Igib wrote...
I didn't get it, Rudy.
Sort of running gag that washing machine has tendency to put smaller items into bigger ones - I once found my sock inside shirt hidden pocket (pocket really is small one) and another sock from same shirt sleeve
, useless to mention that shirt was fold into itself - one sleeve inside another. And it wasn't me. But most funniest happened when I found my SO's bra inside my parka's map pocket.
Plus "human factor" - person who load washing machine may drop something, of course.
Okay, here is insomniac ranting. Beware, I warned you, read on your own risk:
Shepard's thoughts:
Ashley thinks I'm visiting Miranda. Miranda thinks I'm visiting Ashley. In reality, I'm visiting his mom, eating cake and drinking tea. Because mom is mom and family is sacred, you know!
- We together for more than two years! There is no "you" or "me", there are only "we"!
- So "we" spent 7 grands on some high-heel shoes?
- That's wedges!
- Why you hit that woman?
- She bumped my shoulder. At Monday's morning...
- That's despicable! What a ****!
Unidentified datapad:
If girl moans, screams, says it's big and ask to pull out, come on, don't be monster, pull out that knife already!
First lesson Shepard learned as Spectre:
"No". Train your tongue not to overload your back.
Annoyed Shepard's fish performed stunt swimming and "fold" into phrase "feed us already!"
- Hey, Skipper, Where is your G-spot located?
- In beginning of phrase "give me something to eat".
Excerpts from Mordin's journal:
On 80% humans are just vertical puddles.
- Hey, Ashley, how's fishing?
- I caught even less than Shepard.
- But he caught nothing!
- Yeah, and she lost her fishing rod.
Ashley spent all morning looking for her iPhone in Captain's quarters, until Shepard reminded her she doesn't have one.
Romantic moment - destroyed.
But Shepard just wasn't in the mood, really - no headache, just didn't wanted, you know.
EDI' log:
Shepard carry water gun, so when it's raining, he has unlimited ammo.
Excerpts from Mordin's journal:
Word "fuсk" flies out of Shepard's mouth in 13 milliseconds before my hammer actually hits his fingers. Fascinating!
Kelly suggested Shepard to undergo psychological evaluation. Shepard resisted. Kelly insisted and ended up crying even before Shepard told about his school years.
Cerberus successfully kidnapped Council. But every cloud has its silver lining - Ashley finished every level in Angry Birds!
- Hey, Skipper.
- Hey, Ash. Would you mind to make a number between 10 and 20.
- Done.
- Multiply it by 3 and withdraw 15
- Mmm... Yep.
- Add 17 and multiply by 2.
- Mhm. Finished!
- Close your eyes.
- And?
- Dark, isn't?
- Hey, Ashley, would you cook for Shepard till death parts you?
- If she'll cook, death parts us sooner than you think.
Excerpts from Mordin's journal:
Wedding ring is apparently very powerful artifact, allowing human females to gain weight twice as fast.
Once Ashley and Shepard went picnic, but Shepard retreated to bed long before Ash and she had no idea how to extinguish that fire...
Omni-tool call:
- Hey, Skipper, can you talk?
- Since age 3, I guess...
- Nah, James, I don't know about Huevos Rancheros, but most tastiest fried potato is one you eat right from frying pan while nobody see that.
Special for Ushanka:
- That issue that Normandy went down is not our problem, it is your problem, - Shepard muttered under his breath, trying to take comfortable seat in escape pod.
To clear that a little bit:
Select difficulty level: Narrative, Casual, Normal, Hard, Insanity, Russian.
And to make it perfectly clear:
Once upon a time, 11 cunning man, those who cannot play football, created a plan how to visit Europe for free...
Due a power fluctuations, Normandy ventilation fans created several tornadoes on all decks and ruined Liara's
hairtentaclestyle.
In case you were wondering where all omnigel went.
- Ash, did you know that slim people fell in love much rarely than fat ones?
- Why's that?
- Apparently Cupid has problems hitting them...
Excerpts from Mordin's journal:
If after date human female has very evil eyes, than male acted not in noble, but in very right way.
- Close your eyes. Imagine sound of the sea, sound of rainfall in forest, freshness of pines on mountainside... And all idiots burning on stake... Relaxation session is over.
- Thanks, Kelly!
- Hey, Skipper! Have you found who stealing my cookies while I sleep?
- Hm, according to EDI's video-logs its you.
- Damn that schizophrenia!
Excerpts from Mordin's journal:
Shepard like hamsters. Kelly like fish. Only one thing held them together - they both are sick of people.
EDI's log:
Shepard doesn't care about bad things told about him - he always can add few more.
EDI's log:
Shepard is so kind and generous, so he allows those around him to listen music regardless of time of the day, even in the middle of the night!
His divine music, of course.
When Ashley caught Shepard with Liara, she swiftly gathered belongings and left. And as you remember, Liara's flat was full of expensive stuff...
