346 réponses à ce sujet

[darthnick427]

Garrus- Dude lets go get drunk and will you be my best man at my wedding? I'm also recommending you for the spectre's since you held off 3 different merc bands by yourself.

Liara and Tali - soooo who's open to a threesome? XD

Just Liara - I appreciate everything you did to bring me back but you could have passed around the news to the rest of the surviving Normandy crew that I was being brought back...just saying...

Just Tali- I feel like I need to say destroying the geth now is pointless when you know as much as I do that the geth want peace and just want the right to exist like any other race. Drop your pride, stop trying to kill them, and enter negotiations with them and you can live on your homeworld again without any casualties!

Jack -.......seriously put on a shirt and it's time to stop using the past as an excuse to push everyone away and to never let yourself be happy.

Miranda - Let's get this straight. GARRUS is my 2nd in command! You're sure as hell not running this ship if I die.

Legion - Okay it's time to get your ass to the Citadel and the Admiralty Board. Tell them the geth want peace and enter negotiations with the Quarians to return their home worlds if you guys just live in space stations.

Grunt - Wrex is a thousand times the krogan you'll ever be, even if you were designed to be perfect.

Wrex - Dude you are the might of the krogan race. They couldn't have a better advocate. Wrex Shepard.

Mordin - sooo i'm thinking you should probably start that genophage cure now...we'll need all the krogans we can get when the reapers arrive soo you probably shouldn't put that to the side.

Kasumi - Tell me what that Grey box says about the alliance when you discover it. and about your little crush..

Jacob - Sooo guess who got a thing for you? Kasumi now go get some dude. 

Ashley and Kaidan - Seriously? You're gonna call me a traitor. Seriously. First off i saved your ass. Second of all why would Garrus, Tali, and all these other aliens be helping me if it was just an evil Cerberus plot. Third of all Anderson has complete and utter trust in me and I already told him everything I was doing with Cerberus. Shouldn't you be filled in and trust me too? and lastly.........F*ck it...(pulls out pistol and shoots them in the foot) I honestly never liked you that much anyway. I saved you to save the STG team with you.

Zaeed - Dude. That sh*t you pulled on Zorya.. Not cool dude. Solve your personal revenge on your own time.

Samara - So.....If i have kids with Liara...since she is a pureblood like you...will they be Ardhat Yakshi too?

Joker: Not gonna lie dude. I'm a little pissed at you. I died because you were too damn stubborn to evacuate an exploding ship. I wouldn't have to work for Cerberus if you had just gone to your escape pod. But everything ended up working out for the best so i'm willing to look past it.

Illusive man - (After suicide mission) Let me make this clear you are the worst war criminal and terrorist in the galaxy. I did this mission to secure the lives of millions NOT to further Cerberus goals. I used you not the other way around and you have no right to question my methods. Giving you collector tech would cause more harm than good. And know this: as soon as the reaper threat is eliminated, I will devote my life to making sure you pay for all the lives you've ruined.

Aria - Don't f*ck with Aria? Do you know who I am? I've destroyed thousands of geth, killed Spectre's and an ancient AI warship while you sat on your ass in a bar. I've killed more Mercs and pirates than you can imagine and they are least of my achievments. Know your place pirate. Now we can get to business.

Anderson - Dude. You always have my back and I appretiate it. You are the wisdom behind the Council.

I love all these characters but i'd need to be harsh with a couple

Modifié par darthnick427, 02 août 2011 - 04:41 .

[PauseforEffect]

Hellbound555 wrote... wuts a virgin mary complex?

Kinda made up the name in reference to immaculate conception. I'm picking on Miranda's dad because he's got such an obsession with himself that he had a child with himself. No partner!

[Cypher0020]

This is made of win.... half these things I SO wish I could say

[AVPen]

Kaidan: "Or maybe you feel like you owe Cerberus because they saved you.... maybe you're the one not thinking straight.... maybe you just turned your back on everything we stood for...."

Shepard: "Or maybe you're just acting like a huge bosh'tet!"

