82210 réponses à ce sujet

[AgitatedLemon]

And here's that blurb-

Elysium, 2190.

I was still alive, which meant I hadn't succumbed to alcohol poisoning yet. Whether that's a good or a bad thing... I'll let you decide. Maybe Lazarus wasn't such a great idea, with all those cybernetic enhancements. No matter how much I try, I just can't seem to kill my liver with tequila. The hangover had passed, so there was one thing going right in my life. How many bottles do I have left? Screw it, it doesn't matter. I tell ya, I've been through more in the past 7 years than most people go through in their entire lives. Ah hell, here comes that little quarian brat, Leza'Tael. Good kid with a bright future, but man, she asks a lot of questions. Incidentally, she's the only person I come into regular contact with. What does she want this time...

"Hey, mister S! Hey! Mister S! Wake up!"

Rubbing my temples and groaning, I slowly get over my alcohol induced slumber. "What do you want, can't you see I'm busy?"

"Busy? You're not doing anything. It looked like you were just lying down."

"Yeah... that's the whole point." I don't think she took the hint, since she stuck around.

"It's tuesday, mister S. You know what that means?"

Groggily, I reply, "Time for another hangover?"

"Hah, but no. It's my day off! Tell me a story I haven't heard yet, mister S!"

What the hell was it with her and wanting to listen to stories? Doesn't she ever bother someone else with this? I mean, maybe it was with my saving the galaxy 3 times in less than a decade, but goddamn, go pester someone else.

Slightly more awake now, I reply, "You want another one? I guess I can. I don't have any plans anyway."

"Actually, mister S... why are you so grumpy all the time? I mean, you've told me how you stopped that madman Saren, and how you took down the Collectors, you even told me how you stopped the Reapers from harvesting everyone! I mean, anyone else I know would be ecstatic from being so famous! But... you seem to hate it. You shoo away everyone who approaches you, you're excessively rude to just about everyone. What's the deal? Did someone kill your woman or something?"

Feel free to snicker.

Modifié par AgitatedLemon, 13 février 2012 - 09:50 .

[enayasoul]

I like it!  AgitatedLemon... do continue :happy:

Modifié par enayasoul, 13 février 2012 - 10:09 .

[MASSEFFECTfanforlife101]

I noticed something: Miri was Created/Born in 2150. This was 7 years before Humanity found the Prothean Ruins on Mars and before Humanity found the Pluto Mass Relay. How did Miri's Father have all that Advance Technology beforehand?

[AgitatedLemon]

MASSEFFECTfanforlife101 wrote...

I noticed something: Miri was Created/Born in 2150. This was 7 years before Humanity found the Prothean Ruins on Mars and before Humanity found the Pluto Mass Relay. How did Miri's Father have all that Advance Technology beforehand?

Because the plot demanded it.

[ThomGau]

I actually already thought about this myself Luis. I guess humans are very good at genetic manipulations.

Modifié par ThomGau, 13 février 2012 - 10:49 .

[Jynthor]

AgitatedLemon wrote...

And here's that blurb-


Feel free to snicker.

I'm no critic so take anything I say with a large heap of salt.
The writing isn't bad but I found the Quarian with the whole mister S thing to be weird, she's acting like a small kid, but isn't the point that Quarians have to grow up fast so that they can be useful for the Flotilla, do the pilgrimage etc?
Also, I found the last line to be rather forced, didn't feel natural to me.

But like I said, I'm no critic.

[AgitatedLemon]

Jynthor wrote...

AgitatedLemon wrote...

And here's that blurb-


Feel free to snicker.

I'm no critic so take anything I say with a large heap of salt.
The writing isn't bad but I found the Quarian with the whole mister S thing to be weird, she's acting like a small kid, but isn't the point that Quarians have to grow up fast so that they can be useful for the Flotilla, do the pilgrimage etc?
Also, I found the last line to be rather forced, didn't feel natural to me.

But like I said, I'm no critic.

She's supposed to be kind of stupid.

[Jynthor]

Well, that works. Is she on her pilgrimage?

[AgitatedLemon]

Jynthor wrote...

Well, that works. Is she on her pilgrimage?

She's a kid.

[Jynthor]

How does a Quarian kid end up on Elysium?

[jtav]

Miranda wasn't created with Reaper tech. The technology to create her and her sisters already existed.

