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[ADLegend21]

Shepard: All hope is lost. The Reapers have won.*looks around to see carnage everywhere*
Anderson: We...did our...best....*passes out*
Garrus: going out...witha bang aren't we?
Ashley: This sucks skipper.
Harbinger: I WARNED YOU SHEPARD, THERE WAS NO HOPE FOR YOU.
Jacob: oh yeah?!
Shepard: Jacob don't be a hero.
Jacob: but Shapeard, can't you see it?
Harbinger: DON'T!
Jacob: Shepard.. *old spice voice* The Reapers are now Diaminds!
*Every Reaper in the fleet disintegrates into diamonds*
Shepard:....oh...my....god.
Harbinger: NOOOOO*fades to diamonds*
Jacob: Anything is possible when you trust me and not Shepard. Earth's been rebuilt
(everyone looks aorund to see a completely rebuilt earth.
Jacob: *walks away to the old spice whistle*

[xIxDarkWolfxIx]

[After the Suicide Mission]

Jack: **** yeah! That mission was awesome, the best bit had to be Miranda!
Crew: What?
Jack: Telling the Illusive Man to **** off!
Miranda: Oh, thank you Jack.
Jack: You're alright. Good job Shepard banged you in the Engine Room! Haha!
Miranda: What? Who knows about this?!
Crew: Everyone. Kasumi told us.
Kasumi: Did not! Shepard told me.
[Shepard walks in...]
Shepard: Well done team! We kicked Collector ass, and the Illusive Man. Ermm Why is Miranda looking at me, scarily?
Kasumi: I may have told her something..
Shepard: Ohh. Well Miranda, you know how much I love you and that I am going to get you a nice gift on Illium later?...
Miranda: Shepard I love you to, but. What the hell?!
Shepard: To be fair Mordin already knew and Jacob saw from the Armoury.
Mordin: I found out via scientific observations of your interactions between each other. Nothing covert.
Jacob: I just looked out into Engineering, does Tali know you did it on her station?
Tali: You bosh'tet! I am, for once, glad I have a Enviro-Suit.
Miranda: Well no use hiding it now.
[Miranda moves over to Shepard and starts to make out]
Kasumi: I am very impressed. Just how Genetically Modified are you?
Miranda: Be careful Kasumi, very careful!

First one, it will do. Not very comical just wanted to open up the Kasumi dialogue about Shepard and Miranda's romance.

[Asari Commando]

ADLegend21 wrote...

Shepard: All hope is lost. The Reapers have won.*looks around to see carnage everywhere*
Anderson: We...did our...best....*passes out*
Garrus: going out...witha bang aren't we?
Ashley: This sucks skipper.
Harbinger: I WARNED YOU SHEPARD, THERE WAS NO HOPE FOR YOU.
Jacob: oh yeah?!
Shepard: Jacob don't be a hero.
Jacob: but Shapeard, can't you see it?
Harbinger: DON'T!
Jacob: Shepard.. *old spice voice* The Reapers are now Diaminds!
*Every Reaper in the fleet disintegrates into diamonds*
Shepard:....oh...my....god.
Harbinger: NOOOOO*fades to diamonds*
Jacob: Anything is possible when you trust me and not Shepard. Earth's been rebuilt
(everyone looks aorund to see a completely rebuilt earth.
Jacob: *walks away to the old spice whistle*

omg that one is good, i couldnt stop laughing in work

shepard : saren wasnt the one commanding the geth, it was the reaper, sovereign.
turian morron : aah yes (air quotes) reapers, the immortal race of starships ellegedly waiting in darkspace.. i thought we had dismissed this claim..
shepard : ahh yes the quarian evidence that was so (air quotes) irrefutable ellegedly didnt prove that reapers were indeed coming to wipe out all civilization. 
asari know-it-all : this is different, you proved that saren was a traitor, we all agree that he is using the geth to get to the conduit.. but we dont know why
shepard : nice to know ive been gone for two years and the council is still oblivious. were you even listening to my victory speech after i saved your ass!
turian morron : watch your tone commander, you are addressing a member of the----
shepard : you talk to much (shoots hollographic projectory and disconnects meeting)

 

[Master_Anthony]

ADLegend21 you and DeantheYoung are the reasons I started posting here. How do you come up with this stuff?

