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[Louis deGuerre]

rayvioletta wrote...

Bandit: We were just hired to kill the pretty redhead!
Oghren: Me?

[JediHawke]

[quote]rayvioletta wrote...

part 12

Warden and company return to Redcliffe with the mages
Alistair: You could say that our group has had a...
Alistair puts on sunglasses
Alistair: Mage-r upgrade! YEAAA... ow! You hit me!

Leliana: Alice has a girlfriend!
Alistair: My name is not Alice!
Oghren: Alice isn't a girl? Damn it, I'm leaving again then
Alistair: I do wish he'd stop doing that
WIN MOAR CSI PLZ  

[rayvioletta]

Part 13

Alistair: Can we make it part 12A? I'm superstitious
Warden: No
Leliana: This is the address. It is time to confront Marjoline
Oghren: When you say confront...
Leliana: I will kill her
Oghren: No chance of angry make up sex?
Leliana: None
Oghren: I'll be at the inn
Warden: If I ever die, remind me to just pretend it never happened
Alistair: You can just reload the last saved game anyway
Guard: Stop loitering in that doorway!
Warden: Guard do you mind turning around while my friend here picks the lock
Guard: Why? I'll just ignore it anyway
Warden: Oh. Ok then
Warden and party enter Marjoline's house and find some Qunari mercenaries
Qunari: We are actually Tal'Vashoth but incorrectly labelled as Qunari
Sorry. Warden and parry enter Marjoline's house and find some Tal'Vashoth mercenaries
Tal'Vashoth: Better
Warden and party kill the Tal'Vashoth
Marjoline: Ah Leliana! So good to see you again!
Leliana: You sent assassins to kill me!
Marjoline: I just came from Antiva, I thought I'd send you the traditional Antivan greeting
Warden: We don't believe you



Leliana: You are so transparent!
Marjoline: You mean my top? It's the latest in fashion... where on Thedas did that dwarf suddenly come from?
Oghren: Niiiiiice
Leliana: You will not hurt me or my friends again... Oghren get out of the way! I'm trying to stab her
Oghren: Spoilsport. I'm going back to the inn then. Shout if you run into any more scantily clad women
Marjoline: Such strange company you keep my little Leliana
Leliana: I could almost forgive your betrayal, your framing me for treason and murder. But I will never ever forgive you for NOT CALLING ME THE MORNING AFTER!
Leliana decapitates Marjoline while everyone else stares in shock. The severed head flies towards the Warden who instinctively catches it.
Alistair: I guess your efforts paid off, she finally...
Alistair puts on his sunglasses
Alistair: Gave you head. YEEEAAAAAAH
Morrigan: Where *did* you get those glasses anyway?
Warden takes a couple of steps backwards and looks around uneasily
Warden: Well... I think we should be off then
Leliana: I would like to talk to you at camp
Warden: Right. Right. Absolutely

The party return to Denerim marketplace
Guard: Hmm, bloody footprints leading out of the house, a suspicious looking group of people completely drenched in blood walking out... either somebody's done a murder in there or you spilt ketchup
Warden: Brave enough to find out?
Guard: Um... well, those ketchup bottles are a pain to open sometimes aren't they? I can sympathise. From far away. Be on your way
Alistair: Hey look, a cake stall!
Merchant: We got all kinds of cakes here! Carrot cake, chocolate cake, fruitcake, cheesecake...
Warden: I'll take this one
Merchant: A good choice, good choice indeed. That'll be one sovereign
Alistair: The cake is...
Warden: Shut up
Alistair: Oh hey look, that's my sisters house! Can we go say hello?
Warden: Fine
Goldanna: If you're here for laundry I charge extra for removing bloodstains
Alistair: Hello. I'm your brother
Goldanna: You what?
Alistair: I don't know if you know this but your mother... our mother, worked for King Marric and...
Goldanna: I knew it! You're the baby! They said you was dead!
Alistair: I'm not a baby! Well, I suppose I was once but I'm not now
Morrigan: Debatable
Goldanna: You rich then?
Alistair: What? No. I'm...
Goldanna: ****** off then. Come back if you get rich.
Warden: I think she only wants your money
Alistair: You may be right
Leliana: Want me to decapitate her?
Alistair: No! Well maybe... no!
Warden: Hey look at this, "grey wardens come to the pearl to meet us. we promise this is not a trap". I think that might be a trap
Alistair: What should we do?
Warden: Ignore it I suppose. What's the Pearl anyway?
Leliana: It's a brothel
Warden: We should go and investigate this trap
Leliana rivalry +10
Warden: Please don't kill me
Alistair: Look there's Brother Genitivi's house. Perhaps we should call in there first?
Warden: Ok. If we're going to reward ourselves at the brothel then I suppose we should 'urn' our reward first
Alistair: Ooh that was a good one, want to borrow my sunglasses and say it again?

