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return of Dragon Strange: Origins in DA2 style & Hunt For Awakened Golems


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#1
rayvioletta

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da2style.png

 

Due to BioWare changing forums the links within this thread to different parts no longer work. however you can read the parody at my new website rayvio.wordpress.com

 

Completed 15:36GMT 20/5/2011

Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7 - Part 8 - Part 9 - Part 10 - Part 11 - Part 12 - Part 13 - Part 14 - Part 15 - Part 16 - Part 17 - Part 18 - Part 19 - Part 20 - Part 21 - Part 22 - Part 23 - Part 24 - Part 25 - Part 26 - Part 27 - Part 28 - Part 29 - Part 30 - Part 31 - Part 32 - Part 33 - Part 34 - Part 35

awakened.png

Last Updated: 6:30GMT 11/03/2013 Part 42

11/3/13: It's BACK!

2/12/2012more apologies, I've been meaning to pick the project back up but have really struggled to have the right combination of time and energy while battling depression, financial struggles, computer problems and a giant frog monster that rides a unicorn and steals cheese

however there is an increasing possibility of Something Big happening which would necessitate my getting stuck in and writing more. currently I'm trying to restore my Origins addons following hard drive problems, hopefully I'll be able to either recover or replace the files so that I can continue screenshots without breaking continuity too badly... but if that's not possible then I'll have to take it as a challenge to create a story reason to explain the change


Part 36 - Part 37 - Part 38 - Part 39 - Part 40 - Part 41  - Part 42 -




Dragon StrangeOrigins in DA2 Style

This is Dragon Strange, an affectionate parody, rather than Dragon Rage a flamefest. I consider Origins to be one of the greatest games I've played and proof that games can in fact be art. DA2 was a disappointing follow-up but still a decent game, just suffering from a lot of flaws and lacking the depth of Origins. This parody is intended to highlight the flaws (and to be fair also highlights some flaws in Origins too) but also to entertain. I've enjoyed writing it, and to my constant amazement people keep assuring me that they enjoy reading it.

Now that "Origins in DA2 Style" is finished I am giving it another going over to fix any typos and improve the formatting, as well as to add a few more pictures. I have plans for a sequel/expansion too, currently titled Hunt For Awakened Golems (but that's still subject to change) which will likely be just as insane, if not more. Provided I don't get locked in a padded cell before getting a chance to write it anyway.

Click images for full size

There's quite a few mods used in the screenshots, most noticeably armour and weapons. I'd love to give credit and links to the mods but unfortunately I've lost track of what's from what. I am trying to work on a list to give credit but if you recognise any please help by reminding me. And thanks to all the great modders whether I used your mods or not

Also thanks to BioWare for so many great games and for letting me post this here, and to everyone who's read it and especially those who commented on it, even those critical of it especially if the criticism was constructive and/or funny

Part 1

Pick your class: Male Human Noble Warrior, Male Human Mage, Male Human Noble Rogue, Female Human Noble Warrior, Female Human Mage or Female Human Noble Rogue

Game opens during the Battle of Ostagar. Helmeted Warden in gender and class appropriate armour is fighting alongside Alistair fighting wave after wave of Darkspawn as they approach the Tower of Ishal

neckr.jpg

Alistair: We have to reach the tower!
Warden: Yes, we must light the beacon so that the armies will know when to charge.
The two fight through a few dozen repetitive waves and enter the tower.
Alistair: We are Grey Wardens and it is our responsibility to fight Darkspawn! 
Warden: Indeed.

The two fight through a few dozen more repetitive waves and get to the next floor which has the exact same layout as the ground floor.

Alistair: I hope Loghain charges when we light the beacon!
Warden: Should we put some more story in here?
Alistair: No, we need more generic repetitive combat against easily killed exploding enemies to hook the gamers attention, story will only bore and confuse them!

storyx.jpg

The two fight through a dozen more repetitive waves and get to the next floor which has the exact same layout as the previous floors.

cylon.jpg

The first wave includes an Ogre but oddly waves continue to spawn even after the boss dies in the first wave. Once the final wave is dead there's an animation of the Ogre dying (despite having done so some time ago) and then more Darkspawn run in.

