50128 réponses à ce sujet

[CptData]

SJNKD wrote...

CptData hasn't gone down 75%, your like hee 90% of the time still.

I'm here less but I was never here compared to CptData, but that's because I have a child who is driving my insane and I'm ready to grab my Xbox and bunk in my Older sisters house.

Nah. I'm more in the fly-by-mode now. ^^

Top-Ash

Modifié par CptData, 20 septembre 2012 - 01:52 .

[sarahann62380]

Hey, so if you guys are not aware, we started a romance DLC blog that displays the results of a survey that was done back in July. It was created in hopes of showing what we liked about the romances, what we wished would have happened, what we were missing, etc. Now, we are looking for guest bloggers to discuss the characters they love. We are looking for someone to basically vomit love all over their love interest, in which case since you guys are all here, I'm assuming that's Ashley. It's basically just saying why you love this character, what you love about them, why you chose them as your LI ,etc. Only rules, you can't compare them to other characters and you can't bash BioWare for not including your LI in the game more. This is basically you making an argument for how awesome your LI is. Also, we're going a bit lenient to where you can write about a character you like but that's not YOUR LI but is an LI in the game, or one you wished was an LI. This can be up to  4,000 words. So if you're interested, please send me a message as we'd love to have you.

Also if you're interested in seeing the blog,there is a Miranda Character Spotlight as we just started this on Tuesday and we will run another one on Saturday: me3cosmiclove.wordpress.com/

Modifié par sarahann62380, 20 septembre 2012 - 02:11 .

[Dragon_Claw]

SJNKD wrote...

The child doesn't like sleeping, that's my problem. She sleeps enduring the day when my fiancée is home and I'm at school/work. Depending on the day, and at night I have her while she's at work, she went back to work this week and I'm struggling. She gets home in a hour, I have an hour to myself, if she doesn't wake up. Her mother has gone for the night, giving me a chance to spend time with Elena. I know shes cheap and easier now but I was once one of those horny teenagers until my stepdad gave me a good boot up the ass, It's why I'm a good boy and any teenager boy after my girl is going to get a boot up their ass.

And for queen & country!

[CptData]

@sarahann62380
I think about it, looks like a good cause for us ^^

[Rudy Lis]

Dragon_Claw wrote...

When your girl reaches the age of 13-15, you are gonna spend time chasing braindead horney teenage boys from your front porch...  

Nah, if you don't want to traumatize your neighbors with skulls on top of your fence (or your HOA rules precludes you from doing this), you can place few targets with carefully placed shots on them. So unless some boy will bring you card carefully cut by bullet, you may be calm. After that, you surely can be calm.


Regardless, here is second batch of my rants. Rules same as before.


Mordin to Shepard:
- Which types of psychological warfare you know of?
- Women.
 
 
- Why so gloom, Skipper?
- Saw a werewolf on rapid transit station on Citadel.
- Maybe it was just a hairy guy?
- Maybe. But silver bullet worked anyway.
 
 
From EDI’s Log:
Shepard’s thinking out loud: If somebody doesn’t like your music, don’t get offended, he is just ****ing stupid.
 
 
To read Shepard’s thoughts, Ashley decided to ask Liara to teach her hypnose. Ashley didn’t like first lesson, so she decided to pay for a year in advance and ignore lessons whatsoever.
 
 
- Skipper, I need to tell you something.
- Short and clear.
- 5 thousands.
 
 
- Shepard! Have you seen my cosmetic kit?
- I threw it away.
- WHAT? Why?!
- Dear, makeup is attempt to paint over your face, face of some other, more beautiful woman. In your case it is absolutely unnecessary, because for me you is the most beautiful one.
 
 
Shepard to Mordin:
- Professor, spare me of details, all that scientific mumbo-jumbo reminds me of school homework on physics: "two Prejek Paddlefish swam, on was blue, another on right, how much weight one kg of tarmac has if my hamster is 32 years old?"
 
 
From EDI’s Log:
Shepard’s thinking out loud: Why when people learn that I drink tea without sugar, they react like I murdered someone in cold blood?
 
 
From EDI’s Log:
Shepard’s guide to “how to win an argument with Liara”:
1. Begin an argument.
2. Burst into tears first.
 
 
Javik’s log:
Shepard’s ancestor’s thought: humans has no money to transport water into dry areas of Earth, but has money to look for water on Mars. Is there any reason in the world?
 
 
- Ashley, honey, what fell on the ground in the middle of the night when you came home?
- Clothes.
- So loud?
- Ehm… I haven’t had time to doff them.
 
 
- Shepard, what is it?
- Honey, males usually hang their clothes on the floor.
 
 
- Whatcha thinking, Skipper?
- What if our Earth Is hell of some other civilization?
 
 
Ashley’s diary:
Mystery of Nature – to get used to fitness you need about 3 weeks. To get used to Shepard’s Viennoiserie you need just 1 bun.
 
 
- Ashley?
- Yes, Liara?
- I think that suit makes you look fat.
- Really? Great, and I blamed Shepard’s bakery for that!
 
 
- What you thinking about, Ash?
- I wonder what would happened if all races were lead by women. Maybe there would be no wars?
- Yeah, sure, there would be a lot of races who just don’t talk to each other anymore.
 
 
Shepard to EDI:
- Want to make Joker happier? Easy: begin an argument with him. Then, all of a sudden, agree with his point of view.
 
 
From EDI’s Log:
Shepard’s thinking out loud: Normandy’s romance rule: Your Ex’s Ex – is my Ex.
 
 
Shepard to Council:
- It’s hard to be polite when you right.
 
 
Kaidan to Shepard about Liara:
- She had something in her eyes…
- Pupils?
- No, some… inscrutability…
- Oh, fuсk – everybody else have pupils!
 
 
From Kelly’s reports:
Shepard said that some people with halos above their heads practically asks to correct those halos with a shovel!
 
 
Announcement over Normandy’s broadcast system:
- Only today, only now, in Observation deck! Psychological drama “Hangover!”, starring Ashley Williams. In the Lounge you can watch criminal thriller “Migraines, deck and cardsharping bodybuilder”.
 
 
From Kelly’s reports:
Shepard mumbled today: When you gaze long into hamster, the hamster also gazes into you”.
 
 
Shepard’s dating rules:
Don’t date with hysterical – she can bicker and take umbrage with you while you were sleeping.
 
 
From EDI’s Log:
Draft of Shepard’s book “Illithid – true face of Asari”.
 
 
Shepard to Ashley:
- Why I like Miranda? She is the only one who tells you she can’t be without you and dies, if you part ways. Honest people are rare these days.
 
 
Ashley’s omni-tool call to Liara:
- Damn it, I sent Shepard to bring us some potato and he was hit by sky-car!
- Oh, Godess! What you going to do now?
- Duh, I don’t know, rice, maybe?
 
 
Shepard to Kelly:
- I like hungry fish, they so sociable!
 
 
From Kelly’s reports:
On recent psychoanalytic session Shepard said, and I quote: “you have to fall asleep when you don’t want to, to wake up when you don’t want to, to arrive to place you don’t want to visit. Ain’t life great?”
 
 
Ashley, Liara and Shepard went to Flux. Ashley to Liara:
- Hey, you bought my boyfriend cocktail?
- Y-yes…
- Buy one for me too, pwetty please?
 
 
Shepard to Kelly:
- Pfeh. What is that? “I’m a man from your dreams, let us be together, now and forever! – Get lost, I don’t want to know you!” But! “I’m a dumbnut and don’t give a **** about you! – Come back, I’m all yours!”
 
 
Shepard to Council:
- There are some people you want to come close to, hug, give some comfort, then carefully look into their eyes and sympathetically ask them “how you manage to live without brain, eh”?
 
 
Shepard to Ashley:
- Happiness is everywhere; you just chose to ignore it.
 
 
- Well, Skipper, I’m going for distant lands. What to bring to you, my love?
- Ash, can you go shopping for bread less pathetically?
 
 
- Okay, this is it! Tomorrow I’ll drink till I drop, smoke out a pot, got some bar brawl and have sex with some buxom girl with tight ass!
- Ash, but you girl!
- Really? Oh, fuсk!
 
 
Anonymous message to Ashley:
- Do not ignore person who sincerely loves you. Or you may lose moon while looking out for distant stars.

[CptData]

^ you are getting better and better.
And how do you make the eff-word visible? O.o

[Rudy Lis]

CptData wrote...

^ you are getting better and better.

No, I just proofread them before sending them for an about 5 hours earlier than yester... err... today. Okay, than previous batch.

CptData wrote...

And how do you make the eff-word visible? O.o

Just copypaste and use.
Fuсk. Enjoy.

Modifié par Rudy Lis, 20 septembre 2012 - 03:04 .

[BP93]

ADLegend21 wrote...

BP93 wrote...

Oh a new chapter of fanfic?



Also, Shepard = David Lee Roth

Yes we know oyu're illeterate, no need to broaadcast.

God damn I love irony.

[krukow]

BP93 wrote...

ADLegend21 wrote...Yes we know oyu're illeterate, no need to broaadcast.

God damn I love irony.

I think (hope) ADLegend was being funny.

If you weren't ADL, you should pretend you were.

[iSousek]

@Rudy
nice job, those are really entertaining to read

[BP93]

krukow wrote...

BP93 wrote...

ADLegend21 wrote...Yes we know oyu're illeterate, no need to broaadcast.

God damn I love irony.

