EnigmaRage wrote...
Also, I have a challenge. Legion is staring into the deep, empty void, what is going through its mind?
*le consensus building*
Post your own inter party banter.
Débuté par
betd2
, déc. 17 2010 01:47
#1551
Posté 24 septembre 2011 - 12:44
DoNotIngest
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*le consensus building*
Retour en haut
#1552
Guest_iOnlySignIn_*
Posté 27 septembre 2011 - 02:48
Guest_iOnlySignIn_*
Guest_iOnlySignIn_*
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{The following is migrated from my post in the Kasumi fan thread.}
Shepard: Kasumi, I have a question.
Kasumi: Ask away Shep.
S: How come that every time I walk into the Port Observation Room to have a late night drink, you're not there and your bed is always empty? And you're wide awake during the day too. Do you sleep at all?
K: Don't be silly. I sleep like everybody else does. It's just I'm invisible when I sleep. Invisible.
S: I emptied the M-622 Avalanche onto your bed last night at 2:30 am. You must be a very deep sleeper.
K: Ha! Do you think I'm actually going to sleep in my bed? The greatest ninja thief in the galaxy, caught like a sleepy pigeon? Not a chance Ms Savior-of-the-Citadel, not a chance.
S: So where do you sleep then?
K: On the ceiling.
S: The ceiling?
K: The ceiling. I sleep on the ceiling. Invisible.
S: There's no bed on the ceiling.
K: There is a hammock. I sleep in my hammock hanging from the ceiling.
S: A hammock?
K: Yes. A hammock, which is also.... invisible. An invisible hammock. In-Vi-Si-Ble.
S: Good. Now I know how to catch you.
K: No you don't. I move my invisible hammock to a randomly different room on the Normandy every night.
S: What? Are you saying that you sleep in random crew member's quarters without them knowing?
K: Of course I do! How else do you think I know everyone so well? That Tali's father activated Geth on the Migrant Fleet, that Thane's son tried to kill that Turian but you stole his kill, that Morinth...
S: That's enough! Don't you dare sneak into my room invisibly at night and watch me sleep or I'll...
K: Why not? You're cute when you're asleep. You talk about kittens slaughtering canaries and eating them. And you cry out Liara T'Soni's name when you...
S: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Shepard: Kasumi, I have a question.
Kasumi: Ask away Shep.
S: How come that every time I walk into the Port Observation Room to have a late night drink, you're not there and your bed is always empty? And you're wide awake during the day too. Do you sleep at all?
K: Don't be silly. I sleep like everybody else does. It's just I'm invisible when I sleep. Invisible.
S: I emptied the M-622 Avalanche onto your bed last night at 2:30 am. You must be a very deep sleeper.
K: Ha! Do you think I'm actually going to sleep in my bed? The greatest ninja thief in the galaxy, caught like a sleepy pigeon? Not a chance Ms Savior-of-the-Citadel, not a chance.
S: So where do you sleep then?
K: On the ceiling.
S: The ceiling?
K: The ceiling. I sleep on the ceiling. Invisible.
S: There's no bed on the ceiling.
K: There is a hammock. I sleep in my hammock hanging from the ceiling.
S: A hammock?
K: Yes. A hammock, which is also.... invisible. An invisible hammock. In-Vi-Si-Ble.
S: Good. Now I know how to catch you.
K: No you don't. I move my invisible hammock to a randomly different room on the Normandy every night.
S: What? Are you saying that you sleep in random crew member's quarters without them knowing?
K: Of course I do! How else do you think I know everyone so well? That Tali's father activated Geth on the Migrant Fleet, that Thane's son tried to kill that Turian but you stole his kill, that Morinth...
S: That's enough! Don't you dare sneak into my room invisibly at night and watch me sleep or I'll...
K: Why not? You're cute when you're asleep. You talk about kittens slaughtering canaries and eating them. And you cry out Liara T'Soni's name when you...
S: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Modifié par iOnlySignIn, 29 septembre 2011 - 02:51 .
#1553
Posté 28 septembre 2011 - 02:55
Yate
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Continuing the ME/TF2 crossover...
SHEPARD: OK, tell me about these mercs.
MIRANDA: "Dossier #1, Scout. Recommended for..."
