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[LolaLei]

I loved the idea one of the girls had about making a joint fan fic that we'd all contribute to. We should totally look into doing that!

As for Cullen becoming Knight-Commander, it's a strong possibility unless he gets in trouble for not catching Anders when he blew up the Chantry, especially if he let Hawke, Anders and co escape at the end (if you kept Anders alive.) So maybe he'll be kept under a watchful eye until he can redeem himself, perhaps by joining our new hero as a companion?

[Dunquixote]

Anyone have any suggestions how to describe Cullen's beard--with the physical appearance of it and color? To me, it's a beard, but not, since when I hear the word beard, I imagine it to be at minimum like Greagoir's beard.

[Jessihatt]

The epilogue excuse is not good enough  as you said, it was retconned. And when he's caged you have to empathise with him and why he feels like that, at that moment in time.

And Meredith has always been loopy, she watched her sister turn into an abomination and slaughter her neighbours. I don't see how someone so deeply scarred by what a mage can become and holds such disdain for them could raise so highly in the Templar ranks. Cullen seems to have come to terms with what happened in Ferelden and still sympathises with mages.
This said, I don't think Cullen would be able to stand up to Meredith without being killed or something.
He's clearly a nice guy which means a loyal companion.

Although thinking about it, he'd either be too shaken by the events in Kirkwall to stay or he'd feel obligated to rectify Meredith's mess.

I hope (for us) it was too similar to the Ferelden circle for him.
And after the events of Asunder, I think he would be a Templar who stayed loyal to the Chantry, which could also work in our favour as I have a feeling we might meet the Divine.

EDIT: @ R2s Muse, I hope he isn't a Seeker! They seem pretty dark and evil to me.
I think a Seeker and a Templar companion could work, if they were on opposing sides as it were.
I don't think he had much limelight in DA2, head scratcher for me too!

Modifié par CommanderJessica, 25 avril 2012 - 08:19 .

[R2s Muse]

Dunquixote wrote...

Edit: Lola: I admit, initially it made me sad and a bit disgusted with his view on mages, but the more I thought about it, the more I can sympathize and not blame him.  I thought his views seemed rather softened but not close to being his normal self, in DA 2.  He seemed less mentally instable though.   -squee- He's so hot!

Agree - although I think this is what makes him so interesting. He definitely has some prejudices... but I think they start to soften over time. Gotta love a guy who can change!

I'm attempting again after erasing my pitiful attempt in my new story to write a sex scene for the chapter after the prologue.<.< ick.  as much as I love him and let my mind wander about That with Him, I -shivers-  still feel my cheeks getting red with embarrassment as I try to write it.  Crisium does a much better job,.

I feel your pain, believe me! I've read advice that it's OK to stick what you're comfortable writing. It doesn't necessarily  have to be the hottest more explicit sex scene to still work for your story. Even a fade to black sex scene can be hot and romantic.

[LolaLei]

Stylised stubble?

[Dunquixote]

I want to describe it where you can visualize it; right now, I can't with how I'm wording it or that. I love his beard, that's all I know lol

[LolaLei]

Jessica: I reckon he'll get summoned to Orlais to discuss the Kirkwall events with the Divine or whoever is now in charge of the Templars. Since all the circles are gone now the Mages have rebelled he'd have no reason to stay in Kirkwall. He'd probably have to deal with groups of rogue Mages all over Thedas or hunt and kill them if he's joined with the rebel Templar movement. I'm 99% sure he'll be in DA3, I'm just not sure in what capacity they'll have him play a part.

[LolaLei]

A goatee? That's what we call that style of beard in England.

[R2s Muse]

CommanderJessica wrote...

I hope (for us) it was too similar to the Ferelden circle for him.
And after the events of Asunder, I think he would be a Templar who stayed loyal to the Chantry, which could also work in our favour as I have a feeling we might meet the Divine.

