662 réponses à ce sujet

[True Jozern]

Awesome =) Looking forward for more. P.S. Thank you for doing this Rayvioletta, you rock!!

[seif9]

I think I kind of preferred it as DA2 style but I'm still loving this so far

[rayvioletta]

next part should be soon, had a busy week

[rayvioletta]

Part 37

Despite the explosion, Darkspawn continue to pour out of the gateway and Dworkin bravely runs away.
Qwerty: Hang on, how come they managed to open the barricaded door from that side when we couldn't?
Anders: Maybe they're smart Darkspawn?
Qwerty: Smarter than me?
Anders: Is that difficult?
Mhairi: There's somebody hiding in this closet!
Anders: Get to safety, quickly!



Qwerty: Anders, what are you doing? Come out of the closet!
Anders: Not until Dragon Age 2!
Mhairi: I wanted to be a Warden, not a babysitter...
Anders: Well I wanted to be...
Qwerty: Don't say "Lumberjack" we did that already
Anders: Aww, I missed all the fun? Did you do the Antivan Inquisition?
Qwerty: Get a move on, I want to find the promised fan favourite redhead! Then we'll be sneaking off to the closet for a while and you two can finish clearing out the Darkspawn
Oghren: Surprise! Fan favourite redhead, right here!
Anders: Well I can see why you wanted me to come out of the closet. There's no romances in Awakening though so you'll have to wait
Qwerty: You're not Leliana!
Oghren: Funny you should say that, I had a dream I was a woman last night. Met up with Branka and Felsi and...
Mhairi: Ugh, I don't want to hear it. This disgusting creature was here when I left, I can't believe the Wardens didn't kick him out yet
Anders: Yes they did such a good job of kicking out the Darkspawn after all
Qwerty: Oghren you are not a fan favourite!
Oghren: Hey I have fans! Besides, Leliana couldn't make it. Something about a wizard named after a letter of the alphabet giving her a sword or something. She said she'd send you a letter if you installed the patch
Qwerty: A letter of the alphabet? What? Is this some kind of subtle reference?
Anders: And one that the American's might not understand as well. Canadians should be fine though
Oghren: So anyway, I thought I'd try my hand at becoming a Grey Warden. You know, kill some Darkspawn, get some glory and have all the girls want me. More than they already do of course
Anders: Maybe you should start out small? Take a bath for instance. I hear girls like men who bathe now and then
Mhairi: Perhaps we should deal with the Darkspawn first? Then get rid of these tagalongs and I'll join the Wardens
Oghren: You're a bossy one... I like that!
Mhairi: Ugh, get away from me!
Oghren: I know, I know. Don't want you to get too hot and bothered until we can sneak off alone somewhere
Mhairi: Is he always like this?
Qwerty: He's just shy around new people. He'll be worse once he's gotten to know you



Rowland: Could you hurry it up? I'm dying over here!
Qwerty: I used to know a Roland. Must be an unlucky name because he died too (although there is an impressive mod to bring him back as a party member instead)
Rowland: I'm so happy for him. Do you think anyone will mod me?
Mhairi: You have a good chance so long as nobody more likeable than you is unavoidably killed off
Oghren: So anyway, I have a question
Anders: Yes you do seem very questionable
Oghren: Why aren't we doing this one in DA2 style as well? It was fun last time!
Qwerty: Because there’d only be about two decisions to remove and people are probably almost as sick of jokes about seemingly endless waves of enemies appearing from nowhere as they are of seemingly endless waves of enemies appearing from nowhere
Oghren: Fair enough, it does mean less bodies to loot though
Qwerty: Yes but there's more things worth looting
Oghren: Did they drop any booze?
Qwerty: No
Oghren: Then there's nothing worth looting. Unless... hey does Dragon Age have something like Mass Effect's Fornax?
Anders: If there were we wouldn't give them to you
Qwerty: Your voice is awfully familiar Anders...
Anders: Is it? Must just be a crazy random happenstance. Let's move on. More Darkspawn to kill you know
Mhairi: He's right, we should keep moving before the Darkspawn finish culling the Wardens...
Qwerty: Cullen! That's where I know your voice from! You're the crazy Templar!
Anders: Alright, so we share the same voice actor, but I'm not him! That is how I escaped the Tower though. I put a helmet on, walked up to the guards and told them I was Cullen and they let me go

The party round a corner and find a Darkspawn throwing a soldier off the wall while another holds a knife to Seneschal Varel's throat



