Aucune réponse à ce sujet

[DA_GamerGal]

  
The Choice 
 
 
 
With a loud clang and a clash of steal, their blades met. She struck out again with her long sword, but he deftly blocked the thrust of her blade with his heavy shield. Once again she thrust her blade forward, but she could not get through his defenses; his heavy shield quickly knocking her sword aside. She looked at him and cursed. He simply raised his eyebrows at her and said nothing.
 
The Warden’s breathing was becoming extremely labored and her eyes were stinging from the steady stream of sweat that was now running into them. Her face was flushed red from the heat of her exertion and she had a grim expression on her face.
 
Andraste’s holy fire! Is he [/i]ever going to tire?[/i] She thought to herself in irritation.
 
They had been trading blows for over two hours now and she was getting near the end of her stamina. Her arms were beginning to tire and cramp. The arm carrying her shield was only a little less sore than the arm that held her sword, and that was due to the fact that she was less skilled with a shield then he, so she tended to use her sword arm much more. Her long legs were starting to tremble from exertion and she feared that they might buckle at any time.
 
Back and forth they parried, each trying to find an opening; a weakness in the other’s defenses, in order to make that last final blow that would bring an end to this skirmish. For the last two hours they had been fighting, each unwilling to surrender, each unwilling to call a draw.
 
The Warden was getting angry and she was losing her patience. She was tired and hungry and she was covered in sweat and grime. She caught her own scent on a stray breeze and also realized that she really, really, needed to bathe.
 
She sighed in irritation and swore at the man again. She’d had enough.
 
Without warning she took her shield and threw it with all her might, aiming directly at the warrior’s head. The warrior raised his shield and ducked for cover. The Warden quickly switched her sword to her other hand, and thrust her blade in his left side, right under his now raised, shield arm.
 
The warrior yelled out in pain. The Warden quickly switched her sword back to the first hand, and fell to one knee as the other warrior thrust forwarded his own blade in response. She dodged his blow and hit him in the side of his knee with the broad side of her sword and then rolled away.
 
 The warrior’s leg buckled and he fell to his knees hard. The Warden regained her feet and proceeded to plant her booted foot into the center of his back and kicked. He fell forward and landed face first in the dirt, his breath almost knocked out of him. He hastily rolled to his back and there he found the Warden looking down upon him with the point of her blade aimed at his neck, just under his chin.
 
“Do you yield the day?” She asked the warrior. She looked into his eyes with a grim expression and waited for his reply.
 
He did not answer her, but started to laugh good-naturedly.
 
“I said ‘Yield’, you insufferably lout!” She pressed her blade to his throat hard and a trickle a blood started flowing. She glared down at him.
 
“Ouch!” he yelped. “By the Maker, that hurts, woman!” he said in an injured tone.
 
She looked at him in an apologetic way and relaxed her stance. The warrior immediately hit her sword to the side with his forearm, kicked his leg up and out, connecting with one of her knees; She lost her balance and fell to the ground, landing on her very lovely shaped rear quarters.
 
He quickly stood up and looked down at her as she lay rubbing her nether regions.
 
 “Do you [/i]yield the day, my lady?” he asked her with a mischievous grin. He began laughing at her again.
 
“You are… you… you are insufferable, Alistair! I had you beaten- admit it!” She glared up at him. He just laughed at her again.
 
“Maker’s breath woman. There’s no need to get your knickers in a bunch. If it makes you feel better, I’ll just let everyone think you won… including you.” He chuckled loudly, quite pleased with himself.
 
She was too tired to argue with him any more. She sighed in irritation. “Help me up, Alistair.”
 
He reached down and helped her regain her feet. They both collected their shields and swords and started walking back to the camp site. They continued walking together in a comfortable silence, each lost in their own thoughts.
 
After several moments had passed by, Alistair looked at the Warden with an inquiring look. “Why did you let your guard down like that?  You’ve never worried about hurting any of your opponents before.”
 
“It’s not the same, Alistair. You’re not my enemy. And I thought I might have really hurt you,” she replied in a quiet voice. “I’m sorry if I did. Hurt you.”
 
Alistair gave her a quizzical glance. The Warden kept looking straight ahead and would not meet his gaze. He wondered what was going on with her. Her behavior towards him over the last few weeks had been erratic at best. One moment she was carefree and easy-going with him and the next…..she turned into, well …Morrigan- a witch[/i] with a capital “B[/i]”.
 
At that very moment, the Warden was trying to figure out just what was wrong with her, as well.
 
When she had looked down at Alistair and saw the blood trickling down his neck, and realized that he had been wounded by her hand… her heart had almost stopped beating in her chest. She knew that she had not seriously hurt him; she had not applied that much pressure to her blade… yet….  
 
She was afraid to examine her feelings any further, for she wasn’t quite ready to face the truth yet.
 
The two Wardens continued walking together in silence, but it no longer was a comfortable one.
 
Upon entering the camp, the Warden gave a cursory look around to make sure that all was well. She noticed that Zevran was no where to be seen, but she noticed that his bow was missing from the spot where he usually kept it. That could only mean that he had decided to go hunting for fresh meat. He was an excellent archer and often supplied their small group with rabbits, fowl, and small deer to eat.
 
Morrigan was sitting by her tent reading, one of her tomes to do with magic, know doubt. Sten was sitting by the fire, cleaning his sword. Oghren and Leliana were sitting in front of her tent trading stories.
 
Oghren looked like he was already deep into his cups. She never understood how he could drink so much and still function, and by the disapproving looks that Wynne was giving Oghren from where she was sitting, she was probably thinking the same thing.
 
She heard her Mabari hound barking and looked around to locate him. He was sitting in front of Shale, trying to get her attention, but the golem was pretending not to notice him. She noticed a small pile of dead birds near the golem. Shale really[/i] had a thing against birds. The Warden sighed in resignation.
 
Oghren noticed the Wardens’ arrival and shouted out to them, “By the Ancestors! We all thought you two got lost, you’ve been gone so long.” He looked at Alistair and the Warden through bloodshot eyes that seemed to be having trouble focusing. “By the Stone, you two look like Nug droppings! Who won the match, by the way?”
 
“I did.” said both the Wardens in unison. 
 
Alistair looked at the Warden and raised his eyebrows at her. “You[/i] won the match? I don’t think so. If anything it was a draw.”
 