I think (hope) ADLegend was being funny.

If you weren't ADL, you should pretend you were.

Hard to tell.

The fanfic isn't exactly a grammatical masterpiece either.

And that goes for everyone too. If it's a complete mess grammatically, I simply won't read it. If you can't take the time to have proper grammar, then I don't have the time to read it.

Modifié par BP93, 20 septembre 2012 - 05:20 .

[iSousek]

sarahann62380 wrote...

Hey, so if you guys are not aware, we started a romance DLC blog that displays the results of a survey that was done back in July. It was created in hopes of showing what we liked about the romances, what we wished would have happened, what we were missing, etc. Now, we are looking for guest bloggers to discuss the characters they love. We are looking for someone to basically vomit love all over their love interest, in which case since you guys are all here, I'm assuming that's Ashley. It's basically just saying why you love this character, what you love about them, why you chose them as your LI ,etc. Only rules, you can't compare them to other characters and you can't bash BioWare for not including your LI in the game more. This is basically you making an argument for how awesome your LI is. Also, we're going a bit lenient to where you can write about a character you like but that's not YOUR LI but is an LI in the game, or one you wished was an LI. This can be up to  4,000 words. So if you're interested, please send me a message as we'd love to have you.

Also if you're interested in seeing the blog,there is a Miranda Character Spotlight as we just started this on Tuesday and we will run another one on Saturday: me3cosmiclove.wordpress.com/

Yep, I am preparing one for Ashley, but it's not quite finished (damn you college finals) 

Modifié par iSousek, 20 septembre 2012 - 05:23 .

[BP93]

OneWomanArmy wrote...

You are a part of the Rebel Alliance and a traitor, take him (Shepard) away!

[ADLegend21]

BP93 wrote...

ADLegend21 wrote...

BP93 wrote...

Oh a new chapter of fanfic?



Also, Shepard = David Lee Roth

Yes we know oyu're illeterate, no need to broaadcast.

God damn I love irony.

I'm well verse in foreign language. Helps to be versitile when speaking to people with bad taste.

[Dragon_Claw]

OneWomanArmy wrote...

Weapons sponsored by Heckler & Koch.

[iSousek]

^ Nihlus has great taste

[Rudy Lis]

Dragon_Claw wrote...

Weapons sponsored by Heckler & Koch.

"Because you suck. And we hate you."


Third batch.


Loud noise, like something fell. Shepard, without opening his eyes:
- You Okay, dear?
- Yeah, guess got out of bed on wrong foot.
- *yawn* Word of advice: to prevent that - go prone.
 
 
- Good morning, Shepard.
- Morning may be good, but I’m not.
 
 
Shepard to Ashley, after one of “Cerberus talks”:
- Look, if you don’t like follow my orders, fine, I have me. We’ll manage.
 
 
Inbox messages:
Sender: Ashley Williams.
Subject: Esharpd yluol tlod em I cnat’ ytpe uiqkcyl nad caucarelty


Ashley to Shepard:
- Come on, if you look at situation soberly, you definitely would like to drink.
- Endorphins - are all man needs to be happy.  


In kindergarten, Ashley was such cute kid, so double murder never been solved.
 
 
Mess-sergeant Gardner to Shepard:
- Mornings, sir! What do you wish?
- Double espresso and to croak, please.
 
 
Kelly’s report:
Today Shepard mumbled, that behind each great man stands great woman who keep telling him he's an аsshole.
 
 
Shepard to sobering Ashley, gently stroking her head:
- It’s not that bad when you the only one. Much worse when you the only zero… Alles kaputt is when you think you digit.
 
 
Ashley to Shepard:
- Only really self-reliant man can afford not to have iPhone.
- Only really self-reliant man can like pink.
- You like pink? I’ve imagined you more of an olive-drab guy.
- There is “Olive-drab” singer too?
- I hate you.
- One step closer and you’ll love me again.
 
 
Ashley to Shepard:
- Are you lark or owl?
- I’m angry bird – wake up early and retreat to bed late!
 
 
- So, you decided to decommission your white suit?
- Yeah. White colour is not only look cool, but also works like magnet, attracting coffee, chocolate, sauces, ice-creams and ketchups. I’m tired washing it.
- Oh, you look so great in it… In tone with other kitchen appliances.
 
 
Joker to Shepard:
- News from Earth: freighter with cargo of Viagra sank in Pacific. Many coastal stations report of increased dolphins’ activity – they jump on beaches, smoke a cigarette and dive back into sea…
 
 
- How you do that, Shepard?
- Love your enemies. Make them go crazy trying to figure out what the hell you planning.
 
 
- Don’t lie to me, Shepard!
- I never lied to you. Exaggerating, keep back, being cunning, avoiding answer, pretending, making it up – yes. Lying? Never.
 
