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[RVonE]

Knight of Dane wrote...

Blackout62 wrote...

Knight of Dane wrote...

Updated my fic, the link is in my signature.
Direct link to chapter 6: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6831578/6/
Hope it works.

You need to start a new paragraph with every change of speaker.

Example:
"Buy me a drink?" A creamy accent came from the door to his room, it
opened and he instantly recognized the uniform of the seekers. It wasn't
Cassandra though. "Huh, are you 'seeking' me again?" He asked back to
her. "What do you want? Your colleague already questioned me and I still
have no idea where the champion is." The red haired woman sat down in
front of him and tossed a small pouch of coins towards him. "You are a
merchant, yes? This is a deal you and I make, not you and the chantry."

Multiple times while reading I couldn't figure out who was speaking. It should read as:

"Buy me a drink?" A creamy accent came from the door to his room, it
opened and he instantly recognized the uniform of the seekers. It wasn't
Cassandra though.
"Huh, are you 'seeking' me again?" He asked back to
her. "What do you want? Your colleague already questioned me and I still
have no idea where the champion is."
The red haired woman sat down in
front of him and tossed a small pouch of coins towards him. "You are a
merchant, yes? This is a deal you and I make, not you and the chantry."

I'd understand if you don't go back through your previous chapters and fix this but doing so in later chapters will lead to the reader more easily comprehending the the shifts in dialogue.

This was pretty prcise, thank you! I have had that critic with paragraphp before, my issue was just that people seemed to tell me that paragraph's were something else all the time.
I don't know how to translate the word to Danish, I'm not sure if "Paragraf" is the same thing entirely.

I will work on it.

No, the English paragraph is not the same as what you understand as paragraf. In Dutch, we make a distinction between a 'paragraaf' and an 'alinea'. The English 'paragraph' translates to the Dutch 'alinea'.
I looked around on some translation sites and some sites suggested that the Dutch 'alinea' translates to the Danish 'afsnit'. Does that make sense to you?

[DoNotIngest]

ishmaeltheforsaken wrote...

Hot on the heels of Varric's shirt, I have even more terrible news.

Someone has made Merrill "sexy."

I don't want to link to it, because it makes me feel dirty. But modded!Isabela seems to have taught Merrill how to frolic topless.

I'll let that stew in your brains for a little while.

I have nothing against nudity in and of itself. I'm fine with breasts in sex scenes. But tearing off Merrill's robes in normal gameplay, purely for titillation, does not sit well with me. Isabela's cleavage is awesome and in character. But Merrill's nipples are just too far.

           R.I.P.
     Merrill's Virtue
        3/11-4/11
"We hardly knew her"

 Oh modderpervs, what have you done?...

[bleetman]

ishmaeltheforsaken wrote...

I don't want to link to it, because it makes me feel dirty. But modded!Isabela seems to have taught Merrill how to frolic topless

For the sake of my own rapidly diminishing sanity I'm going to pretend this is a practical joke you're playing on us all, something I plan on mentally repeating until the end of time regardless of contrary evidence.

Does. Not. Exist. Do you hear me?

Modifié par bleetman, 08 avril 2011 - 11:58 .

[RVonE]

bleetman wrote...

ishmaeltheforsaken wrote...

I don't want to link to it, because it makes me feel dirty. But modded!Isabela seems to have taught Merrill how to frolic topless

For the sake of my own sanity, I'm going to pretend this is a practical joke you're playing on us all, something I plan on mentally repeating until the end of time regardless of contrary evidence.

Does. Not. Exist. Do you hear me?

It exists. It's horrible.

[bleetman]

RVonE wrote...

It exists. It's horrible.

Not listening! La-la-la-la.

[mesmerizedish]

There are only two places that Merrill is allowed to frolic topless. In my bedroom, and in my mind.

DARKTOWN IS NOT ****ING ONE OF THOSE PLACES.

[RVonE]

bleetman wrote...

RVonE wrote...

It exists. It's horrible.

Not listening! La-la-la-la.

You Fereldans are so finicky.

[Knight of Dane]

RVonE wrote...

Knight of Dane wrote...

Blackout62 wrote...

Knight of Dane wrote...

Updated my fic, the link is in my signature.
Direct link to chapter 6: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6831578/6/
Hope it works.

You need to start a new paragraph with every change of speaker.

Example:
"Buy me a drink?" A creamy accent came from the door to his room, it
opened and he instantly recognized the uniform of the seekers. It wasn't
Cassandra though. "Huh, are you 'seeking' me again?" He asked back to
her. "What do you want? Your colleague already questioned me and I still
have no idea where the champion is." The red haired woman sat down in
front of him and tossed a small pouch of coins towards him. "You are a
merchant, yes? This is a deal you and I make, not you and the chantry."

