662 réponses à ce sujet

[rayvioletta]

Part 32

The party are once again wandering through the Deep Roads
Alistair: So I was thinking, since everyone likes Leliana's Song...
Qwerty: If you're trying to sell more DLC I will stab you
Alistair: I meant the actual song. That she sang. People like singing
Qwerty: Your point?
Alistair: We should make this a musical!
Qwerty: You're insane
Alistair: Think about it! It'd go something like...



Loghain: A teryn's gotta do what a teryn’s gotta do
Don’t plan the plan if you can’t follow through
All that matters: taking matters into your own hands
Soon I’ll control everything, my wish is your command



Alistair: Stand back everyone, nothing here to see
Just imminent danger, in the middle of it...
Qwerty: Me!



Alistair and Qwerty: Yes, Grey Warden's are here, hair blowing in the breeze
And the day needs our saving expertise



Alistair: An heir's gotta do what an heir’s gotta do
Seems the Blight ends with me ruling you
The only doom that’s looming is the Archdemons breath
So I’ll give you a sec to spawn demon babies to stop my death



Morrigan (sarcastic): Thank you royal bastard, I don’t think I can
Explain how important it was that you finally be a man
Now I'm pregnant, just like in Stargate and Farscape
'Tis time to make my escape

Qwerty: First, that's just ridiculous. Second, it contains spoilers of things that may or may not happen
Alistair: Oh but everyone knows about that anyway
Qwerty: And thirdly we're not doing it
Alistair: Balls

They arrive at the vault
Qwerty: Right, let's search this place from top to bottom. Oh and if anyone finds a spare heir so we can get rid of Alistair...
Leliana: I thought we were going to marry Anora?
Qwerty: Just in case she stabs us in the back
Alistair: I found companion armour! I can finally change into some clean clothes!
Leliana: Oh thank the Maker! I can wear some different shoes at last!
Doggigan: I don't suppose there's anything to increase the party size so I could go human again?
Qwerty: No but there's a shapeshifting specialisation manual, you could be a spider or a bear instead
Doggigan: I'll stick with the dog. At least I've experience at being a b***h
Qwerty: Ah ha! I found it!
He proudly displays what looks like a swiss army knife
Alistair: Antivan army knife perhaps?
Leliana: Or Orlesian
Qwerty: It's the ToolSet!
Alistair: Oh no
Qwerty: Oh yes!
Alistair: Be careful with that thing!
Qwerty: I've a feeling it will come in extremely handy later
Leliana: Wait, how have we been using mods when that was locked up in here?
Qwerty: There's some very talented modders out there. And we appreciate their efforts very much
Shale: Are we done here now? Can we get to more important things like my companion quest?
Qwerty: Fine, fine. Lead the way

A short trip via the map later they end up in yet another identical portion of the Deep Roads...
Qwerty: At least we'll never have to come here ever again after this
Several thousand packs of Darkspawn later...



Shale: Here we are, a sign saying... oh. Caridin was telling the truth after all. Can it please not tell the pervy dwarf about this?
Qwerty: Well this was clearly time well spent
Alistair: Landsmeet time?
Qwerty: Landsmeet
Alistair: An heir's gotta do, what...
Qwerty: Shut up
Alistair (muttering): Listen close to Alistair's heart
And hear that breaking sound
Hopes and dreams are shattering apart
And crashing to the ground...

The party return to Denerim and enter the Royal Palace
Alistair: It's hopeless, we've lost
Qwerty: What are you talking about? We're winning. We go into the next room, turn everyone against Loghain and lead the united armies against the Darkspawn
Alistair: Loghain expects the taint then I shall give it to him! Maker help us all! The rite belonged to Avernus, a man the Champion (of Redcliffe) is familiar with. I put aside his research as too dangerous – but things have changed.
Qwerty: Why are you doing this? We're winning you pillock!
Doggigan: Guess this is why we had to get that song out of the way earlier...
Alistair mutates into a taint monster and fights the party
Alistaint: Ha ha ha! Foolish Warden! When I taught you the secret Grey Warden skills I deliberately left flaws in your style! Holes in your defence that only I would know how to exploit!
Qwerty: What? You never taught me anything!
Alistaint: Damn it, I knew I forgot to do something
Qwerty: You wanted something to remember Duncan by?
Qwerty pulls out Duncan's dagger
Qwerty: Well here you bloody go!
Qwerty leaps up onto Alistaint's head and stabs the dagger through his skull. Alistaint collapses, dead, his last words...
Alistaint: I love you Duncan....
Qwerty: Well you know what they say. Heir today, gone tomorrow
Leliana: To heir is human
Doggigan: What an idiot
Qwerty: Indeed. I guess you can go human for a while now
Morrigan: Finally!
Qwerty: And now to deal with Loghain...