 
- Hello, Ashley.
- Hello, Shepard.
- How’s your new neighbors?
- It seems they are quiet and nice people.
- Hm, according to news that what you’ll be saying when they will kill somebody.
 
 
Relatively distant future. Aged Diana Allers interviewing still relatively young-looking Shepard and Miranda:
- How you manage to look that good after all those years?
- We never argued with anyone.
- But that’s absolutely impossible!
- Yes, you right, it is absolutely impossible.
 
 
Two books were published in same time.
1. Jack Shepard: “Transcendent existence”.
2. Krzysztof Shepard: “Your wife – red sand user”.
 
 
Kaidan to Shepard:
- How you manage to be in such good mood most the time?
- That’s easy. When you got omni-tool call, you telling them “let me call you back, I have unlimited Spectre plan”. After they agree and hanging up, you just place them in black list.
 
 
Shepard to Kelly:
- You can’t find compromise with everybody, sooner or later you’ll have to begin to tell people to fuсk off!
 
 
Shepard to Liara/Ashley or Jack/Miranda catfight:
- Girls, don’t fight, you both pretty.
 
 
From EDI’s Log:
Shepard’s thinking out loud: What a wonderful times we live in: you can bring lady to orgasm simply typing your message without errors.
 
 
Joker once fell asleep while flying and got enough sleep you know.
 
 
Ashley mumbles under her breath:
- Trying to lose weight it’s like trying to grow up – something from sci-fi.
 
 
Scrap of conversation between Garrus and Shepard, accidently overheard by Miranda:
- …and I gently woke her up with soldering gun and affectionately whisper in her ear: “don’t even try to check my omni-tool’s address book!”
 
Since then they lived happily ever after.
 
 
Ashley to Shepard:
- I join military to serve, sir! To defend my country, planet and system from invaders. Not to answer your stupid questions about what the hell I’m doing lying on observation deck semi-naked, half-sober, in a poll of strange smelling liquid, with empty bottle of liquor in my hands, Sir!
 
 
- Are you worried, Shepard?
- Mhm.
- It’s your first time?
- No, I already was worried before.
 
 
Shepard to Adams:
- Kenneth is really experienced electrician – he never held both Gabby’s boobs at same time.
 
 
- Shepard, what is love?
- It’s when stupid ideas occurred simultaneously to both.
 
 
- I’m in depression, Skipper.
- Depression is when castle in the air folds down and pressed builder down.
- What?
- Maybe you should have send that message to “10 other people”?
 
 
Shepard to Ashley:
- Alcohol doesn’t help you to find the answer. It helps you to forget the question.
 
 
Shepard’s thinking out loud:
- Feel lonely? Nobody to talk with? Nobody writes you? Well, that’s that: “detention center”.
 
 
That batarian tattoo master still managed to “draw” his wife’s name. Regardless of what James asked him to do.
 
 
From Kelly’s reports:
Shepard mumbled today: “you sleeping, snoring, drooling on pillow, farting, scratching your crotch and smelling your hand afterward, but somebody still thinks you’re the person they’ve been looking for”.
 

Ashley to Shepard:
- You know, you started to talk a lot of shіt recently.
- Oh no, I just started to keep back less.

 
Hannah Shepard could be very proud for her son’s upbringing, when he, catching Miranda’s falling violin, fell from stairs and all he said was “oh-oh!”  
 
Mom taught Shepard not to swear. Life taught Shepard not to swear when mom is around.

Modifié par Rudy Lis, 20 septembre 2012 - 06:26 .

[Igib]

CptData wrote...

^ you are getting better and better.

Agreed. Rudy is gettin' betta ant betta.


Makes me fear the monster we might have unintentionally unleashed.

[ADLegend21]

Wow Rudy that was good.

[Dragon_Claw]

Rudy Lis wrote...

Dragon_Claw wrote...

Weapons sponsored by Heckler & Koch.

"Because you suck. And we hate you."

Huh?!?

Modifié par Dragon_Claw, 20 septembre 2012 - 06:44 .

[Rudy Lis]

Igib wrote...

Agreed. Rudy is gettin' betta ant betta.

Igib wrote...
Makes me fear the monster we might have unintentionally unleashed.

No fear - Skipper here.

ADLegend21 wrote...

Wow Rudy that was good.

Dragon_Claw wrote...

Huh?!?

That's "H&K motto". Unofficial. Actually, made-up by customers, irritated by rather "special" approach H&K personnel had toward ordinary customers. Maybe still have, I don't know (at least I've heard they looked into my hamster's burning stare and changed their ways). Practically like particular canadiens with their "art", that's why I have very strong deja-vu when returned from business trip after Me3 release and witnessed local  shіtstorm.

Modifié par Rudy Lis, 20 septembre 2012 - 06:55 .