Multiple times while reading I couldn't figure out who was speaking. It should read as:

"Buy me a drink?" A creamy accent came from the door to his room, it
opened and he instantly recognized the uniform of the seekers. It wasn't
Cassandra though.
"Huh, are you 'seeking' me again?" He asked back to
her. "What do you want? Your colleague already questioned me and I still
have no idea where the champion is."
The red haired woman sat down in
front of him and tossed a small pouch of coins towards him. "You are a
merchant, yes? This is a deal you and I make, not you and the chantry."

I'd understand if you don't go back through your previous chapters and fix this but doing so in later chapters will lead to the reader more easily comprehending the the shifts in dialogue.

This was pretty prcise, thank you! I have had that critic with paragraphp before, my issue was just that people seemed to tell me that paragraph's were something else all the time.
I don't know how to translate the word to Danish, I'm not sure if "Paragraf" is the same thing entirely.

I will work on it.

No, the English paragraph is not the same as what you understand as paragraf. In Dutch, we make a distinction between a 'paragraaf' and an 'alinea'. The English 'paragraph' translates to the Dutch 'alinea'.
I looked around on some translation sites and some sites suggested that the Dutch 'alinea' translates to the Danish 'afsnit'. Does that make sense to you?

It does, very much so, thank you for your concern
One guy told me that it was the size of the letters, i didn't beleive it anyway, but it's good to have that on the clear. I doubt I'll update the posted chapters any time soon, but i will try to work the new ones as descriped.

[RVonE]

Knight of Dane wrote...
It does, very much so, thank you for your concern
One guy told me that it was the size of the letters, i didn't beleive it anyway, but it's good to have that on the clear. I doubt I'll update the posted chapters any time soon, but i will try to work the new ones as descriped.

Good, I'm glad I could help. Good luck with your story.

[DoNotIngest]

ishmaeltheforsaken wrote...

There are only two places that Merrill is allowed to frolic topless. In my bedroom, and in my mind.

DARKTOWN IS NOT ****ING ONE OF THOSE PLACES.

Look on the bright side! At least you didn't link it; You're the only one suffering.


...Feel better?

[Big_Chief]

Somehow I still find this less creepy than white skinned Isabela, with blond hair and blue eyes.

[_Somebody]

Big_Chief wrote...

Somehow I still find this less creepy than white skinned Isabela, with blond hair and blue eyes.

Wut...

[DoNotIngest]

Somebody wrote...

Big_Chief wrote...

Somehow I still find this less creepy than white skinned Isabela, with blond hair and blue eyes.

Wut...

Both very, very bad... In differing ways.

[mesmerizedish]

Big_Chief wrote...

Somehow I still find this less creepy than white skinned Isabela, with blond hair and blue eyes.

At least now we know where Varric got that undershirt from.

[Maria Caliban]

LobselVith8 wrote...

Just curious, but why do you think it took three years for Merrill and Hawke to get together? I know the story dictates, but I found it odd that it would have three years for Hawke to express his feelings to Merrill.

I don't think it took three years. Just like I don't think it took three years for Isabela to try some Hawke in her diet.

Merrill coming to Hawke's house, talking about her feeling, sex, declaring love, and deciding to move in did not happen in a single night. That's just Varric's version of events.

[_Somebody]

Maria Caliban wrote...

LobselVith8 wrote...

Just curious, but why do you think it took three years for Merrill and Hawke to get together? I know the story dictates, but I found it odd that it would have three years for Hawke to express his feelings to Merrill.

I don't think it took three years. Just like I don't think it took three years for Isabela to try some Hawke in her diet.

Merrill coming to Hawke's house, talking about her feeling, sex, declaring love, and deciding to move in did not happen in a single night. That's just Varric's version of events.

Never thought of it that way. Still, if thats the case, it could have been done a little better.

But I like that idea.

Modifié par Somebody, 09 avril 2011 - 01:17 .

[DoNotIngest]

ishmaeltheforsaken wrote...

Big_Chief wrote...

Somehow I still find this less creepy than white skinned Isabela, with blond hair and blue eyes.

At least now we know where Varric got that undershirt from.

 Too soon. Made me chuckle, though.

[mesmerizedish]

Maria Caliban wrote...

LobselVith8 wrote...

Just curious, but why do you think it took three years for Merrill and Hawke to get together? I know the story dictates, but I found it odd that it would have three years for Hawke to express his feelings to Merrill.

I don't think it took three years. Just like I don't think it took three years for Isabela to try some Hawke in her diet.

Merrill coming to Hawke's house, talking about her feeling, sex, declaring love, and deciding to move in did not happen in a single night. That's just Varric's version of events.

Merrill: Hawke, I'm interested in you romantically!
Hawke: Cool!
*sexytimes*
Merrill: I love you!
Hawke: Live with me!

ALL IN THE SPAN OF FIVE MINUTES AND TWENTY THREE SECONDS.

[Emperor Iaius I]

Maria Caliban wrote...

LobselVith8 wrote...

Just curious, but why do you think it took three years for Merrill and Hawke to get together? I know the story dictates, but I found it odd that it would have three years for Hawke to express his feelings to Merrill.

I don't think it took three years. Just like I don't think it took three years for Isabela to try some Hawke in her diet.