Part 33

Modifié par rayvioletta, 18 mai 2011 - 11:36 .

[KLUME777]

OH MY GOSH THIS THREAD IS SO COOL!

Rayvioletta, you are full of win!

[Jon abcd]

NOOOOO!!!ALICE!!!!!

.....O wait

[gastovski]

Alice is dead RIP.

Modifié par gastovski, 21 avril 2011 - 07:55 .

[LebatomiBeni]

LOL I should have known that would happen.

[Curlain]

 That chapter ending was DA2 style indeed 

RIP Alice (you never know though, with DA2 rules his death might not be a fatal condition lol) 

[MG800]

Alisorsino - combination of bloody, whiny and being an idiot
May you rest in peace

It's almost Landsmeet and Zevran didn't met his sexy Antivan ex-lover. Or did I miss it?

Modifié par MG800, 22 avril 2011 - 09:31 .

[DreGregoire]

Omg tears streaming down my face and I haven't even read half. I'll have to come back after I calm down. Thanks for the roflmao.

[Skolzkiy tip]

Hey! I want an Alice cameo in DA2 DA2-style!

[rayvioletta]

MG800 wrote...

It's almost Landsmeet and Zevran didn't met his sexy Antivan ex-lover. Or did I miss it?

I did in fact forget that but already have plans to address it without a retcon, so all's well

[Sabriana]

rayvioletta wrote...

MG800 wrote...

It's almost Landsmeet and Zevran didn't met his sexy Antivan ex-lover. Or did I miss it?

I did in fact forget that but already have plans to address it without a retcon, so all's well

Is that even allowed? I thought they were mandatory  

Keep it up, and I will consider re-naming my first-born after you, rofl.

[Louis deGuerre]

MG800 wrote...

Alisorsino - combination of bloody, whiny and being an idiot
May you rest in peace

I should totally have seen this coming but I didn't

Waiting impatiently for MOAR 

Meanhwile...

[Paragon Gabriel]

rayvioletta wrote...

Leliana: Perhaps we could help... convince you
One fade to black later...
Anora: Why did the lights go out when you put a knife to my throat and threatened to kill me?
Leliana: I think the narrator was expecting something else
Oghren: He's not the only one
Qwerty: I don't think this is working. Let me try something
One quick log off, downloading and installing of a mod followed by a reload later...
Leliana: Perhaps we could help... convince you
One fade to black later...
Qwerty, Anora, Leliana and Erlina are just finishing getting dressed when Oghren falls out of the closet, having passed out, with a huge grin on his face
Qwerty: Glad that's settled then
Leliana: Blessed be the Maker (of mods)

I don't know what goes on in your head, but it sure is some crazy sh*t. But in a good way

[Lilitv]

I was hoping the begger said "Spare some change for an ex-leper?" but at least they did the fish slapping dance.

[rayvioletta]

Part 33

The party enter the Landsmeet and find Eamon and Loghain locked in argument already
Loghain: I have every right! The Wardens are harbouring Orlesians and I intent to root them out before they infect this kingdom!
Eamon: Orlesians! Where do you not see Orlesians? Our people cannot sneeze without you accusing them of corruption!
Loghain: Do not trifle with me Eamon, my patience is at an end!
Sten: Trifle? I prefer cake
Eamon: A wonder that I never saw it begin!
Loghain: What I have done is protect the people of this kingdom time and again! What I have done is protect the Wardens from their own taint and their own stupidity! And I will not stop doing it! I will not lower our guard! I dare not!
Qwerty: This fighting needs to stop! The kingdom must be united against the Blight!
Loghain: What other option do we have? Tell me Warden that you have not seen with your own eyes what they can do, heard the lies of Orlesians that seek power! Your own girlfriend was almost killed by an Orlesian's manipulations!
Qwerty: You can't use the actions of some to condemn them all! Besides, the Orlesians have nothing to do with this you bloody nutjob!
Riordan: You would cast us all as villains but it is not so!
Loghain: I know, and it breaks my heart to do it but we must be vigilant! If you cannot tell me another way then do not brand me a tyrant!



