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[Nightfable]

Thanks GothamLord, I updated my last post with a link to my first chapter.

[Ymladdych]

BobbyTheI wrote...

http://www.mediafire...kqculqbbvu3j4y7

Here's the dialogue. If it's not in the game, it's a pity.

Very cool!  Thanks for linking.

Maybe it's a comfort to Jackmancers who don't understand why she stayed where she was for the final battle. 

[Premier Bromanov]

It makes a lot of sense that she'd stay where she did. There's no way in hell she'd let anything happen to her kids. She can support Shepard, and keep her guys alive. I was just uncertain if it's possible that Jack and her students survived the assault on the transport beam, is all.

I tear up when Jack gets emotional in that sound file. She has so much of herself invested in her students. It makes me proud that she's proud.

How old are her students supposed to be, anyway? Some of them look even older than her.

[Premier Bromanov]

Nightfable wrote...

Thanks GothamLord, I updated my last post with a link to my first chapter.

Oh boy, this is a real treat.  I get to read the story as it's being written :happy:

[thesnake777]

Awesome Nightfable just hands down awesome.
I caught up to where your writing and have to force myself to find something to do so you can work...

[GothamLord]

Premier Bromanov wrote...

How old are her students supposed to be, anyway? Some of them look even older than her.

Well she mentions prom, based on the size of the characters running, and the fact they would even be allowed on the battlefield (even as support, let alone front line)  I'd say we're talking at least 15+ for the youngest.  Another reason Jack can relate to them is that she's not more than ten or so years older than most. 

[Lucir]

I was told to post this in your forum.  I hope you enjoy it.  

For those of you who don't know, I was so depressed after beating Mass Effect 3 that I wrote my own endings.  Some people asked me for a Paragon ending with Jack as a LI.  The completed story is below.  For Tali, Liara, and Ashley's ending please go here:  

http://social.biowar...5/index/9792751

The scene opens when Shepard is confronted with the three choices at the end of the game; Synthesis, control, or destroy synthetics.  

(Shepard stands at a crossroads with the visage of the catalyst before him.  He wavers between the three choices and casts a weary glance at the child's face.)


Shepard:  None of them.  I will not sacrifice one race for the benefit of another.  We've come too far and fought for too long to have it end like this.  


Catalyst:  The destruction is the chaos which organics have brought to these worlds.  For millennia, I have seen those who have proceeded you speak words of peace only to be followed by acts of war.  Your kind breeds only  the destruction of your children.  It is in the Reapers, that this chaos that you call life, may find order and in that order the promise for ascension.  


Shepard:  And at what cost?  The eradication of an entire species?  I refuse to believe life can be preserved under genocide.  


Catalyst:  It is something which is beyond your comprehension-


Shepard:  No, it is you who are out of touch with the world.  Look around you, (Camera pans around the battlefield to show Salarian and Krogans helping one other, Turians and Humans pulling each other out of the wreckage, and Quarians back to back with Geth star ships against Harbinger sized reapers) for the first time in the universe, we fight as one.  Organics and Synthetics have united together not only for this world, but for the lives of millions to come...to ensure a life without oppression or fear.  (Shepard smiles to himself) But you wouldn't understand that, it's nothing but chaos to you, isn't it? 


(The Catalyst looks around and for the first time understands Shepard's words.  It pauses as if in brief contemplation, before casting a threaten glance at Shepard)


Catalyst:  Perhaps you are right, human, but without such safeguards (The Reapers), would you risk the destruction of not only your species, but of all sentient life in the universe? Is this the risk you are willing to take?


Shepard:  (stares resolutely at the child)  Yes.  


Catalyst:  Very well, but consider yourself warned, for the peace that will come will only be fleeting.  


Shepard:  That is a risk we are willing to take.  


(The Catalyst's body becomes pure energy which merges itself with the citadel/crucible.  A small pylon-esc device rises from the ground and unfurls itself before Shepard.  A glowing orb appears before shepard, and he cautiously places his hands over it.  A sudden wave of light over comes him, and in a scene similar to when you chose to destroy the synthetics, a wave of red light engulfs the reapers and send them hurdling towards the world lifeless.  The humane/ alliance coalition raise their arms in triumph as a huge reaper collides into a nearby building in its death throes.)