Withered: Be taking this one gently, we are wishing no more death than is necessary
Anders: It's talking! Well, I suppose if even the dwarf can talk then nothing should surprise me
Qwerty: Well let's shut it up! And the Darkspawn too!
Oghren: Hey!
A longer and more tactical battle than was the norm in DA2 style later...
Varel: Ah good, you saved me. Thanks for that. Look, soldiers are coming! Bloody typical, just after the nick of time. We'd better go down and meet them I suppose

Queen Anora walks into the Keep with a small army



Anora: Schmoooples! I'm so glad you're alright, I saw all the bodies and... what happened here?
Qwerty: Darkspawn came and killed people
Varel: The Orlesian Wardens are missing too
Qwerty: What are you talking about? I imported a save from Origins, I didn't make an Orlesian
Varel: The other Orlesian Wardens. They sent a few of them. Oddly they would have sent the Commander separately if you'd made a new Warden
Anora: Well I'm sorry but despite showing up with a small army and having an entire kingdom... oh sorry, country... at my disposal...
Qwerty: Are you still mad about that joke?
Anora: Despite that, I shan't be able to give you any aid at all. You're on your own
Qwerty: That would be a "yes" then?
Oghren: Hey what am I, chopped nug liver?
Anders: From the smell... no actually you smell much worse
Rylock: Your majesty that man is a dangerous criminal scummy b*****d! Let me kill him for you!
Anora: Oh don't be silly, he's a bit of an ass but he is my husband and I do love him
Anders: She means me
Anora: Oh. Well then unless my Schmoooples has anything to say on his behalf?
Qwerty: He can take the Joining, party needs a mage
Rylock: What? No! You can't do that!
Anora: I believe the Wardens have this thing called the Right of Conscription...
Qwerty: Tell you what, if we find a better mage later we'll give him back to you
Rylock: Well... alright then
Anora: Good. Now that's settled I'm going to go back to Denerim. It's been almost two weeks since the last time we set the Alienage on fire but no worries, we can buy some marshmallows on the way back
Qwerty: Sometimes I wonder if I shouldn't have left her in charge...

Part 38

Modifié par rayvioletta, 31 mai 2011 - 11:21 .

[Rokky94]

Part 37 and still as funny as the first, bravo.

Modifié par Rokky94, 28 mai 2011 - 07:01 .

[rayvioletta]

imageshack's being a bit of a pain at the moment so some of the pictures aren't working. I'm trying to sort it at the moment, and looking for a more reliable alternate host. sadly BioWare's picture hosting automatically shrinks the pictures which buggers up a lot of them so that's not a viable option either

[Mecher3k]

rayvioletta wrote...

Qwerty: Anders, what are you doing? Come out of the closet!
Anders: Not until Dragon Age 2!

Hahahaha. I wish this could go on forever it's that good.

[rayvioletta]

Mecher3k wrote...

rayvioletta wrote...

Qwerty: Anders, what are you doing? Come out of the closet!
Anders: Not until Dragon Age 2!

Hahahaha. I wish this could go on forever it's that good.

that's one of my favourites too... out of what I've already posted anyway there's a few scenes later I'm really looking forward to writing up properly. this one wasn't actually in my notes though, it just came to me when I rescued that survivor from the closet that I could make a joke about the survivor coming out of the closet and that of course led straight to Anders...

[rayvioletta]

Part 38

Varel: Right now I know of only one living Warden assigned to all of Ferelden...
Qwerty: I don't care, we're not going back to just calling me "Warden" again. You shall call me Lord King Commander Qwerty Cousland The Arl Of Everything
Varel: I was actually going to call you Pinky but that wasn't my point. These others, they should undergo the Joining. They could aid you considerably
Qwerty: You're not a Warden yourself are you?
Varel: No, I'm a soldier
Qwerty: Yet you not only know about the top secret Joining ritual, you know enough about it to make all the necessary preparations without there being any Wardens here to help you sort it all out?
Varel: Of course, everybody knows, what kind of secret would it be if nobody knew about it?
Qwerty: A good one?

