.

[DPSSOC]

Challenge (cause I couldn't come up with anything decent myself): Joker convinces Grunt that Simon is a training simulator. For those of you who don't know what Simon is get out and stop making me feel old.

[100k]

It would have been cool for Vasir to react to certain squad mates you brought with you when you first meet her in Liara's apartment.

Vasir: I see you had your Spectre status reinstated, good...

a) Ahhh, Garrus "Archangel" Valkeryian. Heard you died on Omega, but I guess you weren't targeted as a possible Spectre candidate for nothing. *shakes Garrus's hand*

So, this is Subject Zero? You'd best watch your step. Posters of you are all over Illium, and there's a bounty on your head higher than my yearly salary. *Jack scowls, and crosses her arms*

Vasir: Not a threat--just words of advice.


c) Ahhh, the infamous Thane Krios, I presume? Nassana Dantius was going to pay me a lot of money to stop you. Glad you and I both wanted her dead. *Thane bows, silently*

d) ...Ah. Samara the Justicar. Well...this is unexpected...*slightly uncomfortable*

Samara: What can you tell us about the crime scene?

Vasir: About 20 minutes ago, someone took a shot at your friend, Commander...
--

Depending on the specialist you brought with you, they will inspect Liara's room as well.

Garrus, Thane, or Legion will stand by the window, scanning the bullet holes...

Garrus: Commander, looks like the shots from this came from a high powered rifle. Black market, I'm guessing. Shooter took three shots, so I'm guessing it's a Incisor model.

Vasir: Impressive. Looks like your tactical assessment really is as sharp as they say. Good thing the Sniper didn't have your skill.

--

Thane: Sniper used a M-29. It would appear that the shooter would be about 5'9, judging by the height of these punctures, and standing some 300 meters away from the window. I'm guessing that they used thermal goggles to compensate for the heavy rain. Good shooting, but I would never recommend using that rifle for this distance or weather.

Vasir, jokingly: You're supposed to be on our side, Krios...

Thane: Just my professional opinion. I would guess that a woman or an Asari took the shot, Commander. Too bad that's describing half of Illium...

--

Legion: Shepard, Commander. We noticed that these holes are spread wide, and the bullets that penetrated the window were fired in quick succession. An M-29 Incisor was used for these shots. Despite extreme skill, it is likely that the recoil of the rifle slightly jarred the shooter. Also, the bullet hole height, seems to have belonged to someone 5'9, who would have to be almost exactly 302 meters away, on the terrace of the building opposite. Observation: it is unlikely that, in this weather, any shooter unfamiliar with the location and distance would risk the shot. Conclusion: Whoever fired had planned this for several days, probably revisiting the location.

Vasir: Impressive...where can I buy something like you?

Legion: This is a specialized unit meant to operate within organic space. We cannot be bought, purchased, or adequately replicated without Geth overseers.

Vasir: It was worth a shot. Metaphorically speaking.

--

Vasir: That's not Thessia. Don't know where that is.

Shepard: It's Illos...

a) Tali: Has it really been two years? *running her hand along the frame*

Garrus: Has it really been two years? *scanning the frame*

--

Shepard: It's a piece of my old armor...

Vasir: Looks like someone didn't like you much either.

a) Tali: Well, now almost all of your old suit is accounted for.

Garrus: Legion has the chest plate right? And you've got the helmet somewhere?

c) Legion: Some fragments of your armor remained on the planet when we searched the remains of SR1 Normandy. This was not among them. *Legion uncharacteristically reaches out to touch the glass, but hesitates, withdraws his hand, and walks away*

--

Samara is crouching down in Liara's kitchen, and holds up a small, semi crushed bullet.

Samara: Like detective Vasir said, the bullet bounced off Dr. T'Soni's biotic barrier, and landed under the fridge.

Vasir: Good find. I'm lucky to have a Justicar helping with this investigation.

Samara: Indeed...

---

Samara walks up to Shepard as the Commander looks at some quarian script in Liara's bedroom. The Justicar leans in close to Shepard, glancing over her shoulder at the stairs behind them.

Samara: Something doesn't feel right Commander.

Shepard: You think the sniper is still out there?

Samara: No. But Tela Vasir is hiding something from you.

