Mechler wrote...
With all 24 chapters behind me, I can say that I really enjoyed it. Of course Kasumi is the most relevant to the thread, but I think you grasped all characters very well. What's even better is that you did it without usig their ingame lines. (I think only reach and felxibility and Mordin's singing made it in). It's odd that the linear timeline breaks up after freedom's progeress, but it's much easier to follow character arcs. Seriously the pre-ME Shepard story should become canon. That and the stuff with Kasumi were the best.
However.....now I'll nitpick a bit if you don't mind.
The pre-history of Shep suggested a more Light Yagami like bored prodigy. The ingame Shepard became..well less mature. I enjoyed reading it, but it was like a totally different person. Maybe its my lack of first kiss speaking, but Shepard only expressed her love of Alenko when he was not there, and they were passed their..at least fourth "personal debirefing". And Kaidan never said something similar. (Before someone asks, YES I am a guy, NO I'm not homosexual, YES I'm only 20 years old)
In your version, the illusive man is much more evil. I wonder how it will play into the story.
I'm so very glad you enjoyed it
- and read all of it!
The back-and-forth non-linear timeline is quite a challenge to write, but I really wanted to give the ME2 story something more than just a "and then we went here and got this person, and then we went there and got that person" feel. I have to assume anyone reading the story has played ME/ME2 enough to know the story well, so I'm not spoiling in-game plot, and I - hope - it adds a lot to each of the characters.
As far as Shepard and Alenko and their feelings for one another, your points are quite valid. This is probably one area that suffers a little from the non-linear story format. There has been things that have happened before the scene in the Kasumi chapter where she admits she loves him, and you will get to see them - later, lol. Also, we were never in Kaidan's head during the ME1 story, so we don't know what he was really thinking at that time - yet. I don't want to give away too much, but I'll just say that by the end of the story you will have no doubt about the depth of feelings from either of them
.
Also, for all the strengths this Shepard has, it is probably fair to say that one of her weaknesses is that she is not always as "self-aware" as she should be. That definitely comes in to play in her relationship with Kaidan, and I promise I will address it.
Thank you for the compliments and criticisms - I have basically the entire story running around in my head, and half-drafts of chapters lying all over the place, and I need to be reminded from time to time that the reader doesn't know everything I know!
p.s.: Don't worry about that first kiss, or first other things - save it for the right person and it will
totally be worth it
.
[EDIT:] Since this
is the Kasumi thread...as I said, she is my favorite squadmate. While I do feel the need to mix up the squad makeups somewhat, so as to provide something for everyone, Kasumi appears in many chapters other than her character-specific one, and will continue to do so
.
Modifié par Graceyn, 10 décembre 2011 - 04:26 .
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