Varel: The time has come for us to begin the Joining, I shall speak the words that have been said since the first. "Oh sodding sod, blood and ashes this is a bit of a bugger isn't it? We've clean run out of ale, what shall we drink?" "Oh well we could always drink this blood, ha ha ha" "Hey that is not half of a bad idea" "What? You must be mad. I must also be mad since I will drink it too" "And me!" "We are no more mad than whoever discovered milk. Seriously, what was he or she trying to achieve?"
Qwerty: What the hell are you doing Varel?
Varel: I'm reciting the words of the very first Joining ritual. "Hey this blood isn't half bad.... cough cough argh" "ha ha ha he could not hold his drink!" "Hey I think he's dead. Let's take his stuff" "Hey I think there's Darkspawn over there, I can sense them now" "Me too. Let's go kill them, we're almost out of blood" From this moment forth Oghren you are a Grey Warden



Oghren: Hmm, tastes no better than last time. Thought you guys would've improved the recipe by now!
Varel: Last time?
Oghren: Oh yeah, this human guy, Duncan, gave me some blood to drink in the Alienage
Varel: Alienage...?
Oghren: You didn't read Origins in DA2 Style?
Varel: Well nevermind, the only side effect of undergoing the Joining twice is that you become impotent
Oghren: Wait, what's that mean? Important? I'm already important!
Mhairi: More like impudent...
Anders: Oh is it my turn now? This doesn't have any carbs does it? I have to watch my figure. Even though it's the same shape as everybody elses
Mhairi: Funny, so am I, although sometimes my breasts shrink or grow when I change armour
Oghren: Can I watch?
Varel: From this moment forth Anders, you are a Grey Warden
Anders: Well that's just Grey-t
Mhairi: Is it my turn yet? I'm dying to join!
Qwerty: We already made that joke
Mhairi: Of corpse we did, but I wanted to say it again before I undertake the joining
Varel: Oh don't worry, the undertakers are on their way
Mhairi: I want to get this over with so I can get back to fighting, I'm pining for the swords!
Qwerty: Are you sure you want to join? It could be a grave mistake
Mhairi: Oh just give me the bloody thing so we can stop these jokes!
Anders: Ha bloody! That's a good one
Varel: From this moment forth Mhairi... oh, she's dead. I totally and completely didn't see that coming



Qwerty: But she was the only woman! We have to have a token female party member or it's sexist
Varel: Why do I get the impression that your desire to have a female party member is far more sexist than not having one?
Qwerty: Ah so you did read Origins in DA2 Style?
Oghren: So, now she's not really using her body anymore... can I have it?
Qwerty: Sod that, the ToolSet may not work completely but there are some mods. Runscript vim_addmhairi
Mhairi: Once I become a Grey Warden in truth I hope we can repay those monsters for what they've done here
Qwerty: You are a Grey Warden. You went through the Joining and survived... sort of
Mhairi: Once I become a Grey Warden in truth I hope we can repay those monsters for what they've done here
Qwerty: Are you sure you're alright?
Mhairi: Once I become a Grey Warden in truth I hope we can repay those monsters for what they've done here
Qwerty: Ok you're creeping me out now
Mhairi: Once I become a Grey Warden in truth I hope we can repay those monsters for what they've done here
Anders: Shall we get a move on?
Oghren: Need something pummelled? Just say the word!
Mhairi: Once I become a Grey Warden in truth I hope we can repay those monsters for what they've done here
Anders: Shall we get a move on?
Oghren: Need something pummelled? Just say the word!
Qwerty: I miss Origins
Cera: The Tower of Magi has sent me as an ambassador, Commander. In addition to my completely irrelevant diplomatic function I'm a competent enchanter and a runesmith. Is there anything you need?
Qwerty: What happened to Sandal?
Cera: They couldn't find a voice actor that sounded so completely unlike him on such short notice so he's not appearing until the DLC and sequel. So, how can I help?
Qwerty: You could say "enchantment"
Cera: Enchantment?
Qwerty: No, it's just not the same
Mhairi: Once I become a Grey Warden in truth I hope we can repay those monsters for what they've done here
Qwerty: Oh shut up. And what's with all these wooden dog statues? Which reminds me, where is Gaspode?