Shepard: Are you sure? She's been helpful so far.

Samara: Vasir is a Spectre, and a Asari much like myself. But I can tell that she is uncomfortable around me.

Shepard: You think it may be because you're a Justicar?

Samara: No. She avoids my eyes, and works with her back to me. I have seen this behavior from countless of my people over the centuries. She hiding something from you.

Shepard: Keep an eye out.

[Made Nightwing]

Good idea, too bad they didn't bother to put it in.

[Made Nightwing]

THE ADVENTURES OF HIPSTER SHEPARD

*Morinth and Shepard are talking in the Afterlife VIP club. Shepard is wearing ironic glasses, a handknitted scarf and a shirt with the name of a band no one has ever heard of printed on it.*

Morinth: So.....you like Expel 10?

Shepard: pfft, I 'liked' them before they went mainstream.

SSV Normandy

Kelly: Shepard, Mordin would like to see you in the armory.

Shepard: *snort* I did loyalty missions in the first game, before everyone else thought it was cool to do them.

MAIN BATTERY

Garrus: Soooooo, do you want to 'blow off steam' together?

Shepard: Sorry, I'm dating Jacob. It's too conformist to romance you or Thane.

_______________________________________________

If anyone else wants to write about Hipster Shepard, I strongly encourage it

[Sandbox47]

*Shepard in a bar on Omega*
Turian: You look awful, woman.
Shep: Really? Good, I manage to keep the worst of it away then.
Turian: *smirks* Good job. Hey wait... you're that human Spectre, aren't you?
Shep: Why not? Someone has to be.
Turian: What happened to you? I hear that you were dead.
Shep: Naw, was just lucky. And then I got resurrected by this bossy bimbo who takes orders from everything passing by her and her whines about daddy issues. She was along with that boring, whining, psycho Alliance snob, Jacob and his daddy issues. And then there was this other psycho, Jack. She kept bi*ching about the bimbo and Cerberus and how she wanted to blow a planet to pieces or something. And then that turian guy came along, whinning about some dead mercs of his. And then there was this whining quarian, kept clinging to me like a stamp on a burning waffle. And then there was this whining drell, with his idiot son who decided to kill because his papa did. And then there was this newborn, weapon of mass destruction, krogan, Grunt, who wanted to visit the holes the krogans call a homeworld. And then there was this justicar who wanted to kill her daughter because she's a freak of some sort. Don't telly anyone, but I killed the justicar. Too preachy.
Turian: Tough.
Shep: No sh*t. And then there were these bugs that weren't really bugs, just shells of bugs, who had laser weapons that killed me. And then tried to kill me again and built a baby reaper that got blown to hell when I accidentally pressed the wrong button on my omni tool. And I got fired from the terrorist organization for ruining boss's toys. And then I had to blow up a relay. And the Alliance are all hissy-pissy. And the rachni are sending me messages. And the protheans have this beacon imprint in my brain. And that asari with whom I hit off with is now a Shadow broker, but shush about that. No one's supposed to know. And I killed a Spectre and-...
Turian: You've been busy, haven't you?
Shep: Yeah. Call me after the Reapers are dead though.
Turian: Sounds heavy.
Shep: You've no idea.
Turian: So are you going to drink that glass you ordered or just stand there and gesticulate?
Shep: ... What's in it?
Turian: Alcohol.
Shep: I'd better not. I'm too unhinged as it is.
Turian. Good call.
________________________________________________________________________________

[R3c0nn4155nc3]

How did I not find this?!
Challenge:
Tali's trial but there are more people represeting Tali than herself and Shepard. Garrus must also defend her and Legion must be onboard. Use Reegar and that crazy-sick-psycho quarian if you like. You can use other team members if you want to, your choice, you can use as many as you want. I'd like a serious AND funny version

[Dean_the_Young]

Admiralty Board: Shepard, do you and your crew have any testimony that you would like to offer in private? Anything that would support your defense of Tali's character and being a good Quarian?

---

Shepard: Well, just a few weeks ago Tali was willing and eager to work with me, even though I showed up with two Cerberus agents right beside me.
Board: Are you saying Tali was willing to work with Cerberus?
Shepard: Well, only because she was willing to work with me.
Board: Who had been dead, and were brought back by a terrorist group who had attacked our flotilla, and could have done anything they wanted to you to make you agree?
Shepard: Well, it sounds kind of bad when you put it that way. But she didn't want us to take Veetor! I made sure Veetor went back with her.
Board: Is this to imply she would have let Cerberus seize her mission objective, and interrogate one of our people, had you NOT chosen to give him to us?
Shepard: Well...
Board: Next 'defense', please.

---

Garrus: Tali is a good person. As a former C-SEC cop, I stand by her. She's always stood up for Quarians abroad.
Board: Is there a case that supports your assertion?
Garrus: Well... yeah, there is. Just the other day we were on the Citadel and we found a Quarian being falsely accused of theft by a Volus merchant. Tali helped us find the proof of her innocence, and stood up for the Quarian when the Volus starting slinging racist accusations.
Board: And how did she do this, Officer?
Garrus: Well... she sort of threatened to hack the Volus's rebreather as retaliation.
Board: Tali Zorah threatened digital assault on a member of another species over a misunderstanding?
Garrus: I don't believe she intended to carry out the threat, per see.
Board: We have enough problems with Quarians ruining their species' reputation in the eyes of the galaxy. Thank you for your testimony. Next!

---

Board: Just to clarify, you are, in fact, a Geth?
Legion: That is correct.
Board: But you do not intend to cause violence here?
Legion: Only if attacked. Violence is not our intent at this time.
Board: ...close enough. Yet you are willing to speak on Tali's behalf?
Legion: Shepard-Commander has requested we advocate on Creator Tali's behalf, yes.
Board: Well, let's hear it.
Legion: One query before hand?
Board: Granted.
Legion: Would this platform's testimony be held for or against Creator Tali?
Board: Clarify.
Legion: Quarian-Geth relations remain strained. If this platform speaks positively of Creator Tali, there is a 52.5% chance that those views will be held against her, and a 42% chance that condemnation will be seen as a mark in her favor. This is ignoring ulterior motives being considered.
Board: Ulterior motives?
Legion: A return to a Geth-Quarian conflict is deemed as likely. In such a case, it would be to the advantage of Geth survival if Quarian capabilities are degraded. If this platform considered Creator Tali competent, it would be logical to sabatoge her chances and see her exiled. If she is incompetent, Geth would benefit from her being put in a station above her capabilities. While Geth have a motive to take advantage of such a system, the fore-knowledge that the Creator-Admirals might expect such a sabatoge would inverse the probable reception of answers, requiring re-calculation of appropriate response regardless of whether the Geth attempt deception or not.
Board: Do you intend to decieve us?
Legion: No valid answer is positive. If I intended deception, it would occur regardless of what answer I give, whereas if I did not you still might not believe a truthful answer.
Board: ...tell us what you think best.
Legion: Creator Tali is a skilled, charming, capable Quarian who should not be exiled.

[Firewolf99]

Admiralty Board: So, can you provide evidence as to why Tali Zorah should be cleared of all charges?
Joker: Well, If you don't, Shepards probably going to kill most of you. I mean, this guy has anger issues, did you see what he did to that merc on the Dantius towers... brutal.
Board: :0_o'
----

Board: What evidence do you have that Tali Zorah is innocent?
Grunt: I. AM. KROGAN!!!
Board: A valid point. We must consider this.
----------------

Board: any more evidence?
Mordin: Quarian admiralty board odd in design. One council of different indivduals with conflicting political views using court cases to further political goals. Very Salarian. Allows for settling of disputes with minimal bloodshed or confrontation. However, does lead to "show trials". Rather lacking in subtlety in these high profile cases. Should probably rescuse case, or will likely lose support of people.
Korris: (hushed whispers) Who the hell have we invited on to the flotilla?
Xan: For the ancestors sake, get them out of here as soon as possible!

[R3c0nn4155nc3]

Dean_the_Young wrote...

Admiralty Board: Shepard, do you and your crew have any testimony that you would like to offer in private? Anything that would support your defense of Tali's character and being a good Quarian?