Chakwas' records:
Garrus, as professional drummer, could reset clinical mercury-in-glass thermometer to -20C.
From Kelly's reports:
Goose Shepard was nicknamed Lady Gaga in youth.
- Ashley, did you brought our kid from kindergarten?
- No, but I've found something cooler - dead skunk!
Shepard to Council:
- So, you don't like me? Too bad I don't give a fuсk.
Shepard to Council, part deux:
- If you'll need me, I'll be in same place where I was while you weren't needed me.
- Skip, why your mood swings up and down all day long?
- Shuffle playlist.
- Ash!
- Don't "Ash" me!
- Okay, how can I prove that Liara and me are just friends and there never were anything between us?
- Kill her and bring me her head!
- Ash, why you so happy?
- I've done wonderful nothing yesterday!
- Shepard, why you ignoring my psychoanalysis sessions?
- Kelly, old habits dies hard: where I came from, it's so much cheaper just to yell litany of curses on somebody than visit psychoanalytic...
EDI's log:
Shepard has very kind heart - he dreams to kill and chop everyone he met and use them to feed homeless varrens.
To Data:
Don't be afraid that you can't do something. Many great games were created by amateurs. Professionals made Mass Effect 3.
- Come on, Ash, decide already.
- I'm girl, Shepard, I don't want to decide! I want to eat and don't get fat!
From Kelly's reports:
Shepard hates those people who promise a lot, but done nothing and making up some stupid excuses instead of stand up and confess it's their fault.
- Shepard, why you so reserved?
- There is inner fight inside me. Between my sense of humour and my upbringing...
Random thought:
ME3 Love triangle - She, He and writers' idiocy.
Excerpts from Mordin's journal:
In human culture, marriage - is a union of two people, allowing them jointly overcome all those problems they wouldn't have without that union.
- Hey, Liara, you like to paint?
- How'd you know?
- Brows.
From Kelly's report:
Shepard told once: "Every thing has happy end. If it's not happy - it's not end."
From Kelly's report:
Shepard's though on girls: "she is beautiful when she is beautiful, but not when she has huge cleavage, lot of make-up, naked belly and tight pants."
EDI's log, extracted from Kelly's password protected archive:
Shepard's though on girls: "Cute girls who are not aware of their attractiveness and appeal look much better than those beautiful ones, who practically yell about that."
Shepard to Kelly:
- Do you remember when apple and blackberry were just fruits? Wanna feel really odd? "Home alone" was released 195 years ago.
James to Shepard in galley:
- Those onions makes me cry.
- Apparently you never being hit by melon in your face.
- Ashley!
- Yes, mom?
- I don't think you'll be a good couple.
- Why?!
- He's dead!
- Mom, you like nobody!
Excerpts from Mordin's journal:
Why human females refer themselves as cats? Deer, platypus and hedgehog females could be as lone and playful too?
Excerpts from Mordin's journal:
Apparently in humans culture erection is most honest compliment.
Mordin to Shepard:
- If you'll mix red sand with medigel, your headache will fly away on dragon!
- Hey, Shepard, who won in your inner battle between "I want" and "I need"?
- "I don't care".
- Skipper?
- Mhm?
- You sleeping?
- Mhm.
- And how bout three most important words, eh?
- Guns, grenades, gozinaki.
Alternate ending to one above:
- "Three most important words" are four words.
- Come on, Mordin, "Beware of dog" or "beware of varren" signs on the door is just nothing in comparison with skulls on your fence.
From Kelly's reports:
Because Shepard is teetotaler, on shore leaves he overdose himself with ice-cream.
Shepard to Mordin:
- What I don't like? When girl has shining lips, but not shining eyes.
- Hey, Ash, how's weekend?
- Dark, light, dark, light, Monday.
Excerpts from Mordin's journal:
"Tall, long-legged, buxom blue-eyed blond" - those are words hated by short petite brown-eyed brunettes.
Excerpts from Mordin's journal:
He and she goes fishing... Separately. But both use silicone baits.
Shepard to Catalyst:
- There is always a choice! You can walk in the rain. Or just get wet.
- Shepard!
- Yes, Ashley?
- You used my shower gel!
- Any male has right to wash his head with shower gel if he runs out of shampoo. And somehow I know who used all mine shampoo...
- Skipper, how you manage to feel so well every morning?
- Family secret.
- Come on, we almost family!
- Mkay... Don't set your alarm clock on even numbers, like 05:30, set it on something like 11:45, you'll feel much better.
Anonym message sent to Ashley:
Truly loving man is the one who saw you drunk, naked, without make up in the morning, crying, spewing nonsense and, strangely enough, who is still with you.
Edited few typos.
Modifié par Rudy Lis, 19 septembre 2012 - 09:00 .
Guest_OneWomanArmy_*
Retour en haut![=]](https://lvlt.forum.bioware.com/public/style_emoticons/default/sideways.png)
And no offense but from this, every character sounded like a retarded, crazy, person 
I liked the anonymous message to Ashley too. Truth.
