Btw, if you do plan to play DAA, be prepared to meet a very different Anders.
I know that. I'm ok with that. Did not read any of plot and quests to spoil. but I have a general idea that he was still..different back then. I just wonder how did it look like. I only hope it will catch my DAO post-campaign save properly..
I have to disagree about ME though; I played ME3 twice and LOVED it, but have never played ME and ME2.
I honestly don't know how can it be. Your Shepard has no idea what Virmire was, your Shepard never had Horizon-1 - which are huge part of Kaidan or Ashley arcs. (s)he does not know what Cerberus is all about...unless you read a lot of novels and wikis and spoilers just to fill the gap. I still think that ME2 is mediocre as stand-alone project. ME3...is not that good even when you have previous games experience, but that's what saves it from being total crap - our love for old characters.
The kiss only happens in a rivalmance ending where you side with the templars. He is kissing Hawke goodbye because he plans to kill himself, should he survive the attack.
Ouch. I'd better keep kisses for headcanon part then....

I could not understand from vid that he really was going to die...and also there were few comments that mentioned some fixes in some patch.
I never romanced Alistair so he seemed fine to me. But I did romance Zevran, and in DA2, Zevran ignores the romance with the Warden and will sleep with Hawke if Hawke flirts with him, and will sleep with Isabela if she is in the party. That broke my heart.
I've heared that this is considered to be a bug, but was never fixed. They say he has some different lines for warden-alive and for warden-dead, and he was supposed to ignore flirt.
I did not see him as smart user at all. Probably, because I'm too optimistic and naive.
Probably you are just more attentive and metagame less
Well, I don't usually metagame on first run. And I tend never to metagame romances. It may sound funny, but I was awfully afraid that I pick wrong side in progress by chance, or hurt him somehow. But I admit that I had to metagame in DAO. Two words - "Landsmeet" and "Fade". ;P
And it was my lack of metagaming that was the reason for failing Fenris romance - as I said above I did not cross 50% rival, and I had no idea romance depended on that, and Anders was very..uh...friendly
But I do not regret, that must be some good Demon of Metagaming that cared about me and made it so. I doubt any other arc could suit me better, really. It was so damn fiting both myHawke and me, it all was so surprisingly fitting my headcanon drafts and bits, so I just can not see anything else as possible canon. I found all of arc very statisfying. Lack of communication - is separate problem, it's not Anders specific. It does not change things, it just leaves some more to desire.