Królowa:)
Forth batch:
Shepard to Garrus:
- Shіt – is event. Deep shіt – is complex event.
Garrus to Shepard:
- In my time in C-Sec phrase “Everything is under control” meant “we see that, we know about that, but we can’t do anything about that, sorry, try to handle it on your own”.
- Yeah, and most successful plan still is “duh, doesn’t matter, we’ll deal with it when we get there”.
Ashley to Shepard:
- Gah, that Evil Eye! I can’t do anything, I feel absolutely helpless and angry!
- Relax, Ash, it’s just morning, wait a couple hours and you’ll be better, you’ll see.
Ashley thinking out loud:
- Damn it, why when I need to say something important, all of a sudden I turn to brainless bleating stupid hen with intellect less than a rock?
Shepard to Garrus:
- There is saying in East Europe: “each woman has to do three things – first, second and kompot”.
Ashley to Shepard:
- This is it! That decides me! I need to start that from scratch!
- You mean CSI: Citadel, season 1, episode 1?
Chakwas to Shepard:
- Commander, why you avoid me that much?
- Doctor, I have no problems with you personally, but where I came from, you need to try to get better before medics begin to treat you.
Shepard to Ashley:
- Why you so disheveled? Busy with something?
- I don’t know what I’m busy with, but there is no time!
Ashley to Shepard:
- Damn it! Whole life stuck between “I don’t care” and “what a shame!”
- What a shame! Although… I don’t care…
Shepard to Ashley:
- Ash, punctuality is about precision, not about arriving to specified place 10 minutes prior specified time and waste another half an hour, waiting for person who demanded from you not to be late.
Ashley omni-tool call to Shepard:
- Okay, as much as I hate to say that, but I have to go, Skip. Call me back, Okay?
- No, you call back.
- No, you better…
- Of course I’m better, but you call me, okay?
Shepard to Kelly:
- Owgawddammit, THOSE PEOPLE ARE FUСKING STUPID, THAT ANNOYING COUNCIL COW, WITH HER INSCRUTABLE FACE, OR THAT MADDENING FACE-PAINTED DISMISSAL WARBIRD AND THAT GOOFY EMINENCE GRISE LIZARD… GAH! But really, Kelly, generally I’m very calm guy.
Shepard to Ashley:
- Why are you crying?
- Book is very sad…
- What book?
- “Alliance Regulation 670-1: Uniform standards”.
Shepard to Kelly:
- Set unattainable goals for you, if you don’t achieve them, who cares – they unattainable.
Miranda to Shepard:
- Don’t put things off for tomorrow if you can do them today…
- …because tomorrow they could be outlawed.
Shepard to Ashley:
- There are no ideal people, appreciate those who were able to love all your flaws.
Garrus to Shepard:
- Yeah, if people never had a goose bumps from music, I wonder what crap they are listening?!
EDI to Shepard:
- Shepard, where babies came from?
- Well, at first you need to find person you like…
- And?
- Well, I stuck at this step.
Jack to Shepard:
- Nah, if you don’t tell person to fuсk off in right time, you can fell in love, marry, got family, children… Do you need that crap?!
Excerpts from Mordin’s journal:
In human culture, full frying pan symbolize feeding and empty one - education.
Catalyst to Shepard:
- I’m the Catalyst.
- So you feel lust toward cats?
Jack to Shepard:
- Go to hell!
- I’ve been there. Such a boring place: no music, no extranet, no you.
Shepard to Garrus:
- I’m a happy guy, my job is paid hobby.
- And you don’t have to pay for the ammo.
- Exactly!
Kelly to Shepard:
- Most important task?
- Find someone who looks at life same way you do.
Sleepy Shepard to Ashley:
- If it’s not about sex or you not my hamster, touch me not.
Kelly to Shepard:
- How you determine whether person in front of you good one?
- Simple – if I like it, it’s good person.
Ashley to Shepard:
- Did you know that most talented people were lazy?
- Obviously you grand talent.
Garrus to Shepard:
- They think I put my hands down…
- …in reality they got closer to holster.
From Kelly’s log:
Shepard mumbled today:
- Love was created so two people could stand each other for rest of the time.
Garrus to Joker:
- Why so gloom, Jeff?
- Well, I don’t know whether or not should man be present at child’s birth, but he should be present at conceiving.
- And?
- And Shepard not letting me to watch him!
Shepard to store clerk:
- The only thing you should have at hand is your underarm. The rest are your marketing tricks.
Shepard to Kelly:
- Some people don’t need to do something; they madden me just like that.
- How do you feeling, Ash?
- Bad.
- Why?
- Wanna be hamster.
Shepard to Garrus:
- “Hell if I know” – as universal answer for overall Galaxy problems.
Shepard to Joker:
- Bah, that Council behave like they live on motto “sleep enough eat” and just switch comma’s place from time to time.
Shepard to Tali:
- Gah, it seems that guy on CRTS had 12 underarms.
- But he had only 2 arms, Shepard!
- I rather trust my nose.
Shepard to Ashley:
- Dear, woman should look that way so even most hardcore homosexual looked at her and begin doubt whether he chose right path.
Ashley to Shepard:
- I’m tired of this injustice!
- Ash, it’s just Sunday’s evening!
Kelly to Shepard:
- Don’t you feel lonely?
- Considering amount of idiots, cretins, liars and degenerates around, I think of loneliness as not of a flaw, but as of priceless gift. Present company excluded, of course.
Garrus to Shepard about Samara:
- Why she’s always staring into that window?
- Don’t interfere with her Galaxy conquering.
Shepard to Kelly:
- Sometimes I feel like my hamster looking at me and telling me: “I’m hamster, and what you achieved?”
Shepard to Miranda:
- Each evening I sit on my couch toward my destiny!
Excerpts from Mordin’s journal:
- Those humans cut circular pizza on triangles, put them into square box and want me to trust them?
Khalisah Bint Sinan al-Jilani’s first interview of Shepard:
- What is your work is associated now, Commander?
- With idiots.
From EDI’s Log:
Ashley Williams’ schedule:
06:00 – Reveille.
06:01 – stand up, turn alarm clock off, and turn kettle on.
09:15 – wake up, threw burned kettle into trash bin, and request form to requisite new one.
Shepard to Kelly:
- Why regardless of your answer on question “are you afraid of tickling” they still will try to tickle you?
Ashley to Shepard:
- Do you sleeping?
- No.
- Why you close your eyes then?
- Eyesight saving mode.
- Is this anonymous helpline?
- Yes, Ashley.
Liara to Shepard about newly founded Shiala:
- Kill her!
- But she is so beautiful…
- Okay, but after that – kill her!
Sleepy Shepard to yelling Ashley:
- Never go to bed if you got angry and quarreled. *yawn* If you stay awake you can also brawl.
Miranda to Shepard:
- How’s your self-appraisal?
- Mediocre… We, perfections, are modest folk.
Kelly’s morning quiz to Shepard:
- Your first thought after being awake?
- Can I swear?
- No.
- Then I have no thoughts.
Excerpts from Mordin’s journal:
- Nothing seems to lighten up the mood in mess hall as couple of Viagra pills placed into coffee machine. Fascinating!
From Kelly’s reports:
Shepard’s “deal with stalemate” guide: Have some snack/Take a nap/Laugh out loud.
Kelly to Shepard:
- You favorite moments in life?
- After a hard day, when you barely can think, all you body aches, insides crying for mercy, you lie in the bed, because reveille will be early again and BAM – INSOMNIA!
Shepard to Kelly:
- I don’t care about “we’ll rest after we die”. I want to rest now, and then – after I die. Well, second time.
Shepard to Miranda:
- Talent is you capability to do something you not being trained to.
Shepard to Garrus:
- Don’t argue with women: in 90% she’ll be right and only in 10% it’ll be your fault.
To check Shepard’s memory after reconstruction, Miranda kicked him in the balls.
Kelly to Shepard:
- What form of conversation you prefer?
- After meeting Council only one – everybody shut the fuсk up and nod while I talk.
Miranda to Shepard:
- Good morning, commander.
- There is no such thing as good morning. It’s either “damn, morning!” or “fuсk with it, I sleep till midday!”
- Okay, Ashley, I take it back.
- So, Skipper, you decided to excuse for your words?
- No, I created new ones.
Shepard to EDI:
- Looking at Council I understand they ban children to fight pedophilia.
Half-sober Ashley to Shepard:
- Many guys are alone because girls are stupid cows… Many girls are lonely because girls are stupid cows.
Joker’s announce through Normandy’s broadcasting system:
- Three days till Reaper arrival. We need to use remaining time sensibly. Go DOTA!
Liara to Shepard:
- *sigh* It’s so hard to live with unrequited love…
- Oh, tell me about it – when I don’t have Mars bars around, I feel even worse.
Shepard to Ashley:
- Some people miles away make me feel better than those constantly around.
Mess-sergeant Gardner to Shepard:
- What you wish today, Commander?
- Salad, omelet with bacon, cacao, and DGAF. Yes, three DGAFs, please.
Shepard to another “doom prophet” on Citadel:
- In the Galaxy every 60 seconds one minute ends! Don’t just stand there, DO SOMETHING!
Shepard to Garrus:
- One day she’ll ask what I like more – her or music. And I wouldn’t be able hear her, because I’m in headphones.
- Ash, be reasonable already! Start seeing people as they are, not as you want to see them!
Shepard to Ashley:
- Stop making same mistakes all over again. Be creative, make new ones!
- Ashley, why'd you hit Liara?
- Oh, come on, like I need a reason!
- I’m a very good informational broker, Shepard!
- Yes, Liara, of course you are, please, stop crying, my uniform is all wet and there is quite a puddle under my feet, - replied Shepard, gently stroking Liara’s head and back, trying to calm her down.
Shepard was so lazy, so Ashley had to do everything herself even with “man on top”.
ME3 ending, Shepard’s broken body in ruins:
- I *gasp* I’m… *gulp* dying… *cough* my love…
- *sob* Oh, please, don’t die!
- Okay, I won’t.
Shepard to Kelly:
- When two unrelenting forces, absolute laziness and wish to improve, met inside you, that’s total Alles Kaputt.
Garrus to Shepard:
- What is that, Shepard? Tell them truth – they got offended. Not tell them truth – they got offended.
- Be simple, tell them to fuсk off!
Garrus to Shepard:
- Smile and wave…
- …chainsaw.
- Darling, I think there is a problem in our relationship.
- Which one?
- I forgot your name.
N7 programs candidates undergoes very harsh tests. First one is fetch. Those who stand and didn’t follow thrown stick considered to be eligible, because they at least can suppress their animal instincts.
Shepard to Joker:
- I hate that moment.
- Which moment?
- When authors of your favorite series deplete their inspiration supply and stricken by crisis of new ideas and you have to witness some idiocy and hope for the best.
Anonymous message to Ashley:
We quarrels with those whom we don’t want to lose in first place.
Modifié par Rudy Lis, 21 septembre 2012 - 05:49 .
Retour en haut
There are no lesbians in my writings. That is AD's domain.
*tosses krukow a cookie*
make them laugh. So they want ninja-clown?
