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[element eater]

haha
this realy is a great thread, thanks rayvioletta for taking the time to come up with these posts

[Tyreska]

This is absolutely amazing.

[rayvioletta]

Part 15

Warden and party enter the Haven Chantry
Eirik: And then Andraste said unto the Maker...
Alistair: Mummy!



Eirik: No, she said "I want to be a dragon" selecting the sarcastic dialogue option. The Maker in his infinite wisdom...
Alistair: He looks just like Eamon!
Warden: I think it's the beard
Leliana: They're blaspheming! Andraste never asked to be a dragon, she picked all the nice dialogue options. Well, and the flirty ones of course
Eirik: Blasphemer!
Warden: I think there's only one way to settle this
Eirik: With a religious debate quoting our favoured holy texts?
Warden: I was thinking more along the lines of killing you all since you're an insane murder cult
Eirik: Fair enough, but can you let me finish this verse? We usually do the ritual sacrifices on the hour
Warden: Well this is the hour of your demise!
Leliana: Time to meet your Maker!
Doggigan: We're going to clean your clock!
Shale: It does like the silly jokes doesn't it?
Alistair: Can I have my sunglasses back please?

Some combat later...
Leliana: That fight took a while
Warden: Yes it did drag-on a bit
Shale: It is planning on finding more meatbags... I mean fleshy creatures to kill yes?
Warden: They always find us
Shale: How convenient!



Warden: Hey look, this wall is a secret door!
Leliana: I wonder what's behind it?
Doggigan: Treasure?
Warden: Naked ladies?
Alistair: Cheese?
Shale: Augmentation crystals?
Warden: What?
Shale: If you find any shiny rocks you can stick them on me to make me look pretty and have better stats
Leliana: Oh you must be a girl golem!
Shale: What? Of course I'm not! Next thing you'll be mistaking me for a Dwarf!
Alistair: Hah, girl Dwarves? As if there's any of those
Warden: Well there's nothing here except for an old man with a broken leg



Shale: Can we squish him?
Genitivi: Please don't!
Warden: Brother Genitivi?
Genitivi: Yes? Are you another cultist?
Warden: Do I look like a cultist?
Genitivi: You look like a mad man covered in blood. So yes
Alistair: We're here to rescue you. And to find the Urn of Sacred Ashes
Warden: Did you find them?
Genitivi: Ashctually I did. They're nearby in a temple, but it has a complex locking mechanism that you'll need my help to open
Warden: Alistair can carry you
Alistair: Why can't the golem do it?
Shale: If it calls me 'golem' again I shall tear its arms off
Warden: That's why. You can't tear arms off
Doggigan: That's right, Alice is completely 'armless
Shale: It certainly will be if it isn't careful

Haven Temple
Genitivi: Ok so this is a very complex lock. You see these three spindles? I need to move all these discs across from this one...



Genitivi: And there we go. I'm going to wait just inside the entrance so I can
make notes on all the death traps you run into
Warden: Alistair, you go in front
Cultist: Attack!
Alistair: Can I please have my glasses back now?
Doggigan: No
Cultist: Attack!
Alistair: Pretty please?
Doggigan: Oh alright. I've been chewing them though
Alistair: Eww, witch slobber
Leliana: My money says they end up in bed together before the game ends
Warden: Think they'll do it doggy style?
Shale: If it has quite finished making me sick can we please find more squishy cultists to squish?
They pass through a cave and fight some baby dragons
Kolgrim: You will not defile this temple!
Alistair: Oh look, another loony
Kolgrim: We are Andraste's chosen! Her faithful servants! You have defiled her Temple! You have killed her children!
Leliana: You mean the dragons? Andraste is not a dragon! This is madness!



