return of Dragon Strange: Origins in DA2 style & Hunt For Awakened Golems
Débuté par
rayvioletta
, avril 04 2011 12:39
#276
Posté 11 avril 2011 - 11:07
DocDoomII
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Ah! This is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay better than Mock Effect!
Retour en haut
#277
Posté 12 avril 2011 - 03:16
LebatomiBeni
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Oh, rayvioletta! Have my children!
No, seriously. Take em. <3
No, seriously. Take em. <3
#278
Posté 12 avril 2011 - 04:20
Zalunaya
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rayvioletta wrote...
Warden: This is your last chance Janeway
Flemmeth: I am known by many names child, but that is not one of them
Warden: Sign the DVD box set or...
This is great.
#279
Posté 12 avril 2011 - 08:59
Sabriana
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erynnar wrote...
Okay you made me laugh until I cried, part of me does want to weep for how detailed and great DA2 could have been. Your father was a hamster and your mother smelt of elder berries! Wait...did I hit the funny button instead of the nice one? DAMMIT!
That comment was spot on. On so many levels.
Ok, I have to go and sacrifice a goat now to the powers that be. I really don't want rayvioletta to get tired of this.
#280
Posté 12 avril 2011 - 09:21
rayvioletta
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Sabriana wrote...
I really don't want rayvioletta to get tired of this.
the good news is I'm planning to give Awakening, Golems and Witch Hunt the parody treatment as well. probably not Darkspawn Chronicles since it's alternate universe, but maybe Leliana's Song
also I'm going to improve the formatting and layout eventually, I've also added a title picture I threw together
and I also made a very minor change somewhere in the story in preperation for something else I'm planning. it's not a major retcon though, nothing like giving somebody a welsh accent (not that I'm complaining about that, Merrill is adorable), culling an entire gender of dwarves (this one I am complaining about. Dagna and Sigrun were cute damn it!) or making a species horny
anyway should be another part up later today
#281
Posté 12 avril 2011 - 09:42
A Crusty Knight Of Colour
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rayvioletta wrote...
Sabriana wrote...
I really don't want rayvioletta to get tired of this.
the good news is I'm planning to give Awakening, Golems and Witch Hunt the parody treatment as well. probably not Darkspawn Chronicles since it's alternate universe, but maybe Leliana's Song
also I'm going to improve the formatting and layout eventually, I've also added a title picture I threw together
and I also made a very minor change somewhere in the story in preperation for something else I'm planning. it's not a major retcon though, nothing like giving somebody a welsh accent (not that I'm complaining about that, Merrill is adorable), culling an entire gender of dwarves (this one I am complaining about. Dagna and Sigrun were cute damn it!) or making a species horny
anyway should be another part up later today
Take as much time as you need and make all the changes you want if it's better for you.
Everyone loves your parody and that won't change with a tweak here or there.
Modifié par mrcrusty, 12 avril 2011 - 09:43 .
#282
Posté 12 avril 2011 - 09:52
Kidd
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I found this thread two days ago and have been reading up between classes in school. So absolutely wonderful! And now I ran out. Crap xD
*joins the horde waiting for new chapters*
*joins the horde waiting for new chapters*
#283
Posté 12 avril 2011 - 11:38
rayvioletta
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Part 18
Levi: Here we are, Soldiers Peak.
Alistair: How did you find it?
Warden: Well after talking to Levi and installing the DLC a new pin appeared on the map...
Levi: It came to me in a dream
Alistair: Was it riding a unicorn?
Levi looks confused and Warden glares at Alistair
Leliana: It's an incredible sight, so romantic!
Skeleton: ...
Skeleton shrugs and gestures furiously with it's hands
Leliana: He says "I wish I had vocal chords. Oh well. ATTACK!"
Skeleton nods, makes a thankful gesture and then draws a sword. Other skeletons jump up and attack
Levi: Blimey!
Alistair: Someone's been raising the dead... I have a... (sunglasses) bone to pick with them
Wynne: Those aren't sunglasses! Those are my reading glasses painted black!
Doggigan: Two mysteries solved
Warden: Spooky abandoned tower, thick fog and hordes of undead. You call this romantic?
Leliana: Of course! Can't you just imagine brooding vampires being sulkily sexy here?
Warden: I will never understand you
Leliana: Of course not, you're a man
Levi: Can we go inside please? I'm eager for answers to my family's mysterious past
Warden, Leliana, Alistair, Doggigan, Shale and Levi go inside, leaving the others with the caravan. Inside they find the ghost of Sophia Dryden giving a speech to ghostly Wardens
Sophia: You all know the mission and what is at stake. I have come to trust each of you with my life, but I have also heard murmurs of discontent. I share your concerns. We are trained for fighting Darkspawn, we would be legends but the Deep Roads are sealed. Glory in battle is not our way. Think of our heroes, the Silent Sister who became a Warden, or the Ever Alert who discovered how to caffeinate the tainted blood for the Joining. These giants do not seem to give us solace here but they are not all that we are! Before the Blight there was the Taint! Before diplomacy there were soldiers! Before rushed sequels there were great original games! Our influence stopped the Blight, but before that we held the line! Our influence stopped that creepy caretaker who moved out yesterday but before that we held the line! Our influence will stop Arland, in the battle today WE WILL HOLD THE LINE!
Alistair: Hold the line, or steal somebody elses line?
Doggigan: I am impressed, and without the glasses too!
Levi: That was my great grandmother! Did you hear that inspiring speech? But... ghosts and skeletons? What's going on here?
Doggigan: The veil is torn, demons are coming through and these skeleton bones are really rather tasty... I've been in this form far too long
Demon: Attack!
