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Shepardism: An In-Universe Religion (Group Added)

Débuté par Guest_iOnlySignIn_* , août 28 2011 04:48

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#1
Guest_iOnlySignIn_*
Posté 28 août 2011 - 04:48

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Official Group of the United Church of Shepardism

Theology: Monotheist, non-anthropomorphic God.

Divine Prophet: Commander Shepard, aka The Sword Shotgun of God.

Chosen People: Humanity.

Holy Scripture: The Deeds and Travels of Shepard-Commander, by St. Legion of Consensus.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Holy Lands:

1. The Citadel. Where Commander Shepard accepted the burden to become the Defender of the Galaxy.

2. Earth. The ancestral homeworld of Commander Shepard.

3. Alchera. Where Commander Shepard died, and was later resurrected by Cerberus the Divine Will of God.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Religious Holidays:

1. April 11th. Shepardmas, or the birthday of Commander Shepard.

2. June 6th. The day Commander Shepard was killed.

3. August 22nd. The day Commander Shepard was resurrected.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Clergy:

The United Church of Shepardism. Holy See: The Citadel

Pope: Conrad I of Verner, the Extreme

Archbishop of Thessia: St. Liara of T'Soni

Archbishop of Palaven: St. Garrus of Vakarian

Archbishop of Tuchunka: St. Grunt of Urdnot

Archbishop of Rannoch: St. Tali of Zorah

Archbishop of Earth: St. David of Anderson, the Baptist

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Ten Commandments of Shepardism:

1. Thou shall have no other Commanders except Commmander Shepard.

2. Thou shall not get yourself Indoctrinated, and worship the Reapers. Worshippers of Reapers shall get Cained.

3. Thou shall visit Commander Shepard's favorite store on the Citadel, at least once in thy lifetime, if thou art able.

4. Observe the Shepardmas and keep it holy, as the Shepard thy Commander commanded thou.

5. Poison not customers drinking at a bar, lest ye be poisoned.

6. Thou shall punch the reporter, and punch as hard as thou art able, for she doth ask for it and she shall deserve it.

7. Thou shall not take unnecessary risks, unless there beest a priiiiiiize of untold fortunes.

8. Thou shall not lightly dismiss claims simply because thou art an idiot.

9. Thou shall not covet thy neighbor's wife, unless thou hast to save thy fishes from dying.

10. Thou shall not steal, unless thou beest in dire need for credits to purchase upgrades.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Holy Relics

The Holy Grail: The thing in which more stuff goes. You shall put more stuff into it.

The Sacred Helm: Commander Shepard's old N7 helmet.

The Ark: The remains of Normandy SR1. A central place of worship in the holy land of Alchera. 

The Shroud: Shepard's old N7 armor. Currenty guarded by St. Legion of Consensus.

The Holy Lance: Shepard's old SPECTRE - Master Gear rifle. Replicas sold exclusively at C-Sec Academy, Citadel.


Posted Image

Modifié par iOnlySignIn, 28 août 2011 - 10:07 .

#2
Guest_greengoron89_*
Posté 28 août 2011 - 04:49

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I'm greengoron89, and this is my favorite post in Mass Effect 3 General Discussion.

#3
Shimmer_Gloom
Posté 28 août 2011 - 04:51

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Hah! I lol'ed.

Wait... I'm supposed to say something?

#4
crimzontearz
Posté 28 août 2011 - 04:53

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hehehe I lol'd

#5
Guest_HomelessGal_*
Posté 28 août 2011 - 04:54

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Isn't Shepard's sense of self-importance large enough already?

#6
crimzontearz
Posté 28 août 2011 - 04:55

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HomelessGal wrote...

Isn't Shepard's sense of self-importance large enough already?


it's never large enough.........

#7
Takio
Posté 28 août 2011 - 04:59

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The two divine paths are Paragon: Extreme Purity and Renegade: Extreme Sin. The path to Indoctrination is being neutral.

#8
Balek-Vriege
Posté 28 août 2011 - 05:00

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I have said this before and will say it again:  I vote for Shepard to become the Emprah, or Empress..  rah of Mankind.

Then we can purge some xenos.

Posted Image

I think it would be very possible in the Mass Effect universe for Shepard to become a Messiah in the Galaxy especially if he saves/unites many species.  Maybe in future Mass Effect games there will be Shepard "cults" which become a bit of a problem for Governments.

Modifié par Balek-Vriege, 28 août 2011 - 05:03 .

#9
Abirn
Posté 28 août 2011 - 05:01

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crimzontearz wrote...

HomelessGal wrote...

Isn't Shepard's sense of self-importance large enough already?


it's never large enough.........


That's what she said.

