[Mass Effect: Evolution]
Reapers: We've indocrinated this human dude, he's pretty cool.
TIM: Hey guys.
Reapers: Hey.
TIM: What you doing?
Reapers: We're planning on indocrinating all the Turians.
TIM: That's cool. I'm going to stop you.
Reapers: That's all part of our plan, feel free to do it.
TIM: Okay.
Reapers: Ah darn, I forgot how stupid that was of us to give you permission to do that.
Reapers: Well... make a group dedicated to stopping us and work on it for around thirty years.
TIM: Does that make sense?
Reapers: No, though it'll confuse people.
TIM: What then?
Reapers: Maybe in their confusion, they'll forget how this doesn't make sense.
[Mass Effect 2 intro]
Reapers: Hey dude, meet the Collectors.
TIM: Hey.
Collectors: Heya, we're going to be kidnapping humans for the lols.
TIM: That's cool.
Collectors: We want Shepard though.
TIM: Well, I have his body right here. Want it?
Reapers: No.
TIM: What, why?
Reapers: I want you to revive him, team him up with everybody and then send him against the Collectors.
Collectors: How come?
Reapers: We want you to kill him.
TIM: You know, we have him. We could just give you his corpse.
Reapers: WE SAID NO.
[Mass Effect 2 Horizon]
TIM: Our colony went dark, I assume that was you guys?
Reapers: Yep.
Collectors: Yeah, we're harvesting all these people.
TIM: I'll pretend I can't let you do that and send Shepard in to stop you.
Reapers: Maybe we'll be able to collect his corpse from there.
Collectors: Our Seeker Swarms will stop him and we'll just grab him.
TIM: Na, you'll have to kill him.
Collectors: What did you do?
TIM: Made him recruit a scientist that cured your Seeker Swarm thing.
Collectors: ... why do we have this idiot here again?
Reapers: He makes me laugh.
TIM: See? I'm the favorite.
[Mass Effect 2 Collector Ship]
Reapers: Hey, we got this brilliant plan.
TIM: What is it?
Reapers: We're going to make the Collectors park their ship, you send in Shepard to go collect the location of the Collector Base! It's brilliant!
TIM: Why not simply lure Shepard to a position where the Collectors could easily ambush him?
Collectors: For an idiot, he does have some good plans.
Reapers: No, we must do it this way. We demand it.
TIM: Fine, I'll go contact Shepard.
Collectors: So what do you want us to do, Reaps?
Reapers: We want you to put them in a position where they'll start datamining our databases, don't hide anything from our databases and let our Reaper-tech AI ally steal the information to our most valuable secrets.
Collectors: Kay.
[Mass Effect 2 Derelict Reaper]
TIM: So I sent Shepard onboard a Reaper where my team was working hard.
Reapers: Why?
TIM: So he'd be able to collect the Reaper IFF, go through the Omega 4 Relay and die fighting off your not-really defended base.
Reapers: Brilliant idea, we are all for it.
Collectors: What? That's foolish! What are you talking about? We might all die!
TIM: We shall not challenge our superiors for love, I shall be forever the loved one.
Reapers: We must wait to see the results of this.
Collectors: Let me go to this Reaper, we'll be able to stop him while he's onboard!
Reapers:
WE SAID NO. GO TO YOUR BEDR- BASE.
[Mass Effect 2 Reaper IFF virus]
TIM: So apparently half of Shepard's crew got taken.
Reapers: Wonderful.
Collectors: Yeah, we could've done this the countless times Shepard went off the Normandy.
Reapers: Still crying, Collectors? It's been a few hours, get over it.
TIM: We're not going to kill Shepard by arguing like this!
Reapers: I'll deal with this problem now and then deal with Shepard, TIM.
Collectors: So we're a problem now? Fine, I'm leaving back to my Base. See ya.
Reapers: Pft, go get blown up you spoiled brat.
[Mass Effect 2 Collector Base]
Reapers: Wow, I didn't think they'd get blown up.
TIM: Yeah, ouch.
Reapers: Poor bastards, they couldn't have seen it coming.
TIM: Well, I saw schematics from EDI and was like "Wow, a pulse thingie could kill all the Collectors and keep the Base intact!". Tried to keep it up, sorry.
Reapers: You've failed us, releasing control.
TIM: I'm not the Collector General.
Reapers: Damn.
TIM: Oh well, I'm going to go send in crews to go study the wreckage of the Base.
Reapers: How come?
TIM: Maybe we'll find some valuable tech that we can use against you guys.
Reapers: Wait, are you fighting against us now?
TIM: Na, just kidding. We're going to study tech to see how we can stop Shepard.
Reapers: Ah good, though we can hand that over to you when we arrive.
TIM: Don't trouble yourself.
[Mass Effect Retribution]
Reapers: What are you doing now?
TIM: Studying the effects of indocrination with the wreckage from the Collector Base.
Reapers: Oh, that's cool. How's that going?
TIM: Dunno, he escaped.
Reapers: Oh yeah, I forgot. We already know, we're examining the entire universe through his eyes.
TIM: Why didn't you do that with me?
Reapers: Because all we can examine from you is smoking cigarettes and dying stars.
TIM: Oh right.
Reapers: Well, it's pretty cool. You should gather an army to try and stop us, this should be entertaining.
TIM: Can't, Alliance took down my group. :-(
Reapers: Ah.
TIM: Don't worry though, I hired Aria and her goons to hunt you down. It should be entertaining.
Reapers: It shall.
[After Mass Effect Retribution]
Reapers: Dammit, we died. Good game.
TIM: Certainly was fun.
Reapers: Sometimes, I miss the Collectors.
TIM: Don't worry, I'll take their place.
Reapers: ... how?
TIM: Well, I'm going to rebuild my organization of scientists and polticians and pretend to myself that I'm working against you.
Reapers: Yay!
TIM: I knew that would please you, now get out of my head because I need to do a smoke break.
Modifié par Dave of Canada, 10 juin 2011 - 10:14 .