147 réponses à ce sujet

[Joshd21]

http://social.biowar...ndex/6550121/13

I found the thread there. It seems it was closed by Stanely Woo, however I did create this post first, it was debated in great detail and now its simply a repeated process of the same thing with no actual result or expecting a solid answer simply getting responses.

[naughty99]

sucking up to a girl, being a pushover, doormat, indecisive, spineless =/= being nice

setting boundaries, showing initiative, being decisive, confident, assertive =/= being a jerk

Modifié par naughty99, 24 juin 2011 - 02:29 .

[lobi]

This universal generalisations of the posters in this thread are inherently based on an empirically false urban myth. Your arguments are invalid. D minus,

Modifié par lobi, 24 juin 2011 - 02:07 .

[naughty99]

Brodyaha wrote...

Girls go for the jerks because all the nice guys are cooped up inside their houses playing video games and generally being introverts ? insulting girls on Xbox?

Fixed 

[lyssalu]

i feel like all the guys who say this are unattractive (and think they're nice) and are bitter about not getting dates,

Modifié par lyssalu, 24 juin 2011 - 02:32 .

[syllogi]

"Nice Guys"

I wish I could have given this link to several guys I knew in high school and college.

Modifié par TeenZombie, 24 juin 2011 - 02:39 .

[KenKenpachi]

naughty99 wrote...

Brodyaha wrote...

Girls go for the jerks because all the nice guys are cooped up inside their houses playing video games and generally being introverts ? insulting girls on Xbox? and insulting everyone while screaming NOT NOW MOM!?

Fixed 

Nah now its fixed.

Modifié par KenKenpachi, 24 juin 2011 - 02:37 .

[Rokky94]

They go for jerks because the cake is a lie.

[slimgrin]

TeenZombie wrote...

"Nice Guys".

I wish I could have given this link to several guys I knew in high school and college.

Basically what I get from this article is that I can pretend to be an arrogant ass h*le, and that will work.

Modifié par slimgrin, 24 juin 2011 - 02:39 .

[syllogi]

slimgrin wrote...

TeenZombie wrote...

"Nice Guys".

I wish I could have given this link to several guys I knew in high school and college.

Basically what I get from this article is that I can pretend to be an arrogant ass h*le, and that will work.

I think the last paragraph sums up the sentiment very well, and it's not what you think it's about at all:

You don't have to be an ego-inflated, arrogant jerk. You just have to LIKE yourself. You have to know what you want out of life, and go after it. Only then will you be attractive to the kind of woman with whom a long-term relationship is possible.

Modifié par TeenZombie, 24 juin 2011 - 02:41 .

[slimgrin]

TeenZombie wrote...

slimgrin wrote...

TeenZombie wrote...

"Nice Guys".

I wish I could have given this link to several guys I knew in high school and college.

Basically what I get from this article is that I can pretend to be an arrogant ass h*le, and that will work.

I think the last paragraph sums up the sentiment very well, and it's not what you think it's about at all:

You don't have to be an ego-inflated, arrogant jerk. You just have to LIKE yourself. You have to know what you want out of life, and go after it. Only then will you be attractive to the kind of woman with whom a long-term relationship is possible.

I can get laid for acting on a first date. That's what it amounts to. Everyone has insecurities. Everyone. What women don't want to see is insecurity when they first meet a man, because that's when impressions count. So I act my way through it, like most guys do. And it works. They only find out about my insecurities later. 

[syllogi]

slimgrin wrote...

I can get laid for acting on a first date. That's what it amounts to. Everyone has insecurities. Everyone. What women don't want to see is insecurity when they first meet a man, because that's when impressions count. So I act my way through it, like most guys do. And it works. They only find out about my insecurities later. 

...And the women you meet who will fall for that act are not going to be the ones you really want to have a long term relationship with.  It's up to you.  You can work on becoming a better person in general, or go memorize pick up routines sold by some douchebag in a furry hat.  

There's nothing wrong with having insecurities, but it is indeed possible to have a healthy, mature relationship, if you are a healthy, mature person.  It's really that simple.

[Godak]

Alright, so, a quick summation...

Nothing is wrong with authentic nice guys.

However, if you are consumed by insecurity and fantasy, if you are putting on an act, if you think you're better just, ya know, BECAUSE...then, yes, we have a problem.

[slimgrin]

Godak wrote...

However, if you are consumed by insecurity and fantasy, if you are putting on an act, if you think you're better just, ya know, BECAUSE...then, yes, we have a problem.

In the long term.

[Boiny Bunny]

slimgrin wrote...

Rokky94 wrote...

It's weird. At a young age it seems as though the jerk gets all the girls, but as you get older, the nice guy seems to win.

Provided he has lots of money.

Potentially.  The way I look at it is like this.

Throughout life, but particularly at younger ages, men tend to be generally influenced by the physical aspects of their relationships a great deal more than women are.  I'm referring both to characteristics that are sought in a partner, and physical needs in a relationship.

On the other hand, whilst certainly not dismissing physical desires and needs, women tend to be more interested in an emotional connection, particularly as they grow older.

Neither 'jerks', nor 'nice guys who have no confidence' are capable of providing a deep emotional connection. 

At younger ages, this usually means that the 'jerks' will often end up with the girls, because they are the party with the willingness to push for what they want.  A 'jerk' will ask a girl out, things will be peachy for a short while, as they usually are in relationships, then the 'jerk' tendencies will emerge and the relationship will end, resulting in tears and many repetitions of 'all men are jerks'.

On the other hand, the 'nice guy' doesn't have the confidence to ask the girl out.  He just watches from afar and hopes that the girl he likes will notice him.  It would seem that, in most cases, this doesn't happen.

But as time goes on, high school is forgotten, people get jobs and go to university, expand their social network, become independent and responsible for themselves, living as adults, and before you know it 'nice guys who have no confidence' have all of a sudden become 'nice guys with some semblance of confidence', whilst the 'jerks' are, generally speaking, still 'jerks'.  This makes for a situation where the 'nice guys' have become more attractive than 'jerks' at a later point in life.

It's also worth mentioning that (though this is a sweeping generalisation, and as such, part of myself is cringing at writing it) it isn't uncommon for the 'nice guys with no confidence' to be more interested in academics throughout school than the 'jerks' - often leading to better jobs later on in life.

Whilst I'm sure money plays into it for some, I would like to think that it is only a shallow woman that would be interested in a man primarily because he is rich.  On the other hand, if he is intelligent, motivated, and good with people (potentially implying a moderate to high level of emotional intuition) - these are characteritics that a woman might look for in a man - that might also imply he is very well off.  But, it doesn't have to be the case that she is interested simply because he is well off.

Modifié par Boiny Bunny, 24 juin 2011 - 04:57 .

[Comrade Bork]

TeenZombie wrote...

"Nice Guys"

I wish I could have given this link to several guys I knew in high school and college.

Darnit, articles like this are depressing. The only thing is, since I've never been in a relationship, I don't know how I would really act. I do have a feeling that this probably very similar to what I would do. I also often misinterpret simple kindess/attention as being something more.

Thanks for the article, it reiterates a lot of points that I've read before. The only thing is, I've never been sure (indecisivness, lol) on how to become less insecure about myself.

[In Exile]

The most important thing is to not actively go out looking for relationships. Go about your life. Be yourself. Do stuff you like. You'll meet people of the opposite (or same) gender. The thing is, you'll always hit it off with people you have something in common with, and those are the people worth being in a relationship with.

Even if you're out to just have sex, it's better to go out with the mindset of having fun (drink, dance, play scrabble, whatever). Then you can be yourself, and someone who has fun the way you do will sometimes run into you.

If you don't reek of desperation, you'll be fine.

[Gunderic]

phantomdragoness wrote...

One of my friends put it this way:

"My boyfriend is a complete ass to other people, and I don't necessarilay like that. But he is sweet, romantic and respectful to me. So long as it stays that way, I'll stay with him. Plus, he knows I'll kick his ass if he should ever try anything."

I think the reason why girls like jerks is due to our primitive instincts - our "inner cave woman" still tells us what to do and what to seek out in a good mate. The men who are jerks now were the best hunters and leaders wayyyy back when the cavemen reigned; they are the ones who survived, and survival was the biggest priority. Whatever assured our survival, and the strength of the next generation, the woman had to choose the best "jerk". At least that's my theory.

It's so wonderful to come to the realization that the 'best' of our gene pool is descended from a long line of cave-jerks.