Kolgrim: No.... THIS.... IS.... HAVEN...
He attempts to kick Shale, being the nearest party member, down a well
Kolgrim: My foot! My poor bloody foot!
Alistair: Now he's...
Alistair puts on the chewed sunglasses
Alistair: Hopping mad! YEEEEEAAAAAAH
Doggigan: You have drool on your face
Alistair: Totally worth it
Warden chops off Kolgrims good leg
Alistair: Now he hasn't got... (sunglasses) a leg to stand on! YEEEAAAAH!
Kolgrim: 'tis only a flesh wound!
Shale kicks him in the face. Kolgrim falls down the well
Alistair: All's well that ends... (sunglasses) well. YEEEEAAAAAH!
Leliana: We don't get fooled again... sorry, I got caught up in the mood
Alistair: Ooh look, he was carrying a horn. We could start up a band, you sing and I play the horn
Alistair blows the horn. A very, very loud roar responds
Alistair: Oops
Warden: Oh well done. We were going to try a stealthy approach but you blew it
Alistair offers the sunglasses, Warden slaps them away
Leliana: Look at the size of that thing!
Doggigan: Bet you wish she said that to you
Warden: Busy not being eaten by a dragon, I'll insult you later!
Shale: Dragons, they fly yes?
Warden: What? Of course they bloody do!
Shale: And they eat, yes?
Alistair: It wants to eat us!
Shale: So they also... excrete?
Warden: I suppose so
Shale: There's a lot of statues around here...
Warden: I bet it isn't careful to avoid them!

Shale lets out a huge roar and leaps onto the dragon. The dragon tries to shake the golem off but Shale is too strong. After much wrestling Shale manages to snap the dragons neck and throws the lifeless monster into the cliff wall.
Alistair: I'm glad he's on our side
Doggigan: I'm glad he didn't see me getting a buff from one of those statues
Warden: We must be near the Urn now, come on
Guardian: Stop! Only the worthy may visit the final resting place of Andraste and see her Ashes



Warden: But we need those ashes to cure a w***e so we can have an orgy with her! Oh, and to save some dying guy
Guardian: Even so, you must first pass... THE THREE TRIALS
Warden: Treasure huntery, thieving and sword fighting?
Guardian: Stop monkeying around and get on with it.

They enter a room where a figure is sitting in a chair facing away from them. As they approach the figure rises and turns around. It's Teyrna Eleanor Cousland's zombie
Warden: Mother!
Eleanor: I knew you would come
Warden: I should have watched over you more closely, I should've...
Eleanor: My little girl, sorry it's the hair, it confuses me... My little boy has become so strong. I love you. You've always made me so proud. Just...
Warden: What is it? Anything!
Eleanor: Remind me never to voice somebody's mother in a BioWare game again
The group share a moment of silence and Eleanor's corpse vanishes.
Alistair: Damn it, we were too late to loot her!
Warden: I'm going to kill you!
Alistair: I'm sorry!
Warden: I didn't say that
Warden: I know, I did
Alistair: Can I kill the other me?
Warden, Leliana, Shale, Alistair and Doggigan attack Warden, Leliana, Shale, Alistair and Doggigan
Alistair: I know how to deal with this!
Alistair sheathes his sword
Alistair stabs the now defenceless Alistair
Warden: Was that ours or theirs?
Doggigan: Who cares?
Leliana: We don't have to fight you know. I'm sure there's other things we could do with each other
Leliana: It's like you read my mind
Everyone stops fighting to stare at the two Leliana's as they start to make out
Shale and Doggigan make short work of the distracted clones
Doggigan: I guess they got men to play us.
Shale: Wait, isn't everyone bisexual?
Doggigan: I'm only bi if the Warden is female
Shale: Ah. Which Warden is the real one?
Doggigan: Kill them both to be safe
After combat Alistair, Warden and Leliana get back to their feet.
Warden: It's a good job we come back from the dead so long as one party member survives
Doggigan: You do? I mean... yes, I knew that
Leliana: That was soooo worth dying for
Warden: Agreed!
Alistair: What? What did I miss?
Warden: Come on, one more trial to go

The group enter a room with a deep chasm and some engraved stones surrounding it
Warden: A puzzle!
Alistair: Look, a see through bridge appears when I stand on this one
Oghren: See through what? Blouse?
Alistair: No! But wait, look you appeared on that stone and now the bridge section is solid
Shale, Leliana and Doggigan all stand on stones and together form a complete solid bridge
Warden: Well that was easy. Why do I get the feeling we cheated that somehow?
Oghren: Bah, this is boring. I'm leaving again
Leliana: Look, this inscription says we have to get naked and run through this fire
Oghren: Wait! I'm on my way back!
They strip off, walk through the fire and get dressed again just in time for Oghren to arrive
Oghren: Damn it!
Leliana: The Urn of Sacred Ashes! We found it!
Alistair: We should take a handful and leave the rest
Warden: Sod that, I'm retiring from the Wardens and starting up my own pharmacy!



