That was one of my concerns actually. I think it's a bit of a balance between being too rough and too formal. I may take another pass at it.Premier Bromanov wrote...
That's pretty good. Her sense of humor is intact. At certain spots, Jack sounded a little too formal. I'm so used to writing Jack-sounding dialogue, that if I can read it in her voice, it's good; if not, well, it just becomes words.
hot_heart wrote...
Thanks very much for reading, guys! Appreciate it. I was very much going for that odd couple dynamic, and I find myself drawn to that sort of comedy too.That was one of my concerns actually. I think it's a bit of a balance between being too rough and too formal. I may take another pass at it.Premier Bromanov wrote...
That's pretty good. Her sense of humor is intact. At certain spots, Jack sounded a little too formal. I'm so used to writing Jack-sounding dialogue, that if I can read it in her voice, it's good; if not, well, it just becomes words.
Do you have some stuff you've written available to see? I'd definitely be interested.
Premier Bromanov wrote...
Jack should have destroyed that Atlas mech by herself. The Atlas mech is based on the YMIR mech, and Jack destroys four YMIR mechs with a single punch in ME2. That should have been a benefit of having her alive in ME3.
Premier Bromanov wrote...
Jack should have destroyed that Atlas mech by herself. The Atlas mech is based on the YMIR mech, and Jack destroys four YMIR mechs with a single punch in ME2. That should have been a benefit of having her alive in ME3.
Jonata wrote...
Well, in ME2 she destroyed 2 YMIRs, but the Atlas looks at least twice as big as an YMIR. Atlases also have Eezo Core that I think may interfere with biotics... and on top of it all, Jack was probably just keeping her powers at bay to protect her class.
Probably the "old" Jack would have tossed that Atlas right throug the Academy's walls out of rage, creating a big mess and almost killing Shepard and the kids.
hot_heart wrote...
Though, I guess a case could be made for biotics being extra powerful when she is super-pissed...
"Hang on to something, Scales!" Jack shouted through the comm in her breather as she braced herself against the frame of the airlock. "You're about to find out how a biotic gets into a hotzone!"
Without even trying to question the unstable biotic, Joker complied with her instructions, deftly throwing the Normandy into a twisting turn that tugged at the stomachs of all aboard before he hurled the ship forwards, pushing the thrusters to full power.
Through the door of the open airlock, the waiting trio could see the Eye racing past, growing larger and larger as Joker expertly angled the ship in towards it, dodging the fierce defensive fire. Explosions bounced off the shimmering barrier of the ship's shields, blindingly bright to eyes of the airlock's occupants.
"If you're about to suggest what I think you are, then you really are crazy!" Kasumi shouted, struggling to make herself heard over the roar of a missile detonating mere metres from the ship.
"You're wearing the Professor's rocket boots, aren't you?" Jack asked challengingly, seemingly unfazed by the perilous lack of shelter from the raging battle going on around the Normandy. "We don't have a choice! Shepard needs us down there. Just stay close and jump when I do!"
Jack's team-mates fell silent at this, simply watching the biotic as she stared out at the rapidly approaching space station, her eyes locked onto the hangar as she carefully timed her next move. As the ship drew in to a mere few kilometres, she spoke up once more.
"Joker, when I give the word, I want you to turn to the port fast enough to turn a Volus inside out."
"What? But-"
"Just do it!" She thundered, her tone brooking no argument.
"Aye-aye."
A few more seconds ticked by, painfully long for Delexia and Kasumi as they watched Jack's back. When she finally shouted out, the lithe thief almost jumped out of her skin, the Turian reacting with slightly less surprise.
"Now!"
The Normandy heaved around, pulling off a turn that would have made a seasoned engineer wince in sympathy for the ship's already tortured frame. In the same instant, Jack lunged forward, leaving the safety of the airlock. The added inertia of the frigate's sudden turn away from the station gave her an impressive burst of speed, which she soon added to with a gesture of her clenched fists, a blue aura surrounding her body.
Hesitant as they were, Delexia and Kasumi didn't pause for a moment before following her, their boots firing to give them the added impetus to keep up with her. In the blink of an eye, the trio had left the Normandy far behind, the ship racing away through the raging firestorm. The AA guns, designed to take out ships and other large vehicles, failed to track the three bodies arrowing straight towards the transparent roof of the hangar bay.
~o~0~o~
Shepard's HUD screamed at him once more as he lingered too long out of cover, his shields falling for what must have been the fifth time. He pulled back into hiding behind his chosen refuge of the shuttle, his armour taking a couple more hits. He glanced to the opposite side of the craft, seeing Etarn fling another Warp blast at a couple of Batarians trying to flank the pair. The alien was looking weary, the corners of his eyes creased with tiredness as he exerted himself to use his biotics. Realising it wouldn't be long before he ran out of ammunition and his comrade was too weary to keep up the biotic assault, Shepard activated his omnitool, sending out a ping to scan the area and wincing when the readout came back with a mini-map of the immediate area filled with red dots to represent incoming hostiles. Armed as they were, the duo didn't have long left before they were overwhelmed. Regardless, the Commander tightened his grip on his rifle, ready to fight to the bitter end.