------------------------------------------------------
JACK PARAGON


(Jack is on the front line with the biotics while bullets are blazing past them.  Jack sprints up, her feet practically gliding on the ground, as she grabs a Cannibal and flings him into a crowd of others with a mass effect field.  The blue aura on her intensifies as another Cannibal tries to flank her side and she smashes it in the face with her hand.  Rodriguez comes in from the side and slams the creature into the ground.)


Jack:  Damn, Rodriquez, and here I thought you were too worried about breaking a nail!


Rodriguez:  (Smiles)  Screw you, Mam! 


Jack:  Now that's what I like to hear!  


(A Brute comes charging at her, and Jack rushes at it head on, she grabs it by its face, slams it down into the ground.  Without stopping, she sprints forward while dragging the Brute's face into the asphalt and flings it into a couple Marauders.  Another Marauder comes up from the side and tries to tackle Jack, but Rodriguez gets in the way and takes the brunt of the attack.)


Jack:  RODRIGUEZ!  


(Jack loses her focus and gets nailed by another brute.  She falls besides Rodriguez and wipes a bit of blood from her mouth.  Jack's body seethes blue light as she uses whatever strength she has left to tear the creature in two.  Exhausted she collapses on the ground and tries to move near Rodriguez who is struggling to get up.  They are slowly being surrounded by Cannibals and Maurders.)


Jack:  (breathing heavy)  Dammit!  (She clutches her side and looks at Rodriguez) Don't you quit on me now, cheerleader...


(Rodriguez can't get up)


Jack:  (Looks at the creatures closing in around her)  Aww...S@#


(Before she can curse, the creatures reel back in pain and fall to the ground lifeless.  Jack slowly gets to her feet and looks around confused.)


Jack:  What the hell just happened?  (She helps Rodriguez to her feet)


(Suddenly the citadel-crucible complex explodes above her in a pillar smoke and flame.)


Jack:  (Looks angrily at the explosion)  God damn boy scout!


(Without thinking she charges the front line and spots a M35 Mako off to the side.  She pulls a dead soldier out of the hatch)


Rodriguez:  MAM!  What are you doing?!


Jack:  Get back to the front, that's an order! 


(Rodriguez stands there confused and uncertain of what's going on)


(Jack starts up the engine and drives the Mako straight into the transportation hub.  In an explosion of light, the Mako bursts into the interior of the citdal and slams head first into a wall, twists to the side, and bounces off in the other direction)


Jack: (Loses her balance in the vehicle)  Dammit!  


(The Mako pushes forward, until it hits a terminal hub. It gets lodged along its underside and roots the Mako in place.  The hatch flies open and Jack sprints out of the vehicle.  She comes to the pile of rubble with Shepard buried beneath it.)


Jack:  (Notices Shepard's arm stick out of the pile)  S***, S***, S***!  (She digs into the rubble with both hands)  Comon, Shepard, don't quit on me yet!


(She frees him from the wreckage and holds his face close to her ear)


Jack:  Not breathing...Comon, boy scout, (She tires to do CPR on him, but there's no response) GOD DAMMIT, SHEPARD!  Don't you die one me.  Don't you DARE THINK OF DYING ON ME, OR I'll KICK YOUR SORRY A-


(Suddenly Shepard starts coughing and moves to the side.  Jack steps back a little overwhelmed.  Her eyes start to tear, but she quickly wipes them away before he notices.)


Jack:  Comon, we need to get you out of here.  


(She slings his arm over her shoulder, and she struggles to move with his weight leaning against her.  She darts back and forth as explosions ring all throughout the citadel.  They make it back to the Mako, where Jack realizes it's trashed.  She looks at the damaged vehicle and then at Shepard.  Waves of emotion pour over her face.)


Jack:  (Kneels down with Shepard, her hands are on his face)  Shepard (starts to tear)  I'm so sorry....I


(The player hears Shepard's voice over the explosions in the background narrating)


Shepard (narration):  Hope...That was one thing they never understood. Regardless of how dark things got...


(There's a sudden hiss of static over Jack's comm, the voice of Rodriguez can be heard)


Rodriguez:  Mam, you read me?


Jack:  (looks up suprised)  Rodriguez, what are you doing?


