Woo! somebody else that thinks they're better off together than with Shepard! Nicely done!A2N2T wrote...
Right before the suicide mission. Miranda's office.
(Jacob enters. Takes a few steps in. Stops with his head down, but his eyes are looking at Miranda)
Miranda: (Looking up) Jacob? I'm surprised to see you hear. Shouldn't you be in the armory, making sure the guns work. You do know that we all have to help Shepard, right?
Jacob: I've already done that. And besides, (picks his head up) Shepard's already getting "help" right now anyway.
Miranda: (With a hint of jealousy) Who? I've seen no one enter Shepard's cabin on the cameras.
Jacob: Don't know. Don't care. But it's obviously not you. And right now, that's all that's important.
Miranda: (With controlled anger) Well. It would be appreciated if you were to share my concern for who enter's his room. For all we know it could be some tram- some... assassin.
Jacob: As I said before: Don't know. Don't care.
Miranda: (Flatly) Then why are you here, Jacob?
Jacob: To talk.
Miranda: There is nothing to talk about.
Jacob: I need to square something away with you.
Miranda: Listen. What we did in the past is over and done with. It is never going to come back. If you're upset about it, then I suggest you go talk with Ms. Chambers.
Jacob: That's just the thing: I'm not upset.
Miranda:...?
Jacob: But I think you are.
Miranda: Me? Upset? Over not being with you? Please, Jacob, don't be ridiculous.
Jacob: I'm not. I really think what I said. And I'm here to make sure that you're straight for what's about to come.
Miranda: Look, Jacob, I appreciate what you're trying to do, but there is absolutely nothing to about and there is definitely not anything upsetting me.
Jacob: (With sympathy) Miranda, I know that when you... ended what we had that you must have been lonely. (Pause) But then you were given Shepard to bring back, and you spent two years doing so. I'm sure that, over time, you became invested in him. And now he's alive, and you feel as if there is some kind of connection between the two of you. And you might even feel that he should be with you right now instead of me.
Miranda: Jac-
Jacob: But he's not. And I doubt he ever will. Do you even know who's up there with him?
Miranda: (Sadly) No.
Jacob: That's probably for the best.
Miranda: I think you should leave now.
Jacob: I'm not going anywhere. We may not have ended what we had on the best of terms, but I should have been there for you. I mean, sure I was there, but I wasn't really "there." That's not happening again. Especially not with what's about to happen.
Miranda: Jacob please, I'm beggin-
Jacob: Miri. Stop. I'm not leaving you again. (Jacob walks closer to Miranda)
Post your own inter party banter.
#1401
Guest_thurmanator692_*
Posté 09 juin 2011 - 11:48
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#1402
Posté 10 juin 2011 - 07:25
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aeetos21 wrote...
the CIC
Ash: I'm so happy we're finally together again!
Shep: Yea the death and chaos of a galaxy at war, clearly worth it...
Ash: Well like I always say, "Some work of noble note may yet---"
***elevator door opens***
Jack: Finally can't stand that shuttle and I can't stand you!
Miranda: Believe me you're no priiize either.
Jacob: I'm never going to live that down (grumbles...)
Tali: It was nice of you to pick us all up, Liara.
Liara: I know Shepard and he needs the best in this fight and - Chief Williams?
Shepard: Oh #%@^ me...
Liara: Shepard, I thought... but you and I? After the Shadow Broker...
Ash: Excuse me, am I missing something here? Shepard?
Tali: What do you mean you and him!? (huffs and puffs and fogs up her helmet). BOSH'KET!
Jack: Hah! Really? I mean I knew you and the cheerleader had a makeout fest but damn you get around!
Shep: I'm screwed.
Miranda: He wasn't that great to be honest.
Jack: That's because you didn't have the full show, you never got... the priiize!
Jacob: I'm going to spill some drinks
Shepard: I'm right behind yah
***elevator door opens***
Kelly: Hey Shepard! (hugs and kisses) I fed your fish and I got that special new underwear from the citadel for tonight. Oh hey Liara! Shepard tells me you're... open minded?
