108 réponses à ce sujet

[ejoslin]

LadyDamodred wrote...

ejoslin wrote...

LadyDamodred wrote...

I think it's more possible, than probable. And you might be one of those exceptions that proves the rule. I've seen far more success in relationships where the people share at least something, than where they share nothing. I'm assuming that you guys must have something in common, because being complete and total opposites seems like it would be hard to make work.

What I was talking about with Alistair seems to hold true in real life. Yes, it's possible for wildly different people to fall in love, it just takes a whole lot more effort. My Dalish has to struggle for a long, long time before anything happens where as my Cousland and Alistair are an almost perfect match.

I disagree with this.  I'm my husband's complete opposite on all levels.  We had no problems falling in love, started living together almost immediately, and were married within a year of our starting to date. 19 years later, it's still working.  Where the adjustment happened was a few years into our marriage, and also after we had children.  The falling in love? Easy.  The staying in love, like all couples, a bit more work.

*nods*  Fair enough.  I can see where the trouble would come a little further down the road.  Clumsy wording on my part perhaps.  But, completely opposite on all levels?  Like, all?  I don't know that I've ever encountered that and find myself baffled.

Given the divorce rate, i think ALL couples have challenges a few years into their marriage.  This is not unique to people who are very different from each other.

Though I suppose I exaggerate somewhat when i say all levels.  But really, people were surprised, his friends and mine, when we got together and then got married (back when we were young enough that people cared about other people's relationships).  We are that different.

[LadyDamodred]

Alrighty, so not total opposites. I assume if he makes you laugh, you share a sense a humor, and with a family, family values, etc, and that there are some things you enjoy doing together. And if there are no huge dealbreakers, like some religion would be for me, then it makes sense.



It was just the whole "completely opposite" thing that was throwing me.

[ejoslin]

LadyDamodred wrote...

Alrighty, so not total opposites. I assume if he makes you laugh, you share a sense a humor, and with a family, family values, etc, and that there are some things you enjoy doing together. And if there are no huge dealbreakers, like some religion would be for me, then it makes sense.

It was just the whole "completely opposite" thing that was throwing me.

But no one was claiming Alistair and the not-Alistair- type warden were complete opposites, really.  They can't be.  They have some things automatically in common.  So I was basing my "we're opposites" with that as the guidepost.

My husband and I are different religions.  Neither of us practice, but we were definitely raised differently.  And I've never known anyone who doesn't laugh at some times.

I'll repeat myself, just to make it clear...

He is outgoing.  I hide in corners.  He has a successful career.  I have some technical training which is now outdated.  He is extremely charismatic.  I am the classic nerd girl.  I read books.  He reads magazines.  I hate TV.  He watches TV.  He listens to NPR.  I listen to my mp3 player.  He listens to rock from the 70s.  I listen to metal (black, symphonic, death, doom).  He hates piercings and tattoos.  I have 15 piercings (though most of them are closing at this point) and only two tattoos (I was kind of young when I met him so he did have some influence).  Etc Etc Etc.

We're both tall.  Ummmmm...  when we disagree about parenting, we discuss it and try to come up with something that works for both of us, so I guess we're both willing to compromise.

Edit: Having vastly different education levels and different religions are major, major differences.  Our personalities, as I tried to illustrate, are also very different, as are our interests.  however, these are not the only important things in a relationship.  Maybe so many couples split up because they do place too much importance on them?  then one someone changes (as we all do as we grow older), this may be a problem.  i don't know.  I just know what works for us

Modifié par ejoslin, 29 janvier 2011 - 04:40 .

[LadyDamodred]

Our conversation has wandered a bit from the Alistair/Warden convo. XD We got distracted.



The religion thing doesn't seem like a big factor if you're both non-practicing and you don't think each other is damned for eternity. And yes, everyone laughs, but being able to make each other laugh would be more important for a couple.



I'm back to being slightly baffled again. If it's not offensive, what do the two of you do together? There must be something you both enjoy doing, right?

