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Garrus Vakarian facts. Because they're that awesome


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77 réponses à ce sujet

#26
darthnick427

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Hyrule_Gal wrote...

The reaper battle will only be 10 minutes long in ME3 because Garrus spent most the last game secretly calibrating a reaper virus. That means the rest of the game will 30 + hours of having conversations with Garrus, you're welcome Shepard.


WIN!

#27
Pax of Doom

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Garrus can ingest.

And in honor of the hurricane outside my window:  There are no hurricanes, that's Garrus walking by.

#28
stysiaq

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I'll add some to the the thread:

The seekers get paralyzed if they sting Garrus Vakarian.

Garrus Vakarian wasn't knocked out by that table. He just needed some sleep, and when he saw the Shadow Broker he realised his assistance is unnecessary. Besides, that table was quite warm.

Garrus Vakarian invented the Cipher, but he didn’t tell anyone, so he could kill the Thorian.

Garrus Vakarian once studied the Keepers. After that, the Keepers developed a suicide mechanism based on destroying all internal organs with acid, just to protect them from such terrible experience happening again.

Garrus Vakarian composed the elevator music.

Some Tresher Maws were once tricked to come to a planet an SOS signal was transmited from. Some time after, a research team found them dead. It turned out, that they were all killed by Garrus Vakarian.

Garrus Vakarian judged Tela Vasir. She died in terrible pain.

Garrus is quite amazed with Thane, because he never managed to do a neck snap without ripping the head off.

#29
Thallia_CroGun

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Garrus can digest levo-amino food.

#30
darthnick427

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stysiaq wrote...

Garrus Vakarian invented the Cipher, but he didn’t tell anyone, so he could kill the Thorian.

Garrus Vakarian once studied the Keepers. After that, the Keepers developed a suicide mechanism based on destroying all internal organs with acid, just to protect them from such terrible experience happening again.

Garrus Vakarian judged Tela Vasir. She died in terrible pain.

Garrus is quite amazed with Thane, because he never managed to do a neck snap without ripping the head off.


These made me Lol very hard. Kudos sir, these are some fine jokes

#31
darthnick427

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stysiaq wrote...


Garrus Vakarian invented the Cipher, but he didn’t tell anyone, so he could kill the Thorian.

Garrus Vakarian once studied the Keepers. After that, the Keepers developed a suicide mechanism based on destroying all internal organs with acid, just to protect them from such terrible experience happening again.

Garrus Vakarian judged Tela Vasir. She died in terrible pain.

Garrus is quite amazed with Thane, because he never managed to do a neck snap without ripping the head off.


These are full of win. The one about ripping a head off, Lmao!

#32
darthnick427

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The Alpha Relay didn't explode because of the asteroid that was rammed into it. It exploded because Garrus Vakarian used Overload on it.

#33
comrade8472

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"Garrus Vakarian burns through the shields of Haestrom's sun."

the only one that I dislike.
How can a sun have shields?


Garrus Vakarian built a mass relay out of duct tape.

#34
Bcuz

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Garrus Vakarian taught Thane to necksnap Krogan.

Garrus Vakarian only holds a sniper rifle for the feel, the bullets are willed into existence.

If Garrus Vakarian died on your suicide mission, your save file is automatically deleted if you attempt to import it to ME3.

Garrus Vakarian doesn't do anything for a Klondike Bar.

Modifié par Bcuz, 28 août 2011 - 07:34 .


#35
JoeLaTurkey

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Garrus Vakarian makes the Old Spice guy feel inadequate

#36
darthnick427

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Bcuz wrote...

If Garrus Vakarian died on your suicide mission, your save file is automatically deleted if you attempt to import it to ME3. 


LOL!!!

#37
Longsword-83

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While pursuing a criminal on foot through the Citadel, Garrus fired a single shot from a Predator heavy pistol. Miraculously, the shot MISSED and the criminal managed to board a shuttle, laughing and taunting Garrus, as Garrus stood there, doing no more than staring the criminal down. As they made eye contact, the criminal felt all the life drain from him as he simultaneously soiled himself and vomited uncontrollably.




Two days later, the criminal died mysteriously while trying to hijack a freighter full of refugees. The cause of death was deemed a mass accelerator slug from a pistol-sized weapon to the head through the right eye, which had somehow managed to penetrate the bulkhead. Upon further inspection, the coroner discovered a message engraved upon the slug:

"Nice try. -Garrus"

Modifié par Longsword-83, 28 août 2011 - 11:50 .


#38
darthnick427

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Longsword-83 wrote...

While pursuing a criminal on foot through the Citadel, Garrus fired a single shot from a Predator heavy pistol. Miraculously, the shot MISSED and the criminal managed to board a shuttle, laughing and taunting Garrus, as Garrus stood there, doing no more than staring the criminal down. As they made eye contact, the criminal felt all the life drain from him as he simultaneously soiled himself and vomited uncontrollably.