Following:
***elevator door opens***
Mordin: Shepard! Urgent news - very sick. You have nine different types of space-aids. Super space-aids, even. Dire circumstances, must start treatment immediately.
Miranda: That's impossible Mordin, I just had a physical last week, I'm not-
Tali: -scans never found anything like-
Jack: -never that dirty, what the hell Shepa-
Liara: -immune to the human variety, I couldn't have-
Ashley: -years, I surely would have felt sick by now. Are you sure, Mordin?
Mordin: Er... mistake, should have clarified - Shepard contracted all nine forms from Ms. Chambers, who seems to be immune to the effects of the disease. Explains lack of treatment.
Everyone: ...
Kelly: Ummm....
***elevator door opens***
Kelly: Bye! *runs out*
#1403
Posté 10 juin 2011 - 07:40
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Tali: "Argh ew... There's something wrong with my masks olfactory filter. The smell !!!"
Shepard: "High five Garrus !"
Tali: "And you sabotaged my shotgun?!?!?... Bastards!"
Garrus + Shephard: "Quarians... lulz"
Later...
Garrus: "Shephard did you know that the quarians olfactory filter works both ways?"
Shephard: "Christ no... And I thought they showered!!!"
Tali: "Like I was gonna talk about stuff like that in a damn elevator? and your still bastards!"
Modifié par 78stonewobble, 10 juin 2011 - 07:41 .
#1404
Posté 12 juin 2011 - 10:20
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Fshep: someonemade an extranet iste dedicated to you.
Jacob: Kasumi...
Kasumi: no no,I had nothing to do with this! *falls out of chair*
Jacob: *looks at Shepard's omni-tool* Jacob facts:
1.) Jacob doesn't shoot bullets he sets them free.
2.) Jacob doesn't get the priiize it gets him
3.) Jacob get to F*ck with Aria.
4.) Jacob is a time traveler he started Cerberus and went into the future so he could work forhimself
5.) Jacob's abs are the reason Haestroms sun is dying due to their awesomeness.
6.) Jacob's workouts power the mass relays.
7.) Garrus became archangle becaus ehe wanted to be like Jacob when he grew up.
8.) The Reapers harvest the galaxy to impress Jacob.
9.) Commander sHepard would have been a man, but god could never create someone as well as he did Jacob.
10.) Jacob created the earth after god failed to create 6 other life sustaining planets in the sol system.
11.) Jacob dismisses the turian councilor.
Who the hell wrote all this crap?
Shep: I don't know but it's hilarious. XD
#1405
Posté 13 juin 2011 - 06:29
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I think what cracks me up the most about all the sexual debates is that we are playing a VIOLENT game.
CRACK! BAM!
Shepard: "Wow! Look at the way his head just came off!"
Garrus: "Nice!"
Tali: "Great Shepard, that blood splattered on me."
Gamer looking at Miranda/Samara/Jack: "Why is she wearing that? Her breasts are show-"
CRACK! BAM!
Mercs blood splatters everywhere
Garrus: "That was a great shot Shepard."
Shepard: "Thanks! You see how that female merc shook?"
Jack: "You got her right between the eyes! Stupid ****!"
Gamer: "That is so wrong! She shouldn't be dressed that way! It is demeaning to women!"
Garrus: "Who the hell is this idiot?"
Shepard: "You got me."
CRACK! BAM!
Miranda/Samara/Jack: "Whoever he is ... he's dead now. The bastard wouldn't stop looking or talking about my breasts!"
Modifié par PMC65, 13 juin 2011 - 06:51 .
#1406
Posté 13 juin 2011 - 06:50
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Me - "Liara, move up!"
Liara -
Me - "Liara! Move up!"
Liara -
Me - "Damit Liara, I said-"
All of a sudden Jack appears with her face in the camera ....