Varel: Despite what I said earlier about you being the only Warden, there may be another still alive. Kristoff misheard his name and took it as an order so he pissed off. Last I heard he was staying in the city. You should look him up, he owes a weeks payment for our lottery syndicate
Woolsey: Hello Warden, I'm Mistress Woolsey representing the National Intelligence Department and the International Oversight Advisory. I'd like you to go to the woods and find out who's been attacking our supply lines in a mission that seems more like an insignificant side quest but which will actually introduce you to the big bad of this game and give you a rare piece of plot that isn't found in the novel instead
Qwerty: And where did these attacks take place?
Woolsey: I was too stupid to ask. Find somebody in the city who knows
Garavel: I have a quest too! A couple of hunters found something. You'll have to go into the city to talk to them because I too am too stupid to ask for these details myself
Qwerty: So all roads lead to rome then?
Varel: I'll be honest, we just wanted an excuse to send you into Amaranthine as soon as possible to show off that it doesn't look like Lothering. Also to fill your questlog with as many sidequests as possible before you even touch the main quests. Oh and you'll want to make sure to stop by here and there every thirty seconds or you might miss out on some sidequests
Mhairi: Once I become a Grey Warden in truth I hope we can repay those monsters for what they've done here
Qwerty: Yes, well said. Come along then



Private: Blimey, commander of the Pink... I mean Grey! Sorry! A while back they caught a thief in the Vigil, took four Warden's to capture him. Gave one of them a black eye he did. Half joking they said he might make a good recruit
Qwerty: Well I see our recruiting standards are high. Hey those Darkspawn gave out some black eyes too, maybe we should hire them
Anders: Hah yes, Wardens working together with Darkspawn! As if that would ever happen
Private: I also have some letters
Qwerty: Well let's have them then
Private (suddenly sounding like she's struggling): Just give me a moment
Qwerty: What? Is it that difficult to open a mailbag?
Private: Here you are, some bint's been kidnapped and some farm's under attack. Oh and Varel wants you back inside
Qwerty: But I just came from there!
Private: Yes I know. Now turn around and go back inside. Get used to it or you'll miss out on sidequests
Qwerty: Fine, but let's see about this thief first. The party really needs a rogue
Mhairi: Once I become a Grey Warden in truth I hope we can repay those monsters for what they've done here
Qwerty: And I know who's getting replaced. I hope this thief is a girl

The party enter the dungeon
Qwerty: Why is there only one cell?
Guard: We were going to buy more but they cell out so fast they only had one left in stocks
Qwerty: Fine, fine. So tell me about the prisoner
Guard: He's got a funny beard
Qwerty: Anything else?
Guard: He's in a cell?
Qwerty: I'll talk to him then. Or perhaps the wall. I suspect either would be more productive. So prisoner, what’s your name?
Nathaniel: No it’s not
Qwerty: Who are you?
Nathaniel: Nope, keep guessing
Qwerty: How should I know who you are?
Nathaniel: Yes you should and obviously you do



Qwerty: Howe?! Are you...
Nathaniel: I’m fine thanks, how are you?
Qwerty: ...related to Rendon “Kill me I’m an utter b*****d” Howe?
Nathaniel: He's my father. I came here to avenge his murder because I'm stupid and thought I could single handedly kill you all
Qwerty: So you're stupid and you want to kill me? Sounds no worse than most of my usual travelling companions, you can be our rogue
Nathaniel: What? I don't want to join you!
Qwerty: But you have to
Nathaniel: Damn it. But how do you know I won't just run away as soon as we leave the Keep?
Qwerty: Because you're an idiot
Nathaniel: Fair enough. Do I at least get paid?

Part 39

Modifié par rayvioletta, 09 juin 2011 - 10:06 .

[rayvioletta]

next part will probably be later today or tomorrow

[SkittlesKat96]

 So this guy is almost like the RigAudio of Dragon Age it seems...

[leeobaker]

Next one please

[rayvioletta]

having some technical problems unfortunately, Awakening isn't as fresh in my memory as Origins was so I'm having to play it as I write it and my hard drive is playing silly buggers. hopefully be sorted soon though

[Chewin]

Was wondering when you would start with Awekening. Good to see that you're not busy this summer

[rayvioletta]

ok all being well, I should be able to put up a new part tomorrow

[rayvioletta]

Part 39

Qwerty: Alright Varel, what's this sidequest then?
Varel: Well we've invited some nobles to a party so they can swear fealty to you
Qwerty: A party? Any booze?
Varel: There was, but your pet dwarf drank all of it
Anders: That would explain why he's trying to ride one of those dog statues then
Varel signals for the doors to be opened and the nobles enter



Varel: Lords and ladies I present to you the Warden Commander, Arl of Amaranthine, Champion of Redcliffe, Hero of Fereldan, King of Fereldan, Supreme Shagger of Sexy... Commander did you write this?
Qwerty: Of course. Lords and ladies, I am your king, your hero and your last best hope for peace and victory! Those of you who want your heads chopped off please form an orderly queue to your right, the rest of you can get on your hands and knees and kiss my feet
Varel: My lord this may be a little extreme...
Qwerty: That goes for you too. Except Oghren, I don't want vomit on my feet