EDIT: @ R2s Muse, I hope he isn't a Seeker! They seem pretty dark and evil to me.
I think a Seeker and a Templar companion could work, if they were on opposing sides as it were.
I don't think he had much limelight in DA2, head scratcher for me too!

I totally agree with him being a Chantry loyalist, post-Asunder. This is sort of why I'm starting to think he could be a Seeker... I'm coming around to the notion of them not being all dark and evil, but just an elite templar corp. DG describes them as a sort of Internal Affairs for the templars, except that they're also above them in the chain of command.  Of course, if any one has read my story Knight's Bloom, there I took the "Seekers are dark and evil" idea and ran with it! LOL But I'm now toying with a "Cassandra is good after all" idea.

[Dunquixote]

yes! that's it. I thought a goatee was just the little stubble (the one stub of hair). Thanks!

R2: The other probably was how fast I went to the scene and the transition from "Good morning, love." I think now as I'm writing this attempt, it seems to be making a better transition. I hope I'm not making it too explicit, unless that doesn't even bother people.

[R2s Muse]

LolaLei wrote...

A goatee? That's what we call that style of beard in England.

This is what I'd call it. You could also describe it as stubble or a shadow.

[R2s Muse]

Dunquixote wrote...

yes! that's it. I thought a goatee was just the little stubble (the one stub of hair). Thanks!

R2: The other probably was how fast I went to the scene and the transition from "Good morning, love." I think now as I'm writing this attempt, it seems to be making a better transition. I hope I'm not making it too explicit, unless that doesn't even bother people.

Probably this, LOL. I'm sure you've already seen the steamier side of fanfic. My only point was that you don't need to go there if you don't want. Some folks look for the M rating, but people will also read it if it isn't totally explicit.

[Jessihatt]

Didn't the Lord Seeker break all Seekers away from the Chantry?
So unless he was a rogue Seeker.. well I think it's about time he got another promotion anyway!

I think Cassandra could start on the "evil" side and be swayed. I think she will be a companion and I can't wait to grill her on all her secret missions!

If he's just a cameo in DA3 it would be pretty sad really. I know everyone says that Thedas isn't that small and we should have a completely clean slate with characters but I dunno! If he's not got a large part it'll be like something's missing. He's got quite the role, being the highest ranking Templar alive in Kirkwall after what happened. He'd be pretty important in the war.

[Dunquixote]

How's this: "Alfidaiya watched him, taking in his handsome facial features, including his golden-brown, neatly trimmed goatee; her admiring and loving gaze fell upon his abdominal muscles. There simply was nothing about Cullen she did not find attractive or that she didn't love."

I don't know. I'm not quite satisfied with that. All of my descriptions sound that bland. :|

[LolaLei]

I think he'll at least have a cameo, he was an important part of DA2. I'm desperate to have him as a companion/love interest it's been 2 games already lol. I fear he'll be too old for a companion if he isn't made one in DA3.

[LolaLei]

I like it! Just add more descriptive words about Cullen's physical appearance if you feel it's too bland.

[SamaraDraven]

ladyshamen wrote...
Samara, I had to comment too! Now, I'm going to appear really stupid
here. How do you get the whole " so and so wrote.." thing in a box? Feel
free to laugh!

I'm not going to laugh, I promise. We all have to learn somehow. As the others have mentioned, clicking quote will add the stuff you want to quote automatically but the code for it is [ quote ] ladyshamen wrote...  XYZ [ / quote ]

Just take out the spaces and it works. I often highlight and copy the text I want to quote and then go to the bottom of the page for the full reply form and write the quote tags myself and paste the text I copied between them. This helps if someone made a long reply and you want to reference only a part of it. 

I hope this helps!

Modifié par SamaraDraven, 25 avril 2012 - 08:46 .

[Dunquixote]

How's this now: "Alfidaiya watched him, taking in his handsome facial features, including his golden-brown, neatly trimmed goatee and his hazel eyes that were always penetrating and carried a deeply contemplative expression; her admiring and loving gaze then fell upon his abdominal muscles. There simply was nothing about Cullen she did not find attractive or that she didn't love. " Is it better, worse, too long, too short? Does it need to be separated into multiple sentences?