Several waves later
Alistair: I bet there's another wave coming
Warden: No, that seems to be the last of them for now
Alistair waves. Warden sighs
Warden: Hang on, there's other Wardens here now. Ghostly Wardens sure, but what if one of them talks?
Alistair: I'm a Warden too
Warden: Which brings me to my next point, he gets credited by name. I want to be called by my name damn it!
Alistair: Don't be silly, your name isn't Damn It
Schmoooples: I know, it's... wait a damn minute! I meant my real name! Qwerty Cousland!
Leliana: I like that one better
Qwerty: Finally. Ok, now let's move on.
Alistair: Oooh a book. I wonder if it has any pictures
Ghosts appear
Sophia: Demons! Summon us more demons Avernus!
Avernus: I'm trying, I want the scantily clad desire demons though so that I can ogle them while the rest of you fight but all I keep getting is these damn shades!
Sophia: JUST GIVE ME SOME BLOODY DEMONS
Avernus cuts his wrists and summons more demons
The vision fades
Levi: Bloody blood magic! Demons! I can't believe it! That my grandmother would do such a thing...
Qwerty: The Wardens don't have rules against such things
Levi: Still, I thought my family was better than that
Doggigan: Oh yes? You think you're better than me do you? You think you're better than all the mages who've spent more than two seconds outside of a Circle? You think your family, your pathetic wretched family is better?
Levi: Yeah, kinda
Qwerty: Never mind all that, look what I found
Alistair: It's a jar of jam
Qwerty: My psychic powers tell me that an elven princess loved this jam and thus that there's a hidden compartment behind this painting
Alistair: That's just... what? Have you been drinking?
Leliana: He's right though, look! Oh, never mind, it's just a sword. No shoes.
Alistair: Shoe-dn't you stop obsessing about shoes?
Leliana waves him away.
Leliana: Shoo!
Shale: Can we please squish something? I'm getting bored.
They enter another room and find a half decomposed Sophia Dryden.
Sophia: This one welcomes you. This one is the Dryden.
Qwerty: So now you're stealing lines from hannar instead of salarians?
Sophia: This one resents those accusations. This one would however like to offer a deal.
Qwerty: Let me guess, you're a demon and you want me to help you do evil demony things?
Sophia: This one asks only that you go into the tower and destroy everything in there and by that this one means that annoying pervy mage who locked me in the tower until this one agrees to show this ones breasts to him
Qwerty: Thank you, that's probably the most disturbing mental image I'll ever get
Alistair: Just wait till you see the broodmothers...
Qwerty: What was that?
Alistair: Oh nothing
Sohpia: Will you take this ones deal?
Qwerty: First answer Levi's questions
Sophia: Very well
Levi: What's the meaning of life, the universe and everything?
Sophia: 42
Levi: How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck would chuck wood?
Sophia: 42
Levi: If a tree falls in a forest and there's nobody there to see it, what colour is it?
Sophia: All colours
Qwerty: Aren't you supposed to be asking about your family?
Levi: Herman was a distant relative. Ok, um... was my grandmother good?
Sophia: She was good at consorting with demons to fulfil her ambitions of power by trying to steal the throne
Levi: Oh. I was kind of hoping there was something I could be proud of
Sophia: According to Avernus she has "amazing ******"
Shale: ****** are birds yes? Where are they? We must squish them!
Sophia: There will be no squishing of this ones breasts! You are as bad as Avernus!
Qwerty: Any more questions?
Levi: Do they have to be sensible ones?
Qwerty: Yes
Levi: Then no
Qwerty: Then we're done here. That's an awfully nice suit of armour you're wearing...
Sophia: Why does everyone try to get this one naked?
A fair bit of combat and embarrassingly awkward undressing of corpses later, they enter the tower with Qwerty wearing a new suit of armour
Alistair: I wonder why nobody ever gave me a Warden uniform
Qwerty: Look at these research notes.... "Day one: left circle tower to join wardens. wrote about it in diary and got a paper cut and turned into a blood mage. this seems like an exciting career opportunity as I heard blood mages can summon demons who dont wear a stitch of clothing on their top halves"
Alistair: Are there pictures?
Qwerty: "Day two, summoned a demon but it was male. very disappointed. it did teach me how to use more powerful magic though so not a total loss." I'll skip ahead a bit. "Day five hundred, fourty-seven. tortured and mutilated another subject for fun and experimenting. turns out tainted blood has more powers than imagined. also tastes yummy"
Alistair: He's been experimenting on Wardens!
Qwerty: There's a potion here too, it says "drink me". Hmm, he's right it does taste kind of yummy...
Qwerty starts shaking and almost falls over
Leliana: Are you alright?
Qwerty: I got new skills! Watch this!
Qwerty suddenly shoots blood from every pore in all directions. The entire party, the entire room in fact, is soaked in blood. Qwerty stands unharmed with a huge grin
Leliana: That's disgusting!
Alistair: That'd be a great party trick
Shale: Almost as bad as pigeons...
The party enter the final room, where they find Avernus furiously making notes in a book.
Avernus: Oh, visitors. Oh good, one of you has breasts. Why are you drenched in blood?
Qwerty: Time to answer for your crimes!
Avernus: Wait! Honestly, have some patience. Besides you need me to fix the tear in the veil.
Alistair: You can do that?
Avernus: Of course
Qwerty: Then why haven't you already?
Avernus: Oh. Good question. Um... oh I know! It's because I was using all my power to keep my dear Sophia locked up
Qwerty: Your defence is that you wanted to molest a demon?
Avernus: Well when you put it like that it just sounds creepy. But yes
Qwerty: Well she's dead now
Avernus: Oh, how disappointing. Although I suppose now she might be less resistant...
Qwerty: Just fix the damned tear so we can get this over with and stop giving me reasons to kill you
Avernus: Oh alright. Let me just grab a few supplies...
The party make their way back to the summoning chamber where a few more demons pop up, get killed and get looted.
Avernus: Ok you need to protect me while I mend the tear. If I die, I'm coming back to haunt you. And spy on your girlfriend when she's getting undressed. Actually dying sounds more appealing now I think about it like that...
Avernus pulls out some knitting needles and some lyrium infused wool and gets to work. Demons spawn.
Demons are killed. demons are looted
Avernus: All done! Also, I knitted you a scarf
Qwerty: Thanks. Now change your ways and only do good research, ok?
Avernus: I will
Qwerty: Well we're done here I think
Levi: I just wish we'd found something to redeem my family name
Qwerty: Instead of looking to the past, look to the future
Levi: You're right! Thank you Warden. In fact I've been thinking of designing some new kind of clothing, I could name it after my genetic inheritance... genes maybe? Levi's genes...
Avernus: Bah, criticise my research will they? Hide boobies from me? Invade my tower? Drink my potions? No, no, this will not stand. I built this tower, me! I designed it, I drew the blueprints
Avernus pulls out a strange golden mask and puts it on
Avernus: I am the Architect! I will have my revenge! Bwaahaaaahaaaahaaahaaaa!
Part 19
Levi: Here we are, Soldiers Peak.
Alistair: How did you find it?
Warden: Well after talking to Levi and installing the DLC a new pin appeared on the map...
Levi: It came to me in a dream
Alistair: Was it riding a unicorn?
Levi looks confused and Warden glares at Alistair
Leliana: It's an incredible sight, so romantic!
Skeleton: ...
Skeleton shrugs and gestures furiously with it's hands
Leliana: He says "I wish I had vocal chords. Oh well. ATTACK!"
Skeleton nods, makes a thankful gesture and then draws a sword. Other skeletons jump up and attack
Levi: Blimey!
Alistair: Someone's been raising the dead... I have a... (sunglasses) bone to pick with them
Wynne: Those aren't sunglasses! Those are my reading glasses painted black!
Doggigan: Two mysteries solved
Warden: Spooky abandoned tower, thick fog and hordes of undead. You call this romantic?
Leliana: Of course! Can't you just imagine brooding vampires being sulkily sexy here?
Warden: I will never understand you
Leliana: Of course not, you're a man
Levi: Can we go inside please? I'm eager for answers to my family's mysterious past
Warden, Leliana, Alistair, Doggigan, Shale and Levi go inside, leaving the others with the caravan. Inside they find the ghost of Sophia Dryden giving a speech to ghostly Wardens
Sophia: You all know the mission and what is at stake. I have come to trust each of you with my life, but I have also heard murmurs of discontent. I share your concerns. We are trained for fighting Darkspawn, we would be legends but the Deep Roads are sealed. Glory in battle is not our way. Think of our heroes, the Silent Sister who became a Warden, or the Ever Alert who discovered how to caffeinate the tainted blood for the Joining. These giants do not seem to give us solace here but they are not all that we are! Before the Blight there was the Taint! Before diplomacy there were soldiers! Before rushed sequels there were great original games! Our influence stopped the Blight, but before that we held the line! Our influence stopped that creepy caretaker who moved out yesterday but before that we held the line! Our influence will stop Arland, in the battle today WE WILL HOLD THE LINE!
Alistair: Hold the line, or steal somebody elses line?
Doggigan: I am impressed, and without the glasses too!
Levi: That was my great grandmother! Did you hear that inspiring speech? But... ghosts and skeletons? What's going on here?
Doggigan: The veil is torn, demons are coming through and these skeleton bones are really rather tasty... I've been in this form far too long
Demon: Attack!
Several waves later
Alistair: I bet there's another wave coming
Warden: No, that seems to be the last of them for now
Alistair waves. Warden sighs
Warden: Hang on, there's other Wardens here now. Ghostly Wardens sure, but what if one of them talks?
Alistair: I'm a Warden too
Warden: Which brings me to my next point, he gets credited by name. I want to be called by my name damn it!
Alistair: Don't be silly, your name isn't Damn It
Schmoooples: I know, it's... wait a damn minute! I meant my real name! Qwerty Cousland!
Leliana: I like that one better
Qwerty: Finally. Ok, now let's move on.
Alistair: Oooh a book. I wonder if it has any pictures
Ghosts appear
Sophia: Demons! Summon us more demons Avernus!
Avernus: I'm trying, I want the scantily clad desire demons though so that I can ogle them while the rest of you fight but all I keep getting is these damn shades!
Sophia: JUST GIVE ME SOME BLOODY DEMONS
Avernus cuts his wrists and summons more demons
The vision fades
Levi: Bloody blood magic! Demons! I can't believe it! That my grandmother would do such a thing...
Qwerty: The Wardens don't have rules against such things
Levi: Still, I thought my family was better than that
Doggigan: Oh yes? You think you're better than me do you? You think you're better than all the mages who've spent more than two seconds outside of a Circle? You think your family, your pathetic wretched family is better?
Levi: Yeah, kinda
Qwerty: Never mind all that, look what I found
Alistair: It's a jar of jam
Qwerty: My psychic powers tell me that an elven princess loved this jam and thus that there's a hidden compartment behind this painting
Alistair: That's just... what? Have you been drinking?
Leliana: He's right though, look! Oh, never mind, it's just a sword. No shoes.
Alistair: Shoe-dn't you stop obsessing about shoes?
Leliana waves him away.
Leliana: Shoo!
Shale: Can we please squish something? I'm getting bored.