In Genitivi's house
'Weylon': Who are you?
Warden: Are you Genitivi?
'Weylon': Yes. I mean no. I mean... hang on a second
'Weylon' pulls a note out of his pocket, reads it and puts it back
'Weylon': I am Weylon, Genitivi's assistant.
Warden: Where's Genitivi?
'Weylon': He went to... hold on
He checks the note again
'Weylon': Lake Cal... ca I can't read this. You read it
Warden: It says "pretend to be Genitivi's assistant Weylon and send anyone looking for him to an ambush at Lake Calenhad. Do not tell them about Haven"
'Weylon': Thanks. He's at Lake Calenhad
Warden: I think you're lying



'Weylon': I'm not! I swear on the corpse of the real Weylon that I am not an impostor!
Warden: You're not very good at this are you?
'Weylon': I knew I should've joined the Discworld dragon cult instead. All they had to do was give a gold item and chant "dragon dragon dragon" a lot
Warden: The game or the books?
'Weylon': Game. Book was a bit more complicated and involved being burnt to a crisp.
Warden: Well that's going to happen here too. Morrigan, if you'd please
Morrigan casts fireball
Alistair roasts marshmallows
Warden: Guess we'll be going to Haven then. Let's head to camp first.

At camp...
Leliana: I hate you
Warden: Please don't kill me
Leliana: But since you got maximum rivalry and flirted with me that means I also inexplicably love you and will use only slightly different dialogue to what I would say if you maxed my friendship
Warden: Please don't kill me
Leliana: I won't kill you
Warden: Oh good
Leliana: So long as you never leave me, betray me, call me fat, sleep with anyone else unless I'm there to join in...
Oghren: Can I watch?
Leliana: Mention any of what we do to the dwarf or complain about me harvesting your eyelashes



Warden: I... love you?
Leliana: Good boy
Leliana kisses him

Sten: Where is the cake? I was told you had cake.
Warden: Here you go, a lime cheesecake
Sten: The cake is a lime!
Alistair: It's about time!

Warden: Ok we forgot a few things in Denerim so we're just going to go back and meet you at Haven
Leliana: You're planning to sneak to the Pearl
Warden: Please don't kill me
Leliana: I want to go too!
Oghren: And me!
Warden and Leliana: No!

The Pearl
Isabela: Well hello there. Fancy a 'duelling' lesson? (winks)
Leliana: Only if I can come too
Alistair: Wait, isn't she the one Jowan got those STDs from that poisoned Eamon?



Isabela: Jowan, which one was he? Was he the one who complained that it burnt afterwards? Or the one who said it had spots? Or the one who said it turned into a chicken and flew away? Ooh was he the one who...
Warden: Suddenly not interested
Leliana: Me neither
Isabela: Damn it. I have got to find some kind of miracle cure or I'll never keep my reputation of being easier than Dragon Age 2 on casual difficulty
Warden: Miracle cure! That's it! The Ashes of Andraste!
Leliana: Yes! They can cure anything!
Warden: We'll be back!
Isabela: What an odd couple
Oghren: Hey, I don't mind a few diseases, I'm already dead.
Isabela: Dead? Wait, no I'm not that picky, maybe I should've been in Fahrenheit (aka Indigo Prophecy). Come along to my ship then

Part 14

Modifié par rayvioletta, 09 mai 2011 - 04:48 .