SHEPARD: Whoa, what? Scout?
EDI: None of the dossiers contain proper names. Subjects are only known by codenames.
JACOB: These are top Cerberus operatives. Everything about them is kept secret. Only The Illusive Man has access to that kind of info.
SHEPARD: Fine, fine, tell me about Scout.
MIRANDA: "Recommended for ambush and flanking manuvers. Can use biotic skill to make large leaps and reach strategically important spots." It says he's one of the fastest humans alive. "Prefers to use shotguns and pistols."
SHEPARD: Great! Like a cross between Mordin and Kasumi. Only with a shotgun! Sounds pretty good.
MIRANDA: I do have some concerns about him, Shepard. His psych analysis is... alarming.
SHEPARD: What's the problem? He can't be any worse than Jack.
MIRANDA: Jack's only kept in check because she is smart enough not to cross with us. This man... he could prove unmanagable. It says here that he's extremely narcissistic, believing himself to be the most important member of the team. He thinks he's perfect, Shepard, and that everyone else needs his skills or they will fail.
*Beat*
JACOB: I wonder what that's like.
*Jacob and Shepard look at each other and start giggling*
MIRANDA: What? What's so funny?
EDI: Analyzing human social interaction. Conclusion reached. They are laughing at the apparent similarities between Scout and yourself, Ms. Lawson.
MIRANDA: That makes no sense. What similarities?
SHEPARD: Ah... nevermind. Read the next dossier.
MIRANDA: "Dossier #2, Soldier. Recommended for frontal assaults. Extremely high tolerance of pain, daring in combat, rarely tires." He's strong, Shepard. And crazy. It says here that he actually shot a rocket underneath himself to get over a wall.
SHEPARD: Well, if I needed to, I would...
MIRANDA: It was out of combat, and there was a door ten yards away.
SHEPARD: Wow.
JACOB: That's the kind of guy we want on our side.
SHEPARD: Are you sure?
JACOB: Absolutely. Either he wins in battle, or he dies trying. This man'll give it all for you, Shepard. You can count on that.
SHEPARD: You've worked with him before?
JACOB: Not exactly. I've seen his work firsthand though, back when I was with the Alliance. We were trying to take out a Batarian outpost, when his ship came crashing down. It didn't look like there were any survivors, but sure enough, he jumped out and started shooting. I've never seen anything like it. He killed everyone in that outpost, then left. We found fifty Batarian heads on spikes.
SHEPARD: OK, that settles it. We need him on the front lines.
MIRANDA: You're probably right. "Dossier #3, Pyro. Recommended for hazardous environments and enclosed spaces. Prefers to use fire-based weapons." Huh. That's weird, there's no other info here. Not even a picture.
SHEPARD: Nothing?
MIRANDA: Just his last known coordinates.
SHEPARD: We'll check it out. It's probably just a computer error.
EDI: Unlikely.
MIRANDA: "Dossier #4, Demoman. Recommended for destruction and area denial." He knows his field. He could blow up a Reaper with enough time. "Prefers grenade launchers and other explosive weapons." Shepard, I don't think this is a good idea.
SHEPARD: What is it this time?
MIRANDA: He's a drunk. A foul-mouthed drunk.
SHEPARD: Kasumi has a bar in her quarters, you've never complained about her.
MIRANDA: I'm just saying we have to be careful...
SHEPARD: Look, now isn't a popularity contest. I'm not turning away help because they have a drinking problem, or a drug addiction, or are secretly gay, or whatever!
JACOB: Uh, Shepard, something you want to tell us?
SHEPARD: You shut up. You read the next one.
MIRANDA: "Dossier #5: Heavy. Recommended for encounters against large numbers of enemies." So far so good, but there's bound to be a catch somewhere... Psych profile! Let's see... sadistic, vengeful, and incapable of forming emotional relationships.
SHEPARD: Sounds perfect.
JACOB: I like him already.
MIRANDA: "Dossier #6: Engineer. Recommended for holding positions and quickly setting up bases." Wow, he developed the short-range mass effect jumps. Able to send people into battle almost instantaneously. We owe a lot to this man.
SHEPARD: So what's the bad news?