Jack - "WTF? You just had to play Jedore, didn't you!"
Me - (drops cheetos)
Jack - "Now listen d1c*head, don't you remember how all of us hated that loudmouth b1t*h barking her orders? I know it's been a while since you played ME2 so let me remind you how we felt."
(Jack pushes her face even closer to the screen)
Me -
(drops controller)Jack - "WE HATED IT!!!!! So shut the frack up and sit your fat as5 down!"
Me -
(falls back on sofa)Ash - "Is the idiot sitting down?"
Liara - "Let's hope so."
(Jack disappears and Liara & Ash go back to the battle)
Me -
#1407
Posté 13 juin 2011 - 11:20
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PMC65 wrote...
Me using Kinect on ME3 ...
Me - "Liara, move up!"
Liara -
Me - "Liara! Move up!"
Liara -
Me - "Damit Liara, I said-"
All of a sudden Jack appears with her face in the camera ....
Jack - "WTF? You just had to play Jedore, didn't you!"
Me - (drops cheetos)
Jack - "Now listen d1c*head, don't you remember how all of us hated that loudmouth b1t*h barking her orders? I know it's been a while since you played ME2 so let me remind you how we felt."
(Jack pushes her face even closer to the screen)
Me -
Jack - "WE HATED IT!!!!! So shut the frack up and sit your fat as5 down!"
Me -
Ash - "Is the idiot sitting down?"
Liara - "Let's hope so."
(Jack disappears and Liara & Ash go back to the battle)
Me -
Hah, and this is why kinect doesn't make sense in ME3. Also if they would put this "banter" in as easter egg...
#1408
Posté 13 juin 2011 - 12:44
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*Before the Trial*
Shepard: Anderson, it’s good to see you again.
Anderson: Me too Shepard. I only wish this was under better circumstances
Shepard: Yeah, I got myself into a bit of a mess did I?
Anderson: I read Hackett’s report. You did the right thing. That’s all you did.
Shepard: It sure doesn’t feel like it
Anderson: You’ve stopped the Reapers from coming earlier than we thought they could, considering they were coming from dark space. And you gave us some time, time we can use to try to finally convince the council the Reapers are real.
Shepard: Ah yes “Reapers”…
Anderson: They’ll come around. They have to.
Shepard: Yeah, maybe. Hey, do you know where's Ash? She said she’s wants to see me before the trial and I’m not particularly looking forward to it.
Anderson: I take it she hasn’t forgiven you for dumping her?
Shepard: How did you know?
Anderson: I heard her yelling “I’ll get the cheating son of b*&%h!”
Shepard: And now you know why I’m not looking forward to it.
Anderson: Speaking of which here she comes now.
Shepard: Where? Next to that hot chick? I don’t see her.
Ashley: Hey Shepard.
Shepard: Ashley?!
Anderson: Good to see you Chief Williams.
Ashley: Same here Anderson. But please, just Ash. I’m not with the Alliance anymore remember?
Anderson: I remember. I was the one who forwarded your name.
Ashley: And I thank you for that. It’s good to have someone who looks pass my name and give me a chance.
Anderson: The pleasure is all mine Williams. And I think your father would have been proud of you, as am I.
Ashley: I know he would. I just wish he could be here.
*Shepard had a stunned look on his face during the whole conversation*
Ashley: Oh and Shepard, don’t worry about us. I’ve gotten over it. You and your new gal take care of yourselves ok?
See you after the trial.
*Ashley walks away*
Anderson: Are you ok Shepard?
Shepard: I shouldn’t have cheated on her.
Modifié par SleepingJack, 13 juin 2011 - 12:46 .
#1409
Posté 13 juin 2011 - 03:32
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Predi1988 wrote...
Hah, and this is why kinect doesn't make sense in ME3. Also if they would put this "banter" in as easter egg...
There were more of these here: http://social.biowar...dex/2718607/480 ... The one by @badpie killed me. It would be cool if they would have an easter egg that punks you, but I'm not sure if Microsoft has a sense of humor about its products.
