return of Dragon Strange: Origins in DA2 style & Hunt For Awakened Golems
Débuté par
rayvioletta
, avril 04 2011 12:39
#201
Posté 08 avril 2011 - 08:35
SirCrashalot
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Very funny, keep up the good work.
Retour en haut
#202
Posté 08 avril 2011 - 09:34
rayvioletta
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Part 11
Warden (yelling): Leliana? Leliana?
Warden walks into a room to find Leliana on her knees in front of another woman, both wearing Chantry robes.
Warden: You're praying?
Leliana (blushing): Um... yes... that's what I was doing. Praying.
Warden: Seriously? The demons tried to keep you here with... prayer?
Leliana: Demons? And who are you?
Warden: You don't remember? Oh good, maybe this can be a fresh start. If I said you had a nice body...
Leliana rivalry +10
Warden: Damn it
Sister: Leave us be, she has plenty more... praying to do.
Warden: Leliana if you come with me then...
Sister: She would rather come with me
Oghren: Look, I know I'm probably dead and Dwarves can't come into the Fade but I wouldn't miss this for all the...
Leliana: Oh for Andrastes sake can we please have some privacy?
Warden: She's a demon. Oghren might be too, although he could just be a huge perv
Oghren: Definitely the latter. Although I could be your incubus if you want
Warden: You are really not my type
Oghren: Not you! Her! Well, unless... no!
Warden: You're a bard, not a priestess. Come with me.
Sister: Oh she shall come with...
Leliana: You said that already. Wait... I remember you. You weren't a Chantry sister you were that shy girl in Lothering who listened to my stories but always stayed away from the Templars. Bethany?
Bethany: Yes, yes, the whole Sister thing was a double meaning. And I'm a demon. But I'm your demon my love. I can give you everything you've ever wanted.
Leliana: Even...
Leliana blushes
Leliana: Even... shoes?
Bethany: What? Shoes? What good are shoes? I can offer you unimaginable...
Leliana: If you won't buy me shoes then I'm leaving.
Bethany (transforming into a desire demon): You! You did this! You took her from me!
Warden: Well, yes. I'm rather reluctant to leave my friends and/or people I want to shag in the clutches of demons.
Bethany: How will you react when I turn your friends against you?
Warden: They're not here. Leliana just vanished and you'd already tried that anyway
Bethany: Damn it. I'm gonna get my arse kicked now aren't I?
She was right
Warden: Wynne! You're old! And you smell of cat pee!
Wynne rivalry +10
Warden: Ah, found you! What... is this place?
Wynne: This is a building unlike any other. A place truly one of a kind. A part of something unique and wonderful.
Warden: What is it?
Wynne: It's Dragon Age: Origins. The real one, not this silly parody in Dragon Age 2 style. See how this place is different from every other in the game? How it's never recycled, never reused. Well, except in some custom player-made content, but since they don't have a budget, art team or quite as advanced construction set it's perfectly understandable in their case.
Warden: It's amazing
Wynne: And over here, look at this.
Wynne opens a door and they look through.
Warden: Oh that looks terrible.
Wynne: Look beyond the graphics.
A girl with pinkish hair is talking to a blonde girl who looks somewhat elvish
Pinkhair: Sometimes, when it's quiet... I can hear the taint in my heart whispering to me. It says awful things and I almost want to scream to shut them out.
Blonde: (gasp!) You... you haven't done anything that it's said, have you?
Pinkhair: Well... other than that time I got up in the middle of the night to snatch a bag of cinnamon cookies, heck no.
Blonde: Oh, good... what? Cinnamon cookies?
Pinkhair: Ha ha! Oh, come on, Aerie! Lighten up, willya? I'll tell ya what, if I have any desires to murder you in the middle of the night, you'll be the first to know, okay?
Warden: I wonder if they're single?
Leliana rivalry +10
Imoen rivalry +10
Aerie rivalry +10
Wynne rivalry +10
Warden: I really hope nobody bills me for the damage to the fourth wall.
Wynne (sighing): In my day it was different. So very, very different. But I know this isn't real. Times have changed and I cannot dwell on the past. Let us move on, and hope that the future can offer games as great as these.
Wynne vanishes
Warden: Sloth! You... damn it, how do you insult a lazy demon?
Imoen: Sloth's over that way.
Warden: Thanks.
Alistair: Hey! What about me?
Warden marches onto Sloth's island, Wynne, Morrigan and Leliana appear behind him.
Warden: Qwerty's Angels, let's kick some ass!
Sloth: I offered you your dreams come true and this is how you repay me? Perhaps instead you would prefer... YOUR NIGHTMARES! So how about it Warden? Would you like another massage?
Warden: AAAARRRGH!
Zevran rivalry +10
Leliana: You must be strong! You must fight...
Marjoline: Leliana...
Leliana: I am not afraid of you!
Marjoline: Oh but my dear... (she turns into Leliana) you are me!
Leliana: Nooooooooooooooooooo
Wynne: Now that's just silly
Sloth: Wynne, we just got you a part in a new computer game. It's called Gryphon Age, a story full of Gryphons and gryphons and gryphons and...
Wynne: Too many feathers oh no I can't take it STOP ASKING FOR GRYPHONS
Morrigan: Ok that was funny. But you won't scare me.
