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Shepardism: An In-Universe Religion (Group Added)

Débuté par Guest_iOnlySignIn_* , août 28 2011 04:48

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#26
Guest_iOnlySignIn_*
Posté 28 août 2011 - 06:05

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Psalm 69

A psalm of Miranda.

The Lord is Shepard, I shall not want.

He maketh me lie down in clean engine rooms: He leadeth me beside the control panels.

He restoreth me with medigel: he puteth me in hopeless situations about twice a day.

Yea, though I walk through the derelict Reaper filled with Husks and Scions, I will fear no evil: for thou art the squad leader; thy Revenant and thy Widow they cover me.

Modifié par iOnlySignIn, 28 août 2011 - 06:49 .

#27
Phaedon
Posté 28 août 2011 - 06:12

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Why are all of the Archbishops saints?

I approve of this religion and will suggest everyone in my community to convert immediately to it.

#28
roflchoppaz
Posté 28 août 2011 - 06:15

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Phaedon wrote...

Why are all of the Archbishops saints?

I approve of this religion and will suggest everyone in my community to convert immediately to it.


I.. I can't choose betweed Shepardism and Pastafarianism. This is so terrible! Oh, the true deity! Please show me the way!

#29
Phaedon
Posté 28 août 2011 - 06:17

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I thought that you had recently converted to Mordecaism?

#30
Guest_greengoron89_*
Posté 28 août 2011 - 06:18

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"And so the human Reaper was slain, and the Collectors vanquished by the Lord thy Shepard and His Twelve Disciples. And when it was done, the Illusive Man did speak: give unto me the Collector Base, and all of humanity shall benefit from the fruits of the Collectors' labors."

"But when the Lord thy Shepard spoke, He said, Nay, this Base be an abomination unto the Lord thy Shepard, and must be destroyed. And so did the Lord thy Shepard cut off the Illusive Man's signal, and so did He rain down a righteous fire upon the Collector Base, destroying it forever."

"And when the Lord thy Shepard looked back on the destruction He had wrought, He saw that it was good."

Modifié par greengoron89, 28 août 2011 - 06:27 .

#31
roflchoppaz
Posté 28 août 2011 - 06:19

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No, not really. :?

#32
Ghost Warrior
Posté 28 août 2011 - 06:22

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Awesome post OP. I think I became Shepardist or whatever you call it.

#33
Guest_iOnlySignIn_*
Posté 28 août 2011 - 06:37

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Phaedon wrote...

Why are all of the Archbishops saints?

Because they are all among the original Twelve Apostles of the Lord Shepard. Except St. David the Baptist of Anderson.

Modifié par iOnlySignIn, 28 août 2011 - 06:39 .

#34
Swordfish56
Posté 28 août 2011 - 06:38

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Our Shepard, on the Normandy
Hallowed be thy name
The SR-2 come
Your will be done
In Terminus as it is in Council Space
Give us this day our medi-gel
And forgive us our docking fees
As we forgive the VS
And lead us not into indoctrination
but deliver us from the Reapers

For yours is the Widow
the Revenant, and the Claymore,
for ever and ever.
Amen

#35
kill_switch_423
Posté 28 août 2011 - 06:44

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"And on the last day, Shepard spoketh simply: 'I Should Go.'"

#36
SynheKatze
Posté 28 août 2011 - 06:48

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This post should be stickied.

#37
Ghost Warrior
Posté 28 août 2011 - 06:51

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This thread is just full of win

#38
Chewin
Posté 28 août 2011 - 06:57

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And then Chewin3 came to this thread, and saw that it was...boring. Canticle of Chewin3, stanza one, verse one."

#39
darthnick427
Posté 28 août 2011 - 07:06

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This is the most Win thread ever

#40
CroGamer002
Posté 28 août 2011 - 07:06

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"Thread is full of win, Mario Shepard approves" Gospel According to Mesina2, stanza five, verse two.

Modifié par Mesina2, 28 août 2011 - 07:07 .

#41
Guest_greengoron89_*
Posté 28 août 2011 - 07:06

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"And so it came to pass that the Lord thy Shepard at last returned to His sacred homeland of Earth to bring salvation unto His people, who prayed unto Him as they hid in their fox holes from the Reapers' wrath."

"And the Reapers looked, and beheld a stealth ship: and his name that sat within it was Joker, and Turian, Salarian, Quarian, Asari, Krogan, Geth, and Drell followed with him."

Modifié par greengoron89, 28 août 2011 - 07:11 .