[Dean_the_Young]

Oh, you know. Being smarter than the average bear is a great help.

[robotam]

Shepard: A Krogon princess, now I've seen everything
Wrex: Have you seen a man eat his own head?
Shepard:No
Wrex:Then you haven't seen everything....and niether have I.
Mordin: There is documented evidence of a mutated Varren who ate and digested his own head.
Wrex: Well the universe is a big place, I guess we have seen everything.
Shepard: I love you guys.


_____________________________
Liara: Shepard, we are surrounded by reapers, there's no way to escape.
Shepard: Looks like this is the end
Joker: Not quite, EDI use secret weapon
EDI: Firing up the deus ex machina rifle and launching retcon bomb
Joker: Shepard, it turns out that when the Protheans built the Reapers-
Liara:Protheans didn't build reap-
Joker: Retcon. When they built the reapers they also built a device that can stop the reapers...
Me.
*Joker gets out of cokpit and sprints to air lock*
Shep: You can't sprint, what about your condition.
EDI, Joker and Liara: RETCON!
*Joker flies up to reapers and kamehamehas them.*

[ADLegend21]

Dean_the_Young wrote...

Oh, you know. Being smarter than the average bear is a great help.

What dean said!

[ADLegend21]

Asari councilor: please don't cut us off again commander, this is too important for your games.
Salarian councilor: we've tracked Saren to virmire we want you to investigate.
Shepard: so you want me to....*shades* Get the son of a beach?
YEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

[vanslyke85]

Shep - "Hey Jacob what'd the black guy say to his dad?"

Jacob - "Hey man what the hell?!?"

[Made Nightwing]

SIX MONTHS BEFORE MASS EFFECT 2

Miranda: Jacob...we can't keep doing this.

Jacob: What?

Miranda: This...us...it won't work. We're too different.

Jacob: You don't know that. We can make this work.

Miranda: Maybe, maybe not. Either way, you're a weakness I can't afford to have. A distraction.

Jacob: That's all I am to you? A nice diversion from putting Shepard back together? Someone to warm up your bed?

Miranda: No...yes...I'm sorry....

Jacob: Me too. I'll be in the armory.

[breakdown71289]

Shepard: Garrus, got a minute?

Garrus: CALIBRATING!

Shepard: Uhh, yeah, about that.....

Robocop: There seems to be some. Trouble.

Garrus: What the heck is that!?

Shepard: Your new partner.....

Robocop: My sensors tell me you have finished. Calibrating.

Garrus: *

[Firewolf99]

Shepard: So I use guns, missiles, plasma beams and electricity to kill the evilest threat in the galaxy and you use... a giant key.
Sora (Kingdom Hearts) Yep.
Shepard: Damn. I need a melee weapon...
Bioware Team: RETCON! Shepard is now equipped with blade which he didn't have before because... because... meh.
Shepard: Cool.

[A2N2T]

Shepard: EDI. Did my order go through?
EDI: Yes it did Commander.
Shepard: Thank you, EDI.
Grunt: What did you order?
Shepard: A pet.
Grunt: Is it a shark?
Shepard: No.
Grunt: I'm leaving. (Grunt exits)
Kasumi: (Becomes visible) Well, what is it?
Shepard: Something to help me know when you are spying on me.
Kasumi: For the record, I am not spying on you. I am taking note of who you talk with for a... "friend" of yours. And also, nothing can detect me.
Shepard: Sure.
Kasumi: Is it a buffalo?
Shepard: No.
Kasumi: Then what is it?
Shepard: A dog.
Kasumi: Dogs can't sense me. They're no-
Shepard: A robot dog.
Kasumi: Oh. I reeeeaaaalllyyy hate you right now. (Vanishes)

[Homebound]

Tali: Hey Shepard, ever notice how Garrus is always bragging about his sniping skills?
Shepard: I guess you can say...
Tali:...Go on.
Shepard: He likes to reach out and kill someone.

YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!