[ThomGau]

Sorry Lemon I didn't notice you posted a part of your fiction, so here is my feeback.

First of all, I like it and I encourage you to continue.
I don't know if you wanted to convey this atmosphere but from what I've read, I find the interaction between the two characters comic. On one hand you have Shepard who is alcoholic and grumpy and on the other hand a childish quarian who wants stories.

Maybe it gets darker after this excerpt, if so, I would need to read the whole story before making an objective critic.

Modifié par ThomGau, 13 février 2012 - 10:59 .

[AgitatedLemon]

jtav wrote...

Miranda wasn't created with Reaper tech. The technology to create her and her sisters already existed.

Are you replying to me or my excerpt? I never said or implied anything like that.

[AgitatedLemon]

Jynthor wrote...

How does a Quarian kid end up on Elysium?

More than half the civilians on Elysium are aliens. Since the year is intentionally set in the future (Post ME3), who knows what she could be doing.

[Jynthor]

I mean, shouldn't kids be on the Flotilla? But meh, I suppose that's not important to the story at all, so let's leave it at that.(Kind of like calling something a plothole while it has no relevance to the plot at all)

[Vertigo_1]

twitter.com/#!/chaseBoyajian/status/169190521846235136
"Thanks for the great response last week on the #femshep trailer! on to the launch trailer! who do you want to see in it? #masseffect"

Make sure you let him know (if you have Twitter of course)

Modifié par Vertigo_1, 13 février 2012 - 11:15 .

[jtav]

I'd love to see a full-face shot of Miranda.

[ThomGau]

I don't have a twitter account but I may create one just for that.

As jtav said, a full-face shot of Miranda would be great. If we could have her appearing more than two seconds ( three seconds would be a good start, I'd take as much as I could:P) I would really be pleased.

Modifié par ThomGau, 13 février 2012 - 11:25 .

[AgitatedLemon]

Woot, I tweeted him back (No reply yet)

[flemm]

MASSEFFECTfanforlife101 wrote...

I noticed something: Miri was Created/Born in 2150. This was 7 years before Humanity found the Prothean Ruins on Mars and before Humanity found the Pluto Mass Relay. How did Miri's Father have all that Advance Technology beforehand?

Well, there doesn't seem to be a really good explanation for that. Other than the ME timeline being somewhat ridiculous overall (too much happens in too little time).

Oh, and... tweeted

Modifié par flemm, 13 février 2012 - 11:32 .

[ThomGau]

Just tweeted as well.
Now goodnight friends, see you tomorrow.

Modifié par ThomGau, 13 février 2012 - 11:46 .

[enayasoul]

Vertigo_1 wrote...

twitter.com/#!/chaseBoyajian/status/169190521846235136
"Thanks for the great response last week on the #femshep trailer! on to the launch trailer! who do you want to see in it? #masseffect"

Make sure you let him know (if you have Twitter of course)

Yes, lets all tweet this Chase Boyajian that we NOTICED MIRANDA and want MORE!  He? tweeted saying we didn't notice. We did we want more than 2 seconds!!!

Modifié par enayasoul, 13 février 2012 - 11:59 .

[Vertigo_1]

enayasoul wrote...

Vertigo_1 wrote...

twitter.com/#!/chaseBoyajian/status/169190521846235136
"Thanks for the great response last week on the #femshep trailer! on to the launch trailer! who do you want to see in it? #masseffect"

Make sure you let him know (if you have Twitter of course)

Yes, lets all tweet this Chase Boyajian that we NOTICED MIRANDA and want MORE!  He? tweeted saying we didn't notice. We did we want more than 2 seconds!!!

twitter.com/#!/chaseBoyajian/status/169209102591991808
"That's why you should put more! =P"

"Valid"

Modifié par Vertigo_1, 14 février 2012 - 12:01 .

[AgitatedLemon]

ThomGau wrote...

Sorry Lemon I didn't notice you posted a part of your fiction, so here is my feeback.

First of all, I like it and I encourage you to continue.
I don't know if you wanted to convey this atmosphere but from what I've read, I find the interaction between the two characters comic. On one hand you have Shepard who is alcoholic and grumpy and on the other hand a childish quarian who wants stories.

Maybe it gets darker after this excerpt, if so, I would need to read the whole story before making an objective critic.

It gets darker. Quite a bit so, if I do say so myself.

[Totally Not Swaggacide]

does anyone play as engineer?