Hello my fellow Thane fans I come to you all seeking advise (I've been really busy lately hence my lack of posts)
I've been in the process of reworking some of the content I cut out of my early Fanfic chapters and one of the things I cut was a rather grand conversation that took place between Thane and My Shep, anyway I cut this for ME3 Thane induced reasons. I'd Like your input on Thane's dialogue, anything from if I need to chose different words, or something seems to far out or unlike something Thane would say. Basically any and all critiquing of Thane's character, actions, descriptions, dialogue, also this will hopefully help me shake the last cobwebs off of my Thane writing so I can help Squeegee get that letter as Thane done.
Shep: “Thane, this battlesleep while you were in it, what was it like inside your mind?”
Thane paused for a bit as if he was going to slip into one of his solipsism flashbacks but just blinked. He looked up and spoke, “Nothing my mind wasn't there. My body was merely drifting in this world awaiting to be delivered to the sea and be reunited with Irikah.”
“So what awoke you?”
“You. It was a slow process and didn't start until after you'd first recruited me in the Dantius Tower. Had you not come down here and continued to talk with me, I'd never have woken.”
Shep: “What about the message about your son Kolyat wouldn't that have woken you?”
Thane: “No, I doubt I'd ever found out about it. When I first came on board my body was your weapon to command, I was still in my battlesleep. I had a single purpose, the mission, your mission, going through the Omega-4 Relay and stopping the Collectors. My body was merely being directed to my next chance to be reunited with Irihah. Shepard when you kept coming down here asking questions that's what woke me. I shall not dwell on what would have happened to Kolyat had our paths never crossed.”
Shep: “Once the Collectors are stopped what do you plan to do?”
“Once the Collectors are stopped there is much I intend to see through with my life. I do not intend to squander this chance at living again. I haven't been there for Kolyat, I can and will now. I would also like to help you rid the galaxy of the Reapers.”
Shep: “To atone for the things you've done?”
Thane: “Perhaps, but that is an overly simplified way of putting it. The Reapers are a foe few can truly comprehend. If so few can comprehend them than defeating them is infinitely more harder to fathom. Is it not better to have something more than self preservation, glory, or even the incomprehensible term of all life in the galaxy at stake? If the scope of what must be done is to big then narrow it to something smaller, more personal that keeps you grounded. For me what shall keep me grounded and fighting more than anything is my son. Koylat's full life is ahead of him, so long as the Reapers are stopped. Shepard do you have something your fighting the Reapers for? Something personal or is your reason merely so simple as to save lives and the galaxy?”
PLEASE All critiques needed on Thane. I cut out nearly all Thane's content due to his treatment in ME3, sadly his content wasn't the only thing or reason things were cut out. But that is irrelevant now, I just need your honest feedback don't be afraid to throw it at me, big, small, little, anything to help me improve on Thane's character writing .
Your all some of the best, (I can't say your the best because there are a few others that have inspired me to do more and write more. What I'm being honest.) I'll check here in the morning and see what ya all have for me, lay it down on my Thane portrayal give me it all don't hold back, and soon I'll be working on that Thane Letter for Squeegee. Haha if your reading this Squeegee there was a clue in the narrative to one of my ideas to deliver that emotional gut punch you wanted. Haha
Thane Thread 'It's difficult. All things worth keeping are.' Spoilers will be neck-snapped.
Débuté par
Tasha vas Nar Rayya
, juin 13 2011 07:47
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#12427
Posté 25 juin 2012 - 07:40
Moira-chan
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hey guys 
wonderfull news, predator, the admin of one of the most famouse german thread (snn=social network news) brought something about our projects first of all she showed about the book and the tribute and she showed the picture of danie, where plush thane is sitting next to the fanbook.
The Link even if it's in german, i guess you will get how it looks like. hopefully some new suporter
wonderfull news, predator, the admin of one of the most famouse german thread (snn=social network news) brought something about our projects
first of all she showed about the book and the tribute and she showed the picture of danie, where plush thane is sitting next to the fanbook.The Link even if it's in german, i guess you will get how it looks like. hopefully some new suporter
#12428
Posté 25 juin 2012 - 07:54
Renmiri1
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Only 6 votes for Thane ? How ?@?!@?!
#12429
Posté 25 juin 2012 - 08:27
Moira-chan
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So guys, i took some screenshot from the snn and try to translate it to you
Here are once gain the Social Network News with your *Order of Merit* Moderator Predator120286 and her trainee Greymouse.
[insert news about EC]
Before there are so many (we are hating the EC) Threads, i wanna put spotlight on the following projects where you can do your power in instead of flaming bioware/ EA
And stay renember towards the EC: Keep Calm and Stay civil
The projects:
1. The Book:
A collected Book given to Bioware on Pax (sorry, i gave her the wrong info ^^') with letters over the LI's. The book also had been mentioned on the presentation.
2. The Book:
A more rpg book with different aspects for the LI's (like for example, moira-chan wrote an analysation about how thane changes her shepard). There are also many Photoshop pics, fanarts and fanfics in it.
Beide has been done bei Nick, Aryss and Visii
Here is the link for downloading: ....
and here is link for the thread: ....
3. The Thane Fanbook (around 300 pages strong)
Project is running by Yamainu1984. Sie collected fanarts, fanfics and letters over Thane and made a big fanbook out of it. After second round of proof reading, its gonna send to bioware. It also included a shepard memorial wall. After it's done, there are also other projects planning, so: come in and help. It's worth it.
Here is the link to the group:
so that was all for the moment. While the week i'm gonna present some more projects to you.
Here are once gain the Social Network News with your *Order of Merit* Moderator Predator120286 and her trainee Greymouse.
[insert news about EC]
Before there are so many (we are hating the EC) Threads, i wanna put spotlight on the following projects where you can do your power in instead of flaming bioware/ EA
And stay renember towards the EC: Keep Calm and Stay civil
The projects:
1. The Book:
A collected Book given to Bioware on Pax (sorry, i gave her the wrong info ^^') with letters over the LI's. The book also had been mentioned on the presentation.
2. The Book:
A more rpg book with different aspects for the LI's (like for example, moira-chan wrote an analysation about how thane changes her shepard). There are also many Photoshop pics, fanarts and fanfics in it.
Beide has been done bei Nick, Aryss and Visii
Here is the link for downloading: ....
and here is link for the thread: ....
3. The Thane Fanbook (around 300 pages strong)
Project is running by Yamainu1984. Sie collected fanarts, fanfics and letters over Thane and made a big fanbook out of it. After second round of proof reading, its gonna send to bioware. It also included a shepard memorial wall. After it's done, there are also other projects planning, so: come in and help. It's worth it.
Here is the link to the group:
so that was all for the moment. While the week i'm gonna present some more projects to you.
#12430
Posté 25 juin 2012 - 09:38
warlock22
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That is awesome looking! Very well done!
#12431
Posté 25 juin 2012 - 09:59
mythlover20
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That is FANTASTIC!!!! I so hope that all our hard work results in something. I really do.
Seeing that book there though, the cover all finished and ready to be filled.... it makes me want to cry. Being involved in the production of it has been one of the best, and one of the most hair-pullingly stressful, things I have ever done. I hope we don't fail you. I really do.
@gears. Your Shep's dialogue is good, but... I don't know. Something seems a little off with Thane's. Not very, just a little, but it doesn't sit too well with me. But then, it might just need editing.
Like that line "I doubt I'd ever found out about it." The grammer isn't very good, It would probably fit Thane very well if it had proper grammer though. The ideas behind the dialogue are spot-on. Absolutely perfect. The execution though... leaves a bit to be desired. A TINY bit, but I still noticed it. In some places you don't extrapolate enough, in others you have just that touch too much detail. Like "The Reapers are a foe few can truly comprehend." personally, I would delete "truly" and just leave it. "The Reapers are a foe few can comprehend." You know: small things.
Sorry if I'm being hypocritical. If you've ever read the essay update I've put up you'll see that my work is far from perfect, but I hope what I'm saying helps.
Like I said, the ideas and concepts for Thane's dialogues are EXACTLY what Thane would say, but the actually execution needs just that tinge more work. Sorry. :S
Anyway, while I'm here, would I be right in assuming that we as a demographic (Thanemancers, that is) have a broader range of life-experiences than say, Kaidan or Liaramancers do? For the most part anyway. I've noticed that most of the other LIs have fans that are either younger, or have a younger mindset, and haven't experienced as much tragedy that the majority of us Thanemancers have. I'm not saying that it's an absolute, but lurking in the other forums, it certainly seems that way.
I know most of us have experienced love, the pain of the loss of a loved one, been sick or cared for those who are sick, been in failed relationships or watched as the relationship of those closest to us fell apart, had children, and loved and lost more than once. And while some of these are definitely true for the other mancers out there, they still seem, well, younger, and less experienced.
I'm thinking of referencing that for the introduction of the Player Reactions section, to explain how and why we are so upset at the disease-centric-ness of his character. (Yes, i know that's not a word, I'm tired, leave me alone).
Also, utaker? I've sort of used your quote regarding Kaidan thinking he owns Shepard in the Thane vs Kaidan section. Is that okay? I'll delete it if you want, but I think it works well there.
Seeing that book there though, the cover all finished and ready to be filled.... it makes me want to cry. Being involved in the production of it has been one of the best, and one of the most hair-pullingly stressful, things I have ever done. I hope we don't fail you. I really do.
@gears. Your Shep's dialogue is good, but... I don't know. Something seems a little off with Thane's. Not very, just a little, but it doesn't sit too well with me. But then, it might just need editing.
Like that line "I doubt I'd ever found out about it." The grammer isn't very good, It would probably fit Thane very well if it had proper grammer though. The ideas behind the dialogue are spot-on. Absolutely perfect. The execution though... leaves a bit to be desired. A TINY bit, but I still noticed it. In some places you don't extrapolate enough, in others you have just that touch too much detail. Like "The Reapers are a foe few can truly comprehend." personally, I would delete "truly" and just leave it. "The Reapers are a foe few can comprehend." You know: small things.
Sorry if I'm being hypocritical. If you've ever read the essay update I've put up you'll see that my work is far from perfect, but I hope what I'm saying helps.
Like I said, the ideas and concepts for Thane's dialogues are EXACTLY what Thane would say, but the actually execution needs just that tinge more work. Sorry. :S
Anyway, while I'm here, would I be right in assuming that we as a demographic (Thanemancers, that is) have a broader range of life-experiences than say, Kaidan or Liaramancers do? For the most part anyway. I've noticed that most of the other LIs have fans that are either younger, or have a younger mindset, and haven't experienced as much tragedy that the majority of us Thanemancers have. I'm not saying that it's an absolute, but lurking in the other forums, it certainly seems that way.
I know most of us have experienced love, the pain of the loss of a loved one, been sick or cared for those who are sick, been in failed relationships or watched as the relationship of those closest to us fell apart, had children, and loved and lost more than once. And while some of these are definitely true for the other mancers out there, they still seem, well, younger, and less experienced.
I'm thinking of referencing that for the introduction of the Player Reactions section, to explain how and why we are so upset at the disease-centric-ness of his character. (Yes, i know that's not a word, I'm tired, leave me alone).
Also, utaker? I've sort of used your quote regarding Kaidan thinking he owns Shepard in the Thane vs Kaidan section. Is that okay? I'll delete it if you want, but I think it works well there.
#12432
Posté 25 juin 2012 - 12:52
utaker1988
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Oh wow...let's see if I can get everything in here.
@the poll...voted.
@Moira...that is purely awesome.
@gears....I am with Myth on her points. It is great and I know a lot of thought went into it. Writing Thane dialogue is like writing for Morrigan. Thane would say, "As I am." as opposed to "me too." Just as Morrigan would say, "Were I you" as opposed to "If that was me". Does anyone know how much time it takes for me to do a Thane/Javik dialogue? The thoughts are instant but it's Thane's proper grammar and the way he says things that cause me to reread, rewrite, and pull my hair out. I have an easier time with Javik, much easier. Thane also seems very much to the point in his responses. Reminds me of my father, he won't tell you something in 5 sentences when he can tell you in one. It's not to say that he doesn't speak a lot, he can and has but if he can tell you that your decision sucks balls, he will come out and say it and not give you a 10 sentence run around before getting to the point.
I think he would have wondered what came of Kolyat and he probably would have searched for information on him. He took the time to prepare something for Kolyat in the event of his death, so I think he did think of him. Even if one does not talk to him, he will still ask for your help to stop Kolyat. So, he's down there dwelling. It was just easier for him with Shepard. I don't know how far he would have gotten on his own. I don't know if he would have been able to get information about Mouse out of Bailey so easily if Shepard had not been there. But I digress.
As for stuff about Thane and regards to ME3, I'm all for head canon and just let him live. I do.
@Myth...use whatever you want. Whenever I say something here, I am under no illusions that it won't ever be used. Using my stuff again, Myth, I am flattered. (yeah, I know shameless twist on Thane's dialogue). I couldn't help it.
One more thing for Gears....
You cannot put dialogue in like this "my body was your weapon to command" without me thinking of very dirty things. The thoughts that came to mind when I first read that, I had to step back so I could read the rest of it clearly.
@the poll...voted.
@Moira...that is purely awesome.
@gears....I am with Myth on her points. It is great and I know a lot of thought went into it. Writing Thane dialogue is like writing for Morrigan. Thane would say, "As I am." as opposed to "me too." Just as Morrigan would say, "Were I you" as opposed to "If that was me". Does anyone know how much time it takes for me to do a Thane/Javik dialogue? The thoughts are instant but it's Thane's proper grammar and the way he says things that cause me to reread, rewrite, and pull my hair out. I have an easier time with Javik, much easier. Thane also seems very much to the point in his responses. Reminds me of my father, he won't tell you something in 5 sentences when he can tell you in one. It's not to say that he doesn't speak a lot, he can and has but if he can tell you that your decision sucks balls, he will come out and say it and not give you a 10 sentence run around before getting to the point.
I think he would have wondered what came of Kolyat and he probably would have searched for information on him. He took the time to prepare something for Kolyat in the event of his death, so I think he did think of him. Even if one does not talk to him, he will still ask for your help to stop Kolyat. So, he's down there dwelling. It was just easier for him with Shepard. I don't know how far he would have gotten on his own. I don't know if he would have been able to get information about Mouse out of Bailey so easily if Shepard had not been there. But I digress.
As for stuff about Thane and regards to ME3, I'm all for head canon and just let him live. I do.
@Myth...use whatever you want. Whenever I say something here, I am under no illusions that it won't ever be used. Using my stuff again, Myth, I am flattered. (yeah, I know shameless twist on Thane's dialogue). I couldn't help it.
One more thing for Gears....
You cannot put dialogue in like this "my body was your weapon to command" without me thinking of very dirty things. The thoughts that came to mind when I first read that, I had to step back so I could read the rest of it clearly.
#12433
Posté 25 juin 2012 - 03:40
Cosmochyck
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mayrabgood wrote...
This picture was posted in another thread. These are pictures about the EC.
I was just wondering who the character the front to the right is. It looks like Thane but at the same time it doesn't look like him. I don't think it's Javik. Can someone tell who it is? I can't.
na.llnet.bioware.cdn.ea.com/u/f/eagames/bioware/masseffect3/website/images/about/extended_cut/extended_cut-04-p.jpg
It's Anderson.
He messed me up in the initial trailer as well. I tried to read all the posts but my brain gave up part way through.
I'll be back tomorrow after the EC - which I'm holding out zero hope for - not even sure if I'll bother tomorrow. Might make me angry all over again. Good thing Dawnguard comes out the same day!!