---

Shepard: Well, just a few weeks ago Tali was willing and eager to work with me, even though I showed up with two Cerberus agents right beside me.
Board: Are you saying Tali was willing to work with Cerberus?
Shepard: Well, only because she was willing to work with me.
Board: Who had been dead, and were brought back by a terrorist group who had attacked our flotilla, and could have done anything they wanted to you to make you agree?
Shepard: Well, it sounds kind of bad when you put it that way. But she didn't want us to take Veetor! I made sure Veetor went back with her.
Board: Is this to imply she would have let Cerberus seize her mission objective, and interrogate one of our people, had you NOT chosen to give him to us?
Shepard: Well...
Board: Next 'defense', please.

---

Garrus: Tali is a good person. As a former C-SEC cop, I stand by her. She's always stood up for Quarians abroad.
Board: Is there a case that supports your assertion?
Garrus: Well... yeah, there is. Just the other day we were on the Citadel and we found a Quarian being falsely accused of theft by a Volus merchant. Tali helped us find the proof of her innocence, and stood up for the Quarian when the Volus starting slinging racist accusations.
Board: And how did she do this, Officer?
Garrus: Well... she sort of threatened to hack the Volus's rebreather as retaliation.
Board: Tali Zorah threatened digital assault on a member of another species over a misunderstanding?
Garrus: I don't believe she intended to carry out the threat, per see.
Board: We have enough problems with Quarians ruining their species' reputation in the eyes of the galaxy. Thank you for your testimony. Next!

---

Board: Just to clarify, you are, in fact, a Geth?
Legion: That is correct.
Board: But you do not intend to cause violence here?
Legion: Only if attacked. Violence is not our intent at this time.
Board: ...close enough. Yet you are willing to speak on Tali's behalf?
Legion: Shepard-Commander has requested we advocate on Creator Tali's behalf, yes.
Board: Well, let's hear it.
Legion: One query before hand?
Board: Granted.
Legion: Would this platform's testimony be held for or against Creator Tali?
Board: Clarify.
Legion: Quarian-Geth relations remain strained. If this platform speaks positively of Creator Tali, there is a 52.5% chance that those views will be held against her, and a 42% chance that condemnation will be seen as a mark in her favor. This is ignoring ulterior motives being considered.
Board: Ulterior motives?
Legion: A return to a Geth-Quarian conflict is deemed as likely. In such a case, it would be to the advantage of Geth survival if Quarian capabilities are degraded. If this platform considered Creator Tali competent, it would be logical to sabatoge her chances and see her exiled. If she is incompetent, Geth would benefit from her being put in a station above her capabilities. While Geth have a motive to take advantage of such a system, the fore-knowledge that the Creator-Admirals might expect such a sabatoge would inverse the probable reception of answers, requiring re-calculation of appropriate response regardless of whether the Geth attempt deception or not.
Board: Do you intend to decieve us?
Legion: No valid answer is positive. If I intended deception, it would occur regardless of what answer I give, whereas if I did not you still might not believe a truthful answer.
Board: ...tell us what you think best.
Legion: Creator Tali is a skilled, charming, capable Quarian who should not be exiled.

Wow...I had an idea in my head but you fleshed it out better than I imagined. Bravo. Although I am quite confused at the last part. Is legion telling the truth or is he telling a lie for the truth? Or vice-versa?

Firewolf99 wrote...

Admiralty Board: So, can you provide evidence as to why Tali Zorah should be cleared of all charges?
Joker:
Well, If you don't, Shepards probably going to kill most of you. I
mean, this guy has anger issues, did you see what he did to that merc on
the Dantius towers... brutal.
Board: :0_o'
----

Board: What evidence do you have that Tali Zorah is innocent?
Grunt: I. AM. KROGAN!!!
Board: A valid point. We must consider this.
----------------

Board: any more evidence?
Mordin:
Quarian admiralty board odd in design. One council of different
indivduals with conflicting political views using court cases to further
political goals. Very Salarian. Allows for settling of disputes with
minimal bloodshed or confrontation. However, does lead to "show trials".
Rather lacking in subtlety in these high profile cases. Should probably
rescuse case, or will likely lose support of people.
Korris: (hushed whispers) Who the hell have we invited on to the flotilla?
Xan: For the ancestors sake, get them out of here as soon as possible!

LOL, I can totally see the admiralty board freaking out after being threatened and THEN get called out on their true intentions.