Sloth: Morrigan. I love you
Morrigan runs away
Sloth: I guess I win
Alistair runs in
Alistair: I'm (puts on sunglasses) tired of you. YEEEAAAAAAH
Sloth: What? That was...
Alistair pulls out a gun and shoots him
Alistair: Yes! I did it! Epic victory for me! Alistair for the win!
Wynne: What? For... me? I had no idea. I...
She runs up to Alistair and hugs him then plants kisses on him
Alistair: No! Help!
Back in the Tower of Is... sorry, Mages Tower. The Warden and party wake up.
Warden: Some dream
Alistair: Yes, dream. Not real. Didn't happen.
Warden: I hope we're nearly done here. Then we can go to Orz...
Alistair: Denerim.
Warden: You know, there's a reason I tried to leave you in the Fade.
Alistair: Well I saved your ass, so you owe me.
Wynne: So that was you!
Alistair: Quick, we must save the rest of the Tower! No time to dawdle, chat, hug or kiss. Especially not hug or kiss. We must move on!
Wynne: So very brave and selfless
Morrigan: Even I almost feel sorry for him. Almost
The party enter another room and find a Templar, Cullen, sitting in a circle of light next to a stairwell.
Cullen: Leave me alone demonic abomination vision things!
Warden: We're real
Cullen: Oh. Uldred's upstairs. Kill him and save us all. But please kill all the other mages up there too just because I'm stark raving mad at the moment
Warden: Wouldn't you feel bad about their deaths being on your hands?
Cullen: Nope because my character will be retconned and be the most sane Templar in the sequel. Actually that thought scares even me.
Warden: Right. Well I'm not going to kill the mages
Cullen: Aww, why not?
Warden: Partly because it's wrong, partly because I'm too lazy to fight things that don't attack me first and partly because I just like to make templars cry
Alistair: Don't say things like that! You know it upsets me!
Cullen: I'll be back! And this time I won't be insane! And I won't share my voice actor! I will be... oh, they left. Back to my crossword puzzle then
Uldred: I want to put a demon in you
Warden: I hope that's not some kind of euphemism
Uldred: What if it is? (winks)
Warden: Exhibit A: hot redhead. You don't compare.
Uldred: I don't think it matters! All will serve me! All will die! All will bring me cake! Possibly in that order!
Alistair: The cake...
Warden: No
Alistair: Oh come on, please?
Warden: No
Alistair: But it's a good line! Everyone loves it!
Warden: We're saving it for later
Alistair: Really? Ok, I'll wait
Irving: Can you just hurry up and save us?
Uldred: Naughty Irving! You're supposed to be under my control! Resistance is useless!
Alistair: Futile!
Warden: Actually the Vogons predate the Borg and they said it was useless
Leliana: Actually I have +magical resistance gear and it is not useless or futile. It's both useful and fashionable
Uldred: I don't think it matters! Die!
Uldred turns into a huge demon and lots of waves of demons appear from nowhere
Wynne: Use the litany!
Warden: The what?
Wynne: Drat! I knew we forgot something!
Warden and party clear out all the demons. Irving is the only surviving mage
Wynne: Oh well, the result would have been the same even if we had the Litany
Irving: I'm too old and too weak to walk down all those stairs. Pick the correct dialogue option so the plot teleports us to the bottom
Morrigan: What about my mothers book?
Warden: Alistair, go find the book
Alistair: What? Why me?
Warden: Or you could help Wynne down the stairs...
Alistair: Gone to find book. Bee Are Bee
Downstairs
Gregoir: You did it! You saved the Tower!
Warden: We accept payment in cash, cheques and promises to help against the Blight
Gregoir: Since the Tower is saved the Templars cannot help, we'll be too busy watching the mages. But the mages can help you
Warden: So wouldn't the Templars need to follow the mages who help us and therefore be able to...
Gregoir: No! For no conceivable reason that shall not happen
Warden: Oh. Ok. Oh by the way Irving can you and some other mages come to Redcliffe and help a kid who's been possessed by a demon?
Gregoir: It's a good job the kid hasn't been possessed by a demon. If he had then we would know and we would slay the abomination
Irving: Yes, we'll help. Gregoir do you mind if some of us leave the Tower for a while without Templar supervision to help a child your job dictates that you must slay?
Gregoir: That's fine. Have fun
Irving: Let's be off then
Outside the tower suddenly all the mages start bleeding
Warden: What the hell just happened?
Irving: We just became blood mages. Any mage who leaves the Tower in DA2 style inevitably becomes a blood mage.
Warden: Won't that be a problem?
Irving: Oh no, the Templars won't notice. They don't even know we're mages, they think we're the kitchen staff.
Part 12
Warden (yelling): Leliana? Leliana?
Warden walks into a room to find Leliana on her knees in front of another woman, both wearing Chantry robes.
Warden: You're praying?
Leliana (blushing): Um... yes... that's what I was doing. Praying.
Warden: Seriously? The demons tried to keep you here with... prayer?
Leliana: Demons? And who are you?
Warden: You don't remember? Oh good, maybe this can be a fresh start. If I said you had a nice body...
Leliana rivalry +10
Warden: Damn it
Sister: Leave us be, she has plenty more... praying to do.
Warden: Leliana if you come with me then...
Sister: She would rather come with me
Oghren: Look, I know I'm probably dead and Dwarves can't come into the Fade but I wouldn't miss this for all the...
Leliana: Oh for Andrastes sake can we please have some privacy?