Alistair: I thought we'd already killed all five billion waves!
Warden: Shush, this is a cut scene. Oh, I have been shot.

Varric: ...and then the Kings army were betrayed and instead of an epic cutscene showing all this I'll just tell you because we wouldn't want you getting too excited. Also because we spent all of our budget on... actually I don't rightly know where it all went. Wasn't the graphics if the background guys are anything to go by, certainly wasn't the maps...

kingjq.jpg

If the Warden is a mage you get a brief cutscene of Wynne dying in the Battle of Ostagar. The player won't know who she is and won't care. If player is a warrior or rogue you see a brief cutscene of Oghren drunkenly stumbling off a bridge and into lava. The player won't know who he is and won't care.

Warden is unconscious on a bed, bandages around their head. Warden wakes up and begins to remove bandages.

CHARACTER CUSTOMISATION pops up

charcreate.jpg
Varric: Actually now that I think about it, that implementation makes a lot more sense than DA2's did...

Morrigan: Oh good, you're awake.
Warden: Morrigan, the apostate wilder I met during a non-playable portion of the game! It is great to see you again.
Morrigan rivalry +10

morriganh.jpg
Morrigan's robe is morrigan sacred ashes trailer robes by Raughnut

Morrigan: Mother and I have tended your wounds, your friend is outside crying.
Warden: Thank you.
Morrigan rivalry +10.
Alistair: It's you! I thought for sure you were dead! Loghain betrayed us and now...
Flemeth: Hold your tongue, that sounds dangerously like plot!
Morrigan rivalry +10
Warden: What? But she's not even here! And why would she care?
Alistair: Wait, wasn't that a flaw in Origins? Are we allowed to mock that when we're supposed to be parodying the sequel?
Morrigan rivalry +10
Flemeth: Take these treaties and go recruit the Elves, Dwarves and Mages to form an army. I'd explain in more detail but we've been almost five whole minutes without any combat.
Alistair: We should see Arl Eamon too...
Flemeth: Six whole minutes. And take Morrigan with you.
Warden (selecting "no"): We will not do so.
Flemeth: She will go with you anyway.
Warden: Ok then.

Warden, Alistair and Morrigan are on a path. we hope you enjoy this path because every other path in the game looks just like it. A dozen generic waves of Darkspawn attack and a Dog runs in
Warden: I saved a dog just like this back at Ostagar during a non-playable section of the game! It must be the same dog!
Alistair: What is his name?
ENTER DOGS NAME:
Warden: He is a dog and we will pretend I just told you his name even though none of us will ever mention it
A few dozen more generic waves of Darkspawn attack.

Morrigan: This is Lothering.
Alistair: We should go to Redcliffe and see Arl Eamon. He is a good man.
Warden: I think we should go to Orzammar first instead.
Alistair: We should go to Redcliffe.
Warden: Ok.
Elf: We have been robbed, please help us!
Warden: Can't be bothered.
Alistair rivalry +10
Morrigan friendship +10
Elf: Well I'll just write it in your journal anyway in case you change your mind.
Warden: muttermuttermutter
Alistair: Oh look, a Chantry board for quests!
Warden: I didn't buy the DLC so it's blank.

chanter.jpg

Morrigan rivalry +10
Alistair rivalry +10


Part 2


Modifié par rayvioletta, 01 mai 2014 - 02:05 .


#2
TeamVR

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i don't know whether to applaud or cry..

#3
Recon Member

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Congratz, sir/ma'am. I had a good laugh reading this :)

EDIT: Really hope you do part 2 'cause this was sooo AWESOME:D:D

Modifié par Thekill_3, 04 avril 2011 - 12:50 .


#4
Vast_Girth

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very good

#5
aDaigo

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Bioware should hire you, good sir.

#6
1000questions

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thats funny and interesting ! Please continue...

it is as someone said "AWESOME" :P

#7
Purple People Eater

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Thats the most effort ive seen put into trolling in a while. Ill give you that.

#8
DOUGEYEMASTER

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:) PMSL and a good post as it highlights the flaws in both games :) but mostly da2 obviously lol you know sometimes i get home from work and dont have the energy to hit combat hotkeys all night. long dialogues are good for times like that lol

#9
Jademoon121

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WIN

#10
rayvioletta

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Part 2

Warden: Ok I bought and installed the DLC. Let's check the Chanters board!

Quest: Kill pigeons in Lothering, That Road That Looks The Same As The Other Roads, Lothering (night) and Another Road That Looks The Same As The Other Roads.

Warden: Odd, wasn't it supposed to give an extra companion?
Alistair: Not until later in the game.

Several waves of pigeons attack. Villagers and refugees completely ignore the battle.

Warden: I'm thirsty, let's go to the Lother Inn for drinks and wenches.
Morrigan rivalry +10
Generic Looking Bad Guy: We will attack you now!

Posted Image

Leliana: Wait, stop that! This is Lother Inn, there's no Fight Inn allowed inn here!
Morrigan rivalry +10
Warden: Ok stop that!
Morrigan rivalry +10
Warden: Isn't that maxed out yet? Let's hurry this up and get it maxed so it stops spamming.

Warden slaps Morrigan.
Morrigan friendship +25

Warden: Now I'm scared
Bad Guy: Too long without combat!

He attacks and several more waves appear out of thin air. Amusingly one soldier appears to be climbing out of the bartenders ear. The leader, who died in the first wave, gets to his feet

Bad Guy: We surrender!
Leliana: Let them go
Warden: No!
Leliana rivalry +10
Leliana: Let them go
Warden: Ok
Leliana friendship +5

Posted Image

Leliana: You are the Warden. I will come with you
Warden: No you won't
Leliana rivalry +10
Leliana appears as a selectable companion despite being turned down

Warden, Alistair, Morrigan and Dog find a Qunari in a cage.
Alistair: That doesn't look like a canary.
Sten rivalry +10
Warden: Who are you?
Sten: I am the Sten.
Warden: Why are you in a cage?

Posted Image

Sten: No.
Warden: ...what? That doesn't even make sense.
Morrigan: There's a note on the cage but you can't read it even though your journal has a section for notes, so I'll read it for you.
Warden: That's uncharacteristically helpful of you
Morrigan: Well I doubt Alistair can read
Alistair: Hey! I'll have you know that I'm almost half a page through Learning To Read With Graham Grey Hat The Grey Warden!
Morrigan: The note says that he was locked up for killing a lot of people.
Sten: Yes.
Warden: Well let's leave him here then, don't want a murderer with us. Wait, why has a quest just popped up in my journal to get him released when I just said I didn't want to?
Alistair: Don't worry about that, just push a button.
Warden: That was awesome.
Morrigan rivalry +10

The Warden and company enter the Chantry
Warden: We want you to let the Qunari go so he can help us. Wait, didn't that dialogue option say "We would like your help" I just wanted some supplies not my own pet murderer!

Posted Image

Grand Cleric: No, we will not let him go.
Warden: Oh good. We'll be off then.
Grand Cleric: Oh alright, here is the key.
Warden: muttermuttermutter
Alistair: Push the button again
Warden: Shut up
Alistair rivalry +10

Warden & Friends & Rivals return to Stens cage.
Warden: You are free to go pleasedon'tkillmekillalistairinstead
Alistair rivalry +10
Morrigan friendship +50
Sten: I will follow you and help you and say "no" a lot
Alistair: Can you cook?

Posted Image

Sten: No
Alistair: Can you sing?
Sten: No
Alistair: Can you talk?
Sten: No... I mean yes
Alistair: Ha! Got you!
Morrigan: Even when you finally manage to outsmart someone you only prove your own stupidity
Alistair: How so?
Morrigan: Well tell me this Alice, just how smart is it to upset an angry giant with a record of killing people?

Warden & followers attempt to leave Lothering.
Warden: Wait, don't we still have a quest here?
Alistair: Yes but it's at night so we have to leave, switch to night and then come back.
Warden: Ok then.

Waves of generic Darkspawn attack.

Bodhan
: Oh thank you for saving me and my son, we will live in your mansion and...
Warden: I think you're confusing me with somebody else

Posted Image

Bodhan: You don't have a mansion? Drat, that's always a good way to get a free place to sleep. Don't ask me why it works but it does. Where are you staying then?
Alistair: We'll be setting up a camp.
Bodhan: Ah well, better than nothing I suppose. Mind if me and my boy tag along?
Warden: I doubt you'll want to travel with Grey Wardens!
Bodhan: That does sound dangerous so I shall say that I won't but we'll meet you there anyway.
Alistair: So even Origins did have a Thou Shalt Not!
Morrigan rivalry +10 just because she hasn't for a while

Part 3

Modifié par rayvioletta, 02 mai 2011 - 01:17 .


#11
A Crusty Knight Of Colour

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Laidlaw may be replaced at this rate.

I salute you good sir or madam. =]

#12
AkiKishi

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Priceless.

#13
Caja

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This is great. Right now I enjoy it even more than the novel I'm reading Posted Image

Modifié par Caja, 04 avril 2011 - 05:13 .


#14
aDaigo

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rayvioletta wrote...

Grand Cleric: No, we will not let him go.
Warden: Oh good. We'll be off then.
Grand Cleric: Oh alright, here is the key.
Warden: muttermuttermutter
Alistair: Push the button again
Warden: Shut up
Alistair rivalry +10



Best part.

#15
Killer3000ad

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Great work man.

#16
Recon Member

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rayvioletta wrote...

Morrigan rivalry +10
Warden: Isn't that maxed out yet? Let's hurry this up and get it maxed so it stops spamming.
Warden slaps Morrigan.
Morrigan friendship +25
Warden: Now I'm scared

Alistair: Don't worry about that, just push a button.
Warden: That was awesome.
Morrigan rivalry +10

Alistair: Push the button again
Warden: Shut up
Alistair rivalry +10

Warden & Friends & Rivals return to Stens cage.
Warden: You are free to go pleasedon'tkillmekillalistairinstead
Alistair rivalry +10
Morrigan friendship +50
Sten: I will follow you and help you and say "no" a lot.

Morrigan rivalry +10. just because she hasn't for a while


These were my favourites. This thread is full of WIN. I just can't stop laughing. Congratz OP, you just became king/queen of this forum

#17
DTKT

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Sad.

That made me really sad because its close to the truth. :(

#18
Marko GW

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aDaigo wrote...

rayvioletta wrote...

Grand Cleric: No, we will not let him go.
Warden: Oh good. We'll be off then.
Grand Cleric: Oh alright, here is the key.
Warden: muttermuttermutter
Alistair: Push the button again
Warden: Shut up
Alistair rivalry +10



Best part.


It does give a bit of a Monty Python vibe, doesn't it?

Great work my friend! ;)

#19
delikanli

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NEED MOREEEE!!!!!!

#20
Chewin

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Posted Image

#21
Kandid001

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Best thread ever. 5 stars, would read again.

#22
aftohsix

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OMG you are so witty and funny!! LOL LOL post pictures of Cats pLZ!

#23
ximena

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rayvioletta wrote...


Morrigan rivalry +10
Warden: Isn't that maxed out yet? Let's hurry this up and get it maxed so it stops spamming.
Warden slaps Morrigan.
Morrigan friendship +25
Warden: Now I'm scared

(Plus all the other times the Warden says his choice but gets ignored anyhow)


Hahaha. This is golden. XD Thank you for a good laugh.

Modifié par ximena, 04 avril 2011 - 03:16 .


#24
Recon Member

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Chewin3 wrote...

Posted Image


LOL, that pic tells it all

#25
ItsToofy

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I approve +100