MIRANDA: Nothing actually, he seems relatively stable psychologically. Slightly obsessive compulsive, and a perfectionist, but those can be assets in the field.
SHEPARD: Things are looking up. Read the next one.
MIRANDA: "Dossier #7: Medic. Recommended for extended engagements." Oh... Oh my. Shepard, I can't read this. It's disgusting.
SHEPARD: That bad?
MIRANDA: This man is sick, Shepard. If you want him, fine, but keep him as far away from me as possible. Ugh, I'm going to have nightmares. Two more left. "Dossier #8: Sniper. Recommended for long-range elimination."
SHEPARD: You don't say.
JACOB: Hm... he's called Sniper, and he's best at long-range, never would've seen that coming!
MIRANDA: If you're done now, I feel obliged to inform you that you shouldn't count on his loyalty for this mission. He's a merc, through and through.
SHEPARD: Yeah yeah, I already have squadmates who are planning to kill me once the mission's over. I can handle it.
MIRANDA: Let's hope so. "Dossier #9: Spy. Recommended for sabotage." This has got to be a joke. It says he can disguise himself as anyone.
JACOB: I'll believe that when I see it.
SHEPARD: How would that work, exactly?
MIRANDA: Appears to be some sort of sophisticated VI.
SHEPARD: I've killed enough 'sophisticated' VIs to know that spells trouble.
EDI: I will monitor Spy closely, Shepard. At the slightest hint of corruption, I will hack and destroy the VI.
SHEPARD: Fine. EDI, tell Joker to set course for the nearest merc. Jacob, tell Chambers I want her to interview them before they join the crew. Miranda, see if you can get any more intel, forward anything you find to my terminal. Dismissed.
SHEPARD: OK, tell me about these mercs.
MIRANDA: "Dossier #1, Scout. Recommended for..."
SHEPARD: Whoa, what? Scout?
EDI: None of the dossiers contain proper names. Subjects are only known by codenames.
JACOB: These are top Cerberus operatives. Everything about them is kept secret. Only The Illusive Man has access to that kind of info.
SHEPARD: Fine, fine, tell me about Scout.
MIRANDA: "Recommended for ambush and flanking manuvers. Can use biotic skill to make large leaps and reach strategically important spots." It says he's one of the fastest humans alive. "Prefers to use shotguns and pistols."
SHEPARD: Great! Like a cross between Mordin and Kasumi. Only with a shotgun! Sounds pretty good.
MIRANDA: I do have some concerns about him, Shepard. His psych analysis is... alarming.
SHEPARD: What's the problem? He can't be any worse than Jack.
MIRANDA: Jack's only kept in check because she is smart enough not to cross with us. This man... he could prove unmanagable. It says here that he's extremely narcissistic, believing himself to be the most important member of the team. He thinks he's perfect, Shepard, and that everyone else needs his skills or they will fail.
*Beat*
JACOB: I wonder what that's like.
*Jacob and Shepard look at each other and start giggling*
MIRANDA: What? What's so funny?
EDI: Analyzing human social interaction. Conclusion reached. They are laughing at the apparent similarities between Scout and yourself, Ms. Lawson.
MIRANDA: That makes no sense. What similarities?
SHEPARD: Ah... nevermind. Read the next dossier.
MIRANDA: "Dossier #2, Soldier. Recommended for frontal assaults. Extremely high tolerance of pain, daring in combat, rarely tires." He's strong, Shepard. And crazy. It says here that he actually shot a rocket underneath himself to get over a wall.
SHEPARD: Well, if I needed to, I would...
MIRANDA: It was out of combat, and there was a door ten yards away.
SHEPARD: Wow.
JACOB: That's the kind of guy we want on our side.
SHEPARD: Are you sure?
JACOB: Absolutely. Either he wins in battle, or he dies trying. This man'll give it all for you, Shepard. You can count on that.
SHEPARD: You've worked with him before?
JACOB: Not exactly. I've seen his work firsthand though, back when I was with the Alliance. We were trying to take out a Batarian outpost, when his ship came crashing down. It didn't look like there were any survivors, but sure enough, he jumped out and started shooting. I've never seen anything like it. He killed everyone in that outpost, then left. We found fifty Batarian heads on spikes.