His shields recharging to full capacity, Shepard leapt out from behind the shuttle, gun blazing as he took down one Batarian after another. The muzzle of his weapon glowed brightly as it hurled bullets against the enemy ranks, smoke escaping from it as the gun threatened to overheat. His shield shuddered under the incoming barrage, quickly depleting to allow bullets to bounce off unprotected armour. A couple of projectiles found their way through his defences, digging deep into his flesh. One struck him in the shoulder, forcing him to stagger back. His armoured feet stumbled as a wave of weakness washed through his body, throwing him onto his back. All of the breath in him left in a single rush as his back struck the metal deck with a loud crack.
As he lay there, bullets flying over his head in a fierce storm, his eyes caught something unexpected. Staring up through the clear ceiling, he spotted a brightly glowing point, like a cyan star. Behind this, the Normandy swooped away, moving through the battle with the grace of a dancer as the defence guns sought to track it, too slow to really score any hits. As he watched, the tiny point of light grew brighter, two smaller, less intense lights appearing behind it. It wasn't until the three objects were a dozen or so metres from the ceiling that realisation dawned in the Commander's mind, the surprise jolting him into action. Just an instant before the shining blue comet arrived, Shepard managed to curl his fingers around one of the hangar's fixtures, gripping hard enough to dent the metal a little.
Up above, the biotic missile that Jack had become extended an open palm, a bubble of Dark Energy pulsing out to surround her in the rough shape of a bullet. The second she struck the transparent material of the ceiling, it shattered, creating a hole wide enough for the Normandy's Nathak shuttle to fly through. Fractures spread out from this opening, the entire ceiling crumbling from the shock. An instant later, the biotic turned in the air and struck the deck of the hangar, the force of her arrival sending tremors through the entire bay as she exerted her biotics to protect her from any real harm. She dropped to one knee, her left palm striking the floor as her right hand was raised up to erect a biotic bubble around herself both as a defence and a method to hold herself down. With fire in her eyes, the former experiment known as Subject Zero glared at the awe-struck Batarians before her. Behind her, Delexia and Kasumi plummeted through the new opening in the ceiling, their rocket boots firing to slow them as they entered the safety of Jack's Barrier, their guns at the ready.
In the same second, the entire hangar bay was thrown into chaos as the atmosphere began tearing out of the hole in the ceiling. As the very roof of the bay collapsed, a veritable hurricane of rushing air pulled at everything outside of Jack's bubble, debris and equipment pulled up and out into the freezing cold space outside the station. Batarians yelled in terror as they were bodily dragged out of the bay, their fingers scrambling for purchase before they were lost to the vacuum. Shepard clenched ever tighter onto his refuge, hoping the metal fixture would hold until the storm died down. His stomach churned as his body lifted off the deck, stretching his arms to their full extension as his muscles screamed at the tension. Black spots hovered in his vision, partly due to the exertion but mostly due to the injuries that still plagued him. Slowly, painfully, his fingers began to relax their grip, the strength ebbing from them. He watched in terror as his fingertips finally parted ways with the fixture, the sudden jolt of freedom causing a wave of nausea to rise in his throat as the vacuum lifted him away from the deck.
For a sickening moment, Shepard floated free from the deck, lifting up and away on the roaring wind. Then, just as suddenly, a hand reached up and grabbed his own, getting a firm grip that would not be easily broken. Shepard looked down to see Etarn's features, the Batarian's body glowing with biotics as he pulled the Commander away from the cold clutches of space. Straining with all of his might, the alien dragged the Human down and towards the glowing blue bubble.
Once inside the safety of Jack's Barrier, Shepard noticed the wind drop dramatically, the air being almost still within the glowing blue refuge. Delexia and Kasumi were busily firing their guns at whatever Batarians still presented a threat while Jack, right hand still held aloft to maintain the shield, used her free hand to summon biotic attacks that tore into the Batarians with feral viciousness. One was lifted into the screaming hurricane, then brutally torn in half with a powerful Warp, while another was slammed into a wall, then the floor, repeating the process until the enemy soldier was nothing but a bloody pulp. Shepard watched in amazement as the young biotic went about the grisly work with a menacing twist to her features, more animal than Human in the heat of battle. The Commander could only marvel at the power she was displaying, reaching levels that would have surely had the Cerberus scientists who had worked on her absolutely swelling with pride.
Moments later, the roaring wind stopped, the hangar bay drained of atmosphere. It was not long after that that it was also emptied of Batarian soldiers, most having been sucked out into space and those few that remained slaughtered by the Commander's reinforcements. The immediate threat dealt with, the squad made their way to the doors leading into the hangar bay, with Kasumi quickly overriding the door to let them through.