Qwerty: There's lots of other ways. There's the way where you pull your head out of your arse, admit the charges against the Wardens are false and turn yourself in for conspiracy, treason and being stark raving mad. Or there's the way where we grudgingly put our differences aside and unite our armies against the Blight and resolve this later, or the way were I lop your head off and everybody cheers
Loghain: Turn myself in? For your crimes? I think not. It was the Grey Wardens who led our King into a death trap at Ostagar all so that their Orlesian allies could invade when our armies were weakened and demoralised!
Qwerty: The Blight is the enemy here, not the Orlesians! Oh and by the way, how's your slave business going? Getting a good price for all those Elves?
Loghain: Such things are necessary in times of war but it's not like any of the nobles care about elves anyway is it?
Qwerty: But they might care about, oh, poisoning Arl Eamon?
Loghain: I had nothing to do with that
Qwerty: Funny, Jowan and Irminric, the Templar you took him away from, said otherwise
Grand Cleric: The Maker does not take kindly to this news Loghain
Loghain: Um... you kidnapped my daughter! Yes, our beloved Queen is being held captive by the evil Orlesian conspiring Wardens!
Anora: No I'm not
Loghain: Balls, this isn't going well is it? Well... you murdered Arl Howe!
Eamon: Oh come on Loghain, everybody hated Howe, you're just helping our case now
Loghain: Damn it!
Grand Cleric: Enough! We shall take a vote
Everyone: We support the Warden!
Loghain: Well I don't!
Grand Cleric: Well I guess you'll have to settle it in a duel then
Qwerty: What? But we won
Grand Cleric: Don't be silly. Go on, duel away
Anora: Father you don't have to do this



Loghain: My own daughter falls prey to the influence of Orlesians! You all have! You're all weak! Allowing the Orlesians to control your minds with their sexy exotic accents, to turn you against me! But I don't need any of you! I will protect this kingdom myself!
Anora: You'll have to go through me!
Loghain: Idiot girl, just like all the others
Qwerty: Anora, you're not fighting him for me
Anora: Can I at least slap him? He never did give me enough pocket money
Qwerty: Fine

Anora slaps Loghain with enough force to send him flying across the room. Loghain snarls and pulls out a sword... which on closer inspection actually resembles a giant Swiss Orlesian Army Knife
Qwerty: You made a sword from a toolset?
Loghain laughs and uses the toolset to bring statues, furniture and ornaments to life, then inexplicably jumps onto a balcony and poses watching the battle. The party fight through the normally inanimate objects and Loghain jumps down, gets hit a few times and then retreats and goes back to posing while they fight the furniture
Leliana: I guess we're turning the tables on him!
Qwerty: I think I just killed his chairman!
One of the statues lunges towards Sandal and Bodhan who are watching from the sidelines
Bodhan: You no take Sandal!
Qwerty decapitates the statue before it gets close. Loghain jumps down again, realises his allies are all dead and finds all weapons pointed at him
Loghain: Um...
Riordan: Wait! We can make him a Warden!
Qwerty: Ha yes, good one. Maybe not the best time for jokes though
Riordan: No, I was serious
Qwerty: Ah, you're applying for the position of idiot now Alice is dead then?
Riordan: At least it's better than being the streaker
Qwerty: Fair enough
Anora: The joining is dangerous, we all know this somehow despite it being a huge secret. If my father dies then justice is served
Qwerty: Yes and if he survives then he's alive.
Anora: He's the Hero of the River Dane! And he voiced a famous vampire!