#1410
Posté 13 juin 2011 - 03:36
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SleepingJack wrote...
First time trying this. Oh well here goes
*Before the Trial*
Shepard: Anderson, it’s good to see you again.
Anderson: Me too Shepard. I only wish this was under better circumstances
Shepard: Yeah, I got myself into a bit of a mess did I?
Anderson: I read Hackett’s report. You did the right thing. That’s all you did.
Shepard: It sure doesn’t feel like it
Anderson: You’ve stopped the Reapers from coming earlier than we thought they could, considering they were coming from dark space. And you gave us some time, time we can use to try to finally convince the council the Reapers are real.
Shepard: Ah yes “Reapers”…
Anderson: They’ll come around. They have to.
Shepard: Yeah, maybe. Hey, do you know where's Ash? She said she’s wants to see me before the trial and I’m not particularly looking forward to it.
Anderson: I take it she hasn’t forgiven you for dumping her?
Shepard: How did you know?
Anderson: I heard her yelling “I’ll get the cheating son of b*&%h!”
Shepard: And now you know why I’m not looking forward to it.
Anderson: Speaking of which here she comes now.
Shepard: Where? Next to that hot chick? I don’t see her.
Ashley: Hey Shepard.
Shepard: Ashley?!
Anderson: Good to see you Chief Williams.
Ashley: Same here Anderson. But please, just Ash. I’m not with the Alliance anymore remember?
Anderson: I remember. I was the one who forwarded your name.
Ashley: And I thank you for that. It’s good to have someone who looks pass my name and give me a chance.
Anderson: The pleasure is all mine Williams. And I think your father would have been proud of you, as am I.
Ashley: I know he would. I just wish he could be here.
*Shepard had a stunned look on his face during the whole conversation*
Ashley: Oh and Shepard, don’t worry about us. I’ve gotten over it. You and your new gal take care of yourselves ok?
See you after the trial.
*Ashley walks away*
Anderson: Are you ok Shepard?
Shepard: I shouldn’t have cheated on her.
That is my Shep ... Hating himself!!!!!
#1411
Posté 13 juin 2011 - 05:46
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Jacob: *smirks and music starts*
Shep: what's going on
Music: sometimes (ooooooh) something beautiful happens in this world (Akon) you don't know how to express yourself (and lonely island, yeah!) I just had sex, andit felt so good (felt so good)
Shep: I regret getting that song now......
#1412
Posté 13 juin 2011 - 08:41
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PC: Garrus move up
Garrus: Can it wait for a bit? I'm in the middle of some calibrations.
PC: Jack mov-
Jack: F*ck off
PC: Heavy risk....
Jacob: But the priiiiize.
PC: Wrex
Wrex: Shepard
PC: I've had enough of your disengenous assertions.
*Shepard punches/omni-blades enemy*
PC: Semper Fi
Ash/Kaidan and Vega: Hoorah
PC: Hey Tali tell me about your immune system
Tali: I have a shotgun.
PC: Go! Go! Go!
Squadmate: Enemies everywhere!
PC: VEGA! Defend burger town!
Vega: Yes sir!
PC: VEGA! Kill that reaper with your knife!
Vega: Yes sir!
PC: Legion get down!
*Legion does the robot*
#1413
Posté 13 juin 2011 - 08:59
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Tali: "Nothing's wrong. And no, I just, ummm, have something stuck in my throat."
MShep: "I thought you swallowed it all?"
Tali: "I did--"
Garrus: "Wait! Shepard, how? What? Did she?"
MShep: "Yes, she did. What did you think I was doing taking a ****** for five minutes behind the weapons shop. I thought I'd be nice and clean by keeping it in her mouth too.
#1414
Posté 13 juin 2011 - 11:50
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Mshep: "We Fight Or We Die that's the Plan!"
Garrus: "....I like it. Simple, easy to remember"
Modifié par greed89, 13 juin 2011 - 11:50 .