SHEPARD: OK, that settles it. We need him on the front lines.
MIRANDA: You're probably right. "Dossier #3, Pyro. Recommended for hazardous environments and enclosed spaces. Prefers to use fire-based weapons." Huh. That's weird, there's no other info here. Not even a picture.
SHEPARD: Nothing?
MIRANDA: Just his last known coordinates.
SHEPARD: We'll check it out. It's probably just a computer error.
EDI: Unlikely.
MIRANDA: "Dossier #4, Demoman. Recommended for destruction and area denial." He knows his field. He could blow up a Reaper with enough time. "Prefers grenade launchers and other explosive weapons." Shepard, I don't think this is a good idea.
SHEPARD: What is it this time?
MIRANDA: He's a drunk. A foul-mouthed drunk.
SHEPARD: Kasumi has a bar in her quarters, you've never complained about her.
MIRANDA: I'm just saying we have to be careful...
SHEPARD: Look, now isn't a popularity contest. I'm not turning away help because they have a drinking problem, or a drug addiction, or are secretly gay, or whatever!
JACOB: Uh, Shepard, something you want to tell us?
SHEPARD: You shut up. You read the next one.
MIRANDA: "Dossier #5: Heavy. Recommended for encounters against large numbers of enemies." So far so good, but there's bound to be a catch somewhere... Psych profile! Let's see... sadistic, vengeful, and incapable of forming emotional relationships.
SHEPARD: Sounds perfect.
JACOB: I like him already.
MIRANDA: "Dossier #6: Engineer. Recommended for holding positions and quickly setting up bases." Wow, he developed the short-range mass effect jumps. Able to send people into battle almost instantaneously. We owe a lot to this man.
SHEPARD: So what's the bad news?
MIRANDA: Nothing actually, he seems relatively stable psychologically. Slightly obsessive compulsive, and a perfectionist, but those can be assets in the field.
SHEPARD: Things are looking up. Read the next one.
MIRANDA: "Dossier #7: Medic. Recommended for extended engagements." Oh... Oh my. Shepard, I can't read this. It's disgusting.
SHEPARD: That bad?
MIRANDA: This man is sick, Shepard. If you want him, fine, but keep him as far away from me as possible. Ugh, I'm going to have nightmares. Two more left. "Dossier #8: Sniper. Recommended for long-range elimination."
SHEPARD: You don't say.
JACOB: Hm... he's called Sniper, and he's best at long-range, never would've seen that coming!
MIRANDA: If you're done now, I feel obliged to inform you that you shouldn't count on his loyalty for this mission. He's a merc, through and through.
SHEPARD: Yeah yeah, I already have squadmates who are planning to kill me once the mission's over. I can handle it.
MIRANDA: Let's hope so. "Dossier #9: Spy. Recommended for sabotage." This has got to be a joke. It says he can disguise himself as anyone.
JACOB: I'll believe that when I see it.
SHEPARD: How would that work, exactly?
MIRANDA: Appears to be some sort of sophisticated VI.
SHEPARD: I've killed enough 'sophisticated' VIs to know that spells trouble.
EDI: I will monitor Spy closely, Shepard. At the slightest hint of corruption, I will hack and destroy the VI.
SHEPARD: Fine. EDI, tell Joker to set course for the nearest merc. Jacob, tell Chambers I want her to interview them before they join the crew. Miranda, see if you can get any more intel, forward anything you find to my terminal. Dismissed.
#1554
Posté 28 septembre 2011 - 03:13
fainmaca
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Writing in slo-mo at the moment (That means one or two sentences followed by an hour wasted surfing the net), so in the meantime here's a couple more quotes from my fic. This time from Miranda's rescue mission;
1. Garrus has just led a team to bust Shepard, Jack, Kasumi and an OC called Delexia out of an enemy cell. Garrus recently helped bust Miranda out of stasis, but had an awkward moment where he... saw her in a state of undress and, due to her being unconscious, had to correct that. Shepard is now organising the crew.
SHEPARD: "I say we split up. I'll take a squad and deal with the barriers and the jammer. Elanie, Etarn, with me. Garrus, I need you to get Jack, Miranda and Mordin to the rendezvous point and wait for Kaidan to arrive with the shuttle. Kasumi, Delexia, watch their backs."