Merrill coming to Hawke's house, talking about her feeling, sex, declaring love, and deciding to move in did not happen in a single night. That's just Varric's version of events.

That makes it seem a lot less terrible, although I wish we could have had the romance develop in-game too.

[Maria Caliban]

ishmaeltheforsaken wrote...

Merrill: Hawke, I'm interested in you romantically!
Hawke: Cool!
*sexytimes*
Merrill: I love you!
Hawke: Live with me!

ALL IN THE SPAN OF FIVE MINUTES AND TWENTY THREE SECONDS.

Hawke: When you recount this to Isabela or Varric, tell them the sex took two *hours* and it involved more than me dressing you in sexy lingerie.

[Blackout62]

Maria Caliban wrote...

LobselVith8 wrote...

Just curious, but why do you think it took three years for Merrill and Hawke to get together? I know the story dictates, but I found it odd that it would have three years for Hawke to express his feelings to Merrill.

I don't think it took three years. Just like I don't think it took three years for Isabela to try some Hawke in her diet.

Merrill coming to Hawke's house, talking about her feeling, sex, declaring love, and deciding to move in did not happen in a single night. That's just Varric's version of events.

Can we just assume this for a lot of the game actually. Like instead of the actual Arishok crisis thing-ey Hawke really spent weeks gathering forces from the local citenzry, guard, circle mages, and templars and planned an attack on the Viscount's Keep that succeeded brilliantly thus placing him/her as champion.

Now to stay on the topic of Merrill; once the next patch is out I'm replaying my canon Hawke with a Merrill friendmance. Even if I like the romance scene more in the Rivalmance friendship fits the character I have better and follows DAII's secret rule that all rogues must love Merrill. (Think about it, even Sebastian loves her.)

Modifié par Blackout62, 09 avril 2011 - 02:12 .

[mesmerizedish]

Maria Caliban wrote...

ishmaeltheforsaken wrote...

Merrill: Hawke, I'm interested in you romantically!
Hawke: Cool!
*sexytimes*
Merrill: I love you!
Hawke: Live with me!

ALL IN THE SPAN OF FIVE MINUTES AND TWENTY THREE SECONDS.

Hawke: When you recount this to Isabela or Varric, tell them the sex took two *hours* and it involved more than me dressing you in sexy lingerie.

I wish this thread would move as fast as their relationship.

Anders puts us to shame, peeps. What is it about him that attracts all the gays/straights/straightswhowishtheyweregays? Anders loves kittens, but Merrill is a kitten! And she's way less ****ed-up.

Maybe that's it? There's less of a need to "fix" Merrill? Even when you friendmance Anders, he's still majorly ****ed in the head.

[mesmerizedish]

Blackout62 wrote...

Can we just assume this for a lot of the game actually. Like instead of the actual Arishok crisis thing-ey Hawke really spent weeks gathering forces from the local citenzry, guard, circle mages, and templars and planned an attack on the Viscount's Keep that succeeded brilliantly thus placing him/her as champion.

No. Varric's telling Cassandra "And Merrill and Hawke fell in love. There was much rejoicing"

What he's saying about taking on the Arishok is " That night, Hawke, Meredith, and Orsino stormed the Viscount's Keep. Hawke fought her way inside, and then had a one-on-one duel to the death with the Arishok."

Which, ostensibly, actually happened.

[Maria Caliban]

Blackout62 wrote...

Maria Caliban wrote...

Merrill coming to Hawke's house, talking about her feeling, sex, declaring love, and deciding to move in did not happen in a single night. That's just Varric's version of events.

Can we just assume this for a lot of the game actually. Like instead of the actual Arishok crisis thing-ey Hawke really spent weeks gathering forces from the local citenzry, guard, circle mages, and templars and planned an attack on the Viscount's Keep that succeeded brilliantly thus placing him/her as champion.

If you want. I think that would be a great deal more difficult to alter given the rather public nature of events and the Arishok's death.

ishmaeltheforsaken wrote...

What is it about him that attracts all the gays/straights/straightswhowishtheyweregays?

The majority of fans who participate in these types of interactions are female. Fan art and fanfic creators are also predominately women.

It's one of the fishbowl effects of the forums. You'd think Fenris would be the most popular character, but he's not. He's the most popular character with people likely to frequently post on a thread about a character.

This thread is very healthy compared to the Isabela and Aveline threads.

Modifié par Maria Caliban, 09 avril 2011 - 02:28 .

[DoNotIngest]

Maria Caliban wrote...

ishmaeltheforsaken wrote...

Merrill: Hawke, I'm interested in you romantically!
Hawke: Cool!
*sexytimes*
Merrill: I love you!
Hawke: Live with me!

ALL IN THE SPAN OF FIVE MINUTES AND TWENTY THREE SECONDS.

Hawke: When you recount this to Isabela or Varric, tell them the sex took two *hours* and it involved more than me dressing you in sexy lingerie.

Is it just me, or does this make a lot more sense than what "really" happened?