Modifié par R3c0nn4155nc3, 17 avril 2011 - 11:04 .

[R3c0nn4155nc3]

double post my bad

Modifié par R3c0nn4155nc3, 17 avril 2011 - 11:04 .

[MACharlie1]

 Banter between Jack and Kaidan:

Kaidan: You know, you remind me of someone.
Jack: What the f*** are you talking about? 
Kaidan: I used to know this girl - sad, angry - look at her the wrong way and she'd slit your throat. Kind of reminded me of a cat. 
Jack: Look, Alenko, if you think briging up your old cat girlfriend is going make me have sex with you, you are dead wrong. If you want it, just f***** say so.
Kaidan: No, I wasn't - I mean. She wasn't - I mean she wasn't even-  I...never mind. 
Jack: Just stay away - I'm way too much for you to handle anyway.
Kaidan: You got it. 


First banter I've thought up. Not as good as most of what I've seen. And in case you didn't get it, playing with the fact that Courtney Taylor (Jack) played Juhani in KOTOR with Raphael Sbarge (Kaidan) as Carth. 

[Khambilo]

First banter I've made.

Samara: I know it couldn’t have been easy, but killing Sidonis was the just thing to do. Had I known of his actions, I would have been bound to kill him myself.

Garrus: Thanks. Even though I know it was the right thing to do, some part of me feels like it was wrong.

Samara: I did not say it was the right thing to do, merely the just thing to do.

[Runcowards]

Thoughyt i'd try my hand at writing a few also really nice job to everyone whos been posting lots of really good stuff

shepard recently finished reading the book "Dune"
===========================================
Shep: So i was reading this book in my free time grunt.

Grunt: so?

Shep: The books called dune basically im starting to see similarities beetween you and the fremen.

Grunt: is this an insult or a compliment?

shep: well you see they're amoung the toughest warriors in the universe, like the krogan, also part of the reason for this is the harsh environment of dune , like tuchanka. And they also fought a jihad across the universe conquering it kinda like what the krogan tried to do during the krogan rebellions.

Grunt: They sound like a worthy foe.

Shep: They arent real... but thats not the point the point is their home planet has giant sandworms, very similar to thresher maws.There is one big diffrence however.

Grunt: whats that?

Shep:  They ride the worms.

Grunt: *surprised* Are you saying.... *startled realization* We must go to tuchanka as soon as possible!

Shep: I knew you'd love the idea.
=======================================

Shepard wants to get liara a memorable present
==========================================
Shep:  so Miranda ... i need your help.

miranda: with?

shep:  How difficult is it to clone someone?...

-Shep leaves and goes to see jack-

Jack:  You wante me to do what ?!?!

Shep:  Its for liara, so can you help me or not?

Jack:  **** yeah! This'll be the most fun ive had in a while been so damn boring since we blew the hell outa the
          collector base.

-Shepard shows up at liaras with a wrapped present-
Liara:  shepard, how have you been?

shep:  good, i got you a present.

Liara:  Its a cofee cup..... filled with something.

Shep:  yep its the old shadow broker... well technically a clone got some dna from the bits stuck in my gauntlets
            from punching him so many times and then had jack fit him into the cofee cup. so do you like it?

Liara:  *sigh* by the goddess! I wasn't thinking straight at the time.. i didn't mean for you to actually....

Shep: sounds like a yes to me:D
===========================================================

Grunt: I am a living insult to your Genophage!

Mordin: No no. Genophage still in effect. okeer madman nothing more.

Shep: i was once told that genius and madness are two sides to the same coin.

Mordin: intersting idea. However is false. you probably thought it up while drunk shepard.
            Genius useful, madness however, very much the opposite.

Grunt: are you saying okeer failed? Do you doubt what I've done in shepards service? I am pure krogan I have crushed enemis beyond counting for our cause!

Mordin: very unlikely okeers plan for you ,okeers success at creating you an anamoly, still something to ponder.
            

[ADLegend21]

FShep: come on grunt, let's spar.
Grunt: are you sure Battlemaster?
Shep: yeah get your ass downto the sparring room.

*in the sparring room
Shep: I can't believe you're crying.
Grunt: You kicked me in the guad!!!!!
Shep: it was a leg kick
Grunt: THE OTHER QUAD!
Shep: O_O oh....my bad.