Why did he always[/i] have to be so difficult? “Okay. Let’s say it was a draw and be done with it.” She shot him an irritated look and then walked away towards her tent.
 
Alistair watched the Warden go, and thought to himself that she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Even though she was covered in sweat and grime, and her disposition seemed out of sorts at the moment, he still thought her beautiful, both inside and out.
 
“Well I’ll be a nug-wrangler! The Grey Warden is in love!” exclaimed Oghren after belching quite loudly.
 
“Oghren, where have you been?” asked Leliana. “She and Zevran have been together for months now.” Leliana looked at the dwarf strangely. He must be drunker than usual, she thought.
 
“Not that[/i] Warden- the other one. Alistair. He’s in love with her.” replied Oghren. “I may be drunk, but I’m not too drunk to see that.” He belched again and took another swill of his ale.
 
Leliana looked at Alistair closely and then glanced at Oghren. “You may be right. I wonder if she knows that he’s in love with her.” She turned and watched as the Warden entered her tent.
 
“I don’t know. But by the Stone, things are going to get mighty interesting around here.” Oghren replied laughingly.
 
The Warden rummaged around in her tent, trying to locate her pack. Once she found it she placed a bar of soap, her comb and one of her blankets into the pack. She had decided that she was going to go to the river to bathe, before it got too dark. The sun was just starting to set, and it would only be light for another hour or two.
 
She exited her tent with her pack and her sword, and whistled to her Mabari. He ran up to her and gave her a happy bark. He always loved it when she took him anywhere with her.
 
“Come on Ser Dog. You’re coming with me. You and I are going to take a bath.” The Mabari barked twice in understanding and trotted off ahead of her, towards the river.
 
Once at the river, the Warden looked around carefully to make sure she was alone. Once satisfied, she removed her armor and boots, but left on her smallclothes. She reached into her pack and removed the bar of soap.
 
“Come on, boy. Let’s go get wet.” She and the Mabari both waded into the river until the water level rose past her waist. She ducked under the water to wet herself completely and then stood back up. The water was cold, but not unbearably so. The dog began to bark and splash about in the water near her. She laughed and pushed him away. “Go swim over there, boy”. She pointed to a spot in the water a little ways to her left. The Mabari barked and then moved away from her.
 
The Warden began to lather herself with the soap. She started with her hair and then worked her way downward. Once she had lathered herself enough, she ducked under the water again, to rinse off. She then decided to go for a swim. She threw the bar of soap onto the river bank, and then started to swim away from the river’s edge.
 
The water was cool and refreshing as it caressed her skin. Her sore and tired muscles soon relaxed. She swam further away from the embankment. The current began to get stronger as she got closer to the middle part of the river. There was an undertow that she hadn’t noticed before when she had been closer to the river’s edge. She decided that it would probably be a good thing to turn around and start swimming back towards land.
 
As she started swimming back in the direction she had come from, she noticed a curious ripple in the water to her left. The ripple seemed to be getting closer to her. Uneasy now, she began to swim slightly faster towards the river bank.
 
All of a sudden she felt something large wrap around her leg and she was pulled under. She kicked her legs against the pull and managed to get her head above the water. She cried out in alarm as she was pulled under a second time. She opened her eyes as she was under the water and she saw that an enormous snake had wrapped itself around one of her legs and was now trying to pull her away from the river bank. She struggled and kicked frantically with both legs. She tried to swim upward, but the large serpent was heavy and it would not let her go.
 
Maker, help me! [/i]She hit the snake with her fist, but it just tightened its body further around her leg. Her lungs felt like they were ready to burst. Her body was crying out for air. The Warden fought the urge to expel the remaining air in her lungs and take a breath.
 
When it was to be her time to die, it would be upon some battlefield, and not drowning in some blighted river!
 
She suddenly sensed something else was in the water with her. It was her hound! The dog snapped at the snake and tried to bite down on its head, but he missed. The snake struck out with its fangs, but it too missed. The serpent tightened its grip on the Warden’s leg. The dog swam upwards to take a breath of air. He quickly swam back to where the Warden was and attacked the snake again. This time he managed to clamp down onto the snake behind its head. Within moments the snake was dead. But the snake was still wrapped tightly around her, weighting her down. She sank further under the water.
 
The Warden felt herself starting to panic. Her lungs were burning and her heart was beating frantically. She grabbed onto her dog’s collar as he started to swim towards the surface. Just as his head broke though the water, the Warden lost consciousness.
 
She abruptly came to and immediately began to spew out the water from her lungs. She gagged and choked and then retched again. She realized that she was lying on the ground by the edge of the river.
 
“Thank the Maker! I thought I had lost you.” Alistair pulled her into his arms and held her tightly. He had come down to the river to wash and had heard her cry of panic. He searched the water and did not see her, but he had spotted the Mabari swimming out to a spot towards the middle of the river. By the time he had removed his chain mail and dived into the river, the Warden’s Mabari had started to pull her back in towards land.
 
He had never been so scared in all his life! He thought she had drowned. But the Maker must have heard his fervent pleas to spare her life- she was alive.
 
“Alistair? What…?  How…? “She was finding it difficult to think straight. She looked up into Alistair’s face and their eyes met. He was gazing at her so intently and there was a strange look in his eyes- one that she had never seen before. Her eyes widened and her heart began to beat hard in her chest.
 
“Alistair?” she said his name softly, her eyes widening in wonder.
 
His eyes narrowed and his expression hardened. “Have you lost all your Maker-given senses? What were you thinking[/i], woman! You should never have been out here alone. You could have…you could have died! And then what we would have done? Our duty to end this cursed Blight is much too important for you to behave so… foolishly!” Alistair furiously snarled at her.
 
The Warden quickly removed herself from Alistair’s arms, pulled her arm back and punched him squarely right in his nose. Alistair yelled as blood spurted from his injured nose.
 
“Don’t you ever[/i] tell me about my duty! “She yelled back at Alistair. “I have never[/i] turned my back on my duties as a Grey Warden. You have no right to lecture me about duty… you who refuse[/i] to take the throne as Ferelden’s rightful king!”
 
Angry tears were running freely down her face. She wiped them away violently with the back of her hand. She pushed him hard in his chest to move him away from her, and then she stood up. She stood looking down at him with a hurt and angry expression.
 
“I left my parents to die[/i] at the hands of Howe and his men, because I promised my father that I would do my duty! I am a Cousland and a Grey Warden and I have done nothing but my duty!”
 