MIRANDA: "Hold on a minute! I'm not going to be sidelined here. I'm coming with you, Commander."
SHEPARD: "I don't think that would be a good idea. You're still very weak from-"
MIRANDA: "This is my father we're dealing with. I'm coming with you, like it or not."
*SHEPARD backs down, while GARRUS, watching from behind MIRANDA, sniggers*
SHEPARD: "Fine. I'll take Miranda, Etarn and Elanie with me. The rest of you, your orders remain the same."
GARRUS: "That's telling them, Shepard."
MIRANDA: "Wait a minute… This wasn't what I was wearing when I was put under. Who dressed me?"
GARRUS: "WoahisthatthetimeIguesswe'dbestgetgoing."
2. KAIDAN and GRUNT wait in the shuttle to extract the team.
GRUNT: "I'm going for a ******."
KAIDAN: "What? No! Get back in here!"
GRUNT: "What?"
KAIDAN: "You can't just go take a leak outside. This is a public place."
GRUNT: "Why?"
KAIDAN: "It's considered in bad taste."
GRUNT: "Its natural. Just like breathing. You want me to go find some privacy when I want to cough?"
KAIDAN: "We need to keep a low profile. Public urination is not going to help."
GRUNT: "Either I do it out there, or I do it in your little room here."
*beat*
KAIDAN: "Fine. But make it quick, and for god's sake try not to let anyone see you."
GRUNT: "You aliens and your squeamishness."
Also, an outtake to celebrate my 100th review.
3. SHEPARD chose a different squadmate to seduce VICTOR LAWSON.
VL: I've been watching you for a while now. You're different from the other women here. That's why i picked you out to talk to.
JACK: I don't do talking. Come on, we're going out the back.
VL: What? I don't-
JACK: Either we're doing it out the back, or you're getting the **** out of my face.
VL: Alright...
*They leave via the back door. Beat, then a scream. Moments later, JACK steps back into the party, and hands something to SHEPARD. SHEPARD looks down at what she gave him, realising with horror that it's a severed Human hand.*
JACK: I hate all this subtlety crap. Can we get it done and go home?
4. And another one.
VL: I've been watching you for a while now. You're different from the other women here. That's why i picked you out to talk to.
*ZAEED Turns around, wearing a curly yellow wig and a pink apron, a la Minion from Megamind as 'Space Step-Mom'*
ZAEED: This takes me back... I remember once being hired to take out a gang of Batarian transvestites on Koprian.....
5. I apologise for that last one. Anyway, here's another!
VL: I've been watching you for a while now. You're different from the other women here. That's why i picked you out to talk to.
*GARRUS turns around, wearing the same disguise as ZAEED*
GARRUS: Shepard, I swear by everything that is holy you are going to pay for this....
6. I'm out of control! Somebody stop me!
VL: I've been watching you for a while now. You're different from the other women here. That's why i picked you out to talk to.
*Mordin turns around, once again wearing the same disguise (The Normandy prop department suffered budget cuts recently)*
MORDIN: *Sniffs* Hormonal levels elevated, fluttering of lower eyelids, increased rate of breathing all indicators of desire in intended target. Unfortunate, but necessary for mission. Hope Mordin Solus biography vids omit this detail.
MORDIN: Must admit, though. Costume is comfortable. Reminder of time spent in Francis Kitt's Romeo and Juliet. 'O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?' Good times. Never expected thespian experience to come in useful.
VL:.... Okay. Do you want to see my private gallery?
I am sorry for all of this. I am so, so, so sorry.
7. One last time!
VL: I've been watching you for a while now. You're different from the other women here. That's why i picked you out to talk to.
*Now LEGION is wearing the wig and apron*
LEGION: Consensus achieved: This platform feels pretty.
I'm going now. Before I cause any more damage.
1. Garrus has just led a team to bust Shepard, Jack, Kasumi and an OC called Delexia out of an enemy cell. Garrus recently helped bust Miranda out of stasis, but had an awkward moment where he... saw her in a state of undress and, due to her being unconscious, had to correct that. Shepard is now organising the crew.
