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[Destroy Raiden_]

Orion1836 wrote...

*The crew groggily wakes up to find themselves in a sterile white paneled room, inexplicably wearing orange jumpsuits*

EDI: Welcome, to Cerberus Research Laboratory's Aptitude Testing Center. I hope your time in the relaxation chamber was... restful. Testing will begin in 3...2...1...

This would be funny.

[AVPen]

Wrex: "So Tali, who'd win in a fight, you or Shepard?"
Tali: "Excuse me? Shepard was a Commander in the Alliance, chosen directly to be the first human Spectre of the Citadel Council, has fought and won battles against a monsterous Reaper, a rogue Spectre, numerous Collectors..."
Shepad: "Tali would win."
Tali: "Huh?"
Wrex: "You're not serious."
Shepard: "Oh, definitely."
Wrex: "I've seen you drill a merc right between the eyes with a single bullet..."
Shepard: "Yeah, but she's got a special technique that nobody can beat."
Wrex: "Is that so?"
Tali: "Eh, Shepard, I don't know if you should tell him about that..."
Wrex: "What's it called?"
Tali: "What's what called?"
Wrex:  "Your unbeatable technique. What do you call it?"
Tali: "Oh Keelah... umm..." mumbles under her breath ".... Tali Pounce..."
Wrex: "............ What?"
Tali: "It's called a Tali Pounce, ok?"
Wrex: "............."
Tali: ".............."
Wrex: "............."
Shepard: grins "It's very effective, no question about that."
Tali: giggles "True enough."
Wrex: ".... Aliens are so strange."

Modifié par AVPen, 28 avril 2011 - 05:15 .

[JustHonest]

Jacob: Grunt you have a big head
Grunt: You have a big nose
Jacob: (extends hand) put er there

[Sandbox47]

Cheese cookies and wine to all of us! 50 pages of utter rubbish! And if you're lactos intolerant have some yoghurt. Or strawberries. We are great.

[Sandbox47]

@AVpen
*grins at joke*

[Fairhammer]

Made Nightwing wrote...

Valikdu wrote...

Hmm...
Idea: Shepard (or other crew member(s)) had just watched the "Three Pop Stars, One Song with Miranda Lawson" video.

Oh hell yeah, that song was awesome.

Tali: Wow, Miranda, I never knew you were such a good singer.

Miranda: (confused) What?

Tali: No, seriously, you looked pretty good in all those outfits. Short hair suits you,

Miranda: (even more confused) What?

Tali: You know what I'm talking about! The video!

Miranda: (turns bright red) Oh, that video.

Tali: Out of curiosity, before I post this video all over the ship and all over the extranet, why the hell did you make it?

Miranda: It was either make the video, or not have enough credits to finish the Lazarus Project. That means no Shepard, no Normandy, no beating the Collectors. I made a sacrifice for the good of humanity.

Tali: Ha, this thing's going to go viral by lunchtime.

Miranda: You post it and I'll show the entire crew that film you did when you were bankrupt on Omega during your Pilgrimage.

Tali: You wouldn't dare.

Miranda: Try me.

Two Quarians one Exosuit?

[Made Nightwing]

Fairhammer wrote...

Made Nightwing wrote...

Valikdu wrote...

Hmm...
Idea: Shepard (or other crew member(s)) had just watched the "Three Pop Stars, One Song with Miranda Lawson" video.

Oh hell yeah, that song was awesome.

Tali: Wow, Miranda, I never knew you were such a good singer.

Miranda: (confused) What?

Tali: No, seriously, you looked pretty good in all those outfits. Short hair suits you,

Miranda: (even more confused) What?

Tali: You know what I'm talking about! The video!

Miranda: (turns bright red) Oh, that video.

Tali: Out of curiosity, before I post this video all over the ship and all over the extranet, why the hell did you make it?

Miranda: It was either make the video, or not have enough credits to finish the Lazarus Project. That means no Shepard, no Normandy, no beating the Collectors. I made a sacrifice for the good of humanity.

Tali: Ha, this thing's going to go viral by lunchtime.

Miranda: You post it and I'll show the entire crew that film you did when you were bankrupt on Omega during your Pilgrimage.

Tali: You wouldn't dare.

Miranda: Try me.

Two Quarians one Exosuit?

You read my mind. Although, I'm hoping it would be less disturbing than the human version I didn't sleep for a month.

[Made Nightwing]

Judge: Shepard, you are charged wtih killing three hundred thousand batarians. How do you plead, guilty or not guilty?

Shepard: Jacob, take off your shirt!

