I agree with the OP wholeheartedly. I hated the romance options for DA:O.
Leliana seems sweet and romantic, and I enjoyed the romance at first … but the banter with other party members & revelations about her past seem to put the lie to much of what she says. She’s either a broken bird who isn’t right in the head … or she lies to everyone, maybe even herself, and is even more manipulative than Morrigan. Neither of these seem appealing to me in the long run. What kind of even remotely stable & strong guy would want to be around either of those two options Leliana wise?
OT wise, it makes sense that she would be more attracted to women … after all she used men, seducing them and then sometimes killing them. She could never afford to get emotionally attached to one. Sex with men would have just been part of that game. However, with her mentor and other women she was “safer” and could be more open, honest, and even caring. Physical intimacy would have been very different because of that.
Morrigan is just dumb and pig headed. I don’t mind strong women, in fact I like them! However Morrigan isn’t strong at all, she’s just stubborn about hiding her weaknesses and insecurities and pretending that this makes her some kind of survival of the fittest paragon. I find her willful blindness to be the most telling feature of her personality and again find it unlikely to appeal to most strong minded PCs.
The way she stubbornly disapproves of nearly every non-selfish action in the game is just silly. “Look Morrigan, I’m playing nice with this smith so that he’ll fix the armor for the militia here. We are going to need an army if we are a) going to pry the throne from Loghain’s bloody hands and

going to defeat the darkspawn just like we talked about at your mother’s hut. If we let everyone die we will achieve neither.” … Morrigan disapproves … “Fine I’ll slap you around in camp a bit later on to make you happy again.” Really that’s the way it felt to me. Talk about negative female stereotypes.
Further, a really big deal is made about how elves consider someone who shacks up romantically with a human to be somewhat traitorous since any resulting child would be human. My first playthrough was as a male elf … and I really wanted a romance option that took that into consideration. Having both romanceable women be human felt really distasteful in that first game and set a negative tone for me experience wise.
Reading here I see that I wasn’t the only one who wished that the Dale Elf Keeper / Apprentice be romanceable even if she wasn’t an in party NPC. It would have fixed at least one big hole in that story relationship wise.
Overall, elf thing aside, it would have been really really really nice if there had been at least one mostly sane girl NPC who was romanceable. To be clear I’m not saying that we needed a “nice” girl, but one who hadn’t been broken by their past, because ultimately both Morrigan and Leliana are exactly that, broken birds … just like Aerie was back in BGII. Where are the healthy women who stand up for themselves, like the Cousland mother in the noble origin? Imagine having a woman like that in your party … except younger and not your mom of course. I don’t need “innocent” or “nice” just someone who’s stable and unlikely to murder my PC in his sleep based on their past.