Alistair stared at her. Water was still dripping from her and he noticed for the first time that she was wearing nothing but her smallclothes. The wet, light- weighted material was clinging to her body and it revealed to him all her glorious female curves.
 
He couldn’t breath- and it wasn’t because his nose was now horrible swollen and still dripping with his blood. He just sat there bleeding, and continued to look at her with one of his idiotic expressions on his face.
 
She swore at him and walked away. She walked over to her pack and pulled out the dry blanket that had been within, and then wrapped it around her. She stuffed her boots in the pack and then called to her Mabari. She hung the pack around his neck and told him to carry it back to the camp for her. She picked up her armor and sword and then walked away without a further glance at the still bleeding Alistair.
 
Zeveran looked up from the task he was doing and saw that his love had returned to the camp. He finished cleaning the carcasses of the three rabbits he had killed and gave them to Morrigan to make into a stew for tonight’s dinner.
 
Alistair then entered the camp and Zevran, noticing his bruised and bloody nose, gave him a questioning look. Alistair quickly looked away from Zevran’s gaze and ducked into his tent.
 
Zevran shook his head and laughed to himself. He’d give odds that his beloved Warden had something to do with the condition of Alistair’s nose. He decided to go the source and see for himself.
 
He found the Warden sitting in her tent lost in thought. Her smallclothes were still damp and there were quite a few spots of blood splattered down the front.
 
“Are you alright, my love? You are not hurt are you?” Zevran glanced at the blood again as he sat down next to her. She followed the gaze of his eyes and noticed the blood on her. A strange expression came into her eyes.
 
“No, Zev. I’m not hurt. It’s Alistair’s blood, not mine.” She explained. He raised his eyebrows at her but did not speak, waiting for further explanation.
 
“I hit him in the nose.” She did not add any further explanation then that. She looked at Zevran and smiled. “I missed you.”
 
“But of course, you did. There is much of me to miss.”  He laughed softly and looked into her eyes, as if searching for something. He smiled at her again suggestively and said,” Shall I show you just what you have been…missing…?”
 
He leaned over and kissed her gently, caressingly. He pulled her closer to him as their kiss deepened. Her body began to tremble as she responded to Zevran’s desire for her. Zevran pulled away from her, his breath coming in gasps.
 
“Do you desire me, my love? Do you want me?” he asked almost angrily. He looked into her eyes with his piercing gaze.
 
“Yes, Zevran.” She replied in a whisper.
 
“Do you really, my beautiful Warden? Will you always?” he asked as he searched her eyes again.
 
She gazed back at him with passion and love in her eyes and answered, “Yes. Always.”
 
But Zevran wondered. He had seen something else lurking deep in her eyes, behind the love and passion for him. It was doubt and uncertainty.
 
The Warden pushed Zevran down onto his back and began to slowly kiss his chest… his neck… his lips. She gave in to their passion and pushed away all thoughts of the day’s events from her mind… except for one- the look in Alistair’s eyes as he held her in his arms by the river’s side.
 
 
 
 
During the next several days, the Warden kept her distance from Alistair, which was no easy task as they were traveling together, and they often found themselves fighting side by side during the occasional skirmish with mercenaries, bandits and various kinds of wild beasts. She was civil and courteous to Alistair when ever her duties called for her to speak to him, but she made sure that any conversation between them was brief and to the point. The Warden even stopped sparring with him, instead preferring to practice with Sten or Oghren.
 
Yet the Warden often found herself watching Alistair. She couldn’t seem to help herself, and whenever his gaze happened to meet hers, she would quickly look away.
 
She was miserable. She didn’t know what to do. She missed Alistair.
 
Alistair was in no better spirits. He began to watch the Warden closely whenever she was within eye sight, but if she happened to glance in his direction, he also would quickly look away.
 
He was miserable and he had know idea how to make things right. He missed her.
 
Several more days had passed and the Warden and her companions found themselves only a few days away from the Brecilian Forest. The Warden decided to stop and make camp in a small clearing that they had come upon. They would rest here for a few days, before she and three of her companions would travel further on to the Brecilian Forest, in search of the Dalish Elves. Those that did not go with her would stay behind at the camp site.
 
The Warden had not been sleeping well the past few nights. She had been dreaming dark dreams that left her troubled each morning when she awoke. Zevran tried his best to soothe her and keep her mind off of those dreams, but he could only do so much. He was not a Grey Warden and could never understand what it meant to carry some of that dark corruption- that taint- within oneself.
 
She missed being able to talk to Alistair about her concerns and about all the things a Grey Warden went through.
 
The Warden awoke in the middle of the night, once again. She looked at Zevran sleeping peacefully at her side, and didn’t have the heart to wake him. She carefully slid out from under the covers and got dressed. She took her sword and left her tent. She would go relieve Oghren and take watch duty for the rest of the night. She couldn’t sleep anyway.
 
Oghren was more than happy to be relieved from his duty. He was in great need of more ale and walked off to his tent to imbibe to his heart’s content. The Warden watched the dwarf as he walked away, singing a dwarven tale of honor and glory. She shook her head and smiled at him with great affection.
 
The full moon set high in the cloudless sky, shining brightly down upon the world below. She wondered if her brother Fergus was somewhere out there, looking up at the same full moon. She prayed to the Maker that he was still alive and safe.
 
She walked slowly around the perimeter of the camp, making sure that nothing was amiss. She stopped for a moment and stood still. She closed her eyes and waited. She drew a deep breath and then slowly exhaled. She opened her eyes. She could sense no darkspawn anywhere in the area. For that she was truly grateful.
 
She walked to the edge of the clearing, her back to the camp, and looked up at the sky. Her heart was heavy and her thoughts were troubled. She felt so… alone. Her eyes swam with unshed tears as she looked up at the stars. One by one the tears started to silently fall down her cheeks. She let them.
 
She sensed his presence before he spoke. “Alistair”. She said his name softly as she turned to look at him.
 
“I’m so sorry.” He met her gaze with his. He reached up and tenderly wiped the tears from her cheek with his hand. [/i]“Maker’s breath…you are so beautiful.”  He held her gaze with his own, his eyes finally betraying his true feeling for her.
 
She couldn’t think. She couldn’t breath right. Her heart was conflicted, but still she was drawn to him. She wanted him…needed him. She loved him. She was in love with him. The realization of it all caused her to inhale sharply. She loved Alistair! By the Maker! What am I supposed to do? How can I love two men at once?[/i]
 
Alistair stepped closer to her and then grabbed her gently behind the neck and pulled her head towards his. He leaned in and kissed her gently and hesitantly. She put her hands on his broad shoulders and kissed him back. Their kiss deepened and she pulled Alistair closer to her body as she pressed hers tightly against his. She had never experienced a kiss quite like this. His kisses seemed to touch her very soul.
 
After a few moments, Alistair pulled away breathing heavily. He inhaled slowly and deeply, trying to control his ardor for her. He was inexperienced in matters of love and passion, and he wanted to go slowly.
 
“I love you. I have loved you for so very long.” He looked at her uncertainly. “Dare I hope that you could possibly love me? That you do love me…?” He watched her face as she replied.
 
“I can love you, Alistair… and I do love you. I don’t know when it happened- or how, but Maker help me, I’ve fallen in love with you Alistair.” She smiled at him and it was if all the light of the sun was contained in her smile, chasing away the darkness from his soul.
 
Alistair kissed her again, a sweet and tender kiss. She smiled and then her expression turned serious. He looked at her thoughtfully.
 
“What’s the matter, my love?” he asked. He waited patiently for her answer. He noticed that she wouldn’t look at him directly and he started to get a sinking feeling.
 
“Alistair…. “She stopped speaking when she noticed someone standing in the shadows by a large tree. Alistair turned to see what she was looking at. Zevran walked out of the shadows and into the moonlight and then stopped, waiting.
 
“Alistair, would you please finish the watch for me?” She asked softly. “Please?” She looked at him, hoping he would understand.
 
He frowned slightly and then sighed in resignation. “Fine.” He replied tersely. He watched as she walked over to where the elf stood and spoke to him. Zevran looked over her shoulder at Alistair, and then leaned down and kissed the Warden. She did not pull away from the elf.
 
Alistair stood watching them for a moment longer and then abruptly turned and walked away.
 
Zevran had awoken earlier to find the Warden gone. He wasn’t too worried as she often had trouble sleeping, due to the dreams. He knew that all Grey Wardens had them and that they were often more like nightmares.
 
After laying there awake for a while, he decided to go find his love. He got dressed and left her tent. Zevran looked about the campsite until he spied the Warden standing alone with Alistair at the edge of the clearing. He walked closer to them and stopped several feet away at the base of a large tree and stood watching them for a moment. He knew they could not see him there, in the shadows.
 
His eyes narrowed as he saw Alistair lean in and kiss her. He fingered the dagger that he always carried. He was sorely tempted to throw it at Alistair, but he knew the Warden would not take that course of action too kindly. He noticed Alistair talking to her and she started to speak, and that’s when he decided to make his presence know. He stepped out of the shadows of the tree and waited for her to come to him. He knew that she would come. He watched her and waited.
 
The Warden left Alistair’s side and walked over to her lover. She looked into his handsome face and smiled at him. “I’m sorry I left without waking you, but you were sleeping so peacefully…. I didn’t have the heart to disturb you. But I’m glad you’re awake now. She looked at him with a serious expression on her lovely face. “We need to talk, Zev “
 
“Talk, my dear Warden? I did not seek out your lovely form to…talk. Besides, I see that you already have been…talking with Alistair.” He looked over her shoulder at Alistair and then leaned in and kissed her in a most thorough way.
 
She responded to him. She couldn’t seem to help herself. She did love him, but she knew that there had always been something missing. There was a part of her heart- a part of her soul that she would never be able to give him. There was a part of her that he would never be able to touch.
 
From the other side of the camp, Alistair watched the woman he loved and Zevran, walk back to her tent and then go in together. He stood staring at the tent for a while longer and then he turned and walked away into the moonlight.
 
 
 
 
 
The next morning the Warden woke up to an empty tent. She thought for a moment that maybe Zevran had left her for good, but she noticed that much of his belongings were still strewn about here and there, in her tent.  She sighed in relief. She wasn’t ready to lose Zevran just yet.
 
Why? Why wasn’t she ready to let go of him? She had no easy answer.
 
The Warden sighed again and stretched her long limbs. She needed to get up and get dressed. She was starving and wondered whose turn it was to make breakfast. She wrapped her blanket around her nude body and went outside the tent to look for a bucket of water to wash in.
 
As she was exiting her tent, the long end of her blanket got caught on her foot and she fell headlong into Alistair, who happened to be passing by. He quickly caught her arm and pulled her against him to keep her from falling.
 
“Well, I always thought that having a beautiful woman fall at my feet would be a good thing. Falling…. good….swooping…..still bad.”  Alistair gave her a quick smile. His smile faltered when he realized she was unclothed under the blanket.  A look of pain crossed his handsome features. He gave her another small smile and then set her firmly on her feet, before walking away. She watched him leave and hated herself for hurting him.
 
Later that day, the Warden noticed they were getting low on wood for the fire, so she asked Wynne to accompany her while she went searching for dry wood. They walked along for a time in comfortable silence, just enjoying the day. The sun was out and for once the weather was mild and fairly warm.
 
“What’s on your mind, young Cousland.”  Wynne turned her head and looked at the Warden as they walked along side by side.
 
“How did you know there was something on my mind, Wynne?” asked the Warden, looking slightly surprised.
 
“Oh, because I am an old woman who has lived a long, long time and has learned to read a young lady’s mind.” She winked her eye at the Warden and smiled. “So… have you decided between the two?”
 
The Warden looked at Wynne, startled, and stopped walking mid-stride. She stumbled and would have fallen, if Wynne hadn’t grabbed her arm. She gave Wynne an inquiring look.
 
“Well, it’s been no secret about you and Zevran. We all do have ears you know. He seems to be very…capable.” She raised an eyebrow at the Warden and gave her a slightly disapproving look.
 
The Warden looked down at the ground, blushing and mumbled, “Sorry”.  Wynne laughed good-naturedly.
 
“No need to be sorry, my lady. Believe it or not, I was young once.” She said smiling. “You haven’t answered my question, though. Have you decided between Zevran and Alistair? You have to make a decision and soon. It’s not fair to either one to prolong the situation.”
 
Wynne waited for the Warden to start speaking. The Warden gazed out into the horizon and there were unshed tears in her eyes.
 