SHEPARD: "I say we split up. I'll take a squad and deal with the barriers and the jammer. Elanie, Etarn, with me. Garrus, I need you to get Jack, Miranda and Mordin to the rendezvous point and wait for Kaidan to arrive with the shuttle. Kasumi, Delexia, watch their backs."
MIRANDA: "Hold on a minute! I'm not going to be sidelined here. I'm coming with you, Commander."
SHEPARD: "I don't think that would be a good idea. You're still very weak from-"
MIRANDA: "This is my father we're dealing with. I'm coming with you, like it or not."
*SHEPARD backs down, while GARRUS, watching from behind MIRANDA, sniggers*
SHEPARD: "Fine. I'll take Miranda, Etarn and Elanie with me. The rest of you, your orders remain the same."
GARRUS: "That's telling them, Shepard."
MIRANDA: "Wait a minute… This wasn't what I was wearing when I was put under. Who dressed me?"
GARRUS: "WoahisthatthetimeIguesswe'dbestgetgoing."
2. KAIDAN and GRUNT wait in the shuttle to extract the team.
GRUNT: "I'm going for a ******."
KAIDAN: "What? No! Get back in here!"
GRUNT: "What?"
KAIDAN: "You can't just go take a leak outside. This is a public place."
GRUNT: "Why?"
KAIDAN: "It's considered in bad taste."
GRUNT: "Its natural. Just like breathing. You want me to go find some privacy when I want to cough?"
KAIDAN: "We need to keep a low profile. Public urination is not going to help."
GRUNT: "Either I do it out there, or I do it in your little room here."
*beat*
KAIDAN: "Fine. But make it quick, and for god's sake try not to let anyone see you."
GRUNT: "You aliens and your squeamishness."
Also, an outtake to celebrate my 100th review.
3. SHEPARD chose a different squadmate to seduce VICTOR LAWSON.
VL: I've been watching you for a while now. You're different from the other women here. That's why i picked you out to talk to.
JACK: I don't do talking. Come on, we're going out the back.
VL: What? I don't-
JACK: Either we're doing it out the back, or you're getting the **** out of my face.
VL: Alright...
*They leave via the back door. Beat, then a scream. Moments later, JACK steps back into the party, and hands something to SHEPARD. SHEPARD looks down at what she gave him, realising with horror that it's a severed Human hand.*
JACK: I hate all this subtlety crap. Can we get it done and go home?
4. And another one.
VL: I've been watching you for a while now. You're different from the other women here. That's why i picked you out to talk to.
*ZAEED Turns around, wearing a curly yellow wig and a pink apron, a la Minion from Megamind as 'Space Step-Mom'*
ZAEED: This takes me back... I remember once being hired to take out a gang of Batarian transvestites on Koprian.....
5. I apologise for that last one. Anyway, here's another!
VL: I've been watching you for a while now. You're different from the other women here. That's why i picked you out to talk to.
*GARRUS turns around, wearing the same disguise as ZAEED*
GARRUS: Shepard, I swear by everything that is holy you are going to pay for this....
6. I'm out of control! Somebody stop me!
VL: I've been watching you for a while now. You're different from the other women here. That's why i picked you out to talk to.
*Mordin turns around, once again wearing the same disguise (The Normandy prop department suffered budget cuts recently)*
MORDIN: *Sniffs* Hormonal levels elevated, fluttering of lower eyelids, increased rate of breathing all indicators of desire in intended target. Unfortunate, but necessary for mission. Hope Mordin Solus biography vids omit this detail.
MORDIN: Must admit, though. Costume is comfortable. Reminder of time spent in Francis Kitt's Romeo and Juliet. 'O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?' Good times. Never expected thespian experience to come in useful.
VL:.... Okay. Do you want to see my private gallery?
I am sorry for all of this. I am so, so, so sorry.
7. One last time!
VL: I've been watching you for a while now. You're different from the other women here. That's why i picked you out to talk to.
*Now LEGION is wearing the wig and apron*
LEGION: Consensus achieved: This platform feels pretty.
I'm going now. Before I cause any more damage.
Modifié par fainmaca, 28 septembre 2011 - 03:15 .
#1555
Posté 29 septembre 2011 - 02:33
Yate
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The next chapter in the great ME/TF2 crossover takes place at Scout's house...