Kaidan: 

------------------------------

To Miranda: "Are you really like some sort of leader in Cerberus? Cause just about everything you suggested during the Suicide Mission was wrong, wrong, wrong.... you sure that the Illusive Man isn't just some old pervert that likes staring at your butt?"

------------------------------

Shepard: "Garrus, you got a minute?"

Garrus: "Can it wait a bit, Shepard? I'm in the middle of some calibrations."

Shepard: ".... No. No, it ****ing can't, Garrus."

Garrus: ".... Crappppppp." 

------------------------------

To Ashley Williams: "If this Vega kid proves to be a better tank than you, you're out on your butt Williams."

To James Vega: "If I get my Perfect Krogan tank back, you're out on your muscled ass Vega."

To Grunt: "If it looks and moves like a Husk, you blow it's head clean off its freakin' body with that Claymore."

Modifié par AVPen, 02 août 2011 - 04:55 .

[PauseforEffect]

yes, YES! I love the jokes! Better than I guessed!
Oh and my own take on this one-
Aria: Don't F&%K with Aria
Shepard: Wasn't going to-oh wait, you mean don't make you angry....Whoops, too late!
and.....
Aria: Don't F&%K with Aria
Shepard: Because you have crabs?

[PauseforEffect]

*stares at Tali*
Tali: What?!
Shepard: If you sneeze, do you have to take your mask off to clean it? 'Cause that'd be pretty annoying if you had allergies and they get worse every time you had to clean the inside of your faceplate.
*later on the Alarei*
Shepard: Why not find someplace else to live?
Tali: The difference is between 60 to 600 years for us to adjust. For anyone alive now to see a sunset unmasked, we have to take the home planet back.
Shepard: Then take it back
Tali: We'd have to cannibalize our own ships!
Shepard: There is just no pleasing you, you know that?
(If Tali thought Garrus was annoying.....)

[darthnick427]

AVPen wrote...

------------------------------

To Ashley Williams: "If this Vega kid proves to be a better tank than you, you're out on your butt Williams."

To James Vega: "If I get my Perfect Krogan tank back, you're out on your muscled ass Vega."

To Grunt: "If it looks and moves like a Husk, you blow it's head clean off its freakin' body with that Claymore."

Amen dude. Amen haha

and let's hope Wrex and Grunt will be on your squad for one mission at least so I can say: " My squad is pure krogan. You should be in awe."

XD

[PauseforEffect]

Kasumi: We need to get a DNA sample from Hock's bedroom
Shepard: Oh hell no!!! I am not sleeping with him! Forget it Kasumi, you're on your own!
Kasumi: Uh Shep, we just need skin flakes, not.....
Shepard: Well damn it all to hell, Kasumi, you've seen how the James Bond Vids go, what did you expect me to think?!

[darthnick427]

PrimalEden wrote...

Kasumi: We need to get a DNA sample from Hock's bedroom
Shepard: Oh hell no!!! I am not sleeping with him! Forget it Kasumi, you're on your own!
Kasumi: Uh Shep, we just need skin flakes, not.....
Shepard: Well damn it all to hell, Kasumi, you've seen how the James Bond Vids go, what did you expect me to think?!

HAHAHAHAHA that was the best comment ever

[PauseforEffect]

And the last one for tonight:
*Shepard, Garrus and Thane on the Collector Base about to blow it to kingdom come until the Illusive Man chimes in*
Illusive Man: Shepard, think about all Cerberus has done for you! You-
Shepard: Garrus? Would you kindly extend your middle finger to the-wait, you've only got 3 fingers....ok Thane, please flip off this, no, no, wait, your hands aren't made for that either....hold on...just keep him online for a moment.
*flips the middle finger at the Illusive Man as she taps the final countdown for the explosive*

[Spanky Magoo]

tali: no I dont wanna hear about your immune system, No I dont wanna hear about the flotilla or the geth, jesus cant you go calibrate something.

[Drone223]

(Canon Manshep) Liara your a good friend and I owe you for bringing my back from the dead but keeping my amour and dogtags was very creepy also I'll remind you that I don't love you

Modifié par Drone223, 02 août 2011 - 06:06 .

[Fiery Phoenix]

Winner thread is winner

[silentassassin264]

Kasumi: You would look out of place in armor in a society party.
Shep: And you look out of place dressed as Darth Vader's sidekick. Would it kill you to dress up as my date?

[Rawles]

Siansonea II wrote...

To Ashley/Kaidan on Horizon:

“Look, I know this looks bad. If I were in your position, I’d wonder too. But this isn’t about Cerberus, and don’t let that distract you from what’s really going on here. If Cerberus thinks they’re using me to their own ends, fine, let them think that. But I’m doing the same thing to them. I am going to find out where the colonists went, I am going to find out why they’re abducting humans, and I WILL stop them. I know you can’t come with me, I respect you too much to even ask you to just cut ties with the Alliance. But talk to Tali, talk to the quarians we met on Freedom’s Progress, and above all, demand that Captain Anderson fill you in on what’s really going on. You’ll see that I’m only doing this because I don’t see any other alternative. And by all means, if you see any alternatives I’ve missed, let me know as soon as you can. Good luck.”

To Liara:

“Seriously, Liara, we’re not friends.” (only a couple of my Shepards would say that)

To Wrex:

“Can you just drop the macho badass posturing for five seconds?”

To Garrus:

“So, who do you want me to help you get revenge on today?”

To Tali:

“Look, I know you want to save your father’s legacy and all, but what about the people who died on the Alarei? What about the children who are now motherless or fatherless, because of what your father did? You said yourself that your people would hold Rael’Zorah up as an example of one of the worst war criminals in your people’s history. Doesn’t that mean your father IS a war criminal? Why does a war criminal get to die a hero? Why is your father’s reputation in death more important than your own citizenship in the Migrant Fleet? Face it Tali, you’re too emotional about this, and lying to the Admiralty about your father is NOT the right call here. Your father’s actions caused the deaths of everyone on this ship, because he thought he knew better than the Admiralty. Well, I guess he was wrong, wasn’t he. And he should face the music, even in death. Someday you’ll thank me for this Tali. Or you won’t. But I can’t just ignore that mother’s plea to her child on that recording. I can’t just sweep this under the rug because you miss your daddy.”

To Miranda:

“Seriously Miranda, enough with the posing. Can you try not to seduce me for just five seconds please?”

To Jacob:

“You know, you come off like some kind of paragon of goodness and heroism and all that, but let’s be real, Jacob. You work for Cerberus. So the next time you want to mouth off to somebody I’ve just recruited, keep it to yourself, Cowboy.”

To Mordin:

“I just wanted you to know Mordin, after what happened on Tuchanka, I really see you in a different light. I respect you Mordin, and you’re one of the most valuable members of my crew. In case you didn’t know it already, I’ll always have your back.”

To Jack:

“You know, Princess, F-bombs and tattoos don’t make you look more grown up and badass, if anything they make you look childish. I get that you had the worst childhood of all time, but grow up already. Or get off my ship. Your choice.”

To Grunt:

“I’m dropping you off on Tuchanka. I really don’t know what to make of you, and I’m not convinced you’re up for this.”

To Legion:

“I think I need to get you to Captain Anderson, from a diplomatic standpoint, your story needs to be heard. I’m sure you could galvanize most of the Council races on your behalf, if you tell them what you told me.”

To Kasumi:

“Keep the memories Kasumi, and if you do find out anything incriminating about the Alliance, you let me know. If they’re dealing in shady business, it will be brought to light. Otherwise I might as well be a true-blue Cerberus stooge. But if I really believe in what the Alliance stands for, that means they’re not above the law either. So I want to know.”

To Zaeed:

“You’re off my ship. You endangered the lives of everyone in this facility for your stupid revenge game. You have no regard for anything but your own agenda, and I do not need that on my team. Go find Vido on your own, and I hope this time, his aim is a little better.”

To Thane:

“Don’t call me Siha. You may call me Shepard when we’re just talking, but I’m not your siha.”

To Samara:

“I really struggle with the necessity of working with Cerberus, Samara. On the one hand, I understand that there aren’t a whole lot of options, and the cause is just. But there are so many horrible things that Cerberus has to answer for. What would you do in my place, Samara?”

To Morinth:

“Did you really think that would work?”

Flawless.

I also have a few Sheps who would have some choice words for Liara along the lines of:

"The next time your creepy obsession with me makes you want to cross every conceivable boundary and give my corpse to my sworn enemies so that they can violate it in ways completely beyond the pale in the course of their nightmarish project to resurrect me without my consent so that I can be their tool...

...don't do that.

Or at least have the courtesy to tell my actual lover about it if you're going to do it?!* Or to follow up at all?!

*and/or my mother"

Bonus: "Give me my effing dogtags!!1 My personal effects are not just decor options for that weird Shepard shrine you call your apartment."

Some of my Sheps want to take out a restraining order against Liara tbh.

[StellarMagic]

Liara: "You just can't wait to get under Tali's helmet!"
Shepard: *Points his thumb behind him at Tali as she looks pissed* "She's right there! Now, if you feel like I'm cheating on you remember one simple thing... I was DEAD FOR TWO YEARS, and you're chasing the Shadow Broker for Revenge over a drell I've never met and refused to help me save the galaxy again! Now, since you knew I'd be coming back what the hell went on between you and Feron anyway and why the hell didn't you have your schedule clear to help me out?"

Modifié par StellarMagic, 02 août 2011 - 07:40 .

[Made Nightwing]

Kaidan-You know, as much as Garrus got stuffed down my throat by the developers, you were my real bro.

Ashley-As much as Tali got force fed to me, with the sickeningly sweet romance dialgoue options, you were my first and best Love Interest. With you, I didn't feel like somebody taking advantage of a naive kid. It was an equal love between equals.

[GodWood]

jreezy wrote...
In what alternate universe did that happen in?<_<

One could argue those few seconds Joker dicked around trying to "save the Normandy" cost Shepard his life.

I'd blame Shepard myself.
What the **** was he doing wasting time staring at the collector beam instead of getting into the escape pod as fast as possible?

[100k]

PrimalEden wrote...

Grunt: Shepard
Shepard: ....*sigh* It's just not the same without Wrex saying it...

Garrus: Can it wait? I'm in the middle of some calibr-
Shepard: For the love of all I've shot Garrus! You have GOT to get a different pasttime!

Thane: Need something?
Shepard: The number to your tailor. I want a jacket like that!

*After MIranda explains how her father used only his own genetic code to make her*
Shepard: So you're telling me that your dad has a Virgin Mary complex? Ahahahaha! Oh, the psycologists will love this one-I mean, that's horrible, how could he do that?!

*After listening to Tali the first time she's settled on the Normandy since Haestrom*
Shepard: .....I swear this is the same conversation we had 2 years ago....Tali, no offense, but do you have any stories from your Pilgrimage or something that doesn't make you sound like a Flotilla wikipedia?

Samara: I have foresworn all worldly possessions, save for armor and some weapons
Shepard: Sooo, is that why you've resorted to crushing that merc's neck with your boot? Because you ran out of ammo and had no credits to pay for it? Man, that sucks being broke.

*To Ashley/Kaiden on Horizon*
Shepard: DOES THIS LOOK LIKE A HAPPY FACE OF CERBERUS?! *crazy eye twitch*

Jacob: Shepard, need something?
Shepard: Better dialogue. And a greeting that doesn't sound like harrassment.

Legion: Shepard Commander
Shepard: Legion trophy-bot!

*After Mordin's discussion on romantic health warnings*
Shepard: Alright, Alright Mordin! I'll stop bothering you!

Jack: Hey
Shepard: Soooo, do you ever get cold wearing that bra-strap?

And that's how Shepard would lose nearly every teammate's loyalty.
Or die. Whichever happens first.
Whoever's got a funnier line, I would love to read it

Miranda's one is priceless!

:lol::lol::happy::happy::lol:

[weedyfun]

To Jacob: "STFU and report to the airlock. IMMEDIATELY!"

To Jack: "Here, honey, have a toke of this right here. Might do you some good."

[100k]

Siansonea II wrote...

To Ashley/Kaidan on Horizon:

“Look, I know this looks bad. If I were in your position, I’d wonder too. But this isn’t about Cerberus, and don’t let that distract you from what’s really going on here. If Cerberus thinks they’re using me to their own ends, fine, let them think that. But I’m doing the same thing to them. I am going to find out where the colonists went, I am going to find out why they’re abducting humans, and I WILL stop them. I know you can’t come with me, I respect you too much to even ask you to just cut ties with the Alliance. But talk to Tali, talk to the quarians we met on Freedom’s Progress, and above all, demand that Captain Anderson fill you in on what’s really going on. You’ll see that I’m only doing this because I don’t see any other alternative. And by all means, if you see any alternatives I’ve missed, let me know as soon as you can. Good luck.”

To Liara:

“Seriously, Liara, we’re not friends.” (only a couple of my Shepards would say that)

To Wrex:

“Can you just drop the macho badass posturing for five seconds?”

To Garrus:

“So, who do you want me to help you get revenge on today?”

To Tali:

“Look, I know you want to save your father’s legacy and all, but what about the people who died on the Alarei? What about the children who are now motherless or fatherless, because of what your father did? You said yourself that your people would hold Rael’Zorah up as an example of one of the worst war criminals in your people’s history. Doesn’t that mean your father IS a war criminal? Why does a war criminal get to die a hero? Why is your father’s reputation in death more important than your own citizenship in the Migrant Fleet? Face it Tali, you’re too emotional about this, and lying to the Admiralty about your father is NOT the right call here. Your father’s actions caused the deaths of everyone on this ship, because he thought he knew better than the Admiralty. Well, I guess he was wrong, wasn’t he. And he should face the music, even in death. Someday you’ll thank me for this Tali. Or you won’t. But I can’t just ignore that mother’s plea to her child on that recording. I can’t just sweep this under the rug because you miss your daddy.”

To Miranda:

“Seriously Miranda, enough with the posing. Can you try not to seduce me for just five seconds please?”

To Jacob:

“You know, you come off like some kind of paragon of goodness and heroism and all that, but let’s be real, Jacob. You work for Cerberus. So the next time you want to mouth off to somebody I’ve just recruited, keep it to yourself, Cowboy.”

To Mordin:

“I just wanted you to know Mordin, after what happened on Tuchanka, I really see you in a different light. I respect you Mordin, and you’re one of the most valuable members of my crew. In case you didn’t know it already, I’ll always have your back.”

To Jack:

“You know, Princess, F-bombs and tattoos don’t make you look more grown up and badass, if anything they make you look childish. I get that you had the worst childhood of all time, but grow up already. Or get off my ship. Your choice.”

To Grunt:

“I’m dropping you off on Tuchanka. I really don’t know what to make of you, and I’m not convinced you’re up for this.”

To Legion:

“I think I need to get you to Captain Anderson, from a diplomatic standpoint, your story needs to be heard. I’m sure you could galvanize most of the Council races on your behalf, if you tell them what you told me.”

To Kasumi:

“Keep the memories Kasumi, and if you do find out anything incriminating about the Alliance, you let me know. If they’re dealing in shady business, it will be brought to light. Otherwise I might as well be a true-blue Cerberus stooge. But if I really believe in what the Alliance stands for, that means they’re not above the law either. So I want to know.”

To Zaeed:

“You’re off my ship. You endangered the lives of everyone in this facility for your stupid revenge game. You have no regard for anything but your own agenda, and I do not need that on my team. Go find Vido on your own, and I hope this time, his aim is a little better.”

To Thane:

“Don’t call me Siha. You may call me Shepard when we’re just talking, but I’m not your siha.”

To Samara:

“I really struggle with the necessity of working with Cerberus, Samara. On the one hand, I understand that there aren’t a whole lot of options, and the cause is just. But there are so many horrible things that Cerberus has to answer for. What would you do in my place, Samara?”

To Morinth:

“Did you really think that would work?”

Holy crap, someone's bitter as hell.
<_<<_<<_<:blush: