In celebration of that article, I now bring you The Mysteries of Kirkwall Ecology:
(1) Giant spiders: Ginormous spiders seem to infest the mountains and coasts around Kirkwall, particularly the pass through Sundermount and the Wounded Coast. What the heck do these things eat? In the Brecilian Forest in DA:O, I assumed that it was braised chops of Halla, and probably Darkspawn steaks in the Deep Roads (which might lead to spider ghouls... hmmm...). But nothing else seems to (for example) populate the pass through Sundermount. The elves aren't stupid enough to go through the tunnel without cause and a lot of muscle (and there were only a small number of elves anyway, none of whom complained of spider losses). And those spiders are huge -- nay, monstrous -- so their prey must be substantial and numerous. So what are they eating in there? Stalagtites (or stalagmites
)? There are a lot of corpses lying around -- people apparently don't bury their dead in the Kirkland area -- but nothing seems to be eating those...(2) Golems. Now, as we who played and loved DA:O know, golems were invented by a paragon of the dwarves in the distant (but not forgotten) past. Nevertheless, there seem to be golems galore in the primitive thaig plundered by Hawke, and that thaig seems to pre-date current dwarven culture by all indications. A lost art rediscovered centuries later? Or do golems just grow out of the rocks, complete with control rods? There sure seem to be a lot of them in the story. (They seem to be much stronger than in DA:O as well, which actually makes more sense. If I was a dwarf who was giving up my life to become a golem, I'd want to be significantly stronger when the process was done -- otherwise, why bother?)
(3) Golems redux. On at least a couple of occasions, golems in DA:A were seen fighting alongside undead. What strange and mysterious treaty caused dwarves to turn over control rods to the legions of shades? Hmmm....
(4) The fade is weaker here. There's something about the Kirkwall environs that causes the Fade to be pretty thin -- demons seem to pop up all over the place (not just near abominations), corpses and shades are clearly far more active than in Ferelden, and the likelihood of a mage becoming an abomination is easily 10 times that in Ferelden (witness the mage of the circle tower, some of them very young and weak, who did *not* succumb to being possessed, whereas in Kirkland, merely glaring at a mage in a threatening way seems to cause the transformation). Kirkland needs to recruit experts in the paranormal to investigate this.
(5) Fade travel. Extrapolation of (4) -- it's easier for creatures to enter and leave the Fade in Kirkland. This is clearly demonstrated by enemies mysteriously appear in front of Hawke in the middle of battle, or Saarabas instantaneously moving from one side of the battlefield to the other. Even your dog can travel that way. (It can't be just teleportation, since that mode of travel was clearly ruled out in DA:O, and I refuse to be cynical.)
(6) Gravity and friction are also clearly lower near Kirkwall -- enemies and allies alike routinely perform gymnastics or super-slides impossible to achieve in Ferelden. The lower gravity also explains why the Arishok's sword doesn't instantly gut Hawke like a carp when he's suspended (through the chest) over the Arishok's head (he sure is nice to let Hawke down eventually, though!), as well as why people explode when you backstab them (not enough gravity to hold them together, I reckon). There's also something going on with the moment of inertia of objects, which allows people to swing swords twice their size without spinning around like a discus thrower.
Tune in next week, when we next discuss the politics of Kirkwall, and how every resolution is a happy one, provided that there's really a blood mage at the back of all problems involving mages.
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