[Sajuro]

The team gets Codec just in time for Shepard's stealth mission in Arrival
-Shepard is sneaking through the halls after killing some Varren when Codec starts to ring-
Shepard: What is it?
Garrus: I was playing your earth game, pokemon, and I think the Rattata I caught is in the top percentage!
Shepard: -.- Garrus, now is not the time.
-later when sneaking past two guards outside, codec starts ringing again-
Shepard: -in hushed whisper- I can't talk right now, batarians right outside.
Hackette: Shepard, you need to rescue Doctor Kenson!
Shepard: -facepalm- I'm doing that sir
Hackette: Go Shepard, RESCUE HER!
-Later outside of the torture room, codec starts ringing-
Kasumi:.. sup?
Shepard: Kasumi, you of all people should know the importance of stealth.
Kasumi: that's nice, hey I saw Jacobs ass today while he was taking a shower = D
Shepard: What? but- listen don't call me again.
Kasumi: Talk to you later Shep.
-Later while fighting through the space station of indoctrinated workers and mercenaries, codec rings-
Shepard: Listen, you need to warn the Batarians about the-
Liara: WHY DON'T YOU TALK TO ME ANYMORE ;A;
Shepard: Liara? I don't know what you are talking about, you need to warn the colonists about the Rea-
Liara: YOU'RE WITH THE QUARIAN HUSSY, AREN'T YOU?????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111111111
Shepard:.... -hangs up-
-later when sending signal is blocked by damage to the comm tower, Shepard calls Garrus-
Shepard: Garrus, tell Joker to get to the astroid right away, I'm going to cr-
Garrus: Can it wait for a minute Shepard? I'm in the middle of some calibrations.

Modifié par Sajuro, 19 avril 2011 - 11:24 .

[R3c0nn4155nc3]

This has probably been done but:
Shepard: Tali! I wasn't expecting to see you up in my chambers.
Tali: Well, I wanted some alone time. So, come over here (motions to bed*
Shepard: *creepy smile and sits down on the bed preparing to remove Tali's mask*
Tali: ASSUMING DIRECT CONTROL!

[Bookman230]

After Arrival, squad reactions. SPOILERS!

Mordin:*sniff* Heard about what happened. 300,000 lives lost for the greater good. Similar to work with genophage. Know how to make the hard decisions. know how it feels. Ever need to talk, I'll be here.

Jacob:Damn, Shepard. Making that decision must've been hell. If you need to talk, I'm right here.

Miranda: You did what you had to, Shepard. I'll stand with you to the end, regardless of this.

Tali:I-I don't know what to say, Shepard, besides that this only makes me admire/love you more. I can't know how you must feel, but I'll be here. Always.

Garrus:Shepard. You okay? It couldn't have been easy down there, but just know I'm behind you 100%. This changes nothing. Alright?

Thane: Shia/Shepard, are you alright? Taking a life is not always easy when done of your own accord. But I know death. I'm here to help.

Jack: 300,000 people? Damn, Shepard, you beat my record on one mission! Alright, alright, bad joke, but know this doesn't change ****, alright? (Romance)I still love you and I'll kill any alliance son of a **** who comes after you.

Legion:300,000 lives in exchange for billions. Although a cold comfort, objectively you made the right choice.

Zaeed:Damn. And I thought I was a death magnet. Listen, Shepard. You did the right thing. Don't let anyone, even yourself, tell you different. (Paragon) At first I thought you were a sentimental, idealist pansy. But you know how to make the hard decisions and you don't let them change you. I respect that. You're the greatest man I've ever known, Shepard. (Renegade) You can make the hard decisions nobody else can, not even me. The galaxy needs you, no matter how much they try to hide it. Your the greatest man I've ever known, Shepard.

Kasumi:Shep, I'm so sorry. I don't know what to do. (Loyalty mission complete) But you helped me with Keji and I'll help anyway I can. If you get imprisoned, I'll break you out! Sure, I've never done it before, but it should be the same as stealing, right? Just transport an object past heavy security from point A to B.

Grunt would probably be impressed and Samara's code is sketchy on this.

Modifié par Bookman230, 20 avril 2011 - 12:05 .