Guardian: No! I cannot allow it! Take only a handful and no more
Warden: Shale, your hands are pretty big... carry this please
Shale: Oh fine, but only because It asked nicely
Guardian: But... but...
Warden: See? Only a handful. Bye!
Guardian: ... damn it

Part 16

Modifié par rayvioletta, 09 mai 2011 - 11:39 .

[Curlain]

Brilliant work

[Whisky]

Lol, a handful... )

[jadefishes]

There are no words for how much I love this. I'll keep checking back in the hopes that you don't run out of steam before the ritual, hopefully not with Doggigan.

[Follin Shen]

This is great

[cr8gg]

rayvioletta wrote...

Leliana: The Urn of Sacred Ashes! We found it!
Alistair: We should take a handful and leave the rest
Warden: Sod that, I'm retiring from the Wardens and starting up my own pharmacy!
Guardian: No! I cannot allow it! Take only a handful and no more
Warden: Shale, your hands are pretty big... carry this please
Shale: Oh fine, but only because It asked nicely
Guardian: But... but...
Warden: See? Only a handful. Bye!
Guardian: ... damn

to be continued...

EPIC :D:D:D

[MichiGen120]

OMG I laughted so hard xD xD EPIC !

[Louis deGuerre]

rayvioletta wrote...

Alistair: Hah, girl Dwarves? As if there's any of those

Touché 

Did poor Oghren miss Leliana making out with herself ? 

[rayvioletta]

Part 16

Genitivi: You're back! Did you find... is that...?
Warden: We got the Urn
Genitivi: I am not worthy!
Warden: Bugger off then
Genitivi: It's just a figure of speech. Can I see?
Warden: I'll do better than that. Look at that
Genitivi turns around and the Warden throws a knife into the back of his skull



Leliana and Alistair look shocked
Shale: It really knows how to make my day
Doggigan: If I was in human form I'd hug you!
Leliana: You... you killed him!
Warden pulls out the knife and sprinkles some ashes on the wound
Genitivi: That hurt!
Warden: But the ashes worked
Genitivi: Wait, you hadn't already tested them?
Warden: That was the test
Genitivi: I could've died!
Warden: Well you're not important, and surely a decision of leaving you alive or dead isn't going to effect the sequel at all, that'll be big decisions like which party members survive, who's romanced, who rules where and such
Alistair hides an evil grin with his hand
Warden: Besides I'd never hurt Leliana, I wouldn't trust Doggigan to stay dead even without the ashes and she can carry a grudge and I doubt Shale would die easily. Sadly we need Alistair to take the throne
Alistair: Wait, what? No no no no no no no no Eamon should be king
Genitivi: Let's just get back to Denerim
Alistair: Redcliffe
Genitivi: Denerim
Alistair: Redcliffe
Genitivi: Dener.... Redcliffe. How did you do that?

The party return to Redcliffe yet again
Bella: Brains!
Warden throws some ashes in her face
Bella: Oh hello again. I just had the strangest dream...
Owen: Brains!
Valena: Brains!
Some ash throwing later, they arrive at Redcliffe Castle
Teagan: You return! Do...
Warden: Why does everyone tell me that? Do you think I didn't know? Maybe I thought I was in Orlais shagging the Divine?
Leliana: That's blasphemous! I wonder if she's sexy though. I do hope she's not old...
Isolde: Is that... the Urn? Um... we should do thorough tests before trying it on my husband. It might make him worse
Warden: Already tested. Works on anything short of decapitation. Oh, and you're gonna need a new innkeeper
Teagan: It'll be alright, nobody likes him, and Isolde, we'll always have the broom closet
Warden: Oh dear... we've run out of ashes
Alistair: WHAT? I told you not to kill and resurrect everyone we met on the way! I can't believe this...
Warden: Just kidding
Eamon: Oh... I just had the strangest dream
Teagan: That was no dream, a lot has happened...
Eamon: Wait, Bella really was in here with an identical twin sister?
Warden: Now that would be worth visiting the Fade again for
Teagan: These people saved you Eamon, and your son. And everyone except Lloyd
Eamon: Never liked him anyway. Oh, is that Alice?
Alistair: Alistair
Eamon: Right, well let's talk strategy. But first we should reward these heroes
Warden: I noticed you have a nice treasury
Eamon: I now pronounce you Champion of Redcliffe!



Warden: What does that mean? Do we get golden belts or something?
Eamon: Well, your camp has been upgraded to a mansion. It should have been earlier really but... wait, you have been to the Deep Roads, right?
Warden: Not yet, and a mansion isn't very practical considering all the travelling we have to do
Eamon: A caravan then. A luxury caravan. Also you'll need to stay here for three years during which nothing of interest will happen, at least not until we release some more DLC...
Warden: I knew he'd try to sell us some DLC!
Eamon: We'll also make a statue that looks nothing like you and put it in the docks
Warden: We can't wait three years! We have an appointment at the Pearl! And a Blight to stop!
Eamon: Such is the price of being Champion
Warden: I'll pick a differ...

THREE YEARS LATER...

Warden: ...ent specialisation then. Wait, what just happened?
Eamon: Three years passed. Champion, much has happened in these last few years (actually nothing has changed and consequences of things you did three years ago will only show up now, all at once) and we must make plans about Loghain
Warden: Three years? Gone? Just like that?
Eamon: We must call a Landsmeet!
Alistair: Oh no, now Wynne's going to be even older
Leliana: We've been dating three years? When are you going to propose?
Teagan and Isolde stagger out of the closet
Isolde: By the Maker that seemed to last years!
Teagan gives a goofy grin and collapses in exhaustion
Eamon: Follow up on the rest of your treaties and then we'll call a Landsmeet
Warden: Is there any reason we couldn't have done that during the three years of nothingness?

Back at camp they find Sten, Wynne, Zevran, Bodhan and Sandal sitting outside a huge caravan
Bodhan: Now this is more like it, travelling in style! You've been gone an awful long time though, we were starting to worry
Warden: You waited here for three years?
Wynne: Has it been that long? Oh Alistair, I've missed you so!
Alistair: Did I ever mention that I'm a Templar?
Wynne: I do love a man in uniform
Alistair: Ex-Templar
Warden: You could say he put the temp in Templar
Wynne: Oh good, then your vow of chastity doesn't count any more
Doggigan: Vow of... oh my, Alice is a...
Warden: What, you've never...?
Alistair: Never what? Licked a lamppost in winter?
Wynne: Would you like to lick a lamppost... in Wynneter (she winks)
Alistair faints
Warden: I think you broke him
Wynne: Oh that was fun
Doggigan: Told you
Warden: Wait, that was all... a trick?
Wynne: Honestly, I'm old enough to be his great grandmother. Morrigan promised to share some of Flemeth's magic with me if I helped her wind him up. Since I'm an apostate blood mage abomination now, having been outside the Tower for more than three seconds, I may as well learn some real power
Leliana: Poor Alistair. I guess he'll miss our trip to the Pearl now. Perhaps Zevran should come instead?



Bodhan: There's just one small problem. The caravan is designed to be pulled by horses but there are no such creatures in these games
Warden: Remember how you said you'd be our manservant?
Bodhan: Oh no...
Sandal: Enchantment?

One fade-to-black foursome at the Pearl later...
Isabela: That was amazing! I might even remember that later, if your import doesn't bug



Leliana: I'm just surprised that pervy dwarf didn't show up
Zevran: Oh he did. I offered to give him a massage but he ran away
Warden: So, is that it then? We won the game?
Leliana: Don't be silly, that wasn't the goal of the game. That's a suit of armour you're wearing, not a leisure suit
Warden: Oh yes, we had a Blight to stop. Where now?
Leliana: Orzammar I think
Isabela: Perhaps you'd like to make another visit to my Deep Roads before you go?
Warden: We already lost three years, I think we can afford to wait a little longer
Isabela: Wait, three years? Damn! I've got an appointment at the shop to get a piercing and breast implants then I've got to get to Kirkwall, oh s**t I'm late!
Leliana: Strange girl

Part 17

Modifié par rayvioletta, 10 mai 2011 - 09:12 .

[Sabriana]

Warden: Already tested. Works on anything short of decapitation.

Rofl. Better than morning coffee.

[Broken Promise]

Haha, awesome :-) Parts get longer as story progress as well, no idea how you achieve that :-p
Any chance for Hawke cameo rushing in with "awesome" button?

[AndromanceR]

Oh laughed so hard reading this all day long. Thank you very much!

[Louis deGuerre]

rayvioletta wrote...

Wynne: ...Since I'm an apostate blood mage abomination now, having been outside the Tower for more than three seconds...

So....hard....to.....breathe.....must....stop.....laughing *choke* 

[iampool]

Guardian: Even so, you must first pass... THE THREE TRIALS
Warden: Treasure huntery, thieving and sword fighting?
Guardian: Stop monkeying around and get on with it.

YAR YAR YAR!! i loled.

[rayvioletta]

Part 17

Bodhan and Sandal are pulling the Warden's caravan through a forest when a man runs past them and gets shot full of arrows
Bodhan: Quick my boy, gather up all the arrows to sell to the Warden for extraordinary high prices! Special discount, hah!
Sandal: Enchantment?
Warden: What's going on? Why have we stopped?
Guy full of arrows: War... Warden?
Warden: Hello? Have we met?
Guy half full of arrows: I'm dying, is that important?
Alistair: He has a point
Warden: Several actually
Alistair: Hey I know you! You're one of King Cailan's guards!
Guy: Yes! Warden, you have to go back... to Ostagar!









Alistair: He's dead!
Warden: Probably a side effect of having a dozen arrows in him. No wait, two arrows. Bodhan, why are you gathering up all the arrows?
Bodhan: Souvenirs?
Sandal: Enchantment!
Alistair: Does he know any other words?
Sandal: No I don't
Alistair: Oh... ok then
Warden: Well Morrigan wants us to go kill her mother anyway, I'm sure we could stop at Ostagar while we're there
Wynne: Wait, you actually bought the DLC?
Warden: Yes, fine, I upgraded to the Ultimate Edition ok? They gave me Mass Effect 2 for free and I already had it so I swapped it



Alistair: Does that mean we're doing Awakening as well? I'm not sure I have time for that, I might have to just make a cameo
Warden: That's fine, I'm sure that any of you who can't make it will be replaced by characters with just as much depth, dialogue and such. Besides, the most important thing is I heard it has the fan favourite redhead in it, so all's well
Leliana: Really? I shall have to check with my agent. He never mentioned this
Morrigan: Can we get a move on? We have evil witchy mothers to kill
Alistair: There's more than one? Wait, are we killing Wynne too?
Warden: No. Probably not. Well, maybe. If she tries to knit me another hat definitely
Wynne: There is nothing wrong with that hat!
Warden: It's three times the size of my head, vomit coloured and says "Gay Warden" on it
Wynne: It was a harmless typo!
Warden: This parody is being written by a brit you idiot! So we're Grey Wardens not Gray! It's not even a conceivable typo under those circumstances!
Wynne: Well excuse me for favouring the official lore spelling over the spelling of a parody writer
Alistair: But that's not the...
Warden: Don't worry, just wait a couple of parts
Morrigan: Wait, are we parodying the parody now? Can we do that?
Alistair: Better be careful or we might have to deal with the same "oh look it's fifty thousand waves of identical enemies" joke again
Leliana: Or disapproving rivalries
Warden: Or those awful CSI jokes
Alistair: Hey! I wrote all those myself
Rayvioletta: Stop taking credit for my work Alice. No wait, those puns were awful, you can take the blame for those
Warden: Fourth Wall come back, all is forgiven
Merrill: What happened to the first three? No, wait. I'm too early aren't I? I'll come back later for the sequel
Shale: Shall I make another It joke? I've been reading up on the Addams Family. Pop culture references are an acceptable form of humour aren't they?
Bodhan: Since we're stopping perhaps you'd like to buy something? This fine leather coat, maybe a gift for your Elven masseuse? Or these lovely boots for your girlfriend with the foot fetish? Perhaps some arrows?
Warden: Why is it that the dead guy is now naked and you're trying to sell his stuff? Is this where you get all your merchandise?
Bodhan: Of course not! Only most of it.
Sandal: Enchantment!
Warden: Ok fine, I forgive you. But only because your son is so funny. You should be thankful to your wife that you have him.
Bodhan: Wife... son... oh... yes, yes of course. Very grateful
Warden: He IS your son, right?
Bodhan: Oh yes of course. Certainly. Mostly. Sort of
Warden: Great. A mad witch, a murderer, a stupid templar comedian, an omnisexual elf, a dead dwarf, an abomination and now a kidnapper. Shall we just go recruit some drug dealers or... what's that look for?
Bodhan: Well I have been selling lyrium to the Mages Collective...
Zevran: And don't forget that I am also an assassin. Hired to kill you in fact
Warden: Oh yes, bloody wonderful. What next, is Loghain his bloody self going to join our damn party?
Alistair: Hah, that'd be a laugh!
Warden: Let's just... go. I hate you all. Except Leliana
Leliana: I hate you my darling