On the other side, the squad sagged, Jack dropping the Barrier as she released a loud grunt of exertion, finally showing the toll the move must have taken upon her. She took a few deep breaths, bracing herself with her hands on her knees, then she straightened, looking over at Shepard with a measure of concern as Etarn and Delexia tended to him, removing the bullets from his wounded shoulder and chest and patching up the injuries. In seconds, warmth flowed back into Shepard's arm as the Medi-Gel did its work. He was barely given a chance to recover his footing, however, before Jack set upon him, berating him.
Modifié par fainmaca, 05 juillet 2012 - 10:20 .
fainmaca wrote...
Sorry, just in the middle of polishing off this chapter and couldn't remember if I'd mentioned the Biotic Air Drop here yet. Also just realised that Biotic Air Drop can be shortened to B.A.D.
Jonata wrote...
fainmaca wrote...
Sorry, just in the middle of polishing off this chapter and couldn't remember if I'd mentioned the Biotic Air Drop here yet. Also just realised that Biotic Air Drop can be shortened to B.A.D.
"N7 Biotic Air Droppers team earned the nickname of 'B.A.D. Asses' amongst the Alliance."
Modifié par vX-INSANIAC-Xv, 05 juillet 2012 - 11:34 .
vX-INSANIAC-Xv wrote...
Jonata wrote...
fainmaca wrote...
Sorry, just in the middle of polishing off this chapter and couldn't remember if I'd mentioned the Biotic Air Drop here yet. Also just realised that Biotic Air Drop can be shortened to B.A.D.
"N7 Biotic Air Droppers team earned the nickname of 'B.A.D. Asses' amongst the Alliance."
Jack - B.A.D.ass Squad leader
Jonata wrote...
I don't know if it's because of my cookies, but I noticed that Googling "Mass Effect Dinosaurs" I got TONS of Jack-related content. Really, there were a couple of awesome picture about Jack that I never found when I was looking for them!
...is there some kind of relation between Jack and the dinosaurs?
Modifié par DarkPrinceRevan, 06 juillet 2012 - 05:42 .
Jonata wrote...
I don't know if it's because of my cookies, but I noticed that Googling "Mass Effect Dinosaurs" I got TONS of Jack-related content. Really, there were a couple of awesome picture about Jack that I never found when I was looking for them!
...is there some kind of relation between Jack and the dinosaurs?
Dr. Doctor wrote...
Jonata wrote...
I don't know if it's because of my cookies, but I noticed that Googling "Mass Effect Dinosaurs" I got TONS of Jack-related content. Really, there were a couple of awesome picture about Jack that I never found when I was looking for them!
...is there some kind of relation between Jack and the dinosaurs?
Cargo Hold
Grunt: (holding plastic dinosaur) Yes, this is a fertile land and we shall thrive. We shall rule over all this land and we shall call it...this land.
Jack: (levitating another plastic dinosaur) I think we should call it your grave!
Grunt: Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!
Jack: (biotically flings dinosaur) Now die!
Shepard: (walks in) What's going on?
Grunt: Battlemaster! Jack and I were...discussing tactics for our next fight against the Collectors!
Shepard: With plastic dinosaurs?
Jack: Why the **** not?
Shepard: Okay, I should go.
Jack: Yep.
vX-INSANIAC-Xv wrote...
Jonata wrote...
I don't know if it's because of my cookies, but I noticed that Googling "Mass Effect Dinosaurs" I got TONS of Jack-related content. Really, there were a couple of awesome picture about Jack that I never found when I was looking for them!
...is there some kind of relation between Jack and the dinosaurs?
Errr not that I know of, and why were you googling "Mass Effect Dinosaurs"?
DarkPrinceRevan wrote...
been messing around taking screenshots during he early part of my insanity run before Grissom Academy so I though I'd throw together some pictures of my Shepard and Jack before they meet up again, not sure which one i like the best thou
Edit: just realized i forgot to edit Bailey out of the pictures of Shepard lol
Dr. Doctor wrote...
Jonata wrote...
I don't know if it's because of my cookies, but I noticed that Googling "Mass Effect Dinosaurs" I got TONS of Jack-related content. Really, there were a couple of awesome picture about Jack that I never found when I was looking for them!
...is there some kind of relation between Jack and the dinosaurs?
Cargo Hold
Grunt: (holding plastic dinosaur) Yes, this is a fertile land and we shall thrive. We shall rule over all this land and we shall call it...this land.
Jack: (levitating another plastic dinosaur) I think we should call it your grave!
Grunt: Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!
Jack: (biotically flings dinosaur) Now die!
Shepard: (walks in) What's going on?
Grunt: Battlemaster! Jack and I were...discussing tactics for our next fight against the Collectors!
Shepard: With plastic dinosaurs?
Jack: Why the **** not?
Shepard: Okay, I should go.
Jack: Yep.
Love it!!
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