Some pledging, foot kissing and mouth washing later...
Varel: And so the ceremony is complete
Eddelbrek: Long live the Warden Commander!
Esmerelle (muttering): Arse-kisser
Tamra (whispering): Foot kisser!
Anders: As difficult as this may be to believe, I think that some of these nobles might not actually like you
Qwerty: Oh?
Anders: I overheard some of them muttering, I was hoping for some juicy gossip but all they were talking about was how much they'd like to lead a conspiracy to overthrow you and shove your head on a spike outside the gates
Qwerty: Who were they?
Anders: I really couldn't say, I was too busy trying to look down their tops, I didn't see their faces. I suspect they want a messy solution to a problem, that problem being you. I could paralyse them and search for evidence but the Seneschal may have more diplomatic ideas
Qwerty: No, I like your idea. Go for it
Anders: Ah... well you see, I actually can't. I don't really have any spells that would do that
Qwerty: So Varel, apparently there's a conspiracy against me
Varel: Do you know the conspirators? Treachery is a capital offense
Qwerty: No idea
Varel: Well, there are still some options. We could...
Qwerty: Just leave them to it
Varel: What? Why?
Qwerty: I've been studying the Vetinari school of leadership and come to the conclusion that conspiracies against me are a good thing. In fact I want to join them
Varel: You want to overthrow yourself?
Qwerty: Don't be daft, I just want to rule the conspiracy and use them as my puppets
Varel: Well if you want to identify them, there's rumours of some fellow calling himself "the Dark Wolf" who can find information for a fee
Qwerty: You mean a private investigator?
Varel: I suppose so. He hangs around in Ameranthine. If you hurry you can make it there before getting sidetracked by more sidequests
Eddelbrek: Excuse me, did somebody mention sidequests? It's just that there's all these farms you see and...
Timothy: Oh shut up about your bloody farms!
Eddelbrek: But they don't have walls to protect them and...
Qwerty: So go build some then! Honestly, why do you waste my time with this?
Esmerelle: Good to see you have sense enough not to listen to him. Listen to me instead and send all the soldiers to the city!
Qwerty: Good idea, they could use a break. I'll let them have some time off at the tavern and brothel. We have one, right?
Varel: Congratulations Commander, I think you managed to ****** off everybody in this room. Except me of course, so please don't kill me
Qwerty: This party's rather dull anyway, let's hit the road
Varel: Don't forget to check for sidequests on your way out!

Anders: Well would you look at that! You think Andraste was really that much of a looker?
Qwerty: For your sake, I hope Amaratnthine does have a brothel, I'm really starting to worry about you drooling over statues...



Oghren: The statue does have some nice ******! Hey, remember that statue that used to follow us about in Origins? Wonder what happened to her...
Qwerty: She took out a restraining order against you didn't she?
Oghren: Yeah, so? So did Branka and Felsi and I married both of them
Maverlies: If your friends aren't too busy groping that statue I have a quest for you. There may still be Darkspawn in the Vigil
Qwerty: We're never going to get to Ameranthine are we? At this rate the entire game is going to take place in just this one small Keep
Anders: Don't be daft, they're saving the "whole game in one tiny area" idea for Dragon Age 2
Nathaniel: Not that you're bitter or anything?
Anders: Bitter? Me? Have you seen what they do to my character?
Maverlies: Look, that mad dwarf set off some explosions that have trapped some Darkspawn in the cellars
Qwerty: And you want us to go and dig them out? Whose side are you on anyway?
Maverlies: Dig them out and kill them
Qwerty: Fine, fine. Let's go