“I care so much about Zevran… and I do love him so, but…..” she said
 
“But….?” Wynne asked.
 
“But I’m not in love with him. There has always been something missing in our relationship. I don’t think he and I see love in the same way. I want to be with a man that wants a future with me. I want to be married someday.” The Warden looked at Wynne and smiled sadly.
 
“Then let Zevran go,” admonished Wynne. “If he is not the man that you need, if he really isn’t the man that you want, then you must let him go. Zevran will be okay. It’s in his nature to survive.”
 
“Come on, young lady. Let’s get the wood and go back to the camp, before Alistair sends out a search party for us.” Wynne chuckled to herself and went in search of wood.
 
But the Warden knew it wouldn’t be that easy. It never was when deep feelings were involved. Zevran had been her first real love and there always would be a connection between them, but she knew deep in her soul that he was not the man for her. The Warden sighed and followed after Wynne to help her collect the wood.
 
Once back at the camp, the Warden sought out Zevran and asked him to walk with her. He looked at her questioningly, but started walking beside her. She continued to walk in silence, until she could know longer see the camp site. The she stopped and turned to look at Zevran.
 
“What is troubling you, my beautiful Warden?  Such a serious look you have on your lovely face.” He waited for her to tell him what was on her mind.
 
She looked at him sadly and her eyes began to shimmer with unshed tears. “Oh, Zevran….” She whispered softly. “I do love you so.” Slowly the tears began to fall. Zevran searched her eyes for the truth.
 
“Hush, my love. There’s no need to cry.” He kissed her softly and wiped the tears from her face. “You have made your choice, it seems. Alistair is a very lucky man.”
 
“I’m sorry, Zevran….” She gazed into his piercing eyes and she knew that he understood.
 
“I have always taken my pleasure when and where I can. I live for today, for in my line of business, one never knows how long a life one may live.” He smiled at her. ‘But until I had met you, I never thought that I would ever think past the “today”, or that I would have the desire to give my heart to another. You changed that for me, and I thank you.”
 
He then took her into his arms and then kissed her one last time. The kiss was bittersweet for both of them.
 
“Yes, my beautiful Warden, Alistair is a lucky man indeed… but he is not the better man!”  Zevran grinned at her and laughed. “Come, we should get back to the camp, before Alistair sends out a search party for us.”
 
She looked at him and remarked that earlier, Wynne had said the very same thing about Alistair sending out a search party. He looked at her and shook his head.
 
“You, my Warden, can be very blind indeed. Everyone has known that Alistair has been keeping his watchful eye on you since the very beginning. He has loved you from afar for quite a while now. “He laughed at her confusion. “Even that drunken dwarf Oghren could see this!”
 
When they walked back into the camp, the Warden noticed that Alistair had been indeed watching for her return. He stopped his pacing and watched as Zevran left her standing at the edge of the clearing.
 
What a fool she had been not to have ever noticed his feelings! And Morrigan always thought Alistair was the idiot of the group. She shook her head at herself. She caught Alistair’s eye and smiled at him. He walked over to her and stood by her side.
 
“Is everything alright?” he asked as he watched the goings on in the camp.
 
“I don’t know, really. I guess it depends…” She gave him a strange little smile.
 
He looked at her quizzically.  “Depends? Depends on what?
 
“It depends on you, my love, and if you are ready and willing to share your tent with me.” She looked into Alistair’s eyes and smiled at him tenderly.
 
“Share my… tent?  What are you trying to say? What are you asking me?”  Alistair had a slightly confused, yet hopeful, look on his face.
 
She sighed in frustration. Sometime Alistair could be so dense. She looked into his eyes and spoke slowly, “I’m asking to be with you. I’m asking you to be with me. I want us to be… together. Until death, or circumstances, parts us from one another. I choose you, Alistair.”
 
A look of understanding slowly grew in Alistair’s eyes. “Yes. Maker’s breath, my answer is yes! I love you and I want you, my dear lady. I want you beside me always, until death, or circumstances, parts us.”
 
Alistair gazed intently into her eyes and found the answer had always hoped for… always yearned for. In her eyes he found love and acceptance and desire.
 
 “I love you and I choose you. You are the only woman for me”.
 
As she returned his gaze, she saw reflected in his eyes everything that she had ever hoped for, everything that she could ever want or desire. In his eyes she found love and acceptance and desire.
 
“I love you and I choose you. You are the only man for me.”
 
And as their lips met, they knew that nothing would ever separate them, in this life or in the Beyond.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
       
The Choice
 
 
 
 
With a loud clang and a clash of steal, their blades met. She struck out again with her long sword, but he deftly blocked the thrust of her blade with his heavy shield. Once again she thrust her blade forward, but she could not get through his defenses; his heavy shield quickly knocking her sword aside. She looked at him and cursed. He simply raised his eyebrows at her and said nothing.
 
The Warden’s breathing was becoming extremely labored and her eyes were stinging from the steady stream of sweat that was now running into them. Her face was flushed red from the heat of her exertion and she had a grim expression on her face.
 
Andraste’s holy fire! Is he ever going to tire? She thought to herself in irritation.
 
They had been trading blows for over two hours now and she was getting near the end of her stamina. Her arms were beginning to tire and cramp. The arm carrying her shield was only a little less sore than the arm that held her sword, and that was due to the fact that she was less skilled with a shield then he, so she tended to use her sword arm much more. Her long legs were starting to tremble from exertion and she feared that they might buckle at any time.
 
Back and forth they parried, each trying to find an opening; a weakness in the other’s defenses, in order to make that last final blow that would bring an end to this skirmish. For the last two hours they had been fighting, each unwilling to surrender, each unwilling to call a draw.
 
The Warden was getting angry and she was losing her patience. She was tired and hungry and she was covered in sweat and grime. She caught her own scent on a stray breeze and also realized that she really, really, needed to bathe.
 
She sighed in irritation and swore at the man again. She’d had enough.
 
Without warning she took her shield and threw it with all her might, aiming directly at the warrior’s head. The warrior raised his shield and ducked for cover. The Warden quickly switched her sword to her other hand, and thrust her blade in his left side, right under his now raised, shield arm.
 
The warrior yelled out in pain. The Warden quickly switched her sword back to the first hand, and fell to one knee as the other warrior thrust forwarded his own blade in response. She dodged his blow and hit him in the side of his knee with the broad side of her sword and then rolled away.
 