#1415
Posté 14 juin 2011 - 02:45
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lol oh lawd.Kabanya101 wrote...
Garrus: "Tali, what's wrong? Your coughing a lot. Had too many smokes?"
Tali: "Nothing's wrong. And no, I just, ummm, have something stuck in my throat."
MShep: "I thought you swallowed it all?"
Tali: "I did--"
Garrus: "Wait! Shepard, how? What? Did she?"
MShep: "Yes, she did. What did you think I was doing taking a ****** for five minutes behind the weapons shop. I thought I'd be nice and clean by keeping it in her mouth too.
#1416
Posté 14 juin 2011 - 08:00
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trobbins777 wrote...
Kinect jokes/easter eggs:wizard:
PC: Garrus move up
Garrus: Can it wait for a bit? I'm in the middle of some calibrations.
PC: Jack mov-
Jack: F*ck off
PC: Heavy risk....
Jacob: But the priiiiize.
PC: Wrex
Wrex: Shepard
PC: I've had enough of your disengenous assertions.
*Shepard punches/omni-blades enemy*
PC: Semper Fi
Ash/Kaidan and Vega: Hoorah
PC: Hey Tali tell me about your immune system
Tali: I have a shotgun.
PC: Go! Go! Go!
Squadmate: Enemies everywhere!
PC: VEGA! Defend burger town!
Vega: Yes sir!
PC: VEGA! Kill that reaper with your knife!
Vega: Yes sir!
PC: Legion get down!
*Legion does the robot*
AWESOME!!! I'm taking this to the ME3 forum, if you don't mind.
#1417
Posté 14 juin 2011 - 11:00
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Jack: That was the best party ever...those asari really know how to party!
Grunt: What are you doing in my quarters, Human?
Jack: You shut up....this is my....room now (Stumbles)
Grunt: Leave or I will crush you like a mech
Jack: Try Grunty and I'll crush you with a singularity
Grunt: Your a human, you can't match a Krogans strength
Jack: I'm the strongest Biotic in the....whole universe! There's nothing I can't handle
Grunt: Nothing, huh? (Renegade icon appears next to Jack)
(In the cockpit)
Joker: Holy! Commander, you should get over here!
Shep: What is it?
Joker: This is security footage of Grunts room
(Jack shouts several times over the monitor)
Shep: Is that-
Joker: Yep
Shep: and Grunt?
Joker: Oh yes
(Rest of the squad wanders over to see what's going on)
Tali: Oh Keelah, not where I work!
Jacob: That's just....wrong
Miranda: At least the squad is working together
Mordin: Human on Krogan realtions. Facsinating, never filmed before. Joker can I have copy for further study?
Legion: Krogan Grunt seems to have a rathar large structual weakness
Garrus: And he's only four weeks old, adorable
Thane: I really hope I don't accidently remember this
Morinth: Dam, she beat me to it
Zaeed: I've seen worse
(after several minutes of watching)
Shep: Wait, that flicker in the corner....is that Kasumi?
Garrus: Dear Fornax....
Grunt: (Over monitor) I AM KROGAN!
Jack: (Over monitor) Dam right you are
#1418
Guest_iOnlySignIn_*
Posté 15 juin 2011 - 12:30
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Assasin4Hire wrote...
Legion: Krogan Grunt seems to have a rathar large structual weakness
Thane: I really hope I don't accidently remember this
Zaeed: I've seen worse
Shep: Wait, that flicker in the corner....is that Kasumi?
:lol::lol::lol:
#1419
Posté 15 juin 2011 - 01:32
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#1420
Posté 15 juin 2011 - 03:04
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Wrex: Shepard.
Shepard: Wrex.
Wrex: Shepard.
Shepard: Wrex.
Wrex: Shepard.
Shepard: Wrex.
Jacob: But the priii-
*both look at jacob*
Jacob:
*both punch jacob*
Wrex: Shepard.
Shepard: Wrex.
Wrex: Shepard.
Shepard: Wrex.
Wrex: Shepard.
Shepard: Wrex.
Wrex: Shepard.
Modifié par breakdown71289, 15 juin 2011 - 03:17 .
#1421
Posté 17 juin 2011 - 04:32
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Miranda: Pick a team to go with you, Shepard, the rest of us will stay here and watch your back.
Shepard: Alrig- wait, what the hell? You got carried away by the seeker swarms! how the hell did you escape.
Miranda: Plot armour.
Shepard: What? I don't- I can't... That doesn't even-
Mordin: Indeed. Plot armour most effective defence possible for character. Have some myself, because of need to create defence against seeker swarms on Hor...i...zon... Ah, cloaca!
Jacob: I was the first squadmate Shepard had in this game. That means I must be the most indespensible of them all! Kickass! Guess who gets the priiiiiize of living through the next five minutes? This guy!
Shepard: Oh shut up Jacob. Nobody likes you.
Jacob:..... I like me.
Garrus: You think you've got it good because you were first in this game? I showed up in the first hour of the previous game, and I still got half my face torched off!
Inspired by seeing a Youtube vid of Miri getting carried off and then turning up immediately afterwards to give her lines before Shep's 'epic speech' moment.
Note: I actually like all the characters. I just wrote them like this for the lulz. Please don't burn me with forum fire.
Modifié par fainmaca, 17 juin 2011 - 04:37 .
#1422
Posté 19 juin 2011 - 05:44
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***********************************************
*Shepard wakes up in the Med-Bay surrounded by his squadmates, Chakwas & Kelly*
Shepad: I... I don't feel too bad. Little dizzy...
Chakwas: That's... That's good, Commander.
Shepard: What... What happened? I can't remember much...
Garrus: ...Well... We were fighting through some mercs on Illium, and you had, ah... A bit of a fall.
Shepard, feeling his head: Did... Did I hit my head? It feels alright...
Tali: Your head is fine, Shepard. Just... Just don't look down. Or if you do, do it slowly. Everything's going to be fine.
*Shepard blinks, stares confusedly at Tali for a moment, and looks down, raising his head ever so slightly, until...*
Tali: ...Shepard?
Shepard: ...
Kasumi: Ah.
Thane: At least you won't remember it perfectly...?
Grunt: You took it like a Warlord, Battlemaster.
Kelly: Commander, we can begin sessions any time now.
Shepard: Where's... Where's the right side of my chest...?
Legion: There was a hole, Shepard-Commander.
Zaeed: Ah. This takes me back.
CHALLENGE: Shepard wakes up surrounded by crew on the Normandy, and something isn't right. Med-Bay, bedroom, bathroom floor... Go wild
Modifié par DoNotIngest, 19 juin 2011 - 05:49 .
#1423
Posté 19 juin 2011 - 04:40
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(Shepard is lying in the hold on the floor. He wakes up, slowly, to find Ken, Gabby, Tali and Chakwas around him.)
Shepard: Aagh. That... That stings.
Tali: Shepard, are you alright?
Shepard: Just a... a stinking headache. What happened?
Ken: Well, commander, we were sort of hoping you could help us with that.
(Shepard looks down. He is wearing only a pair of Leather briefs. Cold wax is splattered over his stomach. he tries to cover himself swiftly, but his hand is jerked back. He is cuffed to a pole.)
Shepard. Ah.
Chakwas: Indeed. You have a mild bruise on your head, probably from the pole. I imagine you obtained it during your... activities. I suggest an Icepack.
Ken: Aye, Commander. And possibly a better choice in underwear.
Gabby: (smacks Ken on the arm) Donnelly! Respect the commander.
Tali: Don't worry, Gabby. I think Shepards due some teasing.
Shepard: (mutering) Jack is going to pay for this...
#1424
Posté 19 juin 2011 - 08:29
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#1425
Posté 19 juin 2011 - 09:02
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