SCOUT: Hey, what're you lookin' at? You wanna piece of me?
SHEPARD: So, you're Scout.
SCOUT: You heard of me, huh? Yeah... not surprised.
SHEPARD: I'm Commander Shepard. Cerberus sent me to find you.
SCOUT: Ha! Those guys again? You one of their goons?
SHEPARD: You have a problem with Cerberus?
SCOUT: A problem? Listen... buddy, do you know about me?
SHEPARD: I know you're starting to ****** me off.
SCOUT: Like I care. What'cha gonna do to me, tough guy?
SHEPARD: Well, first I'll...
VOICE: Son? What's going on? Who's there?
SCOUT: Not now Dad, I'm dealing with it.
SHEPARD: You live with your father?
SCOUT: No! What, are you crazy or something?
SHEPARD: Wait... I know that voice.
CONRAD: Shepard?
SHEPARD: He's your father?
CONRAD: What are you doing here? I didn't do anything, I swear!
SHEPARD: Easy Conrad, I'm not here for you. I need your son.
SCOUT: No f*cking way!
CONRAD: Don't you know who this is? This is the great Commander Shepard!
SCOUT: Shut up! I don't want to hear about your stupid crushes anymore!
CONRAD: But Shepard... Shepard's like a god!
SCOUT: Fine! I'll go with the dork! It gets me away from you, at least.
SHEPARD: Glad to hear it.
CONRAD: Wait... son... Shepard...
SHEPARD: See ya, Conrad.
SCOUT: Catch ya later, Pops. Or not! BOINK! *shuts door* So, Sheppy. What's the gig?
SHEPARD: Reapers. They're coming, and we need you to lead the assault.
SCOUT: Course you do. And lemme tell ya, you came to the right man. Ima show those metal monsters. I'm gonna knock their shields out with a baseball bat, then fry a sandwich on them to eat!!! They're gonna cry tears of rust by the time I'm done with 'em!!! They'll see what happens when you mess with NATURE!!!!! YEAH!!!!!! WHO'S THE BOSS???
SHEPARD: I am. Don't forget.
SCOUT: Hey, what're you lookin' at? You wanna piece of me?
SHEPARD: So, you're Scout.
SCOUT: You heard of me, huh? Yeah... not surprised.
SHEPARD: I'm Commander Shepard. Cerberus sent me to find you.
SCOUT: Ha! Those guys again? You one of their goons?
SHEPARD: You have a problem with Cerberus?
SCOUT: A problem? Listen... buddy, do you know about me?
SHEPARD: I know you're starting to ****** me off.
SCOUT: Like I care. What'cha gonna do to me, tough guy?
SHEPARD: Well, first I'll...
VOICE: Son? What's going on? Who's there?
SCOUT: Not now Dad, I'm dealing with it.
SHEPARD: You live with your father?
SCOUT: No! What, are you crazy or something?
SHEPARD: Wait... I know that voice.
CONRAD: Shepard?
SHEPARD: He's your father?
CONRAD: What are you doing here? I didn't do anything, I swear!
SHEPARD: Easy Conrad, I'm not here for you. I need your son.
SCOUT: No f*cking way!
CONRAD: Don't you know who this is? This is the great Commander Shepard!
SCOUT: Shut up! I don't want to hear about your stupid crushes anymore!
CONRAD: But Shepard... Shepard's like a god!
SCOUT: Fine! I'll go with the dork! It gets me away from you, at least.
SHEPARD: Glad to hear it.
CONRAD: Wait... son... Shepard...
SHEPARD: See ya, Conrad.
SCOUT: Catch ya later, Pops. Or not! BOINK! *shuts door* So, Sheppy. What's the gig?
SHEPARD: Reapers. They're coming, and we need you to lead the assault.
SCOUT: Course you do. And lemme tell ya, you came to the right man. Ima show those metal monsters. I'm gonna knock their shields out with a baseball bat, then fry a sandwich on them to eat!!! They're gonna cry tears of rust by the time I'm done with 'em!!! They'll see what happens when you mess with NATURE!!!!! YEAH!!!!!! WHO'S THE BOSS???
SHEPARD: I am. Don't forget.