Grand Cleric: He's not the vampire, he's a very naughty boy!
Riordan: Trust me Qwert, I have something to tell you later, in private that will make you change your mind
Qwerty: Why do men keep hitting on me?
Leliana: It's the pigtails
Riordan: That's not what I meant! Let's just say that being a Warden might be even more of a punishment than killing him
Qwerty: Fine, but I reserve the right to stab him later if I change my mind
Anora: Fair enough
Riordan: Good call
Loghain: Do I have no say in this?
Qwerty: No, not really
Loghain: Oh, alright then
Eamon: Now we just need to address who should be king. I think since poor Alistair is dead that the crown should go to his secret twin brother... um... Alis...two. Alistwo!
Qwerty: That's a puppet. I can see the strings
Eamon: How is that any different from Alistair?
Qwerty: I shall be king, ruling alongside Queen Anora and Queen Leliana



Eamon: You can't have two wives!
Qwerty: Anora, can the king make the law or can he not?
Anora: The three of us shall marry and rule jointly
Qwerty: I love the toolset!
Eamon: But... what about my puppet?



Varric: And then they all lived happily ever after
Cassandra: What? That wasn't an ending!
Varric: I know. DA2 style remember
Cassandra: I don't care. You say the Champion (of Redcliffe) found not just one toolset but also took the one from Loghain. He must have been able to make his own ending
Varric: Fine, fine. We're already about fifty times longer than DA2 actually is anyway. You want an ending, you shall have it

Qwerty and company arrive in Redcliffe
Riordan: The Darkspawn are attacking Denerim!
Qwerty: What? We just came from there! Why'd you bring us here?
Riordan: Because I'm an idiot and assumed they'd attack a small town nobody cares about rather than the capital city especially if we moved all our armies away from the more appealing target. Oh by the way, the Arch Demon is in Denerim
Qwerty: Fine, let's go back there right away
Eamon: We'll go tomorrow
Riordan: Qwerty, Loghain, do either of you know how to kill an Arch Demon?
Loghain: Not really
Qwerty: Stab it?
Riordan: A Grey Warden must kill it. It contains the soul of an Old God
Qwerty: Cthulhu?
Loghain: C'thun?
Riordan: No. But when it dies, that soul will pass into the nearest tainted creature. If it is not slain by a Warden it will go to another Darkspawn and make a new Arch Demon
Qwerty: Even though they're not a dragon?
Riordan: Shush. If it is killed by a Warden then the Wardens soul will fight the Old God soul and both will be destroyed. Only then will the Blight end
Loghain: So that's why you spared me
Riordan: What? No. I spared you so we could assign you to a post in Orlais. I shall kill the Arch Demon



Loghain: Orlais?! No! Kill me! Anything but that!
Qwerty: I have to say, I like this plan
Loghain: Please no!
Riordan: I told you

Qwerty retreats to his bedroom where he finds Morrigan, Sten, Oghren, Zevran, Gaspode, Bodhan and Sandal
Oghren: Congratulations on your impending marriage! This is your bachelor party!
Qwerty: Oghren, why are you still in your old armour? Aren't you going to get changed like everyone else?
Oghren: Are you nuts? I already changed my clothes a few years ago, why would I do it again so soon?
Morrigan: I'm the stripper. These candles and magic circles are just... party decorations
Qwerty: Um...



Morrigan: I believe it's traditional for you to sleep with the stripper?
Qwerty: I think that's just a stereotype... besides Leliana would kill me
Morrigan: Damn. Right, you lot ****** off
Oghren: Can I at least take the booze with me?
Zevran: But I'm a stripper too!
Sten drags everyone out
Morrigan: Look, I know all about the Arch Demon and Warden death pact thing. Mother told me all about it. And there is a way around it. Sleep with me
Qwerty: I know I'm sexy but this is getting ridiculous
Morrigan: Oh for... I'm actually telling the truth this time! Probably for the first time ever! I want to have your baby so it will save your life, end the blight and not have you die
Qwerty: Fine but only if Leliana can join in
Morrigan: Oh alright

Part 34

Modifié par rayvioletta, 19 mai 2011 - 12:38 .