#12434
Posté 25 juin 2012 - 04:56
coldwetn0se
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Don't know how many of you also can be found on the HTL site, but I thought I would throw a link out to the thread. It is a "Thank the VA's" thread at HTL. I wrote a quick Thank You to Keythe, and after some of things that have been posted on his FB, I thought it might be nice to add some of our voices to this campaign:
http://www.holdtheli...ce-actors.1980/
http://www.holdtheli...ce-actors.1980/
#12435
Posté 25 juin 2012 - 07:02
mythlover20
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coldwetn0se wrote...
Don't know how many of you also can be found on the HTL site, but I thought I would throw a link out to the thread. It is a "Thank the VA's" thread at HTL. I wrote a quick Thank You to Keythe, and after some of things that have been posted on his FB, I thought it might be nice to add some of our voices to this campaign:
http://www.holdtheli...ce-actors.1980/
That is an excellent idea! I'll post as soon as I come home from work this arfternoon/night/whenever-we're-finished.
@utaker. Shameless, shameless woman, recycling Thane's words like that.
Thanks hon. I'll keep it in.
#12436
Posté 25 juin 2012 - 09:23
utaker1988
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I have no shame when it comes to Thane. I also have no qualms about leading the Operation Drop Thane's Pants.
I hope he can run fast.
This is totally forgetting ME3 ever existed.
Holy Crap! I just got an idea of a movie poster rip off with Thane. Heh heh.... This might take awhile.
I hope he can run fast.
This is totally forgetting ME3 ever existed.
Holy Crap! I just got an idea of a movie poster rip off with Thane. Heh heh.... This might take awhile.
#12437
Posté 25 juin 2012 - 09:25
giftfish
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utaker1988 wrote...
I have no shame when it comes to Thane. I also have no qualms about leading the Operation Drop Thane's Pants.
I would take part in this Operation.
#12438
Posté 25 juin 2012 - 09:38
mnomaha
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Okay seriously? Read the title for the picture? I should...really? Thanks for telling me how I should feel.
http://www.facebook....76405690&type=1
http://www.facebook....76405690&type=1
#12439
Posté 25 juin 2012 - 10:16
utaker1988
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This better not be a response to those of us who feel that females was stomped all over in regards to personality and hetero choices in ME3. "Oh look, we do care about FemShep and her fans!" Well, once again Bozo's you have it wrong.
I am not saying nor did I ever say I am not a fan of FemShep. What I said is that I am not a fan of the person who wrote FemShep to be such an apologetic, groveling wimp. Totally different.
I agree, Shell in the following sentiment of yours...thanks for telling us how we should feel. Just as we were told we should be happy that Thane went out a hero. HA! Just as we are told that if we don't romance Liara, VS, Garrus, or Tali that we are playing the game wrong. I hate that, I really, really do.
I remember when ME3 was being marketed, "You decide how it ends" or ME "Forge a character in your own image." Well if I decide how it ends and I'm forging in my own image, then MY choices are MY choices, so there is no way I can be playing s**t wrong. Besides we were given other LI's to choose from, so please stop telling Thanemancers, Jacobmancers, or any other mancers that we are doing it wrong.
I am not saying nor did I ever say I am not a fan of FemShep. What I said is that I am not a fan of the person who wrote FemShep to be such an apologetic, groveling wimp. Totally different.
I agree, Shell in the following sentiment of yours...thanks for telling us how we should feel. Just as we were told we should be happy that Thane went out a hero. HA! Just as we are told that if we don't romance Liara, VS, Garrus, or Tali that we are playing the game wrong. I hate that, I really, really do.
I remember when ME3 was being marketed, "You decide how it ends" or ME "Forge a character in your own image." Well if I decide how it ends and I'm forging in my own image, then MY choices are MY choices, so there is no way I can be playing s**t wrong. Besides we were given other LI's to choose from, so please stop telling Thanemancers, Jacobmancers, or any other mancers that we are doing it wrong.
#12441
Posté 25 juin 2012 - 10:59
tehprincessJ
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"FemShep fans should be happy to see this". Well, it would help in my case if James wasn't wearing any pants, but other than that... I suppose we're meant to be grateful that it doesn't feature Sheploo, as every single promo image used to before ME3.
I just... not to be bratty here, but am I the only person that preferred the default femShep before they put all that effort into her? I don't use her myself, but I totally used her as a base for all my femSheps.
But yeah. Wallpaper. Needs moar Thane.
I just... not to be bratty here, but am I the only person that preferred the default femShep before they put all that effort into her? I don't use her myself, but I totally used her as a base for all my femSheps.
But yeah. Wallpaper. Needs moar Thane.
#12442
Posté 25 juin 2012 - 11:26
Ghost_Nappa
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giftfish wrote...
utaker1988 wrote...
I have no shame when it comes to Thane. I also have no qualms about leading the Operation Drop Thane's Pants.
I would take part in this Operation.
Sorry for being late, but can we perform a joint operation of Drop THane's Pants with Jacob Sundea with the whipped cream in one place and merge those two together?
If ya'll don't like it, then more for me. *shakes can of creamcheese Reddi whip*
#12443
Posté 25 juin 2012 - 11:38
giftfish
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Running. I have the chocolate syrup!
#12444
Posté 25 juin 2012 - 11:54
coldwetn0se
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*Coldi runs like the spaz she is, after giftfish; spoon in hand ready for Dessert!*
I like you ladies.....
I like you ladies.....
#12445
Posté 26 juin 2012 - 12:08
mnomaha
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@Princess...ManShep got a wallpaper thing too. They gave a separate one for FemShep. I guess that's why we were supposed to be happy? Idiots. They just have no clue.
*runs in* Don't for the marshmallow topping!!!
*runs in* Don't for the marshmallow topping!!!
#12446
Posté 26 juin 2012 - 12:14
Ghost_Nappa
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I can only wonder whose gonna bring in the nutt toppings?
#12447
Posté 26 juin 2012 - 12:34
JECW
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mnomaha wrote...
Okay seriously? Read the title for the picture? I should...really? Thanks for telling me how I should feel.
http://www.facebook....76405690&type=1
Why should I be happy. There is nothing in that picture to be happy about. They think because they stuck FemShep and Kaidan in there thay makes it all better. In who's universe does this make everything better. I can't believe how out of touch these people actually are.
#12448
Posté 26 juin 2012 - 12:35
utaker1988
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For all the ladies here that have seen my Thane/Hope dialogue....I have the Bananas!!!
You knew it was coming. You knew. We'll leave the nuts for the men to bring. Oh yes, innuendos are most intended.
You knew it was coming. You knew. We'll leave the nuts for the men to bring. Oh yes, innuendos are most intended.
#12449
Posté 26 juin 2012 - 12:59
Ghost_Nappa
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utaker1988 wrote...
For all the ladies here that have seen my Thane/Hope dialogue....I have the Bananas!!!
You knew it was coming. You knew. We'll leave the nuts for the men to bring. Oh yes, innuendos are most intended.
Well we did forget ONE thing to top a sundea...and as much as I hate the damn fruit replacing it with a raspberry or strawberry...whose gotta put the cherry on top? (And I am done for the day.)
#12450
Posté 26 juin 2012 - 03:17
Renmiri1
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JECW wrote...
mnomaha wrote...
Okay seriously? Read the title for the picture? I should...really? Thanks for telling me how I should feel.
http://www.facebook....76405690&type=1
Why should I be happy. There is nothing in that picture to be happy about. They think because they stuck FemShep and Kaidan in there thay makes it all better. In who's universe does this make everything better. I can't believe how out of touch these people actually are.
This was on twitter, retweeted by MassEffect. I think the wallpaper idea was from a female fan but as usual BW botched it
https://twitter.com/...369216846798849
Modifié par Renmiri1, 26 juin 2012 - 03:20 .