 The warrior’s leg buckled and he fell to his knees hard. The Warden regained her feet and proceeded to plant her booted foot into the center of his back and kicked. He fell forward and landed face first in the dirt, his breath almost knocked out of him. He hastily rolled to his back and there he found the Warden looking down upon him with the point of her blade aimed at his neck, just under his chin.
 
“Do you yield the day?” She asked the warrior. She looked into his eyes with a grim expression and waited for his reply.
 
He did not answer her, but started to laugh good-naturedly.
 
“I said ‘Yield’, you insufferably lout!” She pressed her blade to his throat hard and a trickle a blood started flowing. She glared down at him.
 
“Ouch!” he yelped. “By the Maker, that hurts, woman!” he said in an injured tone.
 
She looked at him in an apologetic way and relaxed her stance. The warrior immediately hit her sword to the side with his forearm, kicked his leg up and out, connecting with one of her knees; She lost her balance and fell to the ground, landing on her very lovely shaped rear quarters.
 
He quickly stood up and looked down at her as she lay rubbing her nether regions.
 
 “Do you yield the day, my lady?” he asked her with a mischievous grin. He began laughing at her again.
 
“You are… you… you are insufferable, Alistair! I had you beaten- admit it!” She glared up at him. He just laughed at her again.
 
“Maker’s breath woman. There’s no need to get your knickers in a bunch. If it makes you feel better, I’ll just let everyone think you won… including you.” He chuckled loudly, quite pleased with himself.
 
She was too tired to argue with him any more. She sighed in irritation. “Help me up, Alistair.”
 
He reached down and helped her regain her feet. They both collected their shields and swords and started walking back to the camp site. They continued walking together in a comfortable silence, each lost in their own thoughts.
 
After several moments had passed by, Alistair looked at the Warden with an inquiring look. “Why did you let your guard down like that? You’ve never worried about hurting any of your opponents before.”
 
“It’s not the same, Alistair. You’re not my enemy. And I thought I might have really hurt you,” she replied in a quiet voice. “I’m sorry if I did. Hurt you.”
 
Alistair gave her a quizzical glance. The Warden kept looking straight ahead and would not meet his gaze. He wondered what was going on with her. Her behavior towards him over the last few weeks had been erratic at best. One moment she was carefree and easy-going with him and the next…..she turned into, well …Morrigan- a witch with a capital “B”.
 
At that very moment, the Warden was trying to figure out just what was wrong with her, as well.
 
When she had looked down at Alistair and saw the blood trickling down his neck, and realized that he had been wounded by her hand… her heart had almost stopped beating in her chest. She knew that she had not seriously hurt him; she had not applied that much pressure to her blade… yet….  
 
She was afraid to examine her feelings any further, for she wasn’t quite ready to face the truth yet.
 
The two Wardens continued walking together in silence, but it no longer was a comfortable one.
 
Upon entering the camp, the Warden gave a cursory look around to make sure that all was well. She noticed that Zevran was no where to be seen, but she noticed that his bow was missing from the spot where he usually kept it. That could only mean that he had decided to go hunting for fresh meat. He was an excellent archer and often supplied their small group with rabbits, fowl, and small deer to eat.
 
Morrigan was sitting by her tent reading, one of her tomes to do with magic, know doubt. Sten was sitting by the fire, cleaning his sword. Oghren and Leliana were sitting in front of her tent trading stories.
 
Oghren looked like he was already deep into his cups. She never understood how he could drink so much and still function, and by the disapproving looks that Wynne was giving Oghren from where she was sitting, she was probably thinking the same thing.
 
She heard her Mabari hound barking and looked around to locate him. He was sitting in front of Shale, trying to get her attention, but the golem was pretending not to notice him. She noticed a small pile of dead birds near the golem. Shale really had a thing against birds. The Warden sighed in resignation.
 
Oghren noticed the Wardens’ arrival and shouted out to them, “By the Ancestors! We all thought you two got lost, you’ve been gone so long.” He looked at Alistair and the Warden through bloodshot eyes that seemed to be having trouble focusing. “By the Stone, you two look like Nug droppings! Who won the match, by the way?”
 
“I did.” said both the Wardens in unison. 
 
Alistair looked at the Warden and raised his eyebrows at her. “You won the match? I don’t think so. If anything it was a draw.”
 
Why did he always have to be so difficult? “Okay. Let’s say it was a draw and be done with it.” She shot him an irritated look and then walked away towards her tent.
 
Alistair watched the Warden go, and thought to himself that she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Even though she was covered in sweat and grime, and her disposition seemed out of sorts at the moment, he still thought her beautiful, both inside and out.
 
“Well I’ll be a nug-wrangler! The Grey Warden is in love!” exclaimed Oghren after belching quite loudly.
 
“Oghren, where have you been?” asked Leliana. “She and Zevran have been together for months now.” Leliana looked at the dwarf strangely. He must be drunker than usual, she thought.
 
“Not that Warden- the other one. Alistair. He’s in love with her.” replied Oghren. “I may be drunk, but I’m not too drunk to see that.” He belched again and took another swill of his ale.
 
Leliana looked at Alistair closely and then glanced at Oghren. “You may be right. I wonder if she knows that he’s in love with her.” She turned and watched as the Warden entered her tent.
 
“I don’t know. But by the Stone, things are going to get mighty interesting around here.” Oghren replied laughingly.
 
The Warden rummaged around in her tent, trying to locate her pack. Once she found it she placed a bar of soap, her comb and one of her blankets into the pack. She had decided that she was going to go to the river to bathe, before it got too dark. The sun was just starting to set, and it would only be light for another hour or two.
 
She exited her tent with her pack and her sword, and whistled to her Mabari. He ran up to her and gave her a happy bark. He always loved it when she took him anywhere with her.
 
“Come on Ser Dog. You’re coming with me. You and I are going to take a bath.” The Mabari barked twice in understanding and trotted off ahead of her, towards the river.
 
Once at the river, the Warden looked around carefully to make sure she was alone. Once satisfied, she removed her armor and boots, but left on her smallclothes. She reached into her pack and removed the bar of soap.
 
“Come on, boy. Let’s go get wet.” She and the Mabari both waded into the river until the water level rose past her waist. She ducked under the water to wet herself completely and then stood back up. The water was cold, but not unbearably so. The dog began to bark and splash about in the water near her. She laughed and pushed him away. “Go swim over there, boy”. She pointed to a spot in the water a little ways to her left. The Mabari barked and then moved away from her.
 
The Warden began to lather herself with the soap. She started with her hair and then worked her way downward. Once she had lathered herself enough, she ducked under the water again, to rinse off. She then decided to go for a swim. She threw the bar of soap onto the river bank, and then started to swim away from the river’s edge.
 
The water was cool and refreshing as it caressed her skin. Her sore and tired muscles soon relaxed. She swam further away from the embankment. The current began to get stronger as she got closer to the middle part of the river. There was an undertow that she hadn’t noticed before when she had been closer to the river’s edge. She decided that it would probably be a good thing to turn around and start swimming back towards land.
 
As she started swimming back in the direction she had come from, she noticed a curious ripple in the water to her left. The ripple seemed to be getting closer to her. Uneasy now, she began to swim slightly faster towards the river bank.
 
All of a sudden she felt something large wrap around her leg and she was pulled under. She kicked her legs against the pull and managed to get her head above the water. She cried out in alarm as she was pulled under a second time. She opened her eyes as she was under the water and she saw that an enormous snake had wrapped itself around one of her legs and was now trying to pull her away from the river bank. She struggled and kicked frantically with both legs. She tried to swim upward, but the large serpent was heavy and it would not let her go.
 
Maker, help me! She hit the snake with her fist, but it just tightened its body further around her leg. Her lungs felt like they were ready to burst. Her body was crying out for air. The Warden fought the urge to expel the remaining air in her lungs and take a breath.
 
When it was to be her time to die, it would be upon some battlefield, and not drowning in some blighted river!
 
She suddenly sensed something else was in the water with her. It was her hound! The dog snapped at the snake and tried to bite down on its head, but he missed. The snake struck out with its fangs, but it too missed. The serpent tightened its grip on the Warden’s leg. The dog swam upwards to take a breath of air. He quickly swam back to where the Warden was and attacked the snake again. This time he managed to clamp down onto the snake behind its head. Within moments the snake was dead. But the snake was still wrapped tightly around her, weighting her down. She sank further under the water.
 
The Warden felt herself starting to panic. Her lungs were burning and her heart was beating frantically. She grabbed onto her dog’s collar as he started to swim towards the surface. Just as his head broke though the water, the Warden lost consciousness.
 
She abruptly came to and immediately began to spew out the water from her lungs. She gagged and choked and then retched again. She realized that she was lying on the ground by the edge of the river.
 
“Thank the Maker! I thought I had lost you.” Alistair pulled her into his arms and held her tightly. He had come down to the river to wash and had heard her cry of panic. He searched the water and did not see her, but he had spotted the Mabari swimming out to a spot towards the middle of the river. By the time he had removed his chain mail and dived into the river, the Warden’s Mabari had started to pull her back in towards land.
 
He had never been so scared in all his life! He thought she had drowned. But the Maker must have heard his fervent pleas to spare her life- she was alive.
 
“Alistair? What…? How…? “She was finding it difficult to think straight. She looked up into Alistair’s face and their eyes met. He was gazing at her so intently and there was a strange look in his eyes- one that she had never seen before. Her eyes widened and her heart began to beat hard in her chest.
 
“Alistair?” she said his name softly, her eyes widening in wonder.
 
His eyes narrowed and his expression hardened. “Have you lost all your Maker-given senses? What were you thinking, woman! You should never have been out here alone. You could have…you could have died! And then what we would have done? Our duty to end this cursed Blight is much too important for you to behave so… foolishly!” Alistair furiously snarled at her.
 
The Warden quickly removed herself from Alistair’s arms, pulled her arm back and punched him squarely right in his nose. Alistair yelled as blood spurted from his injured nose.
 
“Don’t you ever tell me about my duty! “She yelled back at Alistair. “I have never turned my back on my duties as a Grey Warden. You have no right to lecture me about duty… you who refuse to take the throne as Ferelden’s rightful king!”
 
Angry tears were running freely down her face. She wiped them away violently with the back of her hand. She pushed him hard in his chest to move him away from her, and then she stood up. She stood looking down at him with a hurt and angry expression.
 
“I left my parents to die at the hands of Howe and his men, because I promised my father that I would do my duty! I am a Cousland and a Grey Warden and I have done nothing but my duty!”
 
Alistair stared at her. Water was still dripping from her and he noticed for the first time that she was wearing nothing but her smallclothes. The wet, light- weighted material was clinging to her body and it revealed to him all her glorious female curves.
 
He couldn’t breath- and it wasn’t because his nose was now horrible swollen and still dripping with his blood. He just sat there bleeding, and continued to look at her with one of his idiotic expressions on his face.
 
She swore at him and walked away. She walked over to her pack and pulled out the dry blanket that had been within, and then wrapped it around her. She stuffed her boots in the pack and then called to her Mabari. She hung the pack around his neck and told him to carry it back to the camp for her. She picked up her armor and sword and then walked away without a further glance at the still bleeding Alistair.
 
Zeveran looked up from the task he was doing and saw that his love had returned to the camp. He finished cleaning the carcasses of the three rabbits he had killed and gave them to Morrigan to make into a stew for tonight’s dinner.
 
Alistair then entered the camp and Zevran, noticing his bruised and bloody nose, gave him a questioning look. Alistair quickly looked away from Zevran’s gaze and ducked into his tent.
 
Zevran shook his head and laughed to himself. He’d give odds that his beloved Warden had something to do with the condition of Alistair’s nose. He decided to go the source and see for himself.
 
He found the Warden sitting in her tent lost in thought. Her smallclothes were still damp and there were quite a few spots of blood splattered down the front.
 
“Are you alright, my love? You are not hurt are you?” Zevran glanced at the blood again as he sat down next to her. She followed the gaze of his eyes and noticed the blood on her. A strange expression came into her eyes.
 
“No, Zev. I’m not hurt. It’s Alistair’s blood, not mine.” She explained. He raised his eyebrows at her but did not speak, waiting for further explanation.
 
“I hit him in the nose.” She did not add any further explanation then that. She looked at Zevran and smiled. “I missed you.”
 
“But of course, you did. There is much of me to miss.” He laughed softly and looked into her eyes, as if searching for something. He smiled at her again suggestively and said,” Shall I show you just what you have been…missing…?”
 
He leaned over and kissed her gently, caressingly. He pulled her closer to him as their kiss deepened. Her body began to tremble as she responded to Zevran’s desire for her. Zevran pulled away from her, his breath coming in gasps.
 
“Do you desire me, my love? Do you want me?” he asked almost angrily. He looked into her eyes with his piercing gaze.
 
“Yes, Zevran.” She replied in a whisper.
 
“Do you really, my beautiful Warden? Will you always?” he asked as he searched her eyes again.
 
She gazed back at him with passion and love in her eyes and answered, “Yes. Always.”
 
But Zevran wondered. He had seen something else lurking deep in her eyes, behind the love and passion for him. It was doubt and uncertainty.
 
The Warden pushed Zevran down onto his back and began to slowly kiss his chest… his neck… his lips. She gave in to their passion and pushed away all thoughts of the day’s events from her mind… except for one- the look in Alistair’s eyes as he held her in his arms by the river’s side.
 
 
 
 
During the next several days, the Warden kept her distance from Alistair, which was no easy task as they were traveling together, and they often found themselves fighting side by side during the occasional skirmish with mercenaries, bandits and various kinds of wild beasts. She was civil and courteous to Alistair when ever her duties called for her to speak to him, but she made sure that any conversation between them was brief and to the point. The Warden even stopped sparring with him, instead preferring to practice with Sten or Oghren.
 
Yet the Warden often found herself watching Alistair. She couldn’t seem to help herself, and whenever his gaze happened to meet hers, she would quickly look away.
 
She was miserable. She didn’t know what to do. She missed Alistair.
 
Alistair was in no better spirits. He began to watch the Warden closely whenever she was within eye sight, but if she happened to glance in his direction, he also would quickly look away.
 
He was miserable and he had know idea how to make things right. He missed her.
 
Several more days had passed and the Warden and her companions found themselves only a few days away from the Brecilian Forest. The Warden decided to stop and make camp in a small clearing that they had come upon. They would rest here for a few days, before she and three of her companions would travel further on to the Brecilian Forest, in search of the Dalish Elves. Those that did not go with her would stay behind at the camp site.
 
The Warden had not been sleeping well the past few nights. She had been dreaming dark dreams that left her troubled each morning when she awoke. Zevran tried his best to soothe her and keep her mind off of those dreams, but he could only do so much. He was not a Grey Warden and could never understand what it meant to carry some of that dark corruption- that taint- within oneself.
 
She missed being able to talk to Alistair about her concerns and about all the things a Grey Warden went through.
 
The Warden awoke in the middle of the night, once again. She looked at Zevran sleeping peacefully at her side, and didn’t have the heart to wake him. She carefully slid out from under the covers and got dressed. She took her sword and left her tent. She would go relieve Oghren and take watch duty for the rest of the night. She couldn’t sleep anyway.
 
Oghren was more than happy to be relieved from his duty. He was in great need of more ale and walked off to his tent to imbibe to his heart’s content. The Warden watched the dwarf as he walked away, singing a dwarven tale of honor and glory. She shook her head and smiled at him with great affection.
 
The full moon set high in the cloudless sky, shining brightly down upon the world below. She wondered if her brother Fergus was somewhere out there, looking up at the same full moon. She prayed to the Maker that he was still alive and safe.
 
She walked slowly around the perimeter of the camp, making sure that nothing was amiss. She stopped for a moment and stood still. She closed her eyes and waited. She drew a deep breath and then slowly exhaled. She opened her eyes. She could sense no darkspawn anywhere in the area. For that she was truly grateful.
 
She walked to the edge of the clearing, her back to the camp, and looked up at the sky. Her heart was heavy and her thoughts were troubled. She felt so… alone. Her eyes swam with unshed tears as she looked up at the stars. One by one the tears started to silently fall down her cheeks. She let them.
 
She sensed his presence before he spoke. “Alistair”. She said his name softly as she turned to look at him.
 
“I’m so sorry.” He met her gaze with his. He reached up and tenderly wiped the tears from her cheek with his hand.“Maker’s breath…you are so beautiful.” He held her gaze with his own, his eyes finally betraying his true feeling for her.
 
She couldn’t think. She couldn’t breath right. Her heart was conflicted, but still she was drawn to him. She wanted him…needed him. She loved him. She was in love with him. The realization of it all caused her to inhale sharply. She loved Alistair! By the Maker! What am I supposed to do? How can I love two men at once?
 
Alistair stepped closer to her and then grabbed her gently behind the neck and pulled her head towards his. He leaned in and kissed her gently and hesitantly. She put her hands on his broad shoulders and kissed him back. Their kiss deepened and she pulled Alistair closer to her body as she pressed hers tightly against his. She had never experienced a kiss quite like this. His kisses seemed to touch her very soul.
 
After a few moments, Alistair pulled away breathing heavily. He inhaled slowly and deeply, trying to control his ardor for her. He was inexperienced in matters of love and passion, and he wanted to go slowly.
 
“I love you. I have loved you for so very long.” He looked at her uncertainly. “Dare I hope that you could possibly love me? That you do love me…?” He watched her face as she replied.
 
“I can love you, Alistair… and I do love you. I don’t know when it happened- or how, but Maker help me, I’ve fallen in love with you Alistair.” She smiled at him and it was if all the light of the sun was contained in her smile, chasing away the darkness from his soul.
 
Alistair kissed her again, a sweet and tender kiss. She smiled and then her expression turned serious. He looked at her thoughtfully.
 
“What’s the matter, my love?” he asked. He waited patiently for her answer. He noticed that she wouldn’t look at him directly and he started to get a sinking feeling.
 
“Alistair…. “She stopped speaking when she noticed someone standing in the shadows by a large tree. Alistair turned to see what she was looking at. Zevran walked out of the shadows and into the moonlight and then stopped, waiting.
 
“Alistair, would you please finish the watch for me?” She asked softly. “Please?” She looked at him, hoping he would understand.
 
He frowned slightly and then sighed in resignation. “Fine.” He replied tersely. He watched as she walked over to where the elf stood and spoke to him. Zevran looked over her shoulder at Alistair, and then leaned down and kissed the Warden. She did not pull away from the elf.
 
Alistair stood watching them for a moment longer and then abruptly turned and walked away.
 
Zevran had awoken earlier to find the Warden gone. He wasn’t too worried as she often had trouble sleeping, due to the dreams. He knew that all Grey Wardens had them and that they were often more like nightmares.
 
Afte