[2112.rush]

I like the Varric cut-in. "Already fifty times longer than DA2" indeed. I was wondering if you were going to mention that or not

[Sabriana]

Loghain laughs and uses the toolset to bring statues, furniture and ornaments to life, then inexplicably jumps onto a balcony and poses watching the battle. The party fight through the normally inanimate objects and Loghain jumps down, gets hit a few times and then retreats and goes back to posing while they fight the furniture
Leliana: I guess we're turning the tables on him!
Qwerty: I think I just killed his chairman!

========================================================================

Riordan: A Grey Warden must kill it. It contains the soul of an Old God
Qwerty: Cthulhu?
Loghain: C'thun?
Riordan: No. But when it dies, that soul will pass into the nearest tainted creature. If it is not slain by a Warden it will go to another Darkspawn and make a new Arch Demon
Qwerty: Even though they're not a dragon?
Riordan: Shush. If it is killed by a Warden then the Wardens soul will fight the Old God soul and both will be destroyed. Only then will the Blight end

Oh heavens. I need to breathe. Halp!!! I think I'm about to laugh myself to death.

[rayvioletta]

2112.rush wrote...

I like the Varric cut-in. "Already fifty times longer than DA2" indeed. I was wondering if you were going to mention that or not

my original plan was to end the story at the start of the fade with the Duncan scene. then I decided to extend to to end after the Loghain/Meredith battle. but then I decided sod it all I'd do the whole of Origins

then I decided I'd do Awakening and the DLC too

then I decided... well, you'll have to wait and see

[MG800]

rayvioletta wrote...

Eamon: Now we just need to address who should be king. I think since poor Alistair is dead that the crown should go to his secret twin brother... um... Alis...two. Alistwo!
Qwerty: That's a puppet. I can see the strings
Eamon: How is that any different from Alistair?

This 
Amazing
Awesome
Are you single?

Modifié par MG800, 22 avril 2011 - 06:06 .

[Louis deGuerre]

rayvioletta wrote...

Anora: The joining is dangerous, we all know this somehow despite it being a huge secret.

I read that in Anora's voice and for some reason it totally cracked me up.
*wipes tears from eyes*

[Jadenn]

Love this DA Origins DA 2 Style.  Made my co-works ask more then once what i was laughing at.  Keep it up!

[LebatomiBeni]

rayvioletta wrote...

Eamon: Now we just need to address who should be king. I think since poor Alistair is dead that the crown should go to his secret twin brother... um... Alis...two. Alistwo!
Qwerty: That's a puppet. I can see the strings
Eamon: How is that any different from Alistair?

...

Qwerty retreats to his bedroom where he finds Morrigan, Sten, Oghren, Zevran, Gaspode, Bodhan and Sandal
Oghren: Congratulations on your impending marriage! This is your bachelor party!
Morrigan: I'm the stripper. These candles and magic circles are just... party decorations

roflmao

[Sabriana]

rayvioletta wrote...

2112.rush wrote...

I like the Varric cut-in. "Already fifty times longer than DA2" indeed. I was wondering if you were going to mention that or not

my original plan was to end the story at the start of the fade with the Duncan scene. then I decided to extend to to end after the Loghain/Meredith battle. but then I decided sod it all I'd do the whole of Origins

then I decided I'd do Awakening and the DLC too

then I decided... well, you'll have to wait and see

Ohhh. A cliff-hanger. You are a cruel person

[rayvioletta]

Part 34



Qwerty: We're cornered. The Darkspawn know it, you know it. But this is bigger than the taint, the blight. Oh sod it, this is a crappy speech anyway. WHO WANTS TO KICK SOME ARSE?
Soldiers: HOORAY!
Qwerty: To Denerim!
Anora: Warden...
Qwerty: We're engaged, I think you should call me Qwerty now
Anora: Qwerty then. I heard about your night with Morrigan...
Qwerty: Who told you?
Anora: No he didn't, he was locked up for conspiring with Howe. When I said I heard about perhaps I should have just said "heard". You were very noisy



Qwerty: Ah
Anora: I just wondered, since she's having your demon baby is she going to be marrying us as well? I'm going to need to order a bigger bed if so
Qwerty: Tempting but she says she's leaving after the Blight
Anora: Right, just the four of us then
Qwerty: Four?
Anora: You weren't going to exclude Erlina were you? We can't marry her obviously, that would be a scandal...
Qwerty: Right, because that would make it scandalous... threesomes, demon babies and such are just perfectly normal
Anora: You'd be surprised
Oghren: Did somebody say the magic word?
Qwerty: Nobody mentioned alcohol
Oghren: Threesomes! So, you two and me?
Anora: Maker, no! I do have some standards even with this mod enabled
Oghren: Damn it, Dwarves need love too you know! Or at least a good rutting. Hey, do you think we could swing by the Spoiled Princess Inn on the way? I hear Felsi, my ex-fiance is working there nowdays, I'd bet she's been missing Oghren something rotten
Qwerty: We're on the way to save the world from Darkspawn and you want to make a stop on the way to chat up a girl?
Oghren: Yep
Qwerty: Can't blame you, fine we'll do it
Wynne: Are we doing companion quests again then? Because there's an old student of mine...
Qwerty: No! Unless this student is a cute girl then I'm not interested
Wynne: He's an elf, so sort of girly
Zevran: I heard that! Granted I didn't take offense at it, but I haven't exactly had a lot of dialogue so far so I thought I'd say something
Alistair: And there was this amulet my mother gave me...
Qwerty: You're dead!
Alistair: It wasn't my time
Qwerty: DA2 rules again?
Alistair: Yep
Qwerty waves the toolset
Alistair: Damn
Alistair vanishes in a fit of being dead still
Qwerty: I love this thing

As the armies travel along the beach between Redcliffe and the Spoiled Princess a man jumps out in front of them
Taliesen: The name's Taliesen, as in Taliesen's group of Antivan Crows. The folk you killed a few years back. Now you're going to die for what you done.
Qwerty: You and a couple of friends against me, my armies and...
Zevran: Me. Sorry but I'm siding with the Warden
Taliesen: But I'm your Tali...!
Morrigan: You are not Tali!
A ridiculously short and one sided fight ensues
Qwerty: Not even any decent loot. What a let down

The armies arrive at the Spoiled Princess. Qwerty, Oghren, Leliana, Shale and a reluctant Doggigan enter
Doggigan (muttering): Insisting I turn into a dog, and in my condition. Just so you can bring the dwarf along...
Oghren: Hello Felsi! Your dreams have all come true!
Felsi: Really? You mean that Oghren was eaten by a dragon and the Assembly voted to make me a Paragon? And they're giving me a unicorn?
Qwerty: I think she missed you
Felsi throws a mug at Oghren
Felsi: Nope, I don't miss
Qwerty: Ok I like her. Think we'd still need a larger bed to fit a Dwarf as well?
Oghren: Hey, she's mine!
Felsi: Oghren I wouldn't have anything to do with you even if you were the last Dwarf alive
Oghren: If I told you that you had a nice body would you let me grope it?
Qwerty: That was dw-awful



Felsi: You're a disgusting pig and, no I'm sorry that was too harsh. I should apologise to the pigs
Oghren: So, rivalry romance then?
Felsi: Looks like it
Felsi slaps him, kisses him and then plants a knee to the groin
Oghren: Just like old times!
Qwerty: You know what, I think our bed's too small. She's all yours Ogroin

As they leave the inn Sten confronts them



Sten: No
Qwerty: No what?
Sten: Why do we keep stopping? Do you plan to wait for the Arch Demon to die of bordom?
Qwerty: You think it will? I suppose we could get some drinks and maybe have a picnic
Sten: Will there be cake?
Qwerty: Sure
Sten: Very well. The Arch Demon can wait. I was wrong about you, you are worthy of respect
Qwerty: It's fruit cake, is that alright?
Morrigan: With the company you keep he should be used to fruitcakes anyway
Sten takes some cake and manages to eat it without breaking his scowl

Part 35

Modifié par rayvioletta, 20 mai 2011 - 09:20 .

[snackrat]

This is.... this is beautiful. *happy cry*