I hate my life... i hate to come off as ungrateful but I just dont like the life im living right now...I hardly have any friends...fewer that I really trust, I live life the same everyday... do the same thing everyday...no satisfaction... no happiness.I understand that I can be seen as boring to most as I dont smoke, i dont drink, I dont have sex as the NUMBER 1 priority on my list as my other college friends do (which, in the process, they objectify women as play things ...they arent toys and it sickens me that women are treated this way).
Im that one fan that takes an obsession to a shameful level such as how I wish I was never human...i wish aliens existed (im a xenophile)... as I said before, I feel like my sexuality is in limbo.... because I have a hard time finding a loyal trusting girl (personality attracts me, not looks) yet I know Im not into men... but when I see Garrus... he changes everything...he makes my day... helps me live...makes me wish I was a turian... to be something I can never be. I would kill myself if, as a result, I could wake up in Palaven.... no regrets... I wouldnt stay inside playing videogames all day to hide from a world run by corrupt governments/businesses(EA) and selfish friends...I would be able to live life... for the first time in a long time...I dont find human babies adorable (not one bit
But you know what? **** life. Deep down, I'm a turian and proud. If you want to make fun of me fine, if you want to troll me, go ahead, all you will do is waste your time. You may just be reading this and might think to yourself "Wow, what a loser... the virginity is strong with this one...". ive already had enough people tell me what I cant be or cant do, people that give me a weird look when I tell them what really makes me smile at the end of the day and Ive had enough. If we live in a hypocritical society that makes fun of gays when 50% of marriages end up in divorces, where men try to get laid as many times as possible with different women rather than to make that special girl smile while holding her hands on a sunset, where we teach our daughters to be careful not to get raped and we dont teach/tell our sons NOT to rape, then why the hell can i not be a turian?
Im skinny enough (maybe even the waist when I think about it :3), and hell, I HAVE a turian name,no joke, my last name is Vargas, which is pronounced as "Var-gus". And I love looking up fanart and fanfiction... it helps me feel...alive... it puts a smile on my face to know that there are others that feel the same way I do with this race. A feeling I dont get anywhere else.. and it feels right. Will I ever find that special someone? i dont know... but when I look at Garrus, I finally know what my friends meant when they said they found the "one"... if I dont cry myself to sleep, I punch myself trying to grasp why I feel this way towards not just a fictional alien race... a MALE alien...he's someone I would endure the epitome of pain just to see him. Id stand "up there" in the citadel with my arm around him and his around me, and it would be a moment I wish would never end. He shows me that I can still find that someone and all I have to do is be myself and i know this because we have virtually a lot in common: socially awkard, cynical, pessimistic, high expectations from family, mildly cocky in what I do best: sniping (how coincidental). If that wasnt enough, my fav color as a kid was blue, now blue is my secondary fav color while black is my primary fav... well what do you know? That is Garrus' armor colors in ME 1 and 2! Another coincidence. I can go on and on, but there will always be reasons why I cant help but think that Garrus was made for me as well as turians (Turians are based off of the evolution of birds with a hint of reptile, these are my fav animal types hence why I had many pet parrots and Argonians in Skyrim are my fav
But most of all, Garrus and turians are what made ME 3 for me... its the only thing stopping me from saying its a heap of disappointment.
I wanted to see female turians so bad and look how that turned out...I would love to be mated to a female turian (no way Garrus would want me sorry ass)...maybe even get lucky and find Solana... and have the bonus of having Garrus as the best brother I can have, while having an awesome female mate. Just the thought of being accepted...of belonging...
In the end, this is just a game, a make-believe universe. And this is what makes me punch concrete until my knuckles break. I feel like a loser. But if one thing is certain.. its that deep down.. im not human... I'm a turian...and I f*cking love turians especially my ultimate bro Garrus, I'd pop heat sinks with him anytime, til the end of time (double meaning :3 ) .
Thats how I know who I really am and Im not going to give a flying bosh'tet about anything or anyone that tries to say different...and I wont change for this f*cked up world.
I also want to say that I love all of you guys so much because you all understand me and my affinity for turians/Garrus. You all remind me that ill never be alone...NEVER. Thanks so much guys...really, thank you. Im very sure we will be able to reunite with Garrus in the coming weeks... I cant wait to see him again.
Im Ivan Vargus and im a turian...and proud....
For Palaven my brethren...

For Garrus...





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