[aeetos21]

the CIC

Ash: I'm so happy we're finally together again!
Shep: Yea the death and chaos of a galaxy at war, clearly worth it...
Ash: Well like I always say, "Some work of noble note may yet---"

***elevator door opens***

Jack: Finally can't stand that shuttle and I can't stand you!
Miranda: Believe me you're no priiize either.
Jacob: I'm never going to live that down (grumbles...)
Tali: It was nice of you to pick us all up, Liara.
Liara: I know Shepard and he needs the best in this fight and - Chief Williams?
Shepard: Oh #%@^ me...
Liara: Shepard, I thought... but you and I? After the Shadow Broker...
Ash: Excuse me, am I missing something here? Shepard?
Tali: What do you mean you and him!? (huffs and puffs and fogs up her helmet). BOSH'KET!
Jack: Hah! Really? I mean I knew you and the cheerleader had a makeout fest but damn you get around!
Shep: I'm screwed.
Miranda: He wasn't that great to be honest.
Jack: That's because you didn't have the full show, you never got... the priiize!
Jacob: I'm going to spill some drinks
Shepard: I'm right behind yah

***elevator door opens***

Kelly: Hey Shepard! (hugs and kisses) I fed your fish and I got that special new underwear from the citadel for tonight. Oh hey Liara! Shepard tells me you're... open minded?

[Malanek]

[scene: The Illusive Man receives an incoming transmission]

Harbinger: Greetings human, I sense our legacy within you.

Illusive Man: Spare me your conjecture. You sense nothing, your speculate based on a mix of spurious logic and fear. [puff] Now what did you want, Reaper.

Harbinger: Your species intrigues us but your defeat is inevitable.

Illusive Man: [puff] We seem to have had a string of victories so far. Perhaps I will send Shepard to destroy you next. [puff]

Harbinger: That is why you intrigue us, in billions of your earth years no species has previously been able to stand against us. But even your victories are ultimately failuers. You sort to stop our return, yet here we are. You sort to coerce and manipulate the lesser species to unite against us, yet the galaxy is divided. Earth is ours and shortly a human Reaper will be born.

Illusive Man: Earth is symbolic not strategic. [slurp] You have achieved little other than losing the elements of surprise and awe. Those other species you believe divided are now flocking to humanities banner and we have proven you can be destroyed.

Harbinger: We have lost but a handful.

Illusive Man: And you will lose many more. Is each one fifty thousand years of evolution? Now gone for all time. I am not that impressed. With all those years of technological advancement you are somewhat lacking from where you should be. If humanity had been granted merely another thousand years, we would have crushed you like we would a bug.

Harbinger: Interesting because further evolution is what we come to offer you.

Illusive Man : And why would you do that if victory is as inevitable as you boast?

Harbinger: As I said you intrigue us and we are very interested in seeing what you become.

Illusive Man : [puff] Then leave, return to dark space.

Harbinger: That will not be happening. We need to cleanse the galaxy, replenish our resources and reset the cycle. A human reaper will still be spawned yet your species can be spared. You are to lead them.

Illusive Man : What exactly are you proposing?

Harbinger: You will relocate a million of your species to a remote cluster containing multiple garden worlds, plentiful in raw resources. You can take whatever technology and industry you desire. But you will leave the rest of the galaxy to its fate.

Illusive Man: [puff] Why would you expect me to trust you?

Harbinger: There is no duplicity. The cluster we have in mind is extremely remote, far beyond anything you are aware of. After you are through, you can destroy the relay connecting it to the rest of the galaxy. Even travelling at our fastest speed we could not reach you for hundreds of years. Your astro charts will confirm that. There is no way we could renege on our deal even if we wanted to.

Illusive Man: Interesting, I will consider your offer.

Harbinger: There is one more condition... first you must surrender Commander Shepard to us dead or alive.

Modifié par Malanek999, 09 juin 2011 - 03:07 .

[Yate]

On the 'Shepard plays Mass Effect' theme...

Ashley: What the hell?

Shepard: I already told you, it's a game based on our battles...

Ashley: No, I mean who is that supposed to be?

Shepard: Uh, well, that's um... you. Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams.

Ashley: WHAT?

Shepard: Look Will, it's not a big deal...

Ashley: THEY TURNED ME INTO A WOMAN!!! DON'T YOU TELL ME THAT'S NOT A BIG DEAL!!! MY NAME IS WILLIAM ASHLEY, NOT ASHLEY WILLIAMS!!!

Tali: Well, at least you look respectable. They never show me coming out of my suit! Don't they know spaceships are totally sterile environments?

Alenkonstantinovich: Hey, what they did to me was downright insulting. Why did they have to shorten my name? Couldn't be bothered to pronounce it?

Tali: The worst part is that now Garrus never takes his visor off. EVER. I even caught him chatting up some fangirls on Illium.

Ashley: Oh, Commander! I'm sorry, I never should've complained like that! Here I am whining about being turned into a woman in this game when the same thing happened to you!

Shepard: Well, actually, that was my-

Ashley: And the script has you flirting with Kaidan! Ugh, how horrible.

Shepard: No, you see... Uh, yeah, I'm outraged!

Modifié par Yate, 09 juin 2011 - 06:43 .

[Mr. Gogeta34]

Jacob: "Commander."

Shepard: "Jacob... hey Miranda."

Miranda: "Shepard."

Garrus: "Shepard."

Shepard: "Garrus."

Tali: "Hello Shepard."

Shepard: "Hey Tali"

Legion: "Shepard Commander"

Shepard: "I'm Commander Shepard"

Grunt: "Shepard."

Shepard: "Wrex"

Mordin: "Shepard how ca-"

Shepard: "We'll talk later Mordin"

Zaeed: "SHEEPAARRD!"

Shepard: "..."

[Predi1988]

Malanek999 wrote...

[scene: The Illusive Man receives an incoming transmission]

Harbinger: Greetings human, I sense our legacy within you.

Illusive Man: Spare me your conjecture. You sense nothing, your speculate based on a mix of spurious logic and fear. [puff] Now what did you want, Reaper.

Harbinger: Your species intrigues us but your defeat is inevitable.

Illusive Man: [puff] We seem to have had a string of victories so far. Perhaps I will send Shepard to destroy you next. [puff]

Harbinger: That is why you intrigue us, in billions of your earth years no species has previously been able to stand against us. But even your victories are ultimately failuers. You sort to stop our return, yet here we are. You sort to coerce and manipulate the lesser species to unite against us, yet the galaxy is divided. Earth is ours and shortly a human Reaper will be born.

Illusive Man: Earth is symbolic not strategic. [slurp] You have achieved little other than losing the elements of surprise and awe. Those other species you believe divided are now flocking to humanities banner and we have proven you can be destroyed.

Harbinger: We have lost but a handful.

Illusive Man: And you will lose many more. Is each one fifty thousand years of evolution? Now gone for all time. I am not that impressed. With all those years of technological advancement you are somewhat lacking from where you should be. If humanity had been granted merely another thousand years, we would have crushed you like we would a bug.

Harbinger: Interesting because further evolution is what we come to offer you.

Illusive Man : And why would you do that if victory is as inevitable as you boast?

Harbinger: As I said you intrigue us and we are very interested in seeing what you become.

Illusive Man : [puff] Then leave, return to dark space.

Harbinger: That will not be happening. We need to cleanse the galaxy, replenish our resources and reset the cycle. A human reaper will still be spawned yet your species can be spared. You are to lead them.

Illusive Man : What exactly are you proposing?

Harbinger: You will relocate a million of your species to a remote cluster containing multiple garden worlds, plentiful in raw resources. You can take whatever technology and industry you desire. But you will leave the rest of the galaxy to its fate.

Illusive Man: [puff] Why would you expect me to trust you?

Harbinger: There is no duplicity. The cluster we have in mind is extremely remote, far beyond anything you are aware of. After you are through, you can destroy the relay connecting it to the rest of the galaxy. Even travelling at our fastest speed we could not reach you for hundreds of years. Your astro charts will confirm that. There is no way we could renege on our deal even if we wanted to.

Illusive Man: Interesting, I will consider your offer.

Harbinger: There is one more condition... first you must surrender Commander Shepard to us dead or alive.

I too read it with the voice of Harbinger and TIM in my head. It's Epic. And a logical choice for TIM. Sorta. But I'm still intrigued what Bioware thought up on this matter. The Cerberus being indoctrinated thing is a bit lame. Maybe something like this is the main reason.