#10
crimzontearz
Posté 28 août 2011 - 05:04

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Abirn wrote...

crimzontearz wrote...

HomelessGal wrote...

Isn't Shepard's sense of self-importance large enough already?


it's never large enough.........


That's what she said.


I was waiting for someone to say that

#11
Takio
Posté 28 août 2011 - 05:15

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"Thou shall screw thine love interest after five conversations."

"Thou shall aspire to be a mighty badass in every facet of daily life."

"Thou shall inspire criminals to die for you, on a daily basis."

#12
Guest_greengoron89_*
Posté 28 août 2011 - 05:17

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"And if thou shalt find thyself in a fox hole, ye shall pray for salvation: for there be no atheists in a fox hole. Amen."

Modifié par greengoron89, 28 août 2011 - 05:18 .

#13
Guest_iOnlySignIn_*
Posté 28 août 2011 - 05:17

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The Ten Commandments of Shepardism:

1. Thou shall have no other Commanders except Commmander Shepard.

2. Thou shall not get yourself Indoctrinated, and worship the Reapers. Worshippers of Reapers shall get Cained.

3. Thou shall visit Commander Shepard's favorite store on the Citadel, at least once in thy lifetime, if thou art able.

4. Observe the Shepardmas and keep it holy, as the Shepard thy Commander commanded thou.

5. Thou shall not poison customers drinking at a bar.

6. Thou shall punch the reporter, and punch as hard as thou art able, for she doth ask for it and she shall deserve it.

7. Thou shall not take unnecessary risks, unless there is a priiiiiiize.

8. Thou shall not lightly dismiss claims simply because thou art an idiot.

9. Thou shall not covet thy neighbor's wife, unless thou hast to save thy fish from dying.

10. Thou shall not steal, unless thou beest in dire need for credits to buy upgrades.

#14
Destroy Raiden_
Posté 28 août 2011 - 05:23

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Sorry if I get a cult for my shep in 3 I"m ordering them disband shep is no god nor should he strive to be one.

#15
Takio
Posté 28 août 2011 - 05:24

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"If thou find themselves in direct conflict with the Divine Commander Shepard, thou shall surrender or suffer perforation."

#16
crimzontearz
Posté 28 août 2011 - 05:26

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WWSD

#17
Pockles
Posté 28 août 2011 - 05:26

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lol.

#18
Sundance31us
Posté 28 août 2011 - 05:30

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Has someone come up with a feeding of the fish parable?

#19
Guest_greengoron89_*
Posté 28 août 2011 - 05:36

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Sundance31us wrote...

Has someone come up with a feeding of the fish parable?


"And so I liken the worship of the Lord thy Shepard unto the feeding of thine fish: for if ye shall take time to feed thine fish between missions, thine fish shall be pleased, and ye shall be rewarded. But verily I say unto thee, if thou dost not feed thine fish, and thine fish should perish, then ye shall fall out of favor with the Lord thy Shepard, and ye shall surely be cast out into Dark Space for all of eternity."

Modifié par greengoron89, 28 août 2011 - 06:24 .

#20
Takio
Posté 28 août 2011 - 05:39

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"Thou shall also keep Commander Shepard's favored animals, the Hamster and the Varren, in their household. But should thou suffer either the Pyjack or the Shifty Cow, thou shall suffer indoctrination by the Reapers."

#21
LGTX
Posté 28 août 2011 - 05:43

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"Thou can run like a leopard, fight like a krogan..."

#22
Takio
Posté 28 août 2011 - 05:44

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"But thou shall never aspire to be better than the Divine Commander Shepard, that path shall lead thou to Dark Space, like the most tragic Saren Arterius."

#23
Guest_greengoron89_*
Posté 28 août 2011 - 05:50

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"And so the heathen Saren Arterius did attempt to destroy the Lord thy Shepard, and spoke curses unto Him: for he had been indoctrinated by the Reaper Sovereign, who did assume direct control over his form, and thus became an abomination unto the Lord thy Shepard. And the Lord thy Shepard's vengeance was swift as He smote the heathen Saren Arterius with His righteous might, and His armies did smite the Reaper Sovereign, destroying it: and so the first great victory of the Lord thy Shepard did come to pass."

EDIT: Sorry, I got some of my Dragon Age in my Mass Effect. I fixed it - I hope the Lord thy Shepard doesn't punish me too harshly.

Modifié par greengoron89, 28 août 2011 - 06:25 .

#24
warriorN7
Posté 28 août 2011 - 05:55

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and on the 7th day shepard did give onto to garrus calibrations that would never be calibrated

#25
roflchoppaz
Posté 28 août 2011 - 05:59

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Posted Image

Brilliant, OP. I approve.
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