[SamaraDraven]

Dunquixote wrote...

How's this: "Alfidaiya watched him, taking in his handsome facial features, including his golden-brown, neatly trimmed goatee; her admiring and loving gaze fell upon his abdominal muscles. There simply was nothing about Cullen she did not find attractive or that she didn't love."

I don't know. I'm not quite satisfied with that. All of my descriptions sound that bland. :|

I don't want to sound... critical... but I'm trying to help. Feel free to disregard me if you wish. I mean I'm kind of a descriptives junkie so I shouldn't really talk but in reading this, in my opinion, I think the descriptives kind of run together. Everything in that scene was... packed into one sentence and the descriptives of how she looked at him came after. I also think one adjective for her gaze would have been fine instead of two.  You could try breaking them up a bit. Mentioning her "admiring gaze" in the same sentence as "his handsome facial features" and then make a new sentence about his abdominal muscles and include another adjective or descriptive about how she regards those muscles.

You leave the fact that Cullen has nice abs to the beholder to impart by her reaction. So his torso is described simply as "abdominal muscles". You could try using a descriptive for his muscles. Like "the soft lines of his physique" or "her loving gaze passed over the rolling hills and valleys of his defined torso".

I dunno. Maybe that sounds corny, I guess. I'm not expert and I feel strange trying to offer advice but if you really want an honest opinion, I think mixing the descriptives of his form with the descriptives of how much she appreciates it will bring the scene to life a bit. Not that it isn't alive already! I just mean... more so.

Modifié par SamaraDraven, 25 avril 2012 - 09:01 .

[Dunquixote]

I need some critics. I only have seven reviews for my first one, so I could use all the help I can get.

Oooh!  I like that.  Mmm... I might eventually have to do some heavy editing on my first story.  

May I use some of those suggestions?  

Modifié par Dunquixote, 25 avril 2012 - 09:09 .

[SamaraDraven]

Dunquixote wrote...

I need some critics. I only have seven reviews for my first one, so I could use all the help I can get.

Oooh!  I like that.  Mmm... I might eventually have to do some heavy editing on my first story.  

May I use some of those suggestions?  

If I can help, I'm happy to do so. :happy: And go for it! Use any of the suggestions. I'm cool with it.

[Dunquixote]

Sweet thanks! Maybe I need to practice playing around with words more and with description.

[SamaraDraven]

Dunquixote wrote...

Sweet thanks! Maybe I need to practice playing around with words more and with description.

You're welcome. :happy: I think there's always room for improving descriptives and wordage.  No matter how good a writer is. I try to think of synonyms for things, like "hills and valleys" for muscles, for instance.

Asking yourself what something looks like, no matter how unrelated it is can give you a broader spectrum to describe things. For instance, I'll go with a kiss scene. I wanted to impart a sense of energy and eagerness. Somehow, I decided that a puppy bounding into a house to greet its owner was similar to the scene's "feel" so I wrote something like "Her lips parted and his tongue bounded inside to roll around in the flavors he found there."

Gah! Out of context that sounds so bad.... hehehe! But the scene was supposed to have a certain "feel" to it to impart the newness and joy of the budding relationship. But that's what I mean by using similar things that are unrelated to describe things. And it can just be a word, it doesn't need to be a theme. Just do whatever you fancy.

[LolaLei]

Samara, you're such a literary tease!

[R2s Muse]

CommanderJessica wrote...

Didn't the Lord Seeker break all Seekers away from the Chantry?
So unless he was a rogue Seeker.. well I think it's about time he got another promotion anyway!

This. Like Cassandra, who's both a Seeker but loyal to the Chantry. I mean, he could also just be a templar still loyal to the Chantry, but they seem too much like the rank and file stormtroopers for that to mean much. :shrug: