662 réponses à ce sujet

[gastovski]

another awesomness

Modifié par gastovski, 18 avril 2011 - 02:16 .

[Louis deGuerre]

rayvioletta wrote...

Qwerty: Anyway my psychic powers say that one of the Dalish Elves wants this

I should really not read these at work. My co-workers are confirmed in their suspicions that I'm insane now. 

Also, don't shoot me but I think you meant 'octarine' :innocent:

Modifié par Louis deGuerre, 18 avril 2011 - 02:23 .

[jadefishes]

Lovely. I check this frequently.

Was rather expecting a Young Frankenstein:
Inga: Werewolf!
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Werewolf?
Igor: There.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: What?
Igor: There, wolf. There, castle.

[rayvioletta]

octarine has been fixed. I'm sure there's a million more typos though, firefox's spellchecker doesn't always seem to like these quick reply boxes (although ironically I have just this second discovered that the word "spellchecker" is not in its dictionary. probably supposed to be two words but oddly I like it as one) and I don't always catch them in reading afterwards

as for the young frankenstien, I probably would've referenced it but I've not actually seen it. I know, shame on me

[Louis deGuerre]

I'm terribly sorry, my OCD compelled me 

By the way, I love your comics too ! 

Modifié par Louis deGuerre, 18 avril 2011 - 03:17 .

[rayvioletta]

no need to apologise, it saves me a little time finding and fixing it later

[rayvioletta]

Part 26

The party descend into the ruins where the werewolves have made their lair...
Alistair: What are you doing?



Qwerty: Trying to open this secret door. Look, on the map there's clearly something behind it...
Alistair: DA2 style remember? That just means that one of the other fifty five thousand times we see this map there will be something there. And it won't be a secret door, it'll be a blatantly obvious one
Qwerty: I hate that you're right
Wolf: Intruders! Quick, seal the door! You shall not pass!
Qwerty: Anyone else having deja-vu?
A brief and one-sided fight ensues. The party proceed down the stairs and are met by a locked door
Leliana: It's locked from the other side, I can't pick it
Doggigan: It's clearly made of wood yet I can't burn it down
Alistair: It's not made of cheese so I can't eat through it. What? Everyone else has something helpful to say
Shale: I can break it down!
Shale attempts to punch the door, with no effect. Several more punches and even a spinning kick achieve the same lack of any result
Shale: It might wish to stand back a little
The party climb back up the stairs and Shale charges all the way across the room, down the stairs and into the door. The door doesn't budge an inch
Qwerty: Let's see if we can find a way round
Alistair: Help! I think I'm being uploaded!
Qwerty: For the hundredth time, it's not that kind of web!
Giant spiders attack. Giant spiders get killed. Suddenly an even bigger spider descends on the group
Qwerty: Oh bugger



Doggigan: Go for the eyes, Q, go for the eyes!
Qwerty: *which* eyes?
Doggigan: Eye don't know!
Instead the party just hack at the creatures legs and the air around it, which for some bizarre reason seems to kill it
Leliana: Another wave!
Qwerty: How do you sound surprised every time you say that?
Leliana: I mimic how startled Alistair is every time he looks in a mirror
Alistair: Isn't it a little late to turn that into a running gag?
Doggigan: It's never too late to insult you, Alice
Qwerty: Did you hear that?
Alistair: You mean kind of like a roaring sound?
A dragon swoops down, but has the misfortune to clip a statue with its wing as it lands. Shale lets out a roar and charges the dragon. Mere moments later Shale is holding a dragons leg in her hand and there's bits of dragon all over the room
Alistair: Remind me not to graffiti any more statues...
Qwerty: Werewolves, spiders, dragons... what else is down here? Undead? Demons?
Alistair: Bunny rabbits? What? I'm trying to be optimistic here
Qwerty: Well don't tempt fate, I forgot the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch
The party descend to the lower levels where they're promptly ambushed by undead and demons. Armies of bunny rabbits fail to join the fray
Qwerty: Well it seems they were guarding this... pool of water
Alistair: It's probably their water bowl. Maybe there's a giant food bowl behind one of those rock-falls



Qwerty: What rockfalls? There weren't any remember. This entire map was one oddly conveniently shaped naturally formed cavern identical to every other we've been in with stairs leading down into another oddly conveniently shaped naturally formed cavern identical to every other we've been in
Alistair: Sorry, I forgot
Leliana: Pity there weren't any maps in that vault
Qwerty: We couldn't carry enough maps to make all these dungeons unique. Oh well, into the water we go

A short swim later and... they arrive in yet another oddly conveniently shaped naturally formed cavern identical to every other they've been in
Qwerty: Well at least we can't get lost
Gatekeeper: Are you the Keymaster?



Qwerty: No. We're here for Witherfang
Gatekeeper: The Lady wishes to talk. Follow me
Slightly puzzled, the party follow the werewolf and find the Lady of the Forest
Lady: Greetings
Leliana: I really like your hair... but it'd be better if you had it up, in a bun perhaps. or a ponytail
Lady: Like this?
Oghren appears out of nowhere, stares, then faints
Alistair: Wow...
Alistair faints
Lady: Zathrian has not told you everything
Qwerty (staring): Don't care right now...
Lady: He lied, he will not sign your DVDs
Qwerty: Hmm? What? Wait, what? Lied? That bastard!
Lady: Bring him to me
Qwerty: Yes boobs... I mean, Lady
The party find the stairs leading up and arrive at the other side of the locked door. Qwerty pulls aside a tiny little bolt and the door swings open. Shale glares at it
Zathrian: Why are you leaving? Witherfang is not yet dead!
Qwerty: No but if you don't start telling us the truth then you will be
Zathrian: Alright, it was me who created the werewolf curse! I condemned generations of innocents to suffer for the crimes of their ancestors or biters of their ancestors and could have cured our hunters at any moment if I weren't so selfish. Are you happy now?
Qwerty: I don't care about that! You were never going to sign my DVDs were you?
Zathrian: No. I'm sorry, but... I have a blister on my hand preventing me from holding a pen
Qwerty: You lying son of a b***h!
Zathrian: Of course I lied! Did you think I didn't know what you did to my Captain?
Lanaya: Oh captain my captain...
Zathrian: Is that the only reason you came with me?
Lanaya: Yes. I'm off to the camp again now. Bye
Qwerty: You tricked us!
Zathrian: I did, and I'd do it all over again! Because as a Keeper I am a mage and under DA2 style that means I'm a completely insane psychopath!
Qwerty grabs Zathrian and throws him down the stairs
Lady: Well look who dropped in
Zathrian: More sort of rolled...
Lady: End the curse!



Qwerty: Go for the eyes, boobs, go for the eyes! I mean... my Lady
Zathrian: Oh alright.
Zathrian dies, Lady vanishes and the wolves turn human. somehow they're fully clothed
Doggigan: Damn it, when do we women get some fan service?
Leliana: I've had plenty
Doggigan: Straight women!
Alistair: Everyone's bisexual!
Doggigan: I'd only be bi if the player character was female
Leliana: Could you make a female Warden next time so we can have a threesome with her?
Qwerty: Gaspode's naked and he's the same species as you
Doggigan: Don't remind me, there's a reason I don't stay in this form at camp



ExWolf: Yeah... um, thanks. We'll be off to reintegrate into the human population until one of us gets conned into appearing in the sequel

Back at the Dalish camp...
Qwerty: Ok, quests to hand in... ah you can have this scarf
GenericElf: Thank you I had never thought to see this again I am so grateful
Athras: Hey! No! That's my wives scarf! That's for me!
Qwerty: He had the glowy arrow above his head
Athras: My bow was broken and I said he could borrow my arrows until I got it fixed, but I didn't mean that one!
Alistair: As if we'd trust you with a quest handin anyway, Lich King!
Athras: What?
Qwerty: Wrong spelling. Wrong franchise. Just plain wrong...
Lanaya: Times were dire but our hopes you raised, you've cured our hunters, creators be praised
Qwerty: Tuvok's dead by the way. I'd have preferred to kill Neelix given the choice but...
Lanaya: I guess I'm the Keeper now. Merrill will be soooo jealous the next time our clans meet. We'll honour the treaty Warden. It is after all Halla-ween and that is the time for "trick or treaty"



Alistair: Hooray! We've got all the treaties now we can go back to Redcliffe!

Part 27

Modifié par rayvioletta, 15 mai 2011 - 03:46 .

[Curlain]

rayvioletta wrote...


Gatekeeper: Are you the Keymaster?
Qwerty: No. We're here for Witherfang

to be continued...

Loved the Ghostbuster reference 

[AkiKishi]

I'm looking forward to the Dark Ritual bit.

[Recon Member]

Shame you can't put 'thumbs up' or something to show how good this thread is

[rayvioletta]

Thekill_3 wrote...

Shame you can't put 'thumbs up' or something to show how good this thread is

well there's those stars but we all know how misleading star rankings are in DA2 style 

[cr8gg]

rayvioletta wrote...

part 26


Lady: Zathrian has not told you everything
Qwerty (staring): Don't care right now...
Lady: He lied, he will not sign your DVDs
Qwerty: Hmm? What? Wait, what? Lied? That bastard!
Lady: Bring him to me
Qwerty: Yes boobs... I mean, Lady


Zathrian: Of course I lied! Did you think I didn't know what you did to my Captain?
Lanaya: Oh captain my captain...

Love it ... "yes boobs" ? brilliant :wub::wub:

[gastovski]

dude dont be too harsh on this if not stanley will lock just like the poster thread..

[rayvioletta]

it's survived so far and I'm sure the mods have noticed it by now. so far I'm assuming they're allowing it because they have a sense of humour. if not then it's probably too late now to change my ways
but as I mentioned earlier, I have backups. if it ever vanishes from here then it'll be out there... somewhere

like DA wikia for example. or nexus

[DocDoomII]

Alistair: As if we'd trust you with a quest handin anyway, Lich King!
Athras: What?
Qwerty: Wrong spelling. Wrong franchise. Just plain wrong...

Honestly, I misread his name for at least 4 playthorughs...

[TheRealJayDee]

I just found this today, and, well, I should really have been sleeping for quite a while now. But I couldn't stop reading and laughing. Too good! This will definitely replace the sadly deceased Motivational Poster thread as my scource of hilarious DA satire. I don't think anyone could come up with any reason to lock this. Although I didn't think so about the poster thread...

Anyways, keep up the great work, rayvioletta!

[LebatomiBeni]

Yes, ray, keep up the awesome work. Looking forward to more!!

[thedistortedchild]

Soo... much.. awesome....

[Sabriana]

rayvioletta wrote...

it's survived so far and I'm sure the mods have noticed it by now. so far I'm assuming they're allowing it because they have a sense of humour. if not then it's probably too late now to change my ways
but as I mentioned earlier, I have backups. if it ever vanishes from here then it'll be out there... somewhere

like DA wikia for example. or nexus

I am relieved. Utterly.

Thanks for the "ok" copying it and showing it. We had great fun, and it even turned into a party game of sorts. We were all trying to top each other finding easter eggs. We were cracking up royally. Not that we were drinking or anything.

[rayvioletta]

my personal favourite 'easter egg' happens during the Fade
not sure if anyone evir noticed it...

[Efer]

This is the best thing that came out of DA2, epic ...

[rayvioletta]

Part 27

A giant frog demon is riding a unicorn and stealing cheese when suddenly the Arch Demon swoops in, eats all the cheese and the frog runs away crying
Arch Demon: Peek-a-boo, I SEE YOU!
Qwerty and Alistair both wake up, Alistair is screaming "mummy, mummy!" Suddenly Darkspawn attack the camp



Qwerty: What a good job I decided to sleep in my armour tonight!
Alistair: That's odd, so did I
Leliana: And me. Despite the assumption that we had sex earlier
Qwerty: Well we always leave our underwear on for that, so why not armour too?
Morrigan: I'm just happy I finally get to fight in human form again
Oghren: I always sleep in my armour. Last time I took it off somebody threw it away because I hadn't washed it in six years. That was, oh, fifteen years ago
Wynne: And I thought the smell was from the dogs...
Shale: I always sleep naked. But then, I do everything naked
Oghren: Wait... you're female... right?
Shale: Oh no. I can sense where this is going
Oghren freezes, staring at Shale. A drip of drool falls from his mouth. Shale punches Oghren, sending him flying into a Shriek
Shale: Disgusting creature
Qwerty: The Shriek or Oghren?
Tamlen: It's me... wait, you're not Dalish! Damn it, I must've taken a wrong turn. Let's see, turn left from main menu and head towards load game then take a right turn at switch character...
Several waves of Darkspawn and Tamlen killing later (that's waves of Darkspawn but only one Tamlen)...
Alistair: Did you have the dream too? The Arch Demon... I think it saw us! What do you think it means?



Qwerty: Well just guessing but maybe it means that it found us and sent a bunch of Darkspawn to our camp to ambush us in our sleep?
Alistair: Wow I never thought of that
Qwerty: That's odd, Bodhan and Sandal aren't around
Alistair: Maybe they decided to sleep inside the caravan tonight?
Leliana: Nobody in here
Bodhan and Sandal pop into existence
Bodhan: Don't worry about us. We have plot immunity
Qwerty: Let's just get going for Redcliffe
Bodhan: But it's still the middle of the night!
Qwerty: We can change it to day on the map

Return to Redcliffe...
Eamon: You got all the treaties? Good, good. Let's go to Denerim!
Qwerty: Wouldn't it have saved time if we'd just agreed to meet there instead?
Eamon: Don't be silly. Let's skip another three years
Qwerty: What? No! That would be...
Three years later...
Qwerty: incredibly stupid!
Isolde and Teagan stumble out of a closet again.
Isolde: These timeskips are even better than viagra!
Eamon: Got to have room to slot the DLC in. Considering how decisions have no consequences, slotting DLC in at earlier points in the game is the only way we can encourage people to replay it
Qwerty: But I unlocked the consequences!
Eamon: You did what? We were going to sell those as the final DLC!
Qwerty: Did we at least come up with a plan during those three years?



Eamon: Plan? The plan is to go to Denerim, call a Landsmeet, tell everyone that Loghain is a stinky traitor who smells of poo and put Alistair on the throne as my puppet... I mean as our King
Alistair: What? No! I don't want to be a king! I want to be... A LUMBERJACK!
Qwerty: What?
Alistair: Leaping from tree to tree, as they float down the mighty rivers of some place that looks like Lothering! With my best girl at my side! The larch! The pine! That talking rhyming tree! Those possessed trees that tried to kill us! We'd sing, sing sing! Oh I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay...




Dances from Dance Party by Firinneach

Qwerty: That's enough. You really think he should be king? Are you as nuts as he is?



Alistair: I cut down trees, I skip and jump. I like to press wild flowers. I put on women's clothing, and hang around in bars...
Eamon: Queen perhaps then?
Qwerty: I think not
Teagan: It's him or Loghain. At least Alice is a less dangerous kind of crazy
Alistair (sarcastically): Oh I'm so glad that nickname caught on
Qwerty: You just sang about wanting to be "a girlie"
Eamon: It's settled. Alistair will be King. Or Queen. That we can debate later. For now we must go to Denerim
Qwerty: Why can't I be King?
Alistair: You didn't side with the Templars
Qwerty: What the hell does that have to do with anything?
Alistair: Ask DA2

Some time later, in Denerim... the party are in Eamon's estate when Loghain, Howe, What, Whye, Who and Ser Cauthrien enter
Qwerty: Who are all of you?
Who: No only I am who
Qwerty: Why are you here?
Why: Yes I am
Qwerty: What?
What: Yes?
Loghain: Stop that!
Eamon: So good of you to join us Loghain
Loghain: How could I not when you invited every... what are you staring at?
Qwerty: I read my Origin. You're Arl Howe!
Howe: Indeed I am.
Qwerty: I'm going to kill you for what you did to my family! But first could you please sign my Gabriel Knight, Rocky Horror...
Howe: No
Qwerty: Death it is then!
Sten: Not cake?
Howe: I'd rather have cake
Loghain: Me too
Sten: And me
What: And me
Qwerty: We're going to run out of cake at this rate...
Eamon: Enough! Everyone knows pie is better so I got that instead
Sten: The cake is a pie?
Cauthrien: Can I just kill them all now? I'm pretty much the toughest boss fight in the game, I can take them
Loghain: No, we'll just leave and twiddle our thumbs for a bit
Loghain and his entourage depart
Eamon: Well you'd better run off and play for a bit. Come by my bedroom when you're ready for a quest
Qwerty: You're really not my type. Wait, that's Isolde's bedroom too, right?
Eamon: She's staying in Redcliffe with Teagan. It's nice that they get along so well. But that's not what I meant. There's an elven woman in my bedroom...
Qwerty: I'm happy for you, but I don't need to hear the details
Eamon: Oh for... look just come by for a quest alright?
Qwerty: Let's just... explore Denerim for a bit shall we? Let Eamon and his elf have a bit of privacy
Oghren: You go on without me, I think there's a closet in Eamon's room I can hide in
Zevran: My dear Oghren, please do tell me when you decide to come out of the closet

Denerim market...
Alistair: Why are we stopping at every vendor? Again!
Qwerty: I'm not happy about it either...
Leliana: Yes you are, we love shopping!
Qwerty (ignoring her): but we have to check the vendors every damn act for new stuff. See, look at this. A pink bow tie armour upgrade for you Alice, that wasn't here last time. And look at this belt, five stars... hang on, my current belt is two stars but is stupidly better than this one



Merchant: Ah yes well you see the stars are a very complex system that are not easily understood and... oh alright, they don't mean a thing. they just look pretty
Landry: You killed my friend and good King Cailan! I demand satisfaction!
Qwerty: What?
Landry: You're one of the Warden's, I recognise you from Ostagar
Qwerty: Well if you were at Ostagar then surely you saw that Loghain ordered his troops to abandon the King and most of the Wardens died trying to defend him
Landry: Yes but I'm incredibly stupid. I demand a duel!
Qwerty: I hope you don't mean the kind of duel we had with Isabela
Landry: I mean the kind where I stupidly tell my bodyguards to stand back and let you kill me
Qwerty: Ok, fair enough
One quick duel later



Qwerty: Well that was fun. Quick visit to the Pearl before we check up on Eamon?
Leliana: Sounds like a plan
Alistair: You mean to investigate the trap we never got around to checking on any of our previous visits?
Qwerty: Only if "investigate the trap" is a euphemism

Part 28

Modifié par rayvioletta, 17 mai 2011 - 09:00 .

[Louis deGuerre]

rayvioletta wrote...

my personal favourite 'easter egg' happens during the Fade
not sure if anyone evir noticed it...

After much agonzing between all the goodness...

Was it this ? 

Bethany: Damn it. I'm gonna get my arse kicked now aren't I?

Reminded me of a brilliant moment in The Chronicles of Amber, but I thought it might just be me.

rayvioletta wrote...

Some time later, in Denerim... the party are in Eamon's estate when Loghain, Howe, What, Whye, Who and Ser Cauthrien enter

My favourite bit of Awakenings banter 

Modifié par Louis deGuerre, 19 avril 2011 - 12:03 .

[rayvioletta]

nope, it was actually the later trip to the fade. there was also a clue disguised as a typo in my earlier post