*Jacob removes his shirt and immediately the Judge and all the guards, who just happened to be female, mob him, screaming in ecstasy over his abs.*

Shepard: Keeping Jacob alive for Mass Effect 3? Heavy risk, but the priiiiiiiiiiize!

[Sandbox47]

Judge: Shepard, you are charged with conspiring agiainst the Alliance with the infamous Cerberus, the death of three hundred thousand batarians, aid of AI development and illegal extranet downloads. How do you plead, guilty or not guilty?
Shep: Jack? Zaeed? Tali?
*Jack glows biotic blue, Tali glows techie orange and Zaeed takes out a rifle. the guards back away*
Jack: Deja vu, Shepard. Reminds me of Purgatory. With fewer guards. *attacks the guards*
Zaeed: No biting and no touching my money, you sissies. *starts shooting*
Tali: Let's see how big a boom we can make of this planet.
*Reapers looking from outer space*
Harbinger: What are they doing?
Reaper3: Dunno.
Harbinger: We should stop them. They might kill themselves.
Reaper3: Assemble the fleet!

[Homebound]

sporeian wrote...

Shepard: You're Hot.
Miranda: I know

Miranda: You're crazy.
Jack: I'll smear the wall with you b----!

[jamesp81]

Zaeed: You're a bloody damn thief.
Kasumi: I know.
Zaeed: Where's Jessie?
Kasumi: :innocent:

Modifié par jamesp81, 02 mai 2011 - 12:42 .

[Firewolf99]

Judge: Shepard, you are charged with the murder of 304978 Batarians. How do you plead?
Shepard: Excuse me, my honour, but that's incorrect. You need to read out all the names.
Judge: Oh, very well. The murder of Calack, Taran, Milosch...
(20 days later)
Judge: And Zanadeasjodkiolsd. How do you plead?
Shepard: (Walking back in) Errm, sorry, i was just out killing the Reapers. How far had we got?

[Dean_the_Young]

So. Challenge.

EDI has a 'sibling', a fellow Cerberus AI, with whom she exchanges mail and test data. That sister?

GLADOS.

[KnightofPhoenix]

Dean_the_Young wrote...

So. Challenge.

EDI has a 'sibling', a fellow Cerberus AI, with whom she exchanges mail and test data. That sister?

GLADOS.

What about a male counterpart? Like CnC's LEGION.

It too was created (albeit personally) by a magnificent bastard.

[Dean_the_Young]

Well, shoot, go for it then.

I just watched Portal 2 yesterday, and GLADOS sings in my heart.

[Valikdu]

And SHODAN.

Modifié par Valikdu, 28 avril 2011 - 07:29 .

[Destroy Raiden_]

AVPen wrote...

Wrex: "So Tali, who'd win in a fight, you or Shepard?"
Tali: "Excuse me? Shepard was a Commander in the Alliance, chosen directly to be the first human Spectre of the Citadel Council, has fought and won battles against a monsterous Reaper, a rogue Spectre, numerous Collectors..."
Shepad: "Tali would win."
Tali: "Huh?"
Wrex: "You're not serious."
Shepard: "Oh, definitely."
Wrex: "I've seen you drill a merc right between the eyes with a single bullet..."
Shepard: "Yeah, but she's got a special technique that nobody can beat."
Wrex: "Is that so?"
Tali: "Eh, Shepard, I don't know if you should tell him about that..."
Wrex: "What's it called?"
Tali: "What's what called?"
Wrex:  "Your unbeatable technique. What do you call it?"
Tali: "Oh Keelah... umm..." mumbles under her breath ".... Tali Pounce..."
Wrex: "............ What?"
Tali: "It's called a Tali Pounce, ok?"
Wrex: "............."
Tali: ".............."
Wrex: "............."
Shepard: grins "It's very effective, no question about that."
Tali: giggles "True enough."
Wrex: ".... Aliens are so strange."

I support the Tali pounce convo for ME3

[Shadow_Soul]

Kagura_Hakubi wrote...

Reapers descend upon the earth, only to be confronted by a small elf with bare feet and a wooden stick.

Harbinger: "Are you intending to intimidate us?"

Merril: "No, actually. We just thought we'd invite you for a spot of tea." points stick.

Harbinger (amused): "Who do you think you are?"

Merril: "We're Torchwood." A hole opens up behind her to reveal a graviton resonance cannon that blows the first six reapers out of the sky.

This is awesomeness.

And more ME2/DA2 cross overs;

Isabela: You remind me of somebody, shepard.
Shep: Oh? I do?
Isabela: Yes, you do.
Shep: Who?
Aveline: She probably doesn't know "who", the wh*re.
Isabela:...
Shep: *leans over to Hawke* Are they like this all the time?
Hawke: Yes.
Shep:....*sighs* Like JAck and Miranda.