[Asari Commando]

aeetos21 wrote...

the CIC

Ash: I'm so happy we're finally together again!
Shep: Yea the death and chaos of a galaxy at war, clearly worth it...
Ash: Well like I always say, "Some work of noble note may yet---"

***elevator door opens***

Jack: Finally can't stand that shuttle and I can't stand you!
Miranda: Believe me you're no priiize either.
Jacob: I'm never going to live that down (grumbles...)
Tali: It was nice of you to pick us all up, Liara.
Liara: I know Shepard and he needs the best in this fight and - Chief Williams?
Shepard: Oh #%@^ me...
Liara: Shepard, I thought... but you and I? After the Shadow Broker...
Ash: Excuse me, am I missing something here? Shepard?
Tali: What do you mean you and him!? (huffs and puffs and fogs up her helmet). BOSH'KET!
Jack: Hah! Really? I mean I knew you and the cheerleader had a makeout fest but damn you get around!
Shep: I'm screwed.
Miranda: He wasn't that great to be honest.
Jack: That's because you didn't have the full show, you never got... the priiize!
Jacob: I'm going to spill some drinks
Shepard: I'm right behind yah

***elevator door opens***

Kelly: Hey Shepard! (hugs and kisses) I fed your fish and I got that special new underwear from the citadel for tonight. Oh hey Liara! Shepard tells me you're... open minded?

lmao, omg please continue that one. your shepard getting caught scene is so epic, especially when tali huffs and puffs and fogs up her helmet, BOSHKET!!!!
also does anyone know what bosh'ket means exactly? or is it just some qua'rian swear word banter?

[A2N2T]

Right before the suicide mission. Miranda's office.

(Jacob enters. Takes a few steps in. Stops with his head down, but his eyes are looking at Miranda)

Miranda: (Looking up) Jacob? I'm surprised to see you hear. Shouldn't you be in the armory, making sure the guns work. You do know that we all have to help Shepard, right?
Jacob: I've already done that. And besides, (picks his head up) Shepard's already getting "help" right now anyway.
Miranda: (With a hint of jealousy) Who? I've seen no one enter Shepard's cabin on the cameras.
Jacob: Don't know. Don't care. But it's obviously not you. And right now, that's all that's important.
Miranda: (With controlled anger) Well. It would be appreciated if you were to share my concern for who enter's his room. For all we know it could be some tram- some... assassin.
Jacob: As I said before: Don't know. Don't care.
Miranda: (Flatly) Then why are you here, Jacob?
Jacob: To talk.
Miranda: There is nothing to talk about.
Jacob: I need to square something away with you.
Miranda: Listen. What we did in the past is over and done with. It is never going to come back. If you're upset about it, then I suggest you go talk with Ms. Chambers.
Jacob: That's just the thing: I'm not upset.
Miranda:...?
Jacob: But I think you are.
Miranda: Me? Upset? Over not being with you? Please, Jacob, don't be ridiculous.
Jacob: I'm not. I really think what I said. And I'm here to make sure that you're straight for what's about to come.
Miranda: Look, Jacob, I appreciate what you're trying to do, but there is absolutely nothing to about and there is definitely not anything upsetting me.
Jacob: (With sympathy) Miranda, I know that when you... ended what we had that you must have been lonely. (Pause) But then you were given Shepard to bring back, and you spent two years doing so. I'm sure that, over time, you became invested in him. And now he's alive, and you feel as if there is some kind of connection between the two of you. And you might even feel that he should be with you right now instead of me.
Miranda: Jac-
Jacob: But he's not. And I doubt he ever will. Do you even know who's up there with him?
Miranda: (Sadly) No.
Jacob: That's probably for the best.
Miranda: I think you should leave now.
Jacob: I'm not going anywhere. We may not have ended what we had on the best of terms, but I should have been there for you. I mean, sure I was there, but I wasn't really "there." That's not happening again. Especially not with what's about to happen.
Miranda: Jacob please, I'm beggin-
Jacob: Miri. Stop. I'm not leaving you again. (Jacob walks closer to Miranda)