The group finally arrive at Flemeths hut. Warden, Alistair, Leliana and Shale leave the caravan, with the real mabari.



Warden: This is your last chance Janeway
Flemeth: I am known by many names child, but that is not one of them
Warden: Sign the DVD box set or...
Flemeth: Or what? Has brave little Morrigan finally found someone to dance to her tune?
Alistair: Wait, she can play an instrument too? She could join me and Leliana in a band!
Leliana: This one time, at band camp...
Warden: Yes?
Leliana: We played instruments. What did you expect?
Flemeth: So Warden, what will it be? Will you dance to her tune or mine? Or make your own?
Warden draws his sword
Warden: Let's dance!
Flemeth turns into a dragon
Alistair: A dragon! You made a dragon!
Warden: I didn't mean to!
Alistair; Undo it! Undo it!
Leliana: I was wondering when more dragons would show up, it took ages!
Shale: At least there's no statues around here
Warden: A little help maybe?
Shale half-heartedly picks up some dirt and throws it at the dragon
Warden: Thanks, big help
Alistair: I guess he wanted to...
Warden: If you put those glasses on and say fight dirty I will stab you
Alistair: Well if you're going to be like that you can kill the dragon by yourself
Warden: Fine! I will!
Flemeth bites the Wardens upper torso off
Alistair: Guess that's a reload then

GAME OVER WARDEN!
Load last save or restart?

Flemeth: So Warden, what will it be? Will you dance to her tune or mine? Or make your own?
Warden decapitates Flemeth as she transforms into a dragon.
Warden: Ding dong, the witch is bloody dead
The party loot the dragon then the hut and leave

GAME OVER FLEMETH!
Load last save or respawn from amulet in sequel?

The caravan arrives at the ruins of the ruins of Ostagar
Warden: Well this place is even more of a mess than last time
Alistair: I see dead people
Warden: Some of them are buried in snow
Alistair: Icy dead people
Wynne: Why are we here exactly? I have nothing but bad memories of this place
Warden: Well I hardly got to see any of it at all with that stupid rushed introduction. Now's my chance to explore, loot and maybe get that cool looking gold armour the King was wearing
Alistair: Why didn't he have a crown do you think?
Warden: That's a surprisingly good question coming from you
Shale: It is aware that we're surrounded by Darkspawn, yes?
Alistair: That's weird, why would they still be here? The Horde already moved north through Lothering, why leave such a strong force behind here of all places?
Warden: Stop talking sense Alistair, it's creeping me out
Doggigan: I gave him an intellect buff
Warden: An intellect buff? This isn't World Of Wardencraft you know! Besides, your only buffs are supposed to consist of pissing on things
Doggigan grins. As much as a dog can grin
Warden: Wait... you...
Doggigan: He was standing still, just gawking at things, and Shale was watching me so I had to stay away from the statues...
Warden: Great, well at least you've moved on from trying to ****** *off* Alistair
The Darkspawn charge our heroes, only to be mowed down effortlessly
Warden: Oh sorry, I set the difficulty to easy for Flemeth. It's back up now
Leliana: Oh so that's how...
Several more waves of somewhat more difficult combat later...
Warden: Look, it's Cailan!
Alistair: Why's he naked?
Warden turns around and finds Bodhan trying to sneak off with Cailan's armour
Bodhan: Um... would you like to buy this nice shiny gold armour? New in stock, hardly used! Very cheap with your special discount
Warden: Fine, I suppose it saves us the effort of looting everything ourselves
Bodhan: I knew you'd see reason! Very wise, very wise indeed. Just think of me as your little auto-loot button who takes a percentage of the profits. I'll be sure to stay out of your way, don't you worry. I wonder if I can sell these Darkspawn teeth? Maybe make a necklace...
Some more combat later
Warden: That necromancer just revived the ogre who killed Cailan!
Some more combat later
Warden: What? That's it? It's over?
Alistair: Not quite, I found a chest!
Leliana: Hands off my breasts! Pervert!
Alistair: Sorry, wrong chest. Look at this booty!
Leliana slaps him
Alistair: I meant the loot! Look, King Maric's sword!
Warden: It's pretty nice I guess
Wynne: And there's letters in here too. From... oh my, from the Empress of Orlais to King Cailan!
Warden: What do they say?
Wynne: I don't know, I lost my reading glasses
Warden: Well they won't appear in my journal, the notes section hasn't updated since Act 1
Wynne: I don't seem able to pass them to anybody else either
Warden: Hell with it, can't have been important anyway. Let's head off.
Alistair: Shouldn't we do something about Cailan?
Warden: We could dress him up in a silly outfit, but if we had one of those then you'd be wearing it
Alistair: You can't change my armour, DA2 style remember
Warden: Well then we can't change his either



Alistair: You can't just leave him there! He was our king!
Warden: I didn't vote for him
Alistair: But...
Warden: And why do you care? He sent you away from Duncan
Alistair: You're right, that b*****d! We should chop him up or set him on fire...
Warden: Morrigan?
Doggigan: Shan't if he wants it done
Warden: Then we just leave him there
Alistair: So, Orzammar now?
Warden: Soldiers Peak.
Alistair: You're doing this on purpose aren't you? Now I want to go to Orzammar...
Warden: We could always do Darkspawn Chronicles if you'd prefer, I'm sure you'd love the ending
Alistair: Soldiers Peak you say? What a great idea!

Part 18

Modifié par rayvioletta, 10 mai 2011 - 03:16 .

[Knightly_BW]

rayvioletta wrote...

Wynne: There is nothing wrong with that hat!
Warden: It's three times the size of my head, vomit coloured and says "Gay Warden" on it

to be continued...

Hah! Loved that part. It is true for my most runs. I mod romanced with Alistair so only wardens in Ferelden were Gay Wardens.

Give our hats back, Warden.

[Tirigon]

rayvioletta wrote...

part 15
Leliana: You mean the dragons? Andraste is not a dragon! This is madness!
Kolgrim: No.... THIS.... IS.... HAVEN...

He attempts to kick Shale, being the nearest party member, down a well

300 references are only funny with the appropriate picture.

Come on, Rayvioletta, you have shown 17 times already that you can do better:wizard:

[Redhot_1]

Haha "Play Darkspawn Chronicles, I'm sure you'd love the ending"

HILARIOUS

[AkiKishi]

Once this is done, make a new thread and post everything one after the other in sequence. Top stuff.

[Valikdu]

Forgive me friends, your deaths will only add to my failure!

VAELASTRASZ!!!!!!!

[mgd9932]

I've come to warn you about MAN-GIRAFFE-DOG!! It's the single greatest threat to humanity!! RUN AWAY!!



More Serial than ever guys.

[Valikdu]

Wynne: And over here, look at this.
Wynne opens a door and they look through.
Warden: Oh that looks terrible.
Wynne: Look beyond the graphics.
A girl with pinkish hair is talking to a blonde girl who looks somewhat elvish
Pinkhair: Sometimes, when it's quiet... I can hear the taint in my heart whispering to me. It says awful things and I almost want to scream to shut them out.
Blonde: (gasp!) You... you haven't done anything that it's said, have you?
Pinkhair: Well... other than that time I got up in the middle of the night to snatch a bag of cinnamon cookies, heck no.
Blonde: Oh, goo-... what? Cinnamon cookies?
Pinkhair: Ha ha! Oh, come on, Aerie! Lighten up, willya? I'll tell ya what, if I have any desires to murder you in the middle of the night, you'll be the first to know, okay?

I'm meeeeltiiiing...

[erynnar]

Okay you made me laugh until I cried, part of me does want to weep for how detailed and great DA2 could have been. Your father was a hamster and your mother smelt of elder berries!  Wait...did I hit the funny button instead of the nice one? DAMMIT!