[M-Taylor]

LadyDamodred wrote...

Our conversation has wandered a bit from the Alistair/Warden convo. XD We got distracted.

The religion thing doesn't seem like a big factor if you're both non-practicing and you don't think each other is damned for eternity. And yes, everyone laughs, but being able to make each other laugh would be more important for a couple.

I'm back to being slightly baffled again. If it's not offensive, what do the two of you do together? There must be something you both enjoy doing, right?

Some people can just enjoy being with each other without actually needing to have anything in common? Atleast, that's what I've always thought

I mean, I know marriage/a relationship is far more intense than friendship, but a close friend of mine and myself are like, completely different people.. yet we always enjoy spending time with each other. I often ponder what exactly makes us such great friends, but there's no real use. It's just a natural relationship.

Maybe it's just that? Some people are just naturally connected to each other.

[ejoslin]

LadyDamodred wrote...

Our conversation has wandered a bit from the Alistair/Warden convo. XD We got distracted.

The religion thing doesn't seem like a big factor if you're both non-practicing and you don't think each other is damned for eternity. And yes, everyone laughs, but being able to make each other laugh would be more important for a couple.

I'm back to being slightly baffled again. If it's not offensive, what do the two of you do together? There must be something you both enjoy doing, right?

Of course we live together. [edit; woops, misread the question]  We also have four children.  Honestly, though, no, we don't do much together. 

You know, doing things together is just NOT as important as people think it is.  Before we had kids, my husband was always studying, or working, or in school, and honestly, that was fine.  Even after he finished school, we worked different hours.  Of course, here are things we DO do together.  We have always had dinner together.  When we could, we had breakfast together as well.  He likes to talk, and I like to listen.

We genuinely like each other as people, despite our differences.  There is just something between us that clicks.  

Edit; what M-Taylor says so much better than I did.

Modifié par ejoslin, 29 janvier 2011 - 05:02 .

[LadyDamodred]

Alrighty. It's just something I have zero experience with, as everyone I've seen be that different has had their relationship fall apart. For my part, I'm not saying there has to be structured activity or anything. I like just hanging out with my friends/significant others myself, but we all have at least some shared interests.



I won't pester you anymore with it.

[ejoslin]

Most relationships fall apart. More than half of all couples end up divorced. I really don't think there's any magical formula of what works. Just... some people continue to get along, and some don't.

[sevalaricgirl]

Goosefish wrote...

@ ejoslin & sevalaricgirl --

You and your spouses are truly, completely, 100% opposites? You share no commonalities on anything?

Ideals, moral compass, gender roles, spending habits, how many kids you want to have, favorite color, favorite vacation spots, whether to shop at Ikea or not, where you see yourself in 10 years? Nothing?

I can't really argue against your love for each other being enough to make your marriage work, because it obviously is if you're still married. But marrying someone who is your complete opposite just doesn't make any kind of sense to me. Obviously no two people are ever exactly alike - my husband and I have our differences, like anyone - but there had to be at least some kind of percentage we agreed on, or we never would have gotten married. I guess that's just beyond my understanding.

Well we play games, he likes strategy games, I hate strategy games, he hates rpgs, I love rpgs, he goes to church and I don't believe in his church.  He watches a lot of TV, I barely watch tv.  he likes ABBA, I love Greenday.  I am more like my 15 yr old son than my husband.  Our biggest difference is that he loves sport and I hate them.  He doesn't like to spend money, I love to spend money.  He doesn't like my family and I don't like his, lol.  Truly, it was by fate that we ended up together because I wouldn't have even looked at him otherwise though he is cute.

My mom says that the only thing she and my dad had in common was sex.  They were total opposites in everything and were married for 44 yrs until he died.  Now she is dating someone who is just like her and their relationship has been up and down for the last 7 yrs and they have broken up and gotten back together 3 times.

Modifié par sevalaricgirl, 29 janvier 2011 - 05:34 .