The party head into the basement
Anders: Oh look, dead Darkspawn. My favourite kind
Oghren: I prefer the Broodmothers
Qwerty: I'd prefer any that kill the dwarf
Anders: Somebody tied a note to this dog...
Qwerty: I'll read it... hang on, it's not appearing in my codex, I thought we were done with that!
Anders: Welcome to Awakening, where it all started to go wrong... anyway it says that somebody named Adria is trapped further down
Nathaniel: Adria? She was like a mother to me, we must rescue her!
Some degree of Darkspawn killing later...
Qwerty: Look at these, letters from a Delilah Howe
Nathaniel: My sister! Thank you. Oh, it's just credit card applications
Undead: Brains!
Some degree of undead killing later...
Prisoner: Oh thank the Maker, please, let us out!
Qwerty: Oh run along then. Hey look, there's a crypt down here. Let's loot it
Anders: Yes because raiding crypts never ends badly. Oh look, more undead
Some more undead killing later...
Qwerty: A bow with Howe written on it... what's with all the Nathaniel gifts? Actually nevermind, I'm more concerned about the lack of any female companions to give gifts to
Nathaniel: My grandfathers bow... wait, this isn't my grandfathers it says "Starkhaven" on it
Qwerty: Wrong grandfathers bow sorry, take this one instead
Nathaniel: Yes, this is it! I'm so happy but I'll keep scowling if you don't mind



Qwerty: Well there's lots of locks here, you could try picking them to show your gratitude
Nathaniel: Not possible, but look, here's a key for one of them
Qwerty: Well maybe we'll find more later. Let's keep exploring
The party enter another room where they find a ghoul
Nathenial: Adria!



Some combat later...
Nathaniel: Oh Adria... just like old times
Anders: She tried to kill you
Nathaniel: Yes, like I said, just like my mother
Maverlies: You murdered a slew of Darkspawn...
Qwerty: That wasn't murder!
Maverlies: It was ever so impressive that if Awakening had romances I'd shag you. But since it doesn't, I brought a dwarf along instead
Voldrik: I came to have a look at rocks by the way, not for romance. I think these tunnels connect to the Deep Roads. We should dig into them
Qwerty: Sounds like a plan, get to it then. Rest of us will be off to Ameranthine. Finally

As they attempt to leave the Keep, Nathaniel spots an elf nearby and runs over
Nathaniel: Grounskeeper Samuel! 
Samuel: Little Nate!
Nate: Do you know anything about my siblings deaths?
Samuel: Your brother died in the war and your sister married some shopkeeper in...
Qwerty: Ameranthine?
Samuel: Yes
Nate: My sister's alive! I'm so happy that I'll scowl some more! Can we go find her?
Qwerty: Fine, it'll be fun to rub in her face that I got out of marrying her and married a queen and a hot redhead instead
Oghren: We're married? How drunk was I?

Part 40

Modifié par rayvioletta, 18 octobre 2011 - 11:51 .

[Dax Foreman]

Loved the end line by Oghren, bloody gold.

[CassandrasCasinos]

omg I'm going to **** myself! this looks so effing cool!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

bit.ly/CassandrasCasinos<3

[rayvioletta]

updates are a bit slower at the moment due to limited free time, but should be back on schedule within a few weeks. in the meantime I'll try to update when I can

[dcinroc]

Great work!

I have loved every part.

[Johnunsim]

i love this!! every part is awesome! i cant wait for the next

[rayvioletta]

Part 40

The party arrive at the City of Amaranthine after an uneventful loading screen,
Shady Character: Ah Warden Commander I have a business proposal for you. Meet me in the suspicious looking dark alley over there, I'll be with my suspicious looking friends behaving and talking suspiciously
Qwerty: There's something suspicious about that fellow...
Anders: He's probably just a prostitute. Want me to go find out?
Qwerty: Not particularly. Look, that bloke over there has a glowy arrow over his head, let's see if his quest is important
Anders: Fine, business first, prostitutes later
Oghren: Shouldn't prostitutes be women?
Anders: Only if you're picky
Colbert: Warden Commander! I fell down a hole!



Qwerty: Congratulations? Oghren here crawled out of one
Colbert: But... it was the Deep Roads!
Qwerty: And the Darkspawn didn't kill you?
Colbert: They were too busy complaining about the makeover they're being given for the sequel. They were on about organising a union and the Genlocks said they'd go on strike
Qwerty: Well that's one mystery solved. So where was this entrance? I suppose we'd better check it out
Colbert: I'll just mark it on your map
Qwerty: Why is it that everyone insists on pickpocketing my maps and scribbling on them?
Guard: I've got a message for you from the Grey Fox... sorry, sorry, wrong game. I mean the Dark Wolf. Bloody coloured animal people, easy to get them mixed up. Could be worse though, when I auditioned for Game of Thrones I mistakenly delivered a message meant for the Blackfish to the Red Herring
Anders: Oh come on, now we're just throwing in pop culture references for the sake of it
Qwerty: But at least we lampshade it
Nate: Can we get on with this? I want to see my sister. I might even give her a manly hug if they bothered to make an animation for it
Anders: Can I have one too?
Nate glares
Anders: Maybe later then
Guard2: Excuse me but I need to search your packs for smuggled goods
Qwerty: All right, I confess, I'm a smuggler ... my whole inventory is crammed full of Antivan sundials. I've been purposely trying to deceive my very own Customs and Excise. I've been a bloody fool
Guard2: I don't believe you, sir
Qwerty: Good, I'll be on my way then
Captain: What are you doing man, are you accusing the Commander of the Grey of smuggling?
Guard2: But my orders...
Captain: Sorry about this Commander, it's just that thieves have all but taken over the city
Qwerty: Yes I'm familiar with politicians
Anders: So what does the message say?
Qwerty: The message vanished but my psychic powers say that it said to meet him at the fountain. Oh, hey there's a message in here from Leliana though
"Dearest, I hope you are well. Alas I am unable to come to the Keep as I promised. I am sorry but the First Wizard himself wishes to speak with me. I will tell you all about it once he has given me a sword and named me..."
Anders: Subtle
Nate: Why is that red-haired Dwarven girl glaring at us?
Oghren: She's probably jealous that you're in the company of Oghren the irresistible
Nate: And the real reason?
Oghren: I probably threw up on her pet nug once
Mischa: Bugger off Warden, get to Kal'Hirol already so I don't have to stand around here waiting much longer
Qwerty: I guess you're not romanceable then?
Mischa: Go screw yourself
Anders: Hey maybe they'll have a romanceable Dwarf in Dragon Age 2
Nate: Yes, she's inside the Chantry during the end of Act 3
Qwerty: Does nobody repair the fourth wall these days?
Wynne: Why if it isn't the Warden Commander. How have you been? I suppose congratulations are in order
Qwerty: You're not still upset about Alice then?
Wynne: Of course not, we were only winding him up after all. I hear the Darkspawn aren't retreating, I'd offer to help but I'm afraid that I can't be bothered. Instead I shall offer you a sidequest
Qwerty: Great, so Leliana doesn't appear but the old hag shows up to give me a quest? Is it at least a fun quest?
Wynne: I need you to go out of your way to find someone and give her a message then come back to me so I can lecture you about mage politics which will turn out not to be at all relevant to the sequel because that would be dangerously close to it having an actual plot
Qwerty: I think I'll pass, let's go to the tavern instead
Oghren: Sounds like a plan!

The party enter the inn



Qwerty (reading): Blite Orfuns Notis Bawd. Plz gief us moneyz 2 buy fud. kthnxby
Qwerty drops a single bronze bit into the collection mug
Nate: How generous
Qwerty: I'll make a larger donation at the bar
Oghren: My kind of charity!
Anders: You really are easy to please aren't you?
Oghren: Are you hitting on me?
Anders: Even I'm not that desperate
Oghren: Hah, I've seen the way you look at me, just like all the women do
Anders: Yes, disgustedly
Oghren: Nobody can resist Oghren
Anders: I have some fire resistance gear. Maybe if we set you on fire then it would work on resisting you?
Qwerty: Did a Grey Warden named Kristoff come through here?
Barman: And who are you, Mr Pink?
Qwerty: Well I did loot some diamonds... no, I'm the Warden Commander. How come everyone else knows this but you?
Barman: I'm not very bright. He was staying here but he's been gone a while. Despite the fact that he paid for a months stay and vanished after I day I didn't find it at all suspicious and so didn't alert the guards like a sensible man would have
Qwerty: I see. May I have the key?
Barman: Sure, I'm too stupid to ask for any ID, I always give keys to complete strangers. It's a bit of a bad omen though. Every time that happens somebody gets robbed or killed
Qwerty: What a crazy random happenstance
Barman: Anyway you should talk to Sorcha the waitress up there. She was trying to get into his pants so she might be able to tell you more about him
Anders: A cross-dressing waitress? I used to be one of those, made for a good disguise from the Templars
Oghren: Used to be? You still wear a dress
Anders: But I don't serve drinks, alas
Sorcha: Looking to wet your whistle stranger?
Oghren: You can blow my whistle any time
Qwerty: Just ignore the dwarf, the rest of us do. I hear you knew Kristoff?
Sorcha: Yeah, what of it?
Oghren: I bet you blew his whistle
Sorcha: We just talked. He's married
Qwerty: Do you know where he went?
Sorcha: Hunting Darkspawn. Didn't say where. Look, I heard this rumour that you give ridiculously large sums of gold to tavern waitresses, it's not true is it?
Qwerty: Sorry, they didn't put any romance in this game
Nate: It's not romance when you pay for it anyway
Oghren: No, it's marriage! Hah, you get it?
Qwerty: Come on, let's search his room
Anders: Much bigger than the rooms at the Keep, I can see why he'd rather stay here
Oghren: Hey look at this map on his wall! Look at all the X's! I never knew there was so much pirate treasure here!
Qwerty: Everywhere except Blackmarsh is crossed out
Oghren: Well duh, who'd bury treasure in a marsh?
Nate: So he was searching Blackmarsh when he vanished
Oghren: What? Why would he look for pirate treasure there?
Qwerty: Two leads then, almost finished in this damn city. At least it doesn't look like Lothering though
Anders: Yes they're finished with that now. Just wait for Dragon Age 2, even Lothering doesn't look like Lothering! All the dungeons look alike though
Qwerty: Oh joy. What about romances?
Anders: I hear there's an incredibly sexy mage
Qwerty: Well there's that to look forward to then. Let's get on with the quest
Oghren: But we're not even drunk yet! You can't leave a tavern sober, it's... it's rude!
Namaya: Bout damn time you showed up Anders! You were right the cache is here
Oghren: Cash? How much? Wait, are you offering me money for sex? I know I'm good but Oghren is free
Anders: Aren't you married? Besides, she said cache not cash. Look, sorry about the dwarf, he's just some stalker with a crush on me, don't mind him. Thanks for the information, I owe you one
Namaya: Damn right you do. Bloody mages
Anders: I suppose I should explain that. She's an old friend, no Oghren not that kind of friend, she was helping me find a cache of blood
Qwerty: You're secretly a vampire?
Anders: No, it's my blood. The phylacteries the Templars use to track mages, well mine is here in Amaranthine. Can we go and break it?
Qwerty: Sure, why not? It worked great in the mage Origin after all

The party arrive at the fountain and a suspicious looking guard walks over
Wolf: I see you got my letter Commander. It's an honour to meet you. I am the Dark Wolf
Qwerty: So you're the one who did the Crime Wave quests I didn't get around to?
Wolf: Well somebody had to, and it was clear you weren't going to
Qwerty: I would have, but they'd been dumbed down to just finding a mouldy old sock and psychically knowing who to give it to, so I figured I'd pass
Wolf: Well anyway, I hear nobles want you dead. I'd like to help
Qwerty: Me or them?
Wolf: Depends who pays more
Qwerty: I can use the console to give myself infinite gold, they can't outbid that
Wolf: In that case give me fifty gold in advance to fund my investigation
Qwerty: Fine, and I suggest investing in a better disguise
Wolf: You're right, I'll buy a pair of glasses instead, just as soon as they're invented
Mervis: Warden Commander! Thank the Maker you're here. Our caravans are being attacked, can you help us?
Qwerty: I suppose so, it is marked as an essential quest after all
Nate: Look, there's my sister!



Nate runs up to a woman and hugs her. She slaps him
Woman: Get away from me!
Delilah: Nathaniel? Is that you? Why were you hugging that woman?
Nate: Sorry, it's just that all the NPCs look so alike... it is good to see you again though sister
Delilah: You too. I had feared you were dead
Nate: Well I'm not, so you can stop being married to peasants and come live with me at the Keep until I find a rich noble to wed you to
Delilah: Like that awful Cousland boy father wanted me to marry? No thank you. Bloody pink haired freak
Qwerty: Oh thank you. I didn't want to marry you either. I married a queen and a hot redhead instead
Delilah: Ah... you... your majesty? Um... well this is awkward isn't it. Oh and I'm sorry about the evil stuff my father did
Nate: He wasn't evil
Delilah: He was
Nate: Oh. I guess I'm just stupid then
Delilah: Yes
Qwerty: Yep
Anders: Yup
Oghren: Aye
Nate: Thanks
Qwerty: Don't mention it. Now let's check out this hole in the Knotwood Hills

Part 41

Modifié par rayvioletta, 11 novembre 2011 - 11:53 .

[SafetyShattered]

This is absolutely hilarious..keep up the great work man!

[Dio Demon]

Yay more Dragon Strange, now I can satisfy my addiction

[leeobaker]

Woohoo! Keep 'em coming