[Chewin]

bump

Wait, why am I bumping this thread when the OP does it sooner or later. Silly me

[Sir Edric]

^Good point

[JediHawke]

Leliana decapitates Marjoline while everyone else stares in shock. The severed head flies towards the Warden who instinctively catches it.
Alistair: I guess your efforts payed off, she finally...
Alistair puts on his sunglasses
Alistair: Gave you head. YEEEAAAAAAH
Morrigan: Where *did* you get those glasses anyway?
<3<3<3<3

[cr8gg]

rayvioletta wrote...


Sten: Where is the cake? I was told you had cake.
Warden: Here you go, a lime cheesecake
Sten: The cake is a lime!
Alistair: It's about time!

Love it   Awesome topic

[Louis deGuerre]

The last part had so many good bits I cannot pick a best bit

[MakeSense]

Saving all the parts on my HD!
Hope it doesn't end in a cliffhanger - DA II style...

[A Crusty Knight Of Colour]

May this thread never end. Ever.

Part 13 is freaking funny. Probably funniest so far.

Modifié par mrcrusty, 10 avril 2011 - 08:35 .

[rayvioletta]

Part 14

Back at camp again



Alistair: I've been meaning to talk to you about what happened at Redcliffe
Warden: I think it went pretty well, don't you?
Alistair: Yes
Warden: We done then?
Alistair: Yep
Warden: Ok then. According to this map Honnleath is on the way to Haven. We can call in there and hand in the pigeon quest
Wynne: I made you all a nice picnic lunch to take with you. Extra cheese for Alistair
Warden: And for the script too probably
Leliana: You already made that joke my love who I also hate
Warden: True but we've reused a lot of jokes. Think of it as a way of parodying the reuse of the same dungeons
Alistair: Ok, Honnleath, Haven, back to Redcliffe and then to Orzammar
Warden: Oh yes, now I've got the nug now we can go to Orzammar
Alistair: Well we can't go meet the Dalish yet, they're still entangled in a lawsuit with Avatar over possible copyright infringement
Zevran: What about me?
Alistair: Plot hole
Warden: Oh come on, that's just being lazy
Wynne: Leave the poor boy alone
Warden: We could leave him alone with you
Alistair: No please don't, I'll be good. I promise
Warden: Ok, Alice, Morrigan and sexy redhead...
Oghren: Me?
Warden: Hell no. Go back to being dead



Sten: Me?
Warden: Where on Thedas did you get that wig? And no, not you
Sten rivalry +10
Leliana: Perhaps you should call me by name?
Warden: Or we could make up soppy pet names for each other
Leliana: You can be Schmoooples
Warden: Isn't that your nugs name?
Leliana: No he's Schmooples. You're Schmoooples
Warden: Second thoughts let's stick to real names
Leliana: Because Qwerty is just so much better?

The party arrive at Honnleath
Alistair: I sense Darkspawn
Warden: Oh yes, about that. How come I can only sense them after investing points in survival and that makes me sense anything, not just Darkspawn?
Alistair: Oh look, a pretty flower
Warden: Actually it is rather pretty. Here you go Leliana
Leliana: This was the flower my mother used to wear! Oh I love you so much even though I hate you!
Warden: No friendship points?
Leliana: You reached max rivalry so nothing you do can change it
Warden: I could practically worship you and you'd still hate me just as much?
Leliana: Yes



Warden: I could treat you like, well like Alistair, and you'd still love me?
Leliana: Yes. But if you're treating Alistair like you treat me then we shall have words. Or threesomes
Alistair: I'm game!
Warden: Well in that case, make me a sandwich b***h
Leliana: Wynne already made us lunch
Warden: I know but...
Leliana: And Morrigan is the b***h. remember, the whole Doggigan thing?
Morrigan: I'm not a dog now
Alistair: I was raised by dogs you know. Or is it too late for that joke now?
Warden: Look it's just a stupid internet joke, you know...
Leliana: If you're really hungry we could always eat the sandwiches after we kill these Darkspawn
Warden: Just forget I said it
Darkspawn: Attack!
Alistair: You can't talk until the expansion
Darkspawn: You mean it's not the expansion yet? But DA2 wasn't this long, you should be done by now!
Warden: Well we're not, we're having too much fun
Darkspawn: Yeah well see if you enjoy this!