--------

Zaeed: Hmph, so you named your crossbow Bianca?
Varric: Yes, I did....why do you care?
Zaeed: I named my old rifle Jessie.
Varric: I see.
Shep: Meet Miribelle *holds up cain*
Varric: I told the elf that the name was taken! Who knew it really was?

--------

Jack: Pirate, eh?
Isabela: Yes, Captain Isabela, Rivani pirate.
Jack: Cool. Cool.

--------

Isabela: Come on, Jessie, you need a woman's touch.
Zaeed: Do. Not. Touch. Jessie.
Isabela:....Varric won't let me touch Bianca, you won't let me touch Jessie! I give up.....
Zaeed: The commander has a nuke launcher that's named.
Isabela: >:] Ooh, yes. *runs off*

-------

Shep's tiral;

Judge: Shepard, you are charged with mass murder. How do you plead?
Shep: *mutters* They were BATARIANS. They'd end up as slavers anyhow.
Judge: What was that?
Shep:....nothing..?

[Sandbox47]

Shep: Sooo... Grunt.
Grunt: Shepard?
Shep: How do you pick your nose?
Grunt: ... I was born with it.
Shep: I mean - how do you, you know, dig about in it? Your fingers are too large for it.
Grunt: ... Why would I want to dig around in my nose?
Shep: It's a thing babies do.
Grunt: So?
Shep: You're still a baby.
Grunt: *gets angry*
Shep: You only just recently got out of your "mommy".
Grunt: *fuming*
Shep: Well?
Grunt: Last time?
Shep: Sure.
Grunt: Last time I used your toothbrush.
Shep: O_O Ew. Ew, ew, ew. Did he, EDI?
EDI: No, Shepard.
Shep: Ah, you mean liar.
Grunt: Really? If I were you, I'd keep a close watch on that toothbrush from now on.
Shep: Oh god.
_______________________________________________________________________________

Shep: So Garrus...
Garrus: Yes?
Shep: Do turian males please themselves when they're alone?
Garrus: Sure. Why not? I like to listen to classical music while doing so.
Shep: O_o Really? Does it help?
Garrus: Oh yeah. It relaxes me.
Shep:I see. You don't like having music on when we're together though.
Garrus: Well, that's a bit distracting.
Shep: ... Are we talking about the same thing now?
Garrus: About scale sprey?
Shep: Ah. Nooooo. Not that.
Garrus: Then what?
Shep: Nevermind. I see that you guys don't.
_______________________________________________________________________________

[biotic prodigy]

Dean_the_Young wrote...

So. Challenge.

EDI has a 'sibling', a fellow Cerberus AI, with whom she exchanges mail and test data. That sister?

GLADOS.

Based on this, EDI HAS to singa little song at the end of ME3.

Portal:  BEST VIDEOGAME ENDING....

..EVER

[GuitarShredUK]

Dean_the_Young wrote...

So. Challenge.

EDI has a 'sibling', a fellow Cerberus AI, with whom she exchanges mail and test data. That sister?

GLADOS.

Wow...this is so much win. This should be an upgrade/addition to the Normandy, where EDI can hot swap with GLADOS...or EDI can impersonate her. The banter between Joker and EDI is pretty funny, he'd probably bust a nut if he had to work with GLADOS .


Joker (in canteen): EDI, where's my dessert?
EDI/GLADOS: I'm sorry Jeff, but the cake is a lie...

[Herakleia]

Shepard: Yes, I know. My actions caused the death of 300,000 Batarians. I take full responsibility for that. But I did what I had to do, because.....

Judge: Excuse me?

Shepard: The Batarians, your honor....

Judge: I'm not sure what this has to do with the issues before this court. You are being arraigned for 2,427 counts of reckless driving in the Mako, and 411 counts of driving while intoxicated.

Shepard: Oh.

Judge: And now you're telling the Court you ran over 300,000 batarians? That's a lot, even with your driving record....

Modifié par Herakleia, 29 avril 2011 - 02:54 .

[A2N2T]

Herakleia wrote...

Shepard: Yes, I know. My actions caused the death of 300,000 Batarians. I take full responsibility for that. But I did what I had to do, because.....

Judge: Excuse me?

Shepard: The Batarians, your honor....

Judge: I'm not sure what this has to do with the issues before this court. You are being arraigned for 2,427 counts of reckless driving in the Mako, and 411 counts of driving while intoxicated.

Shepard: Oh.

Judge: And now you're telling the Court you ran over 300,000 batarians? That's a lot, even with your driving record....

Shepard: Wait, I know you're surprised by the large amount of dead Batarians, but I have just 411 counts of driving while intoxicated?