Rodriguez:  Saving your A**


(A shuttle comes flying into the bay where they are.  The shuttle door opens and there are some of Jack's students waving them inside .


Shepard( Narration) : there was always hope. 


(They make it onboard and the shuttle takes off as the citadel comes crashing down)


Shepard:  And as long as we had that, we knew we could endure. 


(Pieces of burning debris fall from the destroyed citadel as soldiers raise their arms in victory)


Shepard:  And endure we did...but that is not to say that victory is without its price.  For where there is joy there is also sorrow... and with every life saved there are lives which are lost...


(There is a military funeral for Anderson and hundreds of others who fought and died in this war.  Miranda's sister is there with a bouquet of flowers as she places them beside the grave of her sister.)


Shepard:  But we find ways to rebuild, to regroup...


(Scene shows the different alien civilizations working together to rebuild their world.


Shepard:  And to work together...


(Scene shows Eve (the female Krogan) joining the council at the citadel.)


Shepard:  Because slowly...


(Scene shows Liara with her people in her homeworld)


Shepard:  We learn to live, 


(EDI is helping Joker walk out of the ship and onto the war torn earth)


Shepard:  laugh


(James is losing at a game of poker and he slams down the cards playfully and shakes his head)


Shepard: and love again.  


(Scene Shows Garrus embracing his family)


Shepard:  For in those moments...


(Scene shows Jack on the engineering deck in the normandy, staring at her old spot where she used to be in Mass Effect 2.  You see someone from behind approach her.)


Shepard:  We make life meaningful.  


(Credits roll)


(Jack is with Shepard in the bowls of the Normandy.  She looks at him before turning to her old spot.)


Shepard:  I thought I might find you down here.


Jack:  Yeah, so you found me.  Now what?


Shepard:  I thought you'd tell me (he puts his hands on her shoulders.  She pulls away.)


Jack:  (She turns around and points her finger angrily at him) What the hell do you think your problem is?  You come waltzing in here and expect everything to be fine.  I don't know if it means anything to you, but I almost lost you back there!


Shepard:  I know...I...


Jack:  No, you don't!  You always have to be the god damn boy scout, don't you?  Always having to rush in and make the hard decisions no one else can...always risking your a** and putting your life (she gets chocked up) on the line...


(She stops and tries to regain composure)


(Shepard puts his hands on her shoulders)


Shepard: I know, Jack, and (pauses)I love you too.  


Jack:  Aargh!  (she turns around) Why?  You know, I was perfectly fine before you came into my life with your "morales" and "speeches" and...and (she struggle to find the words)


(Shepard takes her and they kiss passionately.  She pushes him away, stares at him angrily, and rushes into his arms to kiss him again.)


(They stop and she stares at him, their noses still touching)


Jack:  God Dammit, I hate it when you're right.  


Shepard:  Just don't forget it.  


Jack:  Mmm I think I'm going to like this.


Shepard:  So...(looks around to make sure they're alone) you still have that tattoo?  


Jack:  Why don't you find out for yourself?


(They continues to kiss as the scene fades to black)


-THE END-  

[Tequila Man]

Ah, even better reading it here.

[Militarized]

You know... this dialogue might be used in the game still if the whole "it's indoctrination" bull **** pans out.

That was some great dialogue though, thanks for sharing.

[Premier Bromanov]

GothamLord wrote...

Premier Bromanov wrote...

How old are her students supposed to be, anyway? Some of them look even older than her.

Well she mentions prom, based on the size of the characters running, and the fact they would even be allowed on the battlefield (even as support, let alone front line)  I'd say we're talking at least 15+ for the youngest.  Another reason Jack can relate to them is that she's not more than ten or so years older than most. 

Heh.  I thought Jack was just kidding about prom.  Prom at Grissom Academy would be scandalous, with Jack encouraging her students to make moves on one another.  "At first, I wanted to kick Shepard's teeth down his throat.  But he kept prying, and before I knew it, he had me.  Just takes a little confidence."

Anyway, all this fic.  Nightfable and Lucir, I have catching up to do.  I'll leave feedback when I'm caught up.

[GothamLord]

Its not so much prom itself at Grissom but a comment to place an age range on the students. She was giving him a hard time to try and get him focused in a way that only Jack can. You wouldnt really crack on someone in their 30s or older about prom as it doesnt really play a part in their lives anymore. Again you asked about age. Jack mentioning prom to someone gives an age range to work with.

[HolyAvenger]

Just dropping by to say that Jack was my favourite cameo and ME3 Jack is awesome.

I haven't done a Jack romance import yet (and won't for a while) but yeah, loved it.

[mnomaha]

Hello Jackolytes...I'm working on an ME3 unsatisfied romance. Do you want to add any input? I've got Jacob (ouch) Thane (dammit) and Miranda, so far anyways.

[mnomaha]

Well, let me know, or just add it yourselves.

http://www.facebook....esInMassEffect3

[GothamLord]

While I see this being corrected even less likely than the ending itself you have my support.

+1 Like

[10K]

I'm enjoying all these fan writings keep it up you guys. The more you write the less I have to

Edit: Oh and on another note did anyone else realize they got rid of Jack's tattoos on the palm of her hands. I thought that was something intresting to point out. To bad though, they were one of my favorites.

Modifié par mosesarose, 13 mars 2012 - 11:58 .

[ZaroktheImmortal]

It's a shame we didn't get more than a few conversations with her and well you got to kiss in sojme scenes but you only got a short conversation before the end.

[Premier Bromanov]

mosesarose wrote...

I'm enjoying all these fan writings keep it up you guys. The more you write the less I have to

Edit: Oh and on another note did anyone else realize they got rid of Jack's tattoos on the palm of her hands. I thought that was something intresting to point out. To bad though, they were one of my favorites.

I wonder why.  Jack still has those low-res fingers, so I don't think it's a texture thing.  Probably isn't an Alliance regulations thing, either.  Yeah, I loved the circulator tattoos on her palms.

[Killigula]

First time posting in this thread I think but it is with a somewhat interesting observation.

I'm not sure if it's been pointed out by anyone yet but did anyone else notice that Jack was the only real returning character not in your party to recieve a substantial update/redesign? 

When you're playing through the game and run into the likes of Jacob, Miranda, Grunt, Samara, Thane, Legion etc they all look basically exactly like they did at the end of ME2. There's maybe a bit of a graphical refresh/update going on but nothing like with Jack, where the whole character model was basically redone it looks like. The only other characters who got that kind of treatment were some, but not even all, main "party" characters like Garrus or Ashley/Kaiden, or crucial plot characters you'll see a lot of like Anderson. 

So why then was it decided to spend the resources necessary to completely redesign Jack when some of the main party characters didn't even get really redesigned at all, like Tali and Liara?

Was it just because they were more or less forced to redesign her because of the new role she would be playing, and more specifically, the resulting silliness that having her walk around in half a prison jumpsuit would inroduce to that role.

Or

Conspiracy version: She originally was going to be a party member but was cut because of time etc issues, or because they thought the squad was getting too big.

Worse conspiracy version: Jack was initially planned to be a party member but it was decided at the last minute that a certain other more widely popular character would get the spot instead, even if it makes no real sense for her to be in the Normandy party given her current situation, larger responsabilities,  and the overall direction of the plot. Unfortunately there wasn't time to redesign her model.

If you examine the actual plot of the game Spoiler, highlight below: [color=rgb(50, 50, 50] with so much of it centering around fighting Cerberus and exploring Cerberus's dark side, and how spread out over the whole game that content is, it seems like Jack should have been a nobrainer crewmate from a story-telling perspective. Being a former Cerberus victim with a massive score to settle with them, and little else to do until she was given something to do out of left field. Her absence begins to look a bit conspicuous.[/color]

We'll never find out if it's true or not of course, but it was something interesting I noticed that I though I'd share.

Modifié par Killigula, 13 mars 2012 - 03:09 .

[10K]

The only reason I can figure that they gave Jack an over hule on her look is because so many people were complaining about her being bald and naked. Myself on the other hand wouldn't of cared if they changed it or not.

[Premier Bromanov]

mosesarose wrote...

The only reason I can figure that they gave Jack an over hule on her look is because so many people were complaining about her being bald and naked. Myself on the other hand wouldn't of cared if they changed it or not.

Could have just given her one of the alternate appearance outfits and been done with it.  Hell, the black leather top is less-revealing than the gauze-wrap outfit she wears.  As for changing her hairstyle because people dislike her shaved head...really?  It's such a superficial reason to dislike her.  The designers said they gave her longer hair because it's supposed to show that she's maturing.  Okay, I can buy that.  But, that just brings me back to the original question - was Jack given lots of ME3 material that was cut out?  Hell, if ANY squadmate deserved a reserved squad spot on the mission(s) to hunt down TIM, it would be Jack.

[Premier Bromanov]

Killigula wrote...

If you examine the actual plot of the game Spoiler, highlight below: with so much of it centering around fighting Cerberus and exploring Cerberus's dark side, and how spread out over the whole game that content is, it seems like Jack should have been a nobrainer crewmate from a story-telling perspective. Being a former Cerberus victim with a massive score to settle with them, and little else to do until she was given something to do out of left field. Her absence begins to look a bit conspicuous.

We'll never find out if it's true or not of course, but it was something interesting I noticed that I though I'd share.

I partially agree with you.  Given Jack's current self, she's done with Cerberus, because she's done with her past.  Her hatred of Cerberus is only rekindled at Grissom Academy because she's familiar with their sliminess, and because they're attacking her kids.  However, if this "I'm-done-with-my-past" Jack was a more recent writing decision, it would make sense that she should be given the opportunity to confront TIM.

It was brought to my attention that in the ME3 N7 Edition artbook, it's stated that Jack originally wasn't going to be a teacher in ME3.  So, I'm pretty sure that you're right, Killigula.  Jack content was cut out.  Her current design might have even been a last-minute thing.

EDIT: Or, I suppose, they didn't have a role for Jack before they decided that she would be a teacher.

Modifié par Premier Bromanov, 13 mars 2012 - 03:50 .

[Nightfable]

thesnake777 wrote...

Awesome Nightfable just hands down awesome.
I caught up to where your writing and have to force myself to find something to do so you can work...

Hahahaha, that is so funny! I had no idea you guys could watch me write my story live. Thanks A LOT, Google! ;P

I'm glad you're enjoying it, even through all my grammar mistakes.

This is my own rendition of ME3 and it's going to be a purely Jack and Shepard centric story. I'm a girl, so be prepared for a lot of romance and warm fuzzies. *__*

Modifié par Nightfable, 13 mars 2012 - 06:30 .

[spirosz]

So I'm wondering, since I just met Jack in Purgatory, was their romance in ME2 purely physical or was there some form of love/connection between the two, at least that's the vibe I'm getting through some of their interaction in ME3. From my perspective and what I perceived through their cabin scene, it didn't involve any sex and was more toned towards the emotional aspect of their relationship, nothing physical at that point because of what she has been through and my Shepard wouldn't rush or push her towards anything. Now seeing her on Grissom was wonderful and her lines and attitude were spot on, at least for me, but the two quick make out scenes sort of seemed out of place, well I can see it happening, but I don't have any context on what happened between them during those 6 months - Did they start becoming more comfortable with each other, was their relationship developing in a faster rate because of what's to come in the future, the Reapers, etc. Mind you, I liked those two interrupts, but at the same time I'm still hoping that their relationship isn't just based off of physical needs.

I do like the fact that she's found something to commit to and it's given her a positive outlook on life, especially her little journal entry in Grissom, which I can't remember, but I just thought that one little thing was well done. Her one line commenting on her wanting to come out and to be with Shepard, but staying because she has own goals right now, which relate to the Reapers was great, I'm glad Bioware kept her independence intact, while still showing her being cautious about the relationship still; "I understand if you call it quits". After that one scene, I found the kiss to be appropriate, especially with her saying "You make the best mistakes" if you still want to be with her. By the way, those probably aren't the correct lines, I'm just going off of what I remember, lol.

Overall, I find her romance to be well done in certain aspects - her attitude, humour, remarks about Shepard, and her ability to restrain herself in front of her kids (this might be romanced or not), her VA and lines are wonderful. Since I haven't been to the end, I haven't seen her vid call line, but I know about it. I found it to be perfect because of Shepard's comment after she said she wants to get laid - "I love you too, Jack", it seemed to fit just right between her sarcastic humour and knowing that she probably won't ever say those direct words. It's just her way of saying "I love you".