#42
Saber Wolf
Posté 28 août 2011 - 07:10

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Chewin3 wrote...

And then Chewin3 came to this thread, and saw that it was...boring. Canticle of Chewin3, stanza one, verse one."


The living bible of Chewin3?:wizard:

#43
Bozorgmehr 2.0
Posté 28 août 2011 - 07:15

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Are there any rituals required to convert to Shepardism?

And what about an inquisitorial squad? Shepardism needs someone to inquire on heretical perversity after all (Inquisitio Haereticae Pravitatis). Perhaps Morinth's Ardat-Yakshi skills are useful to suppress heresy ;)

#44
Reikenji
Posté 28 août 2011 - 07:20

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To be blessed by thy Lord our Shepard, thou must survive for 5 standard minutes, or slay a Thresher Maw on foot with up to two of thy bravest companions. 

#45
Guest_iOnlySignIn_*
Posté 28 août 2011 - 07:24

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Bozorgmehr 2.0 wrote...

Are there any rituals required to convert to Shepardism?

Simple. Attack a single Batarian with any weapon of your choice. We don't want it to be too restrictive.

There are no dietary restrictions either. You can eat pork, shellfish, varren skewers with Tuchanka sauce, whatever you like. :-)

And what about an inquisitorial squad? Shepardism needs someone to inquire on heretical perversity after all (Inquisitio Haereticae Pravitatis). Perhaps Morinth's Ardat-Yakshi skills are useful to suppress heresy ;)

Pope Conrad I the Extreme takes heresies very seriously. There are an undisclosed number of inquisitors monitoring the entire galactic population. Inquisitors are mainly recruited from STG Operatives, Asari Commandos, and N7 Agents. Sister Morinth is indeed a top enforcer of Pope Conrad, although her current location and assignment is unknown. 

Modifié par iOnlySignIn, 28 août 2011 - 07:43 .

#46
Guest_iOnlySignIn_*
Posté 28 août 2011 - 07:38

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Holy Relics

The Holy Grail: The thing in which more stuff goes. You shall put more stuff into it.

The Sacred Helm: Commander Shepard's old N7 helmet.

The Ark: The remains of Normandy SR1. A central place of worship in the holy land of Alchera.

The Shroud: Shepard's old N7 armor. Currenty guarded by St. Legion of Consensus.

The Holy Lance: Shepard's old SPECTRE - Master Gear rifle. Replicas sold exclusively at C-Sec Academy, Citadel.

Modifié par iOnlySignIn, 28 août 2011 - 07:39 .

#47
Gterror
Posté 28 août 2011 - 07:41

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"And for once The Almighty Shepard, the god which even newborns shall see as the first thing when they open their eyes, accepted a bold and worthy challenge against Blasto The Friendly Pimp, to the battle of the millenium : The Pimpster Ride.But watch out, a wild challenger appears, the glorious Pope(aka Truly Extreme)Conrad Verner.The Pope wanted to take part of the Glorious Pimpster Ride as proclamed Number ONE fan of the Space Hamster.After bloody and exhausting 4 days of ride, the Winner was The Almighty Shepard and Second The Pope Conrad Verner, still raging that He let down the Space Hamster, retreated to his fortress to plow ungodly revenge against The One Called:The Almighty Shepard."
But Fear Not, said The Almighty Shepard, Soon All Will  Comprehend the Awesomeness of the Person, Who Created this Thread"

Modifié par Gterror, 28 août 2011 - 08:12 .

#48
Guest_greengoron89_*
Posté 28 août 2011 - 08:02

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"And as the Lord thy Shepard gazed out upon the Reaper fleet, He turned to His congregation and did yelleth, ENEMIES EVERYWHERE!"

"And then the Lord thy Shepard turned and did commandeth His army, GO! GO! GO!"

"And when His army at last went forth to do battle with the Reapers, Shepard turned to the Reaper fleet and did shouteth, I WILL DESTROY YOU!"

"And so began the great battle of our time, Reapergeddon: and St. Ashley of Williams did sayeth, Finally, some action!"

Modifié par greengoron89, 28 août 2011 - 08:07 .

#49
Valdrane78
Posté 28 août 2011 - 08:06

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HomelessGal wrote...

Isn't Shepard's sense of self-importance large enough already?


He's earned it, saving humanity and the universe what twice now, soon to be a 3rd time.

#50
BatmanPWNS
Posté 28 août 2011 - 08:07

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Who say's he'll live long enough to make a religion.
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