Warden: She's a demon. Oghren might be too, although he could just be a huge perv
Oghren: Definitely the latter. Although I could be your incubus if you want
Warden: You are really not my type
Oghren: Not you! Her! Well, unless... no!
Warden: You're a bard, not a priestess. Come with me.
Sister: Oh she shall come with...
Leliana: You said that already. Wait... I remember you. You weren't a Chantry sister you were that shy girl in Lothering who listened to my stories but always stayed away from the Templars. Bethany?
Bethany: Yes, yes, the whole Sister thing was a double meaning. And I'm a demon. But I'm your demon my love. I can give you everything you've ever wanted.
Leliana: Even...
Leliana blushes
Leliana: Even... shoes?
Bethany: What? Shoes? What good are shoes? I can offer you unimaginable...
Leliana: If you won't buy me shoes then I'm leaving.
Bethany (transforming into a desire demon): You! You did this! You took her from me!
Warden: Well, yes. I'm rather reluctant to leave my friends and/or people I want to shag in the clutches of demons.
Bethany: How will you react when I turn your friends against you?
Warden: They're not here. Leliana just vanished and you'd already tried that anyway
Bethany: Damn it. I'm gonna get my arse kicked now aren't I?
She was right
Warden: Wynne! You're old! And you smell of cat pee!
Wynne rivalry +10
Warden: Ah, found you! What... is this place?
Wynne: This is a building unlike any other. A place truly one of a kind. A part of something unique and wonderful.
Warden: What is it?
Wynne: It's Dragon Age: Origins. The real one, not this silly parody in Dragon Age 2 style. See how this place is different from every other in the game? How it's never recycled, never reused. Well, except in some custom player-made content, but since they don't have a budget, art team or quite as advanced construction set it's perfectly understandable in their case.
Warden: It's amazing
Wynne: And over here, look at this.
Wynne opens a door and they look through.
Warden: Oh that looks terrible.
Wynne: Look beyond the graphics.
A girl with pinkish hair is talking to a blonde girl who looks somewhat elvish
Pinkhair: Sometimes, when it's quiet... I can hear the taint in my heart whispering to me. It says awful things and I almost want to scream to shut them out.
Blonde: (gasp!) You... you haven't done anything that it's said, have you?
Pinkhair: Well... other than that time I got up in the middle of the night to snatch a bag of cinnamon cookies, heck no.
Blonde: Oh, good... what? Cinnamon cookies?
Pinkhair: Ha ha! Oh, come on, Aerie! Lighten up, willya? I'll tell ya what, if I have any desires to murder you in the middle of the night, you'll be the first to know, okay?
Warden: I wonder if they're single?
Leliana rivalry +10
Imoen rivalry +10
Aerie rivalry +10
Wynne rivalry +10
Warden: I really hope nobody bills me for the damage to the fourth wall.
Wynne (sighing): In my day it was different. So very, very different. But I know this isn't real. Times have changed and I cannot dwell on the past. Let us move on, and hope that the future can offer games as great as these.
Wynne vanishes
Warden: Sloth! You... damn it, how do you insult a lazy demon?
Imoen: Sloth's over that way.
Warden: Thanks.
Alistair: Hey! What about me?
Warden marches onto Sloth's island, Wynne, Morrigan and Leliana appear behind him.
Warden: Qwerty's Angels, let's kick some ass!
Sloth: I offered you your dreams come true and this is how you repay me? Perhaps instead you would prefer... YOUR NIGHTMARES! So how about it Warden? Would you like another massage?
Warden: AAAARRRGH!
Zevran rivalry +10
Leliana: You must be strong! You must fight...
Marjoline: Leliana...
Leliana: I am not afraid of you!
Marjoline: Oh but my dear... (she turns into Leliana) you are me!
Leliana: Nooooooooooooooooooo
Wynne: Now that's just silly
Sloth: Wynne, we just got you a part in a new computer game. It's called Gryphon Age, a story full of Gryphons and gryphons and gryphons and...
Wynne: Too many feathers oh no I can't take it STOP ASKING FOR GRYPHONS
Morrigan: Ok that was funny. But you won't scare me.
Sloth: Morrigan. I love you
Morrigan runs away
Sloth: I guess I win
Alistair runs in
Alistair: I'm (puts on sunglasses) tired of you. YEEEAAAAAAH
Sloth: What? That was...
Alistair pulls out a gun and shoots him
Alistair: Yes! I did it! Epic victory for me! Alistair for the win!
Wynne: What? For... me? I had no idea. I...
She runs up to Alistair and hugs him then plants kisses on him
Alistair: No! Help!
Back in the Tower of Is... sorry, Mages Tower. The Warden and party wake up.
Warden: Some dream
Alistair: Yes, dream. Not real. Didn't happen.
Warden: I hope we're nearly done here. Then we can go to Orz...
Alistair: Denerim.
Warden: You know, there's a reason I tried to leave you in the Fade.
Alistair: Well I saved your ass, so you owe me.
Wynne: So that was you!
Alistair: Quick, we must save the rest of the Tower! No time to dawdle, chat, hug or kiss. Especially not hug or kiss. We must move on!
Wynne: So very brave and selfless
Morrigan: Even I almost feel sorry for him. Almost
The party enter another room and find a Templar, Cullen, sitting in a circle of light next to a stairwell.
Cullen: Leave me alone demonic abomination vision things!
Warden: We're real
Cullen: Oh. Uldred's upstairs. Kill him and save us all. But please kill all the other mages up there too just because I'm stark raving mad at the moment
Warden: Wouldn't you feel bad about their deaths being on your hands?
Cullen: Nope because my character will be retconned and be the most sane Templar in the sequel. Actually that thought scares even me.
Warden: Right. Well I'm not going to kill the mages
Cullen: Aww, why not?
Warden: Partly because it's wrong, partly because I'm too lazy to fight things that don't attack me first and partly because I just like to make templars cry
Alistair: Don't say things like that! You know it upsets me!
Cullen: I'll be back! And this time I won't be insane! And I won't share my voice actor! I will be... oh, they left. Back to my crossword puzzle then
Uldred: I want to put a demon in you
Warden: I hope that's not some kind of euphemism
Uldred: What if it is? (winks)
Warden: Exhibit A: hot redhead. You don't compare.
Uldred: I don't think it matters! All will serve me! All will die! All will bring me cake! Possibly in that order!
Alistair: The cake...
Warden: No
Alistair: Oh come on, please?
Warden: No
Alistair: But it's a good line! Everyone loves it!
Warden: We're saving it for later
Alistair: Really? Ok, I'll wait
Irving: Can you just hurry up and save us?
Uldred: Naughty Irving! You're supposed to be under my control! Resistance is useless!
Alistair: Futile!
Warden: Actually the Vogons predate the Borg and they said it was useless
Leliana: Actually I have +magical resistance gear and it is not useless or futile. It's both useful and fashionable
Uldred: I don't think it matters! Die!
Uldred turns into a huge demon and lots of waves of demons appear from nowhere
Wynne: Use the litany!
Warden: The what?
Wynne: Drat! I knew we forgot something!
Warden and party clear out all the demons. Irving is the only surviving mage
Wynne: Oh well, the result would have been the same even if we had the Litany
Irving: I'm too old and too weak to walk down all those stairs. Pick the correct dialogue option so the plot teleports us to the bottom
Morrigan: What about my mothers book?
Warden: Alistair, go find the book
Alistair: What? Why me?
Warden: Or you could help Wynne down the stairs...
Alistair: Gone to find book. Bee Are Bee
Downstairs
Gregoir: You did it! You saved the Tower!
Warden: We accept payment in cash, cheques and promises to help against the Blight
Gregoir: Since the Tower is saved the Templars cannot help, we'll be too busy watching the mages. But the mages can help you
Warden: So wouldn't the Templars need to follow the mages who help us and therefore be able to...
Gregoir: No! For no conceivable reason that shall not happen
Warden: Oh. Ok. Oh by the way Irving can you and some other mages come to Redcliffe and help a kid who's been possessed by a demon?
Gregoir: It's a good job the kid hasn't been possessed by a demon. If he had then we would know and we would slay the abomination
Irving: Yes, we'll help. Gregoir do you mind if some of us leave the Tower for a while without Templar supervision to help a child your job dictates that you must slay?
Gregoir: That's fine. Have fun
Irving: Let's be off then
Outside the tower suddenly all the mages start bleeding
Warden: What the hell just happened?
Irving: We just became blood mages. Any mage who leaves the Tower in DA2 style inevitably becomes a blood mage.
Warden: Won't that be a problem?
Irving: Oh no, the Templars won't notice. They don't even know we're mages, they think we're the kitchen staff.
Part 12
Modifié par rayvioletta, 07 mai 2011 - 03:57 .
#203
Posté 08 avril 2011 - 09:37
Shacary
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Omg I laughed so hard everyone here thinks ive gone looney awesome Ray! I think you must have written stand up acts for George Carlin lol
#204
Posté 08 avril 2011 - 09:43
ItsToofy
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Outside the tower suddenly all the mages start bleeding
Warden: What the hell just happened?
Irving: We just became blood mages. Any mage who leaves the Tower in DA2 style innevitably becomes a blood mage.
Warden: Won't that be a problem?
Irving: Oh no, the Templars won't notice. They don't even know we're mages, they think we're the kitchen staff.
LOL
#205
Posté 08 avril 2011 - 09:44
ItsToofy
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I'm going to be sad when this ends....unless of course you continue with DA2 in...DA2 style...which may be better than DA2 itself!
#206
Posté 08 avril 2011 - 09:49
rayvioletta
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you have no idea how long I've been waiting to use that blood mage joke...
well, actually since the first post is timestamped you probably do
well, actually since the first post is timestamped you probably do
#207
Posté 08 avril 2011 - 10:03
LebatomiBeni
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lmao I love this so much.
Moooaarr!
Moooaarr!
#208
Posté 08 avril 2011 - 10:06
Louis deGuerre
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Rockpopple wrote...well, envious bs mostly.
They see you writing, they hatin'
rayvioletta wrote...
Imoen rivalry +10
Aeire rivalry +10
Now I can die happy...and the line about the vogons, pure bliss !
#209
Posté 08 avril 2011 - 10:09
rayvioletta
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I've actually thrown quite a few references in, some more subtle than others. was very impressed that somebody understood the dastardly reference
#210
Posté 08 avril 2011 - 10:15
DraCZeQQ
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The blood mage joke will never get old ... this is plot "black" hole ...
#211
Posté 08 avril 2011 - 10:20
ISnowdropI
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Yay! This just gets better and better ^^
Why hasn't this been stickied yet?
Why hasn't this been stickied yet?
Modifié par ISnowdropI, 08 avril 2011 - 10:20 .
#212
Posté 08 avril 2011 - 11:05
Whisky
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This is hillarious! 
Best thread ever!
Actually, I'm glad this hasn't even been locked yet, let alone got stickied.
Best thread ever!Actually, I'm glad this hasn't even been locked yet, let alone got stickied.
#213
Posté 09 avril 2011 - 12:56
Jademoon121
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Shameless bump.
I love this thread.
I love this thread.
#214
Posté 09 avril 2011 - 12:58
Killjoy Cutter
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I have to take a break, my sides hurt.
#215
Posté 09 avril 2011 - 02:13
iampool
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Part 11 is not full in first post, i guess you can't keep adding those there. But, you could edit the first post with links to each part posts.
Like:
Well, part 1 is first post obviously but
Part 2: http://social.biowar...27245/1#6927919
Part 3: http://social.biowar...27245/2#6929139
Part 4: http://social.biowar...27245/3#6933982
Part 5: http://social.biowar...27245/4#6941384
Part 6: http://social.biowar...27245/4#6945051
Part 7: http://social.biowar...27245/5#6950344
Part 8: http://social.biowar...27245/6#6958829
Part 9: http://social.biowar...27245/7#6974440
Part 10: http://social.biowar...27245/8#6990312
Part 11: http://social.biowar...27245/9#6996457
oK done.
Like:
Well, part 1 is first post obviously but
Part 2: http://social.biowar...27245/1#6927919
Part 3: http://social.biowar...27245/2#6929139
Part 4: http://social.biowar...27245/3#6933982
Part 5: http://social.biowar...27245/4#6941384
Part 6: http://social.biowar...27245/4#6945051
Part 7: http://social.biowar...27245/5#6950344
Part 8: http://social.biowar...27245/6#6958829
Part 9: http://social.biowar...27245/7#6974440
Part 10: http://social.biowar...27245/8#6990312
Part 11: http://social.biowar...27245/9#6996457
oK done.
Modifié par iampool, 09 avril 2011 - 02:17 .
#217
Posté 09 avril 2011 - 08:00
rayvioletta
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iampool wrote...
Part 11 is not full in first post, i guess you can't keep adding those there. But, you could edit the first post with links to each part posts.
Like:
Well, part 1 is first post obviously but
Part 2: http://social.biowar...27245/1#6927919
Part 3: http://social.biowar...27245/2#6929139
Part 4: http://social.biowar...27245/3#6933982
Part 5: http://social.biowar...27245/4#6941384
Part 6: http://social.biowar...27245/4#6945051
Part 7: http://social.biowar...27245/5#6950344
Part 8: http://social.biowar...27245/6#6958829
Part 9: http://social.biowar...27245/7#6974440
Part 10: http://social.biowar...27245/8#6990312
Part 11: http://social.biowar...27245/9#6996457
oK done.
thanks, hadn't noticed that. left the first ten parts in and added a link to 11
#218
Posté 09 avril 2011 - 08:37
Tikkidew
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I support this thread. Thx Bio-sellout ...
#219
Posté 09 avril 2011 - 09:57
Sabriana
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Yay, more goodies.
Warden: Oh. Ok. Oh by the way Irving can you and some other mages come to Redcliffe and help a kid who's been possessed by a demon?
Gregoir: It's a good job the kid hasn't been possessed by a demon. If he had then we would know and we would slay the abomination
Irving: Yes, we'll help. Gregoir do you mind if some of us leave the Tower for a while without Templar supervision to help a child your job dictates that you must slay?
Gregoir: That's fine. Have fun
Irving: Let's be off then
Outside the tower suddenly all the mages start bleeding
Warden: What the hell just happened?
Irving: We just became blood mages. Any mage who leaves the Tower in DA2 style innevitably becomes a blood mage.
Warden: Won't that be a problem?
Irving: Oh no, the Templars won't notice. They don't even know we're mages, they think we're the kitchen staff.
Thank you bunches, rayvioletta. That's the very first time I laughed about this super black-hole plot-hole.
Warden: Oh. Ok. Oh by the way Irving can you and some other mages come to Redcliffe and help a kid who's been possessed by a demon?
Gregoir: It's a good job the kid hasn't been possessed by a demon. If he had then we would know and we would slay the abomination
Irving: Yes, we'll help. Gregoir do you mind if some of us leave the Tower for a while without Templar supervision to help a child your job dictates that you must slay?
Gregoir: That's fine. Have fun
Irving: Let's be off then
Outside the tower suddenly all the mages start bleeding
Warden: What the hell just happened?
Irving: We just became blood mages. Any mage who leaves the Tower in DA2 style innevitably becomes a blood mage.
Warden: Won't that be a problem?
Irving: Oh no, the Templars won't notice. They don't even know we're mages, they think we're the kitchen staff.
Thank you bunches, rayvioletta. That's the very first time I laughed about this super black-hole plot-hole.
Modifié par Sabriana, 09 avril 2011 - 10:00 .
#221
Posté 09 avril 2011 - 10:35
Steks25
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This is hilarious!
I read the entire thing, cant wait for part 12 xD
I read the entire thing, cant wait for part 12 xD
#222
Posté 09 avril 2011 - 10:41
Sabriana
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I can't wait til rayvioletta's warden hits the Deep Roads, and meets the mother of all mothers.
I so hope that he/she won't lose interest in continuing. Maybe if we offer bribes
I so hope that he/she won't lose interest in continuing. Maybe if we offer bribes
#223
Posté 09 avril 2011 - 11:01
rayvioletta
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Part 12
Warden and company return to Redcliffe with the mages
Alistair: You could say that our group has had a...
Alistair puts on sunglasses
Alistair: Mage-r upgrade! YEAAA... ow! You hit me!
Alistair rivalry +10
Warden: I'm sorry, my fist slipped
Owen: Warden! Thank you so much for saving my daughter!
Warden: You're welcome... wait, what?
Valena: Brains
Owen: She's been a little odd since she got back, doesn't say much and keeps trying to bite my customers, but I'm just glad she's ok
Warden: Right....
Owen: Actually I'm trying to marry her off. You wouldn't happen to be interested would you?
Warden: Oh I'm sorry we have an urgent appointment at the Castle. Bye
Valena: Brains?
Irving: Somebody must go into the Fade to rescue the boy
Warden: We were just there!
Irving: Yes well somebody must go there again. It needs to be a mage
Morrigan: I could go and make a deal with the demon... I mean... kill the demon
Wynne: I will go
Irving: Are you sure?
Wynne: I must prove myself worthy of my true love Alistair.
Alistair: Is there any chance of side effects? Memory loss perhaps?
Irving: No, nothing like that
Alistair: Damn
Wynne: It's very sweet of you to be so concerned Alistair
Leliana: Alice has a girlfriend!
Alistair: My name is not Alice!
Oghren: Alice isn't a girl? Damn it, I'm leaving again then
Alistair: I do wish he'd stop doing that
Irving: Wynne you are feeling very sleepy...
Wynne: Of course I am, I'm very, very old
Wynne falls asleep
Connor: Did you make my father sick?
Wynne: No dear, that was the nasty blood mage with the STDs
Connor: Oh. What's an STD?
Wynne: That doesn't matter right now, you're really in the Fade and I need you to wake up
Connor: I'm not really Connor, I'm a demon! Surprise!
Wynne kills the demon
Eamon: Hello? Is anybody there?
Wynne: Hello, I'm trying to save your son
Eamon: Really? I'm the one who's bloody dying. Save me. Also I'm selling these fine DLCs...
Wynne: I'm not the player character.
Eamon: Well could you talk him into buying one? There's Return to Ostagar, you have special dialogue for that one too!
Wynne: How very exciting, I'm certainly eager to return to the battle where I almost died. Now leave me be while I find the demon who's possessing your son
Connor: You shouldn't be here! Go away!
Wynne: Are you Connor or a demon?
Connor: Surprise! I'm really a demon!
Wynne kills the demon
Connor: Surprise! I'm a demon too!
Wynne kills the demon
Demon: Surprise! I'm really a... oh wait, I forgot my disguise. Um... let's talk this over! I am a demon of desire, I can grant you any wish you could ask. What do you want?
Wynne: I'd like to be able to drag you out of the Fade, cut off your head and stick it on a pike as a warning to the next ten generations that some favours come with too high a price. I want to look up into your lifeless eyes and wave like this.
Wynne waves
Wynne: Can you arrange that for me Miss Desire Demon?
Demon: Not... exactly
Wynne: Well I can
Wynne kills the demon
Wynne and Connor wake up. Wynne has a severed demon head in her hands.
Irving: You did it! The boy is free of the demon
Teagan: Now we need to save Eamon
Isolde: The urn! The Urn of Sacred Ashes will save him!
Warden: You want us to go chasing a myth?
Isolde: Yes! It'll keep you busy so me and Teagan can... um... I mean... it is not a myth! It is real. Maybe. It must be. Probably. Go, find it
Leliana: Don't you mean "Teagan and I"?
Isolde: You? Stay away from my Teagan you hussy!
Teagan: Brother Genetivi in Denerim was researching it. Perhaps he can help
Alistair: Told you. Denerim
Warden: Perhaps somebody in Orzammar could help
Teagan: No, that would be silly
Warden: Worth a shot
Alistair: Why are you so keen to go to Orzammar anyway?
Warden: I did some reading up and there's a gift there for Leliana that might help me get into her pants
Leliana rivalry +10
Warden: Actually I have an idea. Lesbians
Alistair: What? Your idea is lesbians?
Oghren: Did somebody say lesbians?
Warden: Oghren can you fetch me a cute nug from Orzammar?
Oghren: What? What does that have to do with lesbians?
Warden: Leliana is bisexual and wants a cute nug
Oghren vanishes
Oghren reappears with a cute nug
Warden: Now go away
Oghren: What? Where are my lesbians?
Warden: Aren't you supposed to be dead?
Oghren: Oh yeah
Oghren vanishes
Warden: Leliana, have this...
Leliana: Camp
Warden: Fine, we'll make camp then head for Denerim
The party set up camp in a location that looks just like every other place they set up camp at
Morrigan: So I've been reading the book and it says bad stuff about my mother so I need you to kill her
Warden: But you wanted me to kill her even before you read it
Morrigan: Um... that was a fade demon. Or something. Just go along with it please?
Warden: Fine, I'll kill your mother. But only because she refused to sign my Voyager DVD box set
Sten: Where is the cake? They said there would be cake? The cake is...
Warden: is your next quest?
Sten: Yes
Alistair: Please don't interrupt that line, it's my favourite
Wynne: I too have a quest for you. I want to go for a walk with you
Warden: I thought you liked Alistair?
Wynne: That's not what I meant! Honestly! I only want us to walk into an ambush so I can fall over and explain how I'm possessed by a de... friendly spirit
Warden: Right... are there any mages who aren't blood mages, abominations or circle mages?
Wynne: Most are all three
Alistair: My sister is in Denerim. Can we go see her?
Warden: Fine
Dog: Woof
Warden: You can have this bone, it's from a zombie but I don't suppose you'll mind
Dog friendship +10
Dog: Woof!
Zevran: About that leather clothing...
Warden: Well one of the bandits who attacked us was wearing these leather boots
Zevran: It will do for now
Zevran friendship +10
Warden: Leliana, have this nug
Leliana: Aww it's one of those cute subter...subt... underground bunny pigs! So cuuuuuuuute!
Leliana friendship +1
Warden: One? Just one bloody friendship point? What do I have to do to get you into bed woman?
Leliana rivalry +500
Warden: Damn it
On the way to Denerim... RANDOM ENCOUNTER!!!
Bandit: Attack!
Multiple bandit waves later
Warden: And now to slice his throat even though he died in the first wave and should be dead anyway...
Leliana: Wait, these are no ordinary bandits!
Warden: How can you tell?
Leliana: There's a big glowy plot arrow above him
Bandit: We were just hired to kill the pretty redhead!
Oghren: Me?
Warden: You're not pretty and you're not here
Oghren: I'm pretty drunk
Warden: Get lost
Leliana: You were sent to kill me? It must be Marjoline!
Bandit: She's in Denerim. This is her address. Please don't kill me
Leliana: Go, now. Before I change my mind
Bandit: I'll send you a letter later about how I've changed my ways, repented my sins and taken up stalking you to find out where you live so I can send you letters
Leliana: I must confront her. If we happen to go to Denerim can we look her up?
Warden: We're on our way to Denerim anyway, you know this. We're standing right next to a sign that says "You are now entering Denerim, thank you for walking safely". Alistair just walked into it
Alistair: It was supposed to be ironic
Warden: Well it was moronic
Alistair: Actually it was wooden
Leliana: It is a sign from the Maker that we are on the right path
Warden: The sign-maker, yes
Part 13
Warden and company return to Redcliffe with the mages
Alistair: You could say that our group has had a...
Alistair puts on sunglasses
Alistair: Mage-r upgrade! YEAAA... ow! You hit me!
Alistair rivalry +10
Warden: I'm sorry, my fist slipped
Owen: Warden! Thank you so much for saving my daughter!
Warden: You're welcome... wait, what?
Valena: Brains
Owen: She's been a little odd since she got back, doesn't say much and keeps trying to bite my customers, but I'm just glad she's ok
Warden: Right....
Owen: Actually I'm trying to marry her off. You wouldn't happen to be interested would you?
Warden: Oh I'm sorry we have an urgent appointment at the Castle. Bye
Valena: Brains?
Irving: Somebody must go into the Fade to rescue the boy
Warden: We were just there!
Irving: Yes well somebody must go there again. It needs to be a mage
Morrigan: I could go and make a deal with the demon... I mean... kill the demon
Wynne: I will go
Irving: Are you sure?
Wynne: I must prove myself worthy of my true love Alistair.
Alistair: Is there any chance of side effects? Memory loss perhaps?
Irving: No, nothing like that
Alistair: Damn
Wynne: It's very sweet of you to be so concerned Alistair
Leliana: Alice has a girlfriend!
Alistair: My name is not Alice!
Oghren: Alice isn't a girl? Damn it, I'm leaving again then
Alistair: I do wish he'd stop doing that
Irving: Wynne you are feeling very sleepy...
Wynne: Of course I am, I'm very, very old
Wynne falls asleep
Connor: Did you make my father sick?
Wynne: No dear, that was the nasty blood mage with the STDs
Connor: Oh. What's an STD?
Wynne: That doesn't matter right now, you're really in the Fade and I need you to wake up
Connor: I'm not really Connor, I'm a demon! Surprise!
Wynne kills the demon
Eamon: Hello? Is anybody there?
Wynne: Hello, I'm trying to save your son
Eamon: Really? I'm the one who's bloody dying. Save me. Also I'm selling these fine DLCs...
Wynne: I'm not the player character.
Eamon: Well could you talk him into buying one? There's Return to Ostagar, you have special dialogue for that one too!
Wynne: How very exciting, I'm certainly eager to return to the battle where I almost died. Now leave me be while I find the demon who's possessing your son
Connor: You shouldn't be here! Go away!
Wynne: Are you Connor or a demon?
Connor: Surprise! I'm really a demon!
Wynne kills the demon
Connor: Surprise! I'm a demon too!
Wynne kills the demon
Demon: Surprise! I'm really a... oh wait, I forgot my disguise. Um... let's talk this over! I am a demon of desire, I can grant you any wish you could ask. What do you want?
Wynne: I'd like to be able to drag you out of the Fade, cut off your head and stick it on a pike as a warning to the next ten generations that some favours come with too high a price. I want to look up into your lifeless eyes and wave like this.
Wynne waves
Wynne: Can you arrange that for me Miss Desire Demon?
Demon: Not... exactly
Wynne: Well I can
Wynne kills the demon
Wynne and Connor wake up. Wynne has a severed demon head in her hands.
Irving: You did it! The boy is free of the demon
Teagan: Now we need to save Eamon
Isolde: The urn! The Urn of Sacred Ashes will save him!
Warden: You want us to go chasing a myth?
Isolde: Yes! It'll keep you busy so me and Teagan can... um... I mean... it is not a myth! It is real. Maybe. It must be. Probably. Go, find it
Leliana: Don't you mean "Teagan and I"?
Isolde: You? Stay away from my Teagan you hussy!
Teagan: Brother Genetivi in Denerim was researching it. Perhaps he can help
Alistair: Told you. Denerim
Warden: Perhaps somebody in Orzammar could help
Teagan: No, that would be silly
Warden: Worth a shot
Alistair: Why are you so keen to go to Orzammar anyway?
Warden: I did some reading up and there's a gift there for Leliana that might help me get into her pants
Leliana rivalry +10
Warden: Actually I have an idea. Lesbians
Alistair: What? Your idea is lesbians?
Oghren: Did somebody say lesbians?
Warden: Oghren can you fetch me a cute nug from Orzammar?
Oghren: What? What does that have to do with lesbians?
Warden: Leliana is bisexual and wants a cute nug
Oghren vanishes
Oghren reappears with a cute nug
Warden: Now go away
Oghren: What? Where are my lesbians?
Warden: Aren't you supposed to be dead?
Oghren: Oh yeah
Oghren vanishes
Warden: Leliana, have this...
Leliana: Camp
Warden: Fine, we'll make camp then head for Denerim
The party set up camp in a location that looks just like every other place they set up camp at
Morrigan: So I've been reading the book and it says bad stuff about my mother so I need you to kill her
Warden: But you wanted me to kill her even before you read it
Morrigan: Um... that was a fade demon. Or something. Just go along with it please?
Warden: Fine, I'll kill your mother. But only because she refused to sign my Voyager DVD box set
Sten: Where is the cake? They said there would be cake? The cake is...
Warden: is your next quest?
Sten: Yes
Alistair: Please don't interrupt that line, it's my favourite
Wynne: I too have a quest for you. I want to go for a walk with you
Warden: I thought you liked Alistair?
Wynne: That's not what I meant! Honestly! I only want us to walk into an ambush so I can fall over and explain how I'm possessed by a de... friendly spirit
Warden: Right... are there any mages who aren't blood mages, abominations or circle mages?
Wynne: Most are all three
Alistair: My sister is in Denerim. Can we go see her?
Warden: Fine
Dog: Woof
Warden: You can have this bone, it's from a zombie but I don't suppose you'll mind
Dog friendship +10
Dog: Woof!
Zevran: About that leather clothing...
Warden: Well one of the bandits who attacked us was wearing these leather boots
Zevran: It will do for now
Zevran friendship +10
Warden: Leliana, have this nug
Leliana: Aww it's one of those cute subter...subt... underground bunny pigs! So cuuuuuuuute!
Leliana friendship +1
Warden: One? Just one bloody friendship point? What do I have to do to get you into bed woman?
Leliana rivalry +500
Warden: Damn it
On the way to Denerim... RANDOM ENCOUNTER!!!
Bandit: Attack!
Multiple bandit waves later
Warden: And now to slice his throat even though he died in the first wave and should be dead anyway...
Leliana: Wait, these are no ordinary bandits!
Warden: How can you tell?
Leliana: There's a big glowy plot arrow above him
Bandit: We were just hired to kill the pretty redhead!
Oghren: Me?
Warden: You're not pretty and you're not here
Oghren: I'm pretty drunk
Warden: Get lost
Leliana: You were sent to kill me? It must be Marjoline!
Bandit: She's in Denerim. This is her address. Please don't kill me
Leliana: Go, now. Before I change my mind
Bandit: I'll send you a letter later about how I've changed my ways, repented my sins and taken up stalking you to find out where you live so I can send you letters
Leliana: I must confront her. If we happen to go to Denerim can we look her up?
Warden: We're on our way to Denerim anyway, you know this. We're standing right next to a sign that says "You are now entering Denerim, thank you for walking safely". Alistair just walked into it
Alistair: It was supposed to be ironic
Warden: Well it was moronic
Alistair: Actually it was wooden
Leliana: It is a sign from the Maker that we are on the right path
Warden: The sign-maker, yes
Part 13
Modifié par rayvioletta, 09 mai 2011 - 02:06 .
#224
Posté 09 avril 2011 - 11:11
DraCZeQQ
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rayvioletta wrote...
part 12
Warden: Fine, I'll kill your mother. But only because she refused to sign my Voyager DVD box set
btw. I dont want to spoiler but are you going for Rivalry romance with Leliana? =) Coz angry sex is the best
Modifié par DraCZeQQ, 09 avril 2011 - 11:12 .
#225
Posté 09 avril 2011 - 11:17
Shazzie
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- 468 messages
I swear I'm wiping tears out of my eyes.
My husband is asking me to please be quiet so he can sleep.
Can't stop laughing..
bravo!
My husband is asking me to please be quiet so he can sleep.
Can't stop laughing..
bravo!