They enter another room and find a half decomposed Sophia Dryden.
Sophia: This one welcomes you. This one is the Dryden.
Qwerty: So now you're stealing lines from hannar instead of salarians?
Sophia: This one resents those accusations. This one would however like to offer a deal.
Qwerty: Let me guess, you're a demon and you want me to help you do evil demony things?
Sophia: This one asks only that you go into the tower and destroy everything in there and by that this one means that annoying pervy mage who locked me in the tower until this one agrees to show this ones breasts to him
Qwerty: Thank you, that's probably the most disturbing mental image I'll ever get
Alistair: Just wait till you see the broodmothers...
Qwerty: What was that?
Alistair: Oh nothing
Sohpia: Will you take this ones deal?
Qwerty: First answer Levi's questions
Sophia: Very well
Levi: What's the meaning of life, the universe and everything?
Sophia: 42
Levi: How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck would chuck wood?
Sophia: 42
Levi: If a tree falls in a forest and there's nobody there to see it, what colour is it?
Sophia: All colours
Qwerty: Aren't you supposed to be asking about your family?
Levi: Herman was a distant relative. Ok, um... was my grandmother good?
Sophia: She was good at consorting with demons to fulfil her ambitions of power by trying to steal the throne
Levi: Oh. I was kind of hoping there was something I could be proud of
Sophia: According to Avernus she has "amazing ******"
Shale: ****** are birds yes? Where are they? We must squish them!
Sophia: There will be no squishing of this ones breasts! You are as bad as Avernus!
Qwerty: Any more questions?
Levi: Do they have to be sensible ones?
Qwerty: Yes
Levi: Then no
Qwerty: Then we're done here. That's an awfully nice suit of armour you're wearing...
Sophia: Why does everyone try to get this one naked?
A fair bit of combat and embarrassingly awkward undressing of corpses later, they enter the tower with Qwerty wearing a new suit of armour
Alistair: I wonder why nobody ever gave me a Warden uniform
Qwerty: Look at these research notes.... "Day one: left circle tower to join wardens. wrote about it in diary and got a paper cut and turned into a blood mage. this seems like an exciting career opportunity as I heard blood mages can summon demons who dont wear a stitch of clothing on their top halves"
Alistair: Are there pictures?
Qwerty: "Day two, summoned a demon but it was male. very disappointed. it did teach me how to use more powerful magic though so not a total loss." I'll skip ahead a bit. "Day five hundred, fourty-seven. tortured and mutilated another subject for fun and experimenting. turns out tainted blood has more powers than imagined. also tastes yummy"
Alistair: He's been experimenting on Wardens!
Qwerty: There's a potion here too, it says "drink me". Hmm, he's right it does taste kind of yummy...
Qwerty starts shaking and almost falls over
Leliana: Are you alright?
Qwerty: I got new skills! Watch this!
Qwerty suddenly shoots blood from every pore in all directions. The entire party, the entire room in fact, is soaked in blood. Qwerty stands unharmed with a huge grin
Leliana: That's disgusting!
Alistair: That'd be a great party trick
Shale: Almost as bad as pigeons...
The party enter the final room, where they find Avernus furiously making notes in a book.
Avernus: Oh, visitors. Oh good, one of you has breasts. Why are you drenched in blood?
Qwerty: Time to answer for your crimes!
Avernus: Wait! Honestly, have some patience. Besides you need me to fix the tear in the veil.
Alistair: You can do that?
Avernus: Of course
Qwerty: Then why haven't you already?
Avernus: Oh. Good question. Um... oh I know! It's because I was using all my power to keep my dear Sophia locked up
Qwerty: Your defence is that you wanted to molest a demon?
Avernus: Well when you put it like that it just sounds creepy. But yes
Qwerty: Well she's dead now
Avernus: Oh, how disappointing. Although I suppose now she might be less resistant...
Qwerty: Just fix the damned tear so we can get this over with and stop giving me reasons to kill you
Avernus: Oh alright. Let me just grab a few supplies...
The party make their way back to the summoning chamber where a few more demons pop up, get killed and get looted.
Avernus: Ok you need to protect me while I mend the tear. If I die, I'm coming back to haunt you. And spy on your girlfriend when she's getting undressed. Actually dying sounds more appealing now I think about it like that...
Avernus pulls out some knitting needles and some lyrium infused wool and gets to work. Demons spawn.
Demons are killed. demons are looted
Avernus: All done! Also, I knitted you a scarf
Qwerty: Thanks. Now change your ways and only do good research, ok?
Avernus: I will
Qwerty: Well we're done here I think
Levi: I just wish we'd found something to redeem my family name
Qwerty: Instead of looking to the past, look to the future
Levi: You're right! Thank you Warden. In fact I've been thinking of designing some new kind of clothing, I could name it after my genetic inheritance... genes maybe? Levi's genes...
Avernus: Bah, criticise my research will they? Hide boobies from me? Invade my tower? Drink my potions? No, no, this will not stand. I built this tower, me! I designed it, I drew the blueprints
Avernus pulls out a strange golden mask and puts it on
Avernus: I am the Architect! I will have my revenge! Bwaahaaaahaaaahaaahaaaa!
Part 19
Modifié par rayvioletta, 11 mai 2011 - 02:15 .
#285
Posté 12 avril 2011 - 09:27
Turran
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I think these posts are showing more storyline/plot than DA2 itself..
#286
Posté 12 avril 2011 - 09:44
Alex Kershaw
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I've noticed that it's turned from parodying DA2 to parodying Origins over time...
#287
Posté 12 avril 2011 - 09:59
rayvioletta
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yeah I felt it only fair to parody Origins a little bit too. also some parody/references to Mass Effect, Baldurs Gate, Monkey Island, Buffy and a few other things have sneaked in as well. blame my crazy imagination 
Modifié par rayvioletta, 12 avril 2011 - 10:01 .
#289
Posté 12 avril 2011 - 10:23
Nimpe
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A parody series that makes fun of a series only to slowly drift into references and direct quotes to all kinds of media. Where have I seen this happen before...
No but seriously, I love the series.
No but seriously, I love the series.
#291
Posté 12 avril 2011 - 11:13
Skolzkiy tip
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And here I thought nothing can be compared to Mock Effect. Oh well, stupid me.
Awesome job! Thx a lot!
Awesome job! Thx a lot!
#292
Posté 13 avril 2011 - 08:43
rayvioletta
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Part 19
Qwerty and party arrive at the gates of Orzammar
Bodhan: We'll just... keep the caravan a safe distance away from the gates... just in case of Sandal's paren... I mean... wild bears
Qwerty: You get a lot of wild bears camping at the gates?
Bodhan: You can never be too careful
Sandal: The old lady is scary!
Wynne: What? What did I do?
Sandal: Boom!
Wynne: I only exploded that man because he was a bandit and didn't use any manners when he tried to rob us
Bodhan: Yes, well if you wouldn't mind perhaps leaving the corpses in a more... lootable state, we would appreciate it
Qwerty: Alright, Alice, Leliana, Doggigan and Shale, with me
Sten: No
Qwerty: What now?
Sten: I always get left behind. I want to come
Qwerty: Sorry but the party's full. Shale provides the intimidation, Leliana provides the sexy, Doggigan and Alistair provide the funny insults that only convince the rest of us that they'll be shagging like mad any time now and I provide, well, me
Alistair: We'll bring you back a gift
Sten: Thank you
Wynne: And what about me?
Zevran: And me.
Qwerty: I need you to guard the caravan, I don't trust Bodhan not to steal it
Sandal: Enchantment!
Sten: The dwarf has enchanted my cookies! Hmm, now they are mint flavoured
Sandal: Enchant-mint!
Imrek: I demand you let us in by the order of King Teyrn Loghain or he'll come here, betray your king and steal his throne too!
Dorf: I'm sorry but you can't go in and our king is already dead and the throne is empty. Well, actually that's not true, there's a dragon hiding inside of it, but there's nobody sitting in it is what I mean
Imrek: THIS IS AN OUTRAGE! The assembly would take action if the darkspawn attacked a Dwarven colony!
Dorf: We live next to the sodding Deep Roads you pillock, they're always attacking us
Imrek: But there is a blight and Loghain demands aid! Even though he's denying that there is a blight!
Nameless Loghain Loyalist Soldier: I believe the Teyrn's exact words were "Ah yes, Blights. We have dismissed those claims"
Qwerty: Can we come in?
Imrek: Don't push in, get to the back of the queue
Qwerty: We're Grey Wardens and...
Imrek: Grey Wardens?
Wynne: I KNEW IT!
Imrek: You betra... wait, what?
Qwerty: What's this about Wynne, you're supposed to be at the caravan
Wynne: You complained about the hat. You said I was using the wrong spelling. But something has been bothering me since then... BioWare are Canadian! They use the same spelling as the English! You were just making excuses not to wear that lovely hat I knitted for you! Look, I even put an "R" in now so it doesn't say "gay"
Qwerty: It's still too big, vomit coloured and the R barely shows up because of the colour and is in the wrong place anyway and my name is not Gary. Besides, your argument doesn't even make sense since I was the one with the right spelling!
Wynne: Yes well I am a woman and thus never wrong
Imrek: Look can we hurry this along? I've got a busy schedule of yelling at these lawn ornaments
Dorf: You humans are all racist!
Doggigan: Seriously, what's with all the quotes? I was actually in the bloody game and you don't hear me quoting it
Dorf: We saw the script for Dragon Age 2 and so we're subtlety auditioning for a transfer to Mass Effect
Alistair: I geth that makes sense
Qwerty: Can we just go in now?
Imrek: You are Grey Wardens! You betrayed King Cailan (well, we're blaming you anyway) and did other evil stuff. I am suicidally insane and thus challenge you to a fight!
One short, one sided battle later
Dorf: What? You still can't come in until you show me your Grey Warden identity cards, and then we need to search your caravan for a Dwarven kleptomaniac kidnapper and his hostage named after footwear
Alistair: You don't need to see our identification. Those aren't the dwarves you're looking for
Dorf: Your jedi mind tricks won't work on me!
Shale: Shall I tear it's head and assorted limbs off?
Dorf: But that will. Go inside friend
The party enter Orzammar.
Alistair: Hey, it looks just like Lothering except the river is lava now!
Dagna: Oh my gosh, are you guys from the surface? Have you heard of the Circle of Magi?
Qwerty: Oghren you are fooling nobody by tying pink bows into your beard and talking in a high pitched voice
Dagna: Art department didn't make any female Dwarves, so I'm standing in
Qwerty: In that case I'll be back in a minute, I need to disable my "romance Dagna" mod
Part 20
Qwerty and party arrive at the gates of Orzammar
Bodhan: We'll just... keep the caravan a safe distance away from the gates... just in case of Sandal's paren... I mean... wild bears
Qwerty: You get a lot of wild bears camping at the gates?
Bodhan: You can never be too careful
Sandal: The old lady is scary!
Wynne: What? What did I do?
Sandal: Boom!
Wynne: I only exploded that man because he was a bandit and didn't use any manners when he tried to rob us
Bodhan: Yes, well if you wouldn't mind perhaps leaving the corpses in a more... lootable state, we would appreciate it
Qwerty: Alright, Alice, Leliana, Doggigan and Shale, with me
Sten: No
Qwerty: What now?
Sten: I always get left behind. I want to come
Qwerty: Sorry but the party's full. Shale provides the intimidation, Leliana provides the sexy, Doggigan and Alistair provide the funny insults that only convince the rest of us that they'll be shagging like mad any time now and I provide, well, me
Alistair: We'll bring you back a gift
Sten: Thank you
Wynne: And what about me?
Zevran: And me.
Qwerty: I need you to guard the caravan, I don't trust Bodhan not to steal it
Sandal: Enchantment!
Sten: The dwarf has enchanted my cookies! Hmm, now they are mint flavoured
Sandal: Enchant-mint!
Imrek: I demand you let us in by the order of King Teyrn Loghain or he'll come here, betray your king and steal his throne too!
Dorf: I'm sorry but you can't go in and our king is already dead and the throne is empty. Well, actually that's not true, there's a dragon hiding inside of it, but there's nobody sitting in it is what I mean
Imrek: THIS IS AN OUTRAGE! The assembly would take action if the darkspawn attacked a Dwarven colony!
Dorf: We live next to the sodding Deep Roads you pillock, they're always attacking us
Imrek: But there is a blight and Loghain demands aid! Even though he's denying that there is a blight!
Nameless Loghain Loyalist Soldier: I believe the Teyrn's exact words were "Ah yes, Blights. We have dismissed those claims"
Qwerty: Can we come in?
Imrek: Don't push in, get to the back of the queue
Qwerty: We're Grey Wardens and...
Imrek: Grey Wardens?
Wynne: I KNEW IT!
Imrek: You betra... wait, what?
Qwerty: What's this about Wynne, you're supposed to be at the caravan
Wynne: You complained about the hat. You said I was using the wrong spelling. But something has been bothering me since then... BioWare are Canadian! They use the same spelling as the English! You were just making excuses not to wear that lovely hat I knitted for you! Look, I even put an "R" in now so it doesn't say "gay"
Qwerty: It's still too big, vomit coloured and the R barely shows up because of the colour and is in the wrong place anyway and my name is not Gary. Besides, your argument doesn't even make sense since I was the one with the right spelling!
Wynne: Yes well I am a woman and thus never wrong
Imrek: Look can we hurry this along? I've got a busy schedule of yelling at these lawn ornaments
Dorf: You humans are all racist!
Doggigan: Seriously, what's with all the quotes? I was actually in the bloody game and you don't hear me quoting it
Dorf: We saw the script for Dragon Age 2 and so we're subtlety auditioning for a transfer to Mass Effect
Alistair: I geth that makes sense
Qwerty: Can we just go in now?
Imrek: You are Grey Wardens! You betrayed King Cailan (well, we're blaming you anyway) and did other evil stuff. I am suicidally insane and thus challenge you to a fight!
One short, one sided battle later
Dorf: What? You still can't come in until you show me your Grey Warden identity cards, and then we need to search your caravan for a Dwarven kleptomaniac kidnapper and his hostage named after footwear
Alistair: You don't need to see our identification. Those aren't the dwarves you're looking for
Dorf: Your jedi mind tricks won't work on me!
Shale: Shall I tear it's head and assorted limbs off?
Dorf: But that will. Go inside friend
The party enter Orzammar.
Alistair: Hey, it looks just like Lothering except the river is lava now!
Dagna: Oh my gosh, are you guys from the surface? Have you heard of the Circle of Magi?
Qwerty: Oghren you are fooling nobody by tying pink bows into your beard and talking in a high pitched voice
Dagna: Art department didn't make any female Dwarves, so I'm standing in
Qwerty: In that case I'll be back in a minute, I need to disable my "romance Dagna" mod
Part 20
Modifié par rayvioletta, 11 mai 2011 - 03:32 .
#293
Posté 13 avril 2011 - 09:04
Ryllen Laerth Kriel
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Well played as always rayvioletta, well played.
#294
Posté 13 avril 2011 - 09:09
Louis deGuerre
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rayvioletta wrote...
The party enter Orzammar.
Alistair: Hey, it looks just like Lothering except the river is lava now!
You made me spill my morning coffee
#295
Posté 13 avril 2011 - 09:11
Sabriana
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Alistair: Hey, it looks just like Lothering except the river is lava now!
Dagna: Oh my gosh, are you guys from the surface? Have you heard of the Circle of Magi?
Qwerty: Oghren you are fooling nobody by tying pink bows into your beard and talking in a high pitched voice
Dagna: Art department didn't make any female Dwarves, so I'm standing in
Qwerty: In that case I'll be back in a minute, I need to disable my "romance Dagna" mod
ROFL
Dagna: Oh my gosh, are you guys from the surface? Have you heard of the Circle of Magi?
Qwerty: Oghren you are fooling nobody by tying pink bows into your beard and talking in a high pitched voice
Dagna: Art department didn't make any female Dwarves, so I'm standing in
Qwerty: In that case I'll be back in a minute, I need to disable my "romance Dagna" mod
ROFL
#296
Posté 13 avril 2011 - 10:18
rayvioletta
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Part 20
Qwerty: Ok, I'm back and the mod is disabled. Damn them for not having female Dwarves
Leliana: I was so looking forward to a threesome
Alistair: Wouldn't it be more like a two-and-a-halfsome?
Dagna: Look can you just carry a message to the Circle for me please?
Doggigan: Why would you want to study at the Circle? I could get you a far more interesting position studying for my mother. Then perhaps she'd try to possess you instead of me
Qwerty: We killed your mother, remember?
Doggigan: She'll be back
Qwerty: Then what was the bloody point?
Doggigan: I... um... oh. That was kind of a bad plan wasn't it? Now she's probably going to be angry
Dulin: Warden! I'm glad I found you first. If you wish Orzammar's aid against the Blight you must first help the good Lord Harrowmont take the throne.
Shale: That should be easy, I could easily carry the throne. Where would it like it taken to?
Dulin: Wow a golem! I've only ever seen one of those before
Shale: It has seen other golems? Were they as intelligent and pretty as I?
Dulin: No, not really. It was as dumb as rocks, probably because it was rocks...
Shale: Was? What happened to it?
Dulin: Stupid thing was badly made. Tough as nails unless you knew its weakness was it's eyes. But the damn thing was full of explosive powder. They used to make Casteless fight it just for a laugh. Then the Incident happened
Qwerty: Incident?
Dulin: Like I said, full of explosives and a weak spot, bad combination. Go for the eyes... BOOM
Qwerty: That was an awful lot of effort just to set that up
Dulin: Yeah well, back to business now. Good Kind Lord Harrowmont and Evil Murderous Prince Bhelen are vying for the throne. Lord Harrowmont wants you to prove your loyalty by entering the Provings in his name. If you win then he'll consider you an ally since Bhelen would never work with somebody who embarrassed him so, even though he actually would and there is an optional quest to betray Harrowmont and side with Bhelen and even if you ignore that quest you can still give the crown to Bhelen after... you know now that I think about it, Harrowmont is kind of too trusting... oh well
Qwerty: Ok, we'll enter this Proving then. We're certain to win after all
Proving Master: This is a glory proving for honour and all that stuff! Representing Lord Harrowmont... THE GREY WARDEN!
Crowd: YAY!
Proving Master: And in the other corner... DEADEYE DUNCAN!
A short battle later...
Dulin: I cannot... that was... by the Stone! There are no words!
Qwerty: If you'd just...
Dulin: Of all the...
Qwerty: It wasn't my...
Dulin: You LOST! To Deadeye Duncan! He's never won a Proving before! Last week he lost to a blind nug! And it was just a cardboard cutout of a blind nug!
Qwerty: It wasn't my fault! I just used that cool move I learnt from Soldiers Peak and...
Dulin: But it was a first blood match!
Qwerty: Well I didn't know that!
Dulin: You should have listened to the sodding rules instead of skipping the dialogue then!
Qwerty: Well if they hadn't cut out the conversation log...
Dulin: It doesn't matter! Harrowmont will not stand for this kind of humiliation! We are done
Qwerty: Oh well. Guess we're working for Bhelen then
Doggigan: Typical, you finally get a choice in something and you manage to screw it up
Alistair: It's ok, Harrowmont's lackey's would have accused you of siding with Bhelen anyway despite all evidence to the contrary and then if you helped Harrowmont get the crown he'd decide that because you're not a Dwarf you should be killed and then Dulin would say "Lord Harrowmont, I thought we were just going to arrest the Champion (of Redcliffe)" and there'd be a big brawl and random people from far away who you'd helped earlier would show up to help without any explanation as to why or how they knew you needed help and...
Qwerty: Right. Same damn thing will probably happen with Bhelen too. Oh well. Let's get this over with
A brief runaround later...
Vartag: So you want to work for Bhelen? Well you're off to a good start, humiliating Harrowmont like that. I mean, losing to Deadeye Duncan? Even my great, great, great, great, great great grandfather managed to beat him and he was dead before the match began
Qwerty: It was all part of a brilliant scheme to embarrass Harrowmont and aid Bhelen
Vartag: I'm stupid so I'll believe you
Qwerty: Glad to hear it
Vartag: But Bhelen wants more before he can trust you.
Qwerty: Let me guess, you want me to convince Harrowmonts friends to side with Bhelen instead by showing them forged documents?
Vartag: Good guess, but no. See, Bhelen's been banging this cute Casteless chick. But then the art department decided they didn't have time to make female Dwarves and now she looks like Oghren. Bhelen is less than thrilled. So he wants you to go to a secret portion of the dEAp roads and rescue the Dwarven women from the vault of cut content awaiting DLC treatment
Qwerty: Suddenly I'm glad I sided with you guys instead
Vartag: Glad to hear it. Once Rica's safe and sexy again, Bhelen will help you. And by help you I mean give you more jobs to do while he puts off helping you
Part 21
Qwerty: Ok, I'm back and the mod is disabled. Damn them for not having female Dwarves
Leliana: I was so looking forward to a threesome
Alistair: Wouldn't it be more like a two-and-a-halfsome?
Dagna: Look can you just carry a message to the Circle for me please?
Doggigan: Why would you want to study at the Circle? I could get you a far more interesting position studying for my mother. Then perhaps she'd try to possess you instead of me
Qwerty: We killed your mother, remember?
Doggigan: She'll be back
Qwerty: Then what was the bloody point?
Doggigan: I... um... oh. That was kind of a bad plan wasn't it? Now she's probably going to be angry
Dulin: Warden! I'm glad I found you first. If you wish Orzammar's aid against the Blight you must first help the good Lord Harrowmont take the throne.
Shale: That should be easy, I could easily carry the throne. Where would it like it taken to?
Dulin: Wow a golem! I've only ever seen one of those before
Shale: It has seen other golems? Were they as intelligent and pretty as I?
Dulin: No, not really. It was as dumb as rocks, probably because it was rocks...
Shale: Was? What happened to it?
Dulin: Stupid thing was badly made. Tough as nails unless you knew its weakness was it's eyes. But the damn thing was full of explosive powder. They used to make Casteless fight it just for a laugh. Then the Incident happened
Qwerty: Incident?
Dulin: Like I said, full of explosives and a weak spot, bad combination. Go for the eyes... BOOM
Qwerty: That was an awful lot of effort just to set that up
Dulin: Yeah well, back to business now. Good Kind Lord Harrowmont and Evil Murderous Prince Bhelen are vying for the throne. Lord Harrowmont wants you to prove your loyalty by entering the Provings in his name. If you win then he'll consider you an ally since Bhelen would never work with somebody who embarrassed him so, even though he actually would and there is an optional quest to betray Harrowmont and side with Bhelen and even if you ignore that quest you can still give the crown to Bhelen after... you know now that I think about it, Harrowmont is kind of too trusting... oh well
Qwerty: Ok, we'll enter this Proving then. We're certain to win after all
Proving Master: This is a glory proving for honour and all that stuff! Representing Lord Harrowmont... THE GREY WARDEN!
Crowd: YAY!
Proving Master: And in the other corner... DEADEYE DUNCAN!
A short battle later...
Dulin: I cannot... that was... by the Stone! There are no words!
Qwerty: If you'd just...
Dulin: Of all the...
Qwerty: It wasn't my...
Dulin: You LOST! To Deadeye Duncan! He's never won a Proving before! Last week he lost to a blind nug! And it was just a cardboard cutout of a blind nug!
Qwerty: It wasn't my fault! I just used that cool move I learnt from Soldiers Peak and...
Dulin: But it was a first blood match!
Qwerty: Well I didn't know that!
Dulin: You should have listened to the sodding rules instead of skipping the dialogue then!
Qwerty: Well if they hadn't cut out the conversation log...
Dulin: It doesn't matter! Harrowmont will not stand for this kind of humiliation! We are done
Qwerty: Oh well. Guess we're working for Bhelen then
Doggigan: Typical, you finally get a choice in something and you manage to screw it up
Alistair: It's ok, Harrowmont's lackey's would have accused you of siding with Bhelen anyway despite all evidence to the contrary and then if you helped Harrowmont get the crown he'd decide that because you're not a Dwarf you should be killed and then Dulin would say "Lord Harrowmont, I thought we were just going to arrest the Champion (of Redcliffe)" and there'd be a big brawl and random people from far away who you'd helped earlier would show up to help without any explanation as to why or how they knew you needed help and...
Qwerty: Right. Same damn thing will probably happen with Bhelen too. Oh well. Let's get this over with
A brief runaround later...
Vartag: So you want to work for Bhelen? Well you're off to a good start, humiliating Harrowmont like that. I mean, losing to Deadeye Duncan? Even my great, great, great, great, great great grandfather managed to beat him and he was dead before the match began
Qwerty: It was all part of a brilliant scheme to embarrass Harrowmont and aid Bhelen
Vartag: I'm stupid so I'll believe you
Qwerty: Glad to hear it
Vartag: But Bhelen wants more before he can trust you.
Qwerty: Let me guess, you want me to convince Harrowmonts friends to side with Bhelen instead by showing them forged documents?
Vartag: Good guess, but no. See, Bhelen's been banging this cute Casteless chick. But then the art department decided they didn't have time to make female Dwarves and now she looks like Oghren. Bhelen is less than thrilled. So he wants you to go to a secret portion of the dEAp roads and rescue the Dwarven women from the vault of cut content awaiting DLC treatment
Qwerty: Suddenly I'm glad I sided with you guys instead
Vartag: Glad to hear it. Once Rica's safe and sexy again, Bhelen will help you. And by help you I mean give you more jobs to do while he puts off helping you
Part 21
Modifié par rayvioletta, 11 mai 2011 - 04:01 .
#297
Posté 13 avril 2011 - 10:35
A Crusty Knight Of Colour
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rayvioletta wrote...
Qwerty: It wasn't my fault! I just used that cool move I learnt from Soldiers Peak and...
Dulin: But it was a first blood match!
...
Vartag: Good guess, but no. See, Bhelen's been banging this cute Casteless chick. But then the art department decided they didn't have time to make female Dwarves and now she looks like Oghren. Bhelen is less than thrilled. So he wants you to go to a secret portion of the dEAp roads and rescue the Dwarven women from the vault of cut content awaiting DLC treatment
LOL.
#298
Posté 13 avril 2011 - 11:26
delikanli
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rayvioletta wrote...
Part 19
The party enter Orzammar.
Alistair: Hey, it looks just like Lothering except the river is lava now!
Dagna: Oh my gosh, are you guys from the surface? Have you heard of the Circle of Magi?
Qwerty: Oghren you are fooling nobody by tying pink bows into your beard and talking in a high pitched voice
Dagna: Art department didn't make any female Dwarves, so I'm standing in
Qwerty: In that case I'll be back in a minute, I need to disable my "romance Dagna" mod
to be continued...
hahaha i ****ed my pants.
#299
Posté 13 avril 2011 - 12:32
cr8gg
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rayvioletta wrote...
Alistair: You don't need to see our identification. Those aren't the dwarves you're looking for
Dorf: Your jedi mind tricks won't work on me!
Shale: Shall I tear it's head and assorted limbs off?
Dorf: But that will. Go inside friend
that never gets old
.. love SW references
#300
Posté 13 avril 2011 - 12:41
Louis deGuerre
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rayvioletta wrote...
Vartag: Good guess, but no. See, Bhelen's been banging this cute Casteless chick. But then the art department decided they didn't have time to make female Dwarves and now she looks like Oghren. Bhelen is less than thrilled. So he wants you to go to a secret portion of the dEAp roads and rescue the Dwarven women from the vault of cut content awaiting DLC treatment
Less than thrilled ROFL