Several waves of Darkspawn later

Warden: Well it was kind of fun I guess
Alistair: True, the actual combat of DA2 style isn't too bad
Leliana: A little fast though. I prefer my physical activity to last a while
Morrigan: 'Tis odd how the always explode like that though
Leliana: Rather messy too
Warden: Ok this statue looks like the quest handin
Shale: My name is Sebastian Hale. Or S.Hale for short
Warden: Don't we need to solve a puzzle or something in this DLC?
Shale: No, DA2 didn't even have the usual easy but skippable puzzle
Warden: Oh come on, just one little puzzle?
Shale: Ok fine. My control rod is broken, fix it and I can follow you. Here's the broken rod, a stick and a working rod with bits missing. Use the stick to move parts from the broken rod onto the replacement and...



Alistair: How did I know it would be that puzzle?
Warden: Right, I can solve this... there we go
Shale: Ah free at last. And you killed the pigeons too. Wait, sorry. It killed the pigeons
Warden: I'm not a killer clown
Shale: And yet it has pink hair, a green beard and is covered in blood
Warden: Fair point I suppose
Shale: So, shall I be accompanying it?
Warden: Morrigan, party's full and the default Dog is useless...
Morrigan rivalry +10
Morrigan transforms to Doggigan again
Warden: How long until that's maxed?
Doggigan: Has been since Lothering. I just like saying it

Warden and party arrive at Haven
Guard: Welcome to Haven, enjoy your stay and by that I mean go away
Warden: Hey, that rhymes
Guard: What rhymes with ****** off?
Alistair: Hiss off? Miss Moth?
Guard: It was a rhetorical question
Alistair: It was a rhetorical answer
Guard: Know what, just stop talking to me. Finish your business and get out



Doggigan: Sorry, it's just I get a buff from doing my business
Guard: I'd rather you didn't do it on my leg next time
Warden: Let's look around...
Leliana: Let's go shopping!
Warden: Fine, we'll see if they have any supplies
Leliana: And shoes
Alistair: And miniature golem dolls
Shale: Oh it likes little golems does it? Perhaps it would like to be squished into a miniature human doll?
Doggigan: I like this golem
Shale: Tell me, can you turn into a pigeon?
Doggigan: Um... no?
Shale: Good

Storekeeper: We don't get many strangers here. Yet we still have a shop even though NPCs never use them. What do you want?
Leliana: Do you have shoes?
Storekeeper: Sold out I'm afraid
Leliana: Maybe you have more in the back?
Storekeeper: No! You can't go back there! DIE!
One quick fight later
Warden: Great, couldn't we have done that before I paid him for these goods? And why can't I loot the money back? Did he deposit it in some kind of invisible piggy bank?



Leliana: Hey these aren't shoes back here, these are dead Redcliffe Knights! I can't wear them on my feet!
Alistair: The plot thickens!
Doggigan: It's not the only thing that's thick...
Warden: Well there's only one thing to do
Leliana: Give them a proper burial and pray for their souls?
Warden: Take all their stuff
They loot the bodies and leave the store
Guard: This is why we don't like strangers!
Warden: Because they find your poorly hidden and smelly corpses?
Guard: Well, yeah. We'd have buried them but the graveyard's reserved for jokes
Doggigan: I think most of Alistair's jokes should be dead and buried
Alistair: That would be a... did you steal my sunglasses?
Doggigan: Yes
Alistair (sulkily): a grave mistake. yeeeah. No, it's just not the same
Guard: Attack!
Combat ensues
Warden: Let's head to the Chantry
Leliana: Yes, we should pray for their souls
Warden: I was thinking we should just kill everyone in there
Leliana: That works too
Alistair: I guess she really is Princess Stabbitty after all

Part 15

Modifié par rayvioletta, 09 mai 2011 - 05:43 .

[Louis deGuerre]

rayvioletta wrote...

Warden: I'm not a killer clown
Shale: And yet it has pink hair, a turqoise beard and is covered in blood

You're a genius

[A Crusty Knight Of Colour]

rayvioletta wrote...

Guard: Well, yeah. We'd have buried them but the graveyard's reserved for jokes
Morrigan: I think most of Alistair's jokes should be dead and buried
Alistair: That would be a... did you steal my sunglasses?
Morrigan: Yes
Alistair (sulkily): a grave mistake. yeeeah. No, it's just not the same

Winning.

[rayvioletta]

Louis deGuerre wrote...

rayvioletta wrote...

Warden: I'm not a killer clown
Shale: And yet it has pink hair, a turqoise beard and is covered in blood

You're a genius

that actually came about completely by accident. about a minute after writing the line it suddenly hit me "wait a minute, he actually does look kind of like a clown..." so I went back and fixed that

[Tirigon]

rayvioletta wrote...

Weylon: I knew I should've joined the Discworld dragon cult instead. All they had to do was give a gold item and chant "dragon dragon dragon" a lot
Warden: The game or the books?
Weylon: Game. Book was a bit more complicated and involved being burnt to a crisp.
Warden: Well that;s going to happen here too. Morrigan, if you'd please

Sneaky Pratchett reference is sneaky<_<

[rayvioletta]

Tirigon wrote...

Sneaky Pratchett reference is sneaky<_<

I had to do that  first time I went in there and saw the dragon cult book I had the "dragon" chant from the first (PC) Discworld game spring into my mind

[Tirigon]

rayvioletta wrote...

Tirigon wrote...

Sneaky Pratchett reference is sneaky<_<

I had to do that  first time I went in there and saw the dragon cult book I had the "dragon" chant from the first (PC) Discworld game spring into my mind

Eh, wait, there are Discworld PC games?

Link please:)

I need that, Discworld is my favourite novel series ever<3

[DraCZeQQ]

rayvioletta wrote...

Warden: Where on Thedas did you get that wig? And no, not you
Sten rivalry +10

Akachi Goddess Store :innocent: anyone?

rayvioletta wrote...
Alistair: That would be a... did you steal my sunglasses?
Morrigan: Yes
Alistair (sulkily): a grave mistake. yeeeah. No, it's just not the same

LMAO 

[rayvioletta]

Tirigon wrote...



Eh, wait, there are Discworld PC games?



Link
please[smilie]../../../images/forum/emoticons/smile.png[/smilie]

Discworld
Discworld 2: Missing Presumed (Mortality Btyes in US)
Discworld Noir
and Colour of Magic for the Amstrad CPC, Commodore 64 and ZX Spectrum

Modifié par rayvioletta, 10 avril 2011 - 01:44 .

[Radwar]

This thread is incredibly funny, good work.

[dheer]

rayvioletta wrote...
Sten: Where is the cake? I was told you had cake.
Warden: Here you go, a lime cheesecake
Sten: The cake is a lime!
Alistair: It's about time!

Caught me offguard. I just snorted when I laughed and got a wierd look.

[Sabriana]

Almost everything rayvioletta writes catches me off-guard, and I've been reading it since the thread started. My cat just threatened to move out if I keep it up with the unexpected outbursts of hysterical laughter.

[Veritas]

You Sir/Ma'am are a genius... a very, very scarey genius, but a genius none-the-less. You had me at the "Willow Rosenburg" reference and I have not stopped laughing since. Kudos and long live Aerie/Imoen/Leliana adorableness.
Morrigan rivalry +10
I too was Commander Shepard and this is my favorite forum on the Citadel.

[ThePrince_of insufficient light]

Well done

[Aurelet]

rayvioletta wrote...

Several waves of Darkspawn later

Guard: Well, yeah. We'd have buried them but the graveyard's reserved for jokes
Morrigan: I think most of Alistair's jokes should be dead and buried
Alistair: That would be a... did you steal my sunglasses?
Morrigan: Yes
Alistair (sulkily): a grave mistake. yeeeah. No, it's just not the same
to be continued...

Give Ali back his sunglasses, please. I'll miss all of the CSI references if you don't.