I have played many video games, read many books, watched many movies, seen many plays, and heard many songs in my life. I have imagined myself playing the roles of many characters like Commander Shepard taking the battle to the Reapers from Bioware's own Mass Effect series or a soldier under John Connor's command fighting Skynet in the War Against the Machines. I have even invested many hours reading fanfiction of works of art that struck chords in me. However, across all those media, I have never been significantly attracted (and not just in a physical way) to any character.
Since I had never become attracted to any character, I was pretty sure Dragon Age 2 would be more or less like Dragon Age: Origins when I started playing the game. I enjoyed the story of Dragon Age: Origins that had my Grey Warden alter-ego saving Ferelden, but I did not find any characters particularly attractive and was able to view them all as simply (this term is not meant to be derogatory) valuable members of my battle(mage) team. Even the romance scenes did not affect me: I remember I had somebody as a LI, but I couldn't even remember anything about him or her without loading one of my saves from the game. However, I do remember that all of my teammates - even my LI - from Dragon Age: Origins knew and accepted that the mission would be first and foremost in priority. All of my teammates had no trouble accepting their roles as battle-hardened soldiers and even enjoyed fighting. IRL, for as long as I can remember, I have been taught (and I believe) that, when all is said and done, combat is a soldier's job. Anybody who wants a place on my team must be a soldier who voluntarily and willingly wants that place.
I like that Bioware put the option to have a romance in, and I also like that Bioware made sure that the companions understood and agreed wholeheartedly that they were combatants first and everything else second. I enjoyed leading a group of fighters into the fight knowing that - whether for the same reasons as my alter-ego or otherwise - at the least they all truly wanted to fight. Seeing as how they all wanted to be soldiers, I was able to view them as aggregations of abilities, attributes, and tactics rather than people, which is how I would prefer to view my squad in any action-type game, whether RPG or shooter.
I have no problem with my teammates disagreeing with decision I make or actions I take as, but I do want them to want to be soldiers. I love the Mass Effect series even more so than the Dragon Age series, and I liked that everyone on my (100% paragon) Shepard alter-ego's team wanted to be there fighting alongside him (even if they were there just because they enjoyed combat - Grunt and Zaeed I'm looking at you).
However, IRL (and in-game) I have a really soft side for anybody forced into violence and bloodshed that a significant part of them wants nothing to do with. Having played many of Bioware's games and RPGs in general (Baldur's Gate and Baldur's Gate 2, Diablo and Diablo 2, KOTOR and KOTOR 2, Final Fantasy 12, etc.), I was completely unsuspecting of and stunned at how vulnerable I would prove to be to the plight of one of the characters in Dragon Age 2. I was also stunned to find how far I would go to try to help this character. I found myself trying my best to help the character learn and accept that there were options for him besides killing. I was so desperate to help him accept the part of him that wanted no more killing and death that I sacrificed the efficiency and effectiveness of my battle team just so I could pretend that I was helping him build his sense of self (including boosting his confidence and feelings of self-worthiness), learn to overcome cynicism, and learn to trust others who proved themselves trustworthy. I wanted more than anything to help him accept the positive and happy soul within. Unfortunately, I can'treally say that I've achieved anything, because Dragon Age is not a type of
game where you can really help companions make changes like those. Dragon Age is a combat-heavy action-RPG game where you are supposed to have fun killing as many things as possible.
However, after meeting this companion and learning of his backstory, I couldn't bring myself to see him as nothing more than an aggregation of numbers. As a result, I now have a companion whom I ordered to kill as few enemies as possible. I ordered him to focus on learning defensive abilities and boosting other party members with sustained abilities in the hopes that he will come around to trusting my Hawke alter-ego and knowing that he will never ever be alone in the world. (For this reason, I couldn't bring myself to leave him at home either, because "home" for him is a desolate, deserted, and depressing mansion filled with memories of his past as a slave that will quite possibly reinforce his view that he is alone in the world more and more every second he stays there.) Yes, he is rude, uncouth, frequently suddenly angry, and broody, but after learning his backstory, my Hawke (and me) saw the paragon of humanity in his soul and vowed to do everything to help him despite having to hear his constant hurtful tough guy and bad boy responses while getting shoved and punched often. My Hawke sustained (pun intended) an abusive relationship with this companion, even going against my Hawke's values (and mine, IRL) and letting him freely shower derogatory responses whenever my Hawke spoke to him. My Hawke never said a snarky or aggressive word back, but I fear it will take much more to get thecompanion to break down the walls he built around himself that won't allow him to even acknowledge his good self at times. Much more than the game will ever allow me to do.
Thus, since I cannot do any more for the companion in the game, I have dedicated the following piece of fanfiction to the companion who has caused me to fall completely in love with him. I am writing this solely for me, because I couldn't live with myself for not at least trying to show him that both my Hawke and I would sacrifice our souls to ensure that he no longer has to fight, run, and live in constant worry. I do not care how sentimental this piece sounds, nor do I care if it falls completely outside the established canon of Thedas. I do not even care that I may have gotten major parts of the companion wrong. I see the goodness in him, and I want to write something to show that I believe he can change.
Who is the companion? Fenris
P.S. Yes, I know that, having never really written anything before, this will probably suck. All I can say is, "I'm sorry,
Fenris. I tried my best. Please don't hate me. I can't make you love me, and I would never ever try to force you to, but I can plead for your understanding and affection.”
*****
Quest - Taking Fenris to frolic
[Sundermount, between Acts 2 and 3]
(Suggested audio: Across the Stars: Love theme from "Star Wars Episode II Attack of the Clones")
Fenris: Hawke, I enjoy following you, but why are we here?
Hawke: You told me after our night together that you wanted to be happy.
Fenris: ...
Hawke: I made a promise to myself after you left, that I would do
everything I could to help you to be happy.
Fenris: ...
Fenris: I don't need your help.
Hawke: And I'm not forcing it on you.
Fenris, I couldn't even if I was willing.
Fenris: ...
Fenris: Okay.
Hawke: All I'm asking is for you to give me a chance.
Fenris: ...
Fenris: Okay.
Hawke: I brought you here to Sundermount because I know there is a part of you that still wants to be happy.
Fenris: ...
Hawke: Can you still feel that part of you?
Fenris: No, I can't. I thought killing Hadriana would bring me happiness, but like I said, all I feel is disquiet.
Hawke: That's okay. How about joining me for a run through the meadow?
Fenris: ...
Fenris: I have said that I'll remain at your side, so okay.
[The two start to jog]
Hawke: Would it make you uncomfortable to hold my hand?
Fenris: ...
Fenris: Yes. But if you want, I'll do it.
[The two jog through the meadow holding hands]
Fenris: ...
Fenris: Wait, something is happening. I remember ...
[Fenris stops and stares blankly ahead with a surprised expression]
!!! E M B R A C E E T E R N I T Y !!!
[Fenris takes a minute to regain his composure after some memories resurfaced]
Fenris: Hawke.
Fenris: I'm sorry.
Hawke: Fenris, don't apologize.
Fenris: I'm sorry for placing my burdens on you.
Hawke: ...
Hawke: Fenris, I love you.
[Fenris turns and stares at Hawke]
Fenris: I enjoy following you.
Hawke: Please, let me finish.
Fenris, I love you. I want to help you.
Fenris: ...
Hawke: I want to help you live a different life.
Fenris: ...
Hawke: A life that has you free from killing, violence, fear, and worry.
Hawke: A life where your hate no longer controls you, and you can finally be truly free.
Fenris: ...
Fenris: Hawke ... I ...
Fenris: I need some time to think about what you said.
Hawke: Please, Fenris, don't go.
Fenris: I need to be alone.
Hawke: ...
[Fenris abruptly glows with lyrium]
Fenris: I remembered everything for a moment. I remembered playing with my sister and frolicking in the gardens.
Fenris: I remembered it all and then lost it all again just as fast.
[Fenris tries to be angry and spits away from Hawke]
Fenris: Denarius took everything away from me.
Fenris: ...
Fenris: I need to be alone.
Hawke: Please, Fenris, stay with me here in the meadow for a little longer.
[Fenris's glow fades]
Fenris: Okay. But only because I remembered being happy as a child playing in the gardens.
Fenris: ...
Fenris: Hawke, I care for you.
Hawke: ...
[A tear rolls slowly down Hawke's face]
Hawke: I can't believe you said that. All my effort was not in vain.
Fenris: Hawke, I knew you cared for me for a long time, but I did not have the strength to acknowledge it. I'm
sor-
[Hawke interrupts abruptly]
Hawke: DON'T APOLOGIZE. ... I wouldn't have wanted you any other way.
Fenris: Okay.
{Fenris reaches for and grabs Hawke's hand]
Fenris: I am yours.
Quest - Alone
[Fenris's mansion, the night before he is going to meet Varania]
(Suggested audio: the piano version featured in the love scene of "The Terminator" movie)
[Fenris and Hawke are both sitting in Fenris's favorite room]
Fenris: I need you, Hawke.
[It is obvious that Fenris is having a really bad day, but Fenris is taking it more calmly ever since the day on Sundermount]
Fenris: I need you to go with me to see my sister tomorrow.
Hawke: ...
Hawke: You don't need to ask.
Hawke: I would do anything for you.
Hawke: I need you too, Fenris.
Hawke: Ever since my mother ... and Bethany ... Carver ...
[A tear rolls slowly down Hawke's face; it is obvious that he has had a hard life]
Hawke: I would do anything for you.
Fenris: Hawke ...
[Fenris moves to sit closer to Hawke so he can touch Hawke's hand]
Fenris: Hawke ...
[Fenris caresses Hawke's hand, with hesitation at first; it is obvious that he is not used to touching other people with his hands]
Hawke: I love you so much, Fenris. I would do anything for you, even ...
[Hawke trails off and Fenris looks at him curiously]
Hawke: Even die for you.
Fenris: Hawke ...
[Hawke pulls Fenris close and gently leans back so he is lying down]
Fenris: Hawke ... no ...
Fenris: I'm not ready.
Hawke: Me neither.
[Hawke pulls Fenris so that he is lying next to him while making sure to avoid any type of sexual position]
Hawke: All I want is to be able to lie next to you for awhile.
[The two lie next to each other and fall asleep]
Quest - Alone
[The Hanged Man, at the conclusion of the battle with Denarius]
(Suggested audio: the theme to the film "The Rock")
Fenris: DENARIUS! NOW YOU DIE!
[Fenris glows with intense hatred, drops his sword on the ground, and walks over to Denarius and lifts him up by the neck effortlessly]
[Hawke remains silent]
[Fenris turns and looks at Hawke]
[Hawke looks back at him but remains silent and still]
[Fenris turns and looks at Denarius]
Fenris: For the past nine years, I have let my hatred of you take me over.
Fenris: For a long, long time, all I could think of was how I would kill you today.
Denarius: ...
Fenris: ...
Fenris: Were it not for the Champion of Kirkwall, I would have killed you already.
Fenris: But he helped me find a part of me that I thought was gone forever.
Fenris: Unlike you, Denarius, I will not succumb to rage and hate.
Fenris: ...
Fenris: I won't kill you, but I will do this.
[Fenris punches him in the face with his free arm and then throws Denarius to the floor as hard he can; multiple cracking sounds are heard as Denarius's bones snap like twigs]
Fenris: And this.
[Fenris kicks him in the chest]
Fenris: Goodbye, Denarius. The next time I see your face, I'll rip it off.
[Fenris storms out of the Hanged Man pub]
[Hawke motions to Bethany, Merrill, Anders, Varric, Sebastian, and Aveline]
Aveline: Denarius, slavery is illegal in the Free Marches. I hereby place you under arrest.
[Everyone leaves the Hanged Man; Aveline drags an immobilized Denarius to waiting guardsmen]
Quest - Alone
[Later that night, at an unspecified location hidden from prying eyes]
(Suggested audio: Fenris's theme)
Hawke: Now Varric, you're sure that this location is safe?
Varric: As safe as any to be found in Kirkwall. Otherwise, I can't say.
Hawke: Okay.
Hawke: And Bethany, is Fenris still at the Hawke estate?
Bethany: He was and sleeping like Dog next to Dog when I left.
[Unbeknownst to all involved, Fenris had noticed first Hawke and then Bethany leave after staring at him as he pretended to be asleep and had followed her and climbed his way to a roof above, observing the gathering]
Hawke: Okay, good. I don't want him to ever know what happens here. I never want to see him hurt.
[Fenris's ears pricked up and he observed Hawke even more closely]
Hawke: Bring out the prisoner.
[Aveline has a guard bring out somebody dressed in prisoner garb with a sack over his or her head]
Hawke: Unwrap him.
[Aveline grabs the sack and pulls it off the prisoner's head, revealing the prisoner to be Denarius]
Hawke: Okay, Mr. magister - and I do say that with mocking and scorn - here's how this is going to work.
Hawke: I am sure you never intend to give up Fenris. Never. Which is why I'm doing this.
Hawke: Not because of Fenris. This is personal. This is for me.
Hawke: Because of you, I had to make an enormous sacrifice. If Fenris knew, I don't know if he would be
able to forgive me or not.
[Fenris's ears pricked up even more and he almost gave away his presence by starting to say "Hawke"]
Hawke: Because of you ... ready Merrill?
[Merrill walks toward Denarius and produces a dagger]
Merrill: Ready
Hawke: Ready Varric?
[Varric grabs Denarius's head and pulls it backward, exposing his neck. He loads a bolt into Bianca and
aims her squarely at the base of Denarius's neck]
Hawke: Ready Aveline?
[Aveline takes out her longsword and places the sharp edge directly on the front of Denarius's neck]
Hawke: Ready Sebastian?
[Sebastian aims his bow at Denarius's head]
[Hawke pauses and then looks at Bethany]
Hawke: Ready Bethany?
Bethany: As ready as I ever will be.
[Hawke looks around at the party and abruptly cries out with a voice of deep anguish and passion]
Hawke: FENRIS! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF. I LOVE YOU MORE THAN YOU WILL EVER KNOW!
[Fenris barely manages to stifle a response, but he is very concerned now. The lyrium in his skin glows.]
Hawke: Denarius! If you try anything, your head will be severed from your body in multiple ways.
Hawke: This is your only warning.
Hawke: Merrill?
[Merrill takes the dagger and stabs herself with it]
[Fenris gasps, as he realizes Merrill is invoking blood magic]
Hawke: Bethany?
[Bethany takes out a dagger and stabs herself with it]
[Fenris's mouth drops open; he tries to shout Hawke's name but cannot]
Hawke: ...
[Merrill starts to intone a spell in the Tevintum language]
Merrill: VITA ...
[Bethany starts to intone a spell in the same language]
Bethany: VITA ...
Hawke: VITA ...
Merrill: MORTIS ...
[Fenris panics and jumps off the ceiling, barely managing to grab ledges to keep himself from plummeting to his death]
Bethany: MORTIS ...
Hawke: MORTIS ...
[Fenris crashes awkwardly onto the floor but immediately runs forward]
Fenris: HAWKE, NO!
Merrill: IMPERIUM ...
[Fenris runs directly at Anders, who has his back facing him, and surprises him by phasing directly through him]
Bethany: IMPERIUM ...
[Fenris jumps directly at Hawke, who impales himself with his own dagger; Fenris knocks the dagger away ... but blood is already flowing from Hawke's arm]
[Hawke turns to look briefly at Fenris and a tear runs down his face]
Hawke: IMPERIUM ...
[There is a loud boom and the area is suddenly flooded with a fine red mist]
[For the first time in a long time, Fenris's eyes well up with tears as he stares up at Hawke while sprawled out on the floor where he landed]
[When Fenris is able to see again, he sees a trail of blood flowing in the air between Hawke, Bethany, and Demarius]
Fenris: Hawke, no!
Anders: And he did it for you, ungrateful and self-righteous elf.
[Fenris ignores him completely]
Anders: Hawke used old magic to summon a powerful dragon demon and force Denarius and him to make a pact with it.
[Fenris turns and stares at Anders in horror]
Anders: Hawke loved you enough to give up his soul to ensure your freedom.
Fenris: Hawke ... Hawke, no!
[Fenris's leg abruptly brushes Hawke's leg, and a very painful jolt shoots through his body]
Fenris: What was th-
[Fenris abruptly cuts himself off and forces himself into a standing position. He walks over to Hawke and
passionately wraps his body around Hawke's and kisses Hawke deeply]
[Tears stream down Fenris's face as the amount of physical pain he endures at that point overwhelms all his defenses]
[After some time, Fenris realizes he can see into the Fade. He looks around and suddenly ducks as a large
black form swoops over his head. The dragon regards him curiously and then turns its attention back to a shadowy figure some distance away. Fenris recognizes the form of Denarius and looks around for Hawke. To his horror, Hawke is there too, but Hawke has become an Abomination with demonic power arcing out
from his body.]
Hawke: DENARIUS! YOU HAVE ONE CHANCE TO DO THIS CORRECTLY OR WE BOTH DIE RIGHT NOW! YOU AGREE TO LEAVE FENRIS ALONE FOREVER, UNCONDITIONALLY. YOU AGREE TO NEVER EVER TRY TO RECLAIM HIM, NOR TO HAVE ANYONE YOU KNOW TRY TO DO SO. YOU AGREE TO DO THIS UNDER PENALTY
OF INSTANTANEOUS DEATH.
[The dragon slams onto the ground and exhales fire into the air]
Hawke: DENARIUS! YOU AGREE TO THESE TERMS. ABSOLUTELY.
Denarius: You really do love him, don't you? To even a point beyond how much I have loved anything in my life.
Hawke: DAMN RIGHT. DO YOU AGREE TO THESE TERMS ABSOLUTELY?
Denarius: ...
Denarius: VITA ...
Denarius: MORTIS ...
Denarius: IMPERIUM ...
Hawke: It is done.
Hawke: MERRILL, BETHANY, GET US OUT OF HERE!
[There is another loud boom, and suddenly Fenris is standing directly in front of Hawke in Kirkwall with his lips locked to Hawke's]
[Hawke immediately collapses to the floor, exhausted. Fenris grabs him and cries.]
Aveline: Regardless of the blood pact with the demon, Denarius, you're still under arrest. You're not going to
be leaving a Kirkwall prison for a long, long time.
[Aveline motions her guards, and they come, put the sack back on Denarius's head, and lead him away]
[Hawke regains consciousness]
Hawke: It is ... done.
[Hawke notices Fenris crying and holding him]
[Hawke motions to the other companions, and one-by-one they depart. Bethany is the last to leave,
and she leans over and kisses both Hawke and Fenris, saying "Good luck" to Hawke]
Hawke: Fenris ...
Fenris: How could you ...
Hawke: Fenris ...
Fenris: Hawke ...
Hawke: Oh, Fenris ...
Fenris: How could you ...
[Fenris abruptly glows, and this time he is quick to anger, almost foaming at the mouth]
Fenris: HOW COULD YOU?
Hawke: I couldn't ... I just couldn't ...
Fenris: HOW COULD YOU? HAWKE!
Hawke: Fenris, please!
Fenris: VENHEDIS, VISHANTE, KAFFAR, VENHEDIS, VISHANTE, ALLUVIN VALLA KAL ...
Fenris: VENHED-
[Fenris abruptly stops glowing and starts to cry again]
Hawke: Oh, Fenris.
[Hawke reaches up to caress Fenris. Fenris growls and slaps his hand away hard]
Hawke: Oh, Fenris, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I had to.
[Fenris cries out in anguish]
Hawke: Maybe someday I can get you to understand.
[Fenris cries out in anguish again]
[Hawke tries again to caress Fenris. Fenris growls, but very reluctantly lets the hand caress him]
Hawke: Let's go home
Quest - Alone
[Fenris's mansion, a few hours later]
(Suggested audio: none)
Fenris: Why, Hawke? Why?
Fenris: Why did you make a pact with a demon and using blood magic?
Fenris: Why?
Hawke: Because ... because ... Fenris ...
Fenris: ...
Hawke: Because ... I love you, Fenris.
[Fenris pulls away and stares at Hawke as if Hawke just told him day was night]
Hawke: I love you, Fenris. I said I would do anything for you.
Hawke: But I couldn't ... I couldn't ...
Hawke: Denarius would never have given you up, short of you killing him.
Hawke: And even then, one of Denarius's descendants might have decided to reclaim you.
[Fenris stares at Hawke]
Hawke: I couldn't let him. I wouldn't let him. I wouldn't let ANYONE. EVER.
[Fenris stares at Hawke]
Hawke: But what if I couldn't stop him? What if he or his descendants decide to try and recapture you when we're
my mom's age?
[Fenris stares at Hawke]
Hawke: Fenris ... Oh, Fenris ... I couldn't live with myself watching you get taken when I couldn't do anything.
I just couldn't ... I WON'T!
Hawke: What if Denarius decided to recapture you then and I couldn't even try to get you back because he had your memories wiped again?
[Fenris starts to understand]
Hawke: I couldn't live with myself. I love you more than anything, Fenris. And I always will.
Hawke: Please forgive me, Fenris. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.
[Fenris growls]
Hawke: I'm sorry.
[Fenris growls again, but his growl is softer]
Hawke: But Fenris, I don't want you to blame yourself. NEVER BLAME YOURSELF. This was my decision to make.
Hawke: As a free man, and as your lover, I have the right to choose how I want to live.
Hawke: You have that right as well. Fenris, you could abandon me right now, and I wouldn't like it one bit.
Hawke: I would try my damned hardest to persuade you not to go. But Fenris, I won't force you not to.
Hawke: Because I love you. And I know that, in order for ANY relationship to work, you must love me freely as
well.
Hawke: Please, Fenris, I beg you. Forgive me, and stay with me.
[Fenris growls, but his growl is softer still]
Fenris: Hawke ... you know what you did hurt me. A lot.
Hawke: I know. And I apolo-
Fenris: DON'T APOLOGIZE. I understand why you did what you did.
Fenris: And, I have my answer.
[Fenris lifts his hand and slaps Hawke across the face as hard as he can; Hawke reels from the blow]
[Fenris then immediately passionate kisses Hawke]
Fenris: I choose to be yours, Hawke, now, forever, and always.
Modifié par N7 Leto, 07 septembre 2011 - 03:15 .
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