Two days later, the criminal died mysteriously while trying to hijack a freighter full of refugees. The cause of death was deemed a mass accelerator slug from a pistol-sized weapon to the head through the right eye, which had somehow managed to penetrate the bulkhead. Upon further inspection, the coroner discovered a message engraved upon the slug:

"Nice try. -Garrus"


Best one this far

#39
Drone223

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The foam hand in Dead Space 2 and Mr Toots in Red Faction upon closer inspection have Garrus Vakarian's name on them as they are not toys but rather weapons that Garrus used to kill criminals and Mercs with 

#40
Longsword-83

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They say that his skin is at once harder than diamonds and yet softer to the touch than the fur of a puppy, and that his white blood cells are so powerful that they were used as the basis for the Krogan Genophage.

All we know is that his name is Garrus Vakarian.

#41
stysiaq

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darthnick427 wrote...

Longsword-83 wrote...

While pursuing a criminal on foot through the Citadel, Garrus fired a single shot from a Predator heavy pistol. Miraculously, the shot MISSED and the criminal managed to board a shuttle, laughing and taunting Garrus, as Garrus stood there, doing no more than staring the criminal down. As they made eye contact, the criminal felt all the life drain from him as he simultaneously soiled himself and vomited uncontrollably.




Two days later, the criminal died mysteriously while trying to hijack a freighter full of refugees. The cause of death was deemed a mass accelerator slug from a pistol-sized weapon to the head through the right eye, which had somehow managed to penetrate the bulkhead. Upon further inspection, the coroner discovered a message engraved upon the slug:

"Nice try. -Garrus"


Best one this far


nah, facts should be shorter (although that was still funny)

More facts!

- Garrus Vakarian has files on Shadow Broker.

- The Elcor don't prefix their dialog with emotive statement when speaking to Garrus Vakarian. The presence of Garrus Vakarian arouses dread only.

- In first years of his service, Garrus played "Who has more testicles" with a Krogan warlord and lost. Fortunately he won next two rounds, and round one of "Who is alive" a while after.

#42
Gokuthegrate

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darthnick427 wrote...

Longsword-83 wrote...

While pursuing a criminal on foot through the Citadel, Garrus fired a single shot from a Predator heavy pistol. Miraculously, the shot MISSED and the criminal managed to board a shuttle, laughing and taunting Garrus, as Garrus stood there, doing no more than staring the criminal down. As they made eye contact, the criminal felt all the life drain from him as he simultaneously soiled himself and vomited uncontrollably.




Two days later, the criminal died mysteriously while trying to hijack a freighter full of refugees. The cause of death was deemed a mass accelerator slug from a pistol-sized weapon to the head through the right eye, which had somehow managed to penetrate the bulkhead. Upon further inspection, the coroner discovered a message engraved upon the slug:

"Nice try. -Garrus"


Best one this far

A little long but one of my favorites.

#43
King Minos

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The genophage was actually Garrus who was orbitally dropped onto Tuchanka, naked, and punching every male Krogan in the balls, and then sleeping with every female.

#44
Longsword-83

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Kai Leng once killed six turians and a Krogan with a knife.

Not to be outdone, Garrus Vakarian smashed Kai Leng's head in with a toaster and beat him to death with his own skull. Seven times.


It is considered a great honor to have your home or business wrecked in a firefight involving Garrus Vakarian. It is considered an even greater honor to have your spouse receive the same treatment.

#45
Vicious407

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LMAO awesomePosted Image

#46
DarthSlim108

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If Garrus Vakarian "died" at the Collector base in ME2, you will start ME3 to find that Garrus has already defeated the Reapers with an army of Collector zombies.

Modifié par DarthSlim108, 30 août 2011 - 07:07 .


#47
stysiaq

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All Garrus' dialog options are Renegade interrupts. Garrus Vakarian's Renegade interrupts are headshots.

#48
Art3m

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Garus Vakarian is always is. As a Garrus Father, a Garrus Son and a Garrus Holy ghost.

#49
darthnick427

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haha there are so many golden Garrus jokes here! keep em coming!

#50
DarthSlim108

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Seal Team 6 infiltrated Osama Bin Laden's hideout and found him dead on the floor with a note that said "You're welcome. - Garrus Vakarian"

Before they hired the Old Spice Guy, Old Spice originally asked Garrus Vakarian to be in their commercials. Unfortunately, he was in the middle of some calibrations.

Rage is a hell of an anesthetic. It lets you survive a gunshot to the face. Being Garrus Vakarian is an even better anesthetic. It lets you survive a being blown up by a rocket.

Garrus Vakarian can tell Han Solo the odds.