85 réponses à ce sujet

[chunkyman]

Esbatty wrote...

Steve: My name is Steve and I'm an introvert.
Group: Hi Steve!
Steve: AHHHH! People... people everywhere!
Group: AHHHH! Why is he yelling at us? NOW WHY ARE WE YELLING?!?!
All: AHHHHHHH!

Story of my life... :happy:

[TheBlackBaron]

Esbatty wrote...

Steve: My name is Steve and I'm an introvert.
Group: Hi Steve!
Steve: AHHHH! People... people everywhere!
Group: AHHHH! Why is he yelling at us? NOW WHY ARE WE YELLING?!?!
All: AHHHHHHH!

*bored voice*

Hello Steve. 

[Esbatty]

chunkyman wrote...

Esbatty wrote...

Steve: My name is Steve and I'm an introvert.
Group: Hi Steve!
Steve: AHHHH! People... people everywhere!
Group: AHHHH! Why is he yelling at us? NOW WHY ARE WE YELLING?!?!
All: AHHHHHHH!

Story of my life... :happy:

For my example I was reminded of my HS buddy Lucian. He screamed awesome in social situations. I miss that thin, blonde bastard so much. He always had the best hobbies.

Me: I'm bored, man. Lets watch Plastic Little again.
Lucian: I have an even better idea lets make chain mail shirts!
Me: Thats - I've never done that before.
Lucian: Its great.
Me: Oh I bet. OR - we could go to Sonic and try to talk to the hot carhops.
Lucian: *struggles for about 5 minutes in silence* Can I wear my chainmail shirt?
Me: ... Yes. But only if you think you can drive in it.

[Fishy]

You're 18.

[Blackout62]

Suprez30 wrote...

You're 18.

Oh yeah, let's be realistic here for a second. One of the problems is that you're 18. Like being gay, it will get better when you're not 18.

[Fishy]

Blackout62 wrote...

Suprez30 wrote...

You're 18.

Oh yeah, let's be realistic here for a second. One of the problems is that you're 18. Like being gay, it will get better when you're not 18.

He's 18 , inexperienced , introvert and that make him vulnerable. If he start chasing love he might end up with someone he won't love , married with 2 kid at 20 . Than his life is basicly ruined.

People like that are so easy to notice . There's bad woman that seek ppl like him . I know it too much well.

[fightright2]

You could always go work in a comic book store and get to be real good friends with the boss and celebrate your birthday at the movie theater every year.

^^ It may take a few years and you will have to move out on your own.*

Then all you have to do is wait for your boss to hire a call girl and pretend to accidentally meet you at the movie theater on your birthday.

Take her back to your place.

By the end of the night you'll have her swearing monogamous love for you!


But for God's sake, save yourself and her a lot of trouble by not going over to her pimp's place to inform him of his stolen goods.
(The stolen goods being = the girls <3) 

[Kaiser Shepard]

Looking at the increasing frequency at which topics like these appear, I'd say it's only a matter of time until someone inevitably creates an actual BSN dating/hook-up thread...

Maker help us all.

Modifié par Kaiser Shepard, 11 septembre 2011 - 09:31 .

[Wynne]

C9316 wrote...

Hello, I'm C9316 (better known as just C9 to my friends), and I am an introvert. I dislike being in large groups of people chatting idly, I in fact find being in a function where tons of people are talking over one another to the point that you can't hear yourself think to be boring and draining. I am also 18 years old, and unlike most people my age I don't like going clubbing, getting drunk, and eventually brawling in the street over something dumb. No I prefer reading a good book, watching some good televison, playing video games, and more recently pondering my place in the universe. Now I know I must sound boring to some of you people here, but if we had a one on one chat I'm sure you'd appreciate my own unique personality. But back on topic I'd like to know if any of y'all had any advice you could share with me on finding love. And I guess another thing about me that differs from most 18 years olds is I don't want to date casually, I want to find someone I can be in a committed relationship with. Any helpful advice will do...

You can find love right here on the internet, actually, but there are a few important stipulations to that one.(Some are more general principles; others are internet-specific.) 

• Difficult, but so necessary--don't go looking specifically for love. Go into it casually for friendships, without placing too much pressure on the outcome. If you begin your search with a respect for the feelings of other human beings equal to the (hopefully high) respect you have for yourself, you will make better choices naturally. There is a very real danger here of getting attached to someone (or them getting attached to you) before you figure out how good for you they really are--if you ensure from the beginning that the attachment is a light, gentle friendship with a healthy mutual respect (which is a good foundation for a relationship, and good practice for the bettering of your socialization skills as well) then you give yourself the time to get to know them more safely, and you lessen the risk of having your heart broken, or breaking someone else's. Another advantage--sometimes friends introduce you to somebody they think would be good for you, and if you chose the friend well, they might turn out to be quite right in their assessment.
• 18 is young, you're still finding out who you are, so that will be important. Don't get ahead of yourself, but do think about this. Knowing what you want is so crucial to having a relationship--if you don't already have a decent idea, you will have to form one by getting a good sense of how it feels to interact with different types of people. So looking at what you admire in your friends (talents, intelligence in specific areas, common interests, qualities and life skills) will give you a sense of who you are searching for, and once you know that you should NOT stray from the most important items on that list! If there is anything you know for sure that you want (I mean the qualities that most attract you to a person, not to a person's appearance) and you're being completely honest with yourself that it's something you admire so much that it makes you feel universally more positive about someone if they are that way, but it's not a quality that you're fine with just having in friends and not in the person closest to you--then you don't want to shrug your shoulders about someone who lacks that quality and say, "this is good enough." If in your heart you have always seen yourself with someone who is a certain way, it doesn't hurt to ask yourself whether you are hanging on to that image for the right reasons, but if you are, then you don't want to settle. If you feel like being with someone deprives you of what you need most, then you have to end that relationship and either be friends or simply move on.
• Generally, if a person's relationships with their parents were good,
  this will form the basis of their bond with someone else--not in a
  creepy way, just in the sense of how you relate to others and rely on them. What you want to form is what psychologists call a secure attachment--you are neither too clingy nor too standoffish; both of you are ironically more independent by being dependent on each other. You both feel brave enough to step out into the world, mostly because you know that you have a secure base (the relationship, each other) to return to. You enjoy spending time together, but don't feel like, "why would I want to spend any time away from my snugglepie?" That inevitably leads to destructive habits and tends to cause the relationship to fail because neither of you feels free enough to grow or venture away from each other. So, too much desire to be apart indicates a lack of interest... but too much desire to be together indicates emotional weakness, when what you want and need is emotional strength. This is a good gauge of whether a relationship is functional; do you love spending time together, but still appreciate the time apart which makes you appreciate that time spent together?
• If you do this via internet, there is one very, VERY vital principle: Talk. Over. Skype. EARLY. You do not want to waste your time on a lonely, perverted, 50-year-old chainsmoker who weighs a thousand pounds, and any picture you get could be a picture stolen from somebody's Facebook profile and sent by someone it doesn't belong to. If you talk to somebody a few times, arrange a "meeting" in the safest location possible--your own respective computer rooms. If it works out and you don't get a weird vibe of some sort, you can always meet in person after a while (always in public locations in the daytime at first). Generally, you're safer finding out as soon as possible who you are truly dealing with, and communicating the same to the other person so they know you're not pretending to be someone other than you are, and Skype is a good, free way to do so. Anything else could be a lie, and a dreadful, embarrassing waste of your time and emotions. (I seriously know a guy who fell for a woman only to find out she was several hundred pounds heavier and 15 years older than her photo--imagine how he felt. Do not let it happen to you.)

Blackout62 wrote...

Off topic: Oh God my sig, the comments above me just became so much more awkward.

I find your signature delightful. 

[Seagloom]

Tommyspa wrote...

You seriously need an easy button. You can't date if your not social, not really. I think dating as an introvert would make you rather clingy to who you do get cause you may be afraid to try again, but I dunno.

I agree with the bolded part. I think there is confusion in this thread about the difference between introversion and shyness. There are actually more introverts out there than extroverts. Many of us are gregarious. The difference is we typically cannot endure social events with the same frequency and length as extroverts.

Being social in and of itself is a learned skill. There is no magic to putting yourself out there and meeting people. Yes, some are innately better at it than others, but anyone can manage it with patience and experience. You need to gradually chip away at your fear and build confidence.

Shyness and introversion are frequently equated because the two go hand in hand with such ease, it can be difficult to them apart. As well, neither trait is socially desirable. Despite how uncommon extroversion is, it is hyped as preferable by our society. Introversion is treated as a defect. Well, that is bull****. You may not enjoy the same activities as an extrovert, or enjoy them more or less, but ultimately it comes down to a different approach to life and not a biological social straightjacket.

You are young OP. Be kind to yourself. Start slow. Take your time. You will meet someone eventually. For now, I would focus on putting yourself out there. It may be boring at times. You may hate it. But it is a necessary evil. As others have noted, nothing is likely to happen otherwise. I did many of the same things through most of my twenties on purpose. I had no interest in meeting anyone. Unsurprisingly, I never did. Most people will not go out of their way to crack your mental fortress. The first steps are yours to make.

Wynne's post above is pretty good. Especially that first paragraph about seeking friendship. At the very least, once you are ready, try not to put too much pressure on yourself or the outcome. That is an easy to ruin everything, or become hopelessly codependent once you do meet someone.

[Luke Bioware]

I recognize myself in you, except for the fact that I do tend to talk in every situation possible. I don't like clubbing, dancing or partying hard either, but I'm always up for a chat. The thing I've learned this past holiday: just be yourself and don't feel insecure. There are tons of girls out there who you could click with. Positive thinking.

Edit: I'm 22 by the way and I didn't 'think this way' until recently. So you've got at least four years yet to get a good feeling about yourself.

Modifié par Luke Bioware, 11 septembre 2011 - 10:41 .

[mousestalker]

To the OP, what follows is excellent advice. I'm assuming you are a guy interested in women. If that is not the case, adjust nouns to fit your situation.

I am an extreme introvert. I peg 'I' on Myers-Briggs. I was also very shy as a teenager. Age will help with both problems. It did with me as well.

There are some things you can do to help the process along. As an introvert, you find large groups draining and therefore uncomfortable. What you can do is establish your comfort levels. How large a group is daunting? Do you like being with two or three other people? What about three or four? As soon as you understand how large a group you can stand, then you can begin being proactive about it.

Even the shyest of people loses his timidity when his enthusiasm is engaged. Cultivate hobbies that lend themselves to being social. Making things (jewelry, modeling, fabric arts and such) can be good for this as there are usually classes. Start taking craft classes that sound appealing. If you are teamed up with someone, then a safe subject to discuss will be right at hand.

You don't like clubbing or drinking. One way to really impress people is to show hidden talents. Take a dance class, or two or three. A guy who can dance always makes a good impression. It's even better if no one suspects that you can dance. That will boost your confidence in involuntary party situations such as wedding receptions. The class itself is a great way to meet other people in a comfortable environment. The type of dance is largely irrelevant. Ballroom dancing may seem unuseful in a modern dance club, but it isn't. The key is learning to move to the rhythm. Once you've got that down, then you can adjust your moves to the situation.

If you really want to break through your shell, try speaking to at least one woman every day. A safe person to start on is your mother or your sister. Start observing how they dress and what they are wearing. If something is appealing, compliment them on it. Women respond much better to compliments about things they can alter or adjust (like hair style or the colour of a dress) than to things they can't (like bone structure or breast size). The more specific the compliment, the more appreciated it will be.

You may then move on to doing the same for women you encounter on a daily basis. The point is not to be generic or repetitive. Be sincere. Everyone likes being noticed from time to time. Spread your attention around, but don't try to speak with every woman in a room. Select a different woman every day and say something nice. Pay attention to her response. If she's perfunctory or cool, then leave her alone. Don't hover. Say what you have to say, smile, wait for a brief reply and move on your way.

Your goal here is to learn social graces, the art of flirting and casual conversation. If you can pick those abilities up, you will be leagues ahead of your peers (insert rant about the loutishness of modern youth here). As with any social skill, the key is practise.

One error that is common these days, is that if something does not come naturally to you, you shouldn't even try to do it. That is wrong. If you can handle yourself in a social situation even when it makes you uncomfortable, then you will have acquired a very valuable skill that will stand you well for the rest of your life.

Having done that, finding the right girl is easy. You just need to figure out what you find appealing in another person, determine where such women lurk and then lurk there as well.

Modifié par mousestalker, 11 septembre 2011 - 01:13 .

[ejoslin]

I have one more piece of advice (aside from read what mousestalker above wrote). Join a gym and work out regularly if you don't already. Many have personal trainers who can get you started with a workout routine. Not only do more people consider people who are in shape to be more attractive, but you actually will feel better about yourself due to changes in brain chemistry that happen when working out.

As an aside, I'm an introvert who's married to an extrovert. I still am terrible socially and can only stand parties and such in small doses before I'm looking for a corner to hide in. Of course, my husband approached me, but we still hit it off just fine despite me being awkward. So being introverted does not necessarily mean you'll be alone forever, but you DO have to leave the house!

Modifié par ejoslin, 11 septembre 2011 - 01:03 .

[Last Darkness]

C9316 wrote...

Hello, I'm C9316 (better known as just C9 to my friends), and I am an introvert. I dislike being in large groups of people chatting idly, I in fact find being in a function where tons of people are talking over one another to the point that you can't hear yourself think to be boring and draining. I am also 18 years old, and unlike most people my age I don't like going clubbing, getting drunk, and eventually brawling in the street over something dumb. No I prefer reading a good book, watching some good televison, playing video games, and more recently pondering my place in the universe. Now I know I must sound boring to some of you people here, but if we had a one on one chat I'm sure you'd appreciate my own unique personality. But back on topic I'd like to know if any of y'all had any advice you could share with me on finding love. And I guess another thing about me that differs from most 18 years olds is I don't want to date casually, I want to find someone I can be in a committed relationship with. Any helpful advice will do...

I can sympathise with you alot on this one, I myself am considered a "high functioning autistic" so the actions of everyone else around me seem strange and scary.

All I can say is keep trying and see what happens. Though re-evaluting what your looking for in a partner can help tremendously. Just cause you may be attracticted to one feature may actualy not be good for you to pursue partners with that. For example my sisters who are ages 15-28 and I have 6 of them are still in the "I like pretty guys" phase and ignore all other aspects. Its so far caused them no end to the amount of grief when these guys treat them bad and leave them for one reason or another. Like literaly they end up going through them within a few months and always ignore red flags of personality/behaviors.

Anyways good luck

[NamiraWilhelm]

You're 18, it'll happen.

Im a serious introvert. My attitude to dating is very 'whatever', and i think this has helped considerably.
I dont go out of my way looking for it, but it does come to me.

[Volus Warlord]

"Turn bisexual"... ick. I'm sorry, but that makes for disturbing mental images.

I am spectacularly introverted and rather self-isolated.

I also support going to college to find women, but choose your major wisely.

For instance, I major in engineering and its a goddamn sausage fest. The girls are few and are generally terrible people. I'm not gonna find a lifelong love there. Lol. But I will getz my monneh.

So if you're woman go engineering (assuming you're relatively intelligent). You will be worshipped simply for being a women even if you look subpar because there aren't many women around.

Alternatively, if you are male, go bio or psych. Those majors are chock full of women and some of them are bound to be sexy and wider than the Atlantic.. uh nvm.

Point is there are no good women in engineering. If you're gonna go to school for women, don't go engineering.

[Volus Warlord]

Also, if you wanted to be a freak you could go mail-order.

[slimgrin]

The trick to dating is putting yourself in group/social situations that allow you to meet people without the pressure of a one-on-one situation. That's why when you go to college, there are always numerous social events sponsored by the campus. The more you put yourself out there, the easier it is.

If you don't do this, you're destined to live the life a of a miserable, celibate hermit. So you better start now. 

Modifié par slimgrin, 11 septembre 2011 - 03:02 .

[Turnip Root]

Use axe body spray and shampoo and random hot women will want to hump you when you're on an elevator or in the shower.

[Volus Warlord]

Set random crap ablaze.

[Seeker Sparrow]

Turnip Root wrote...

Use axe body spray and shampoo and random hot women will want to hump you when you're on an elevator or in the shower.

But not when you're playing on the Dreamcast.

[Volus Warlord]

Choose the "Lady Killer" perk.

[Lakhi]

http://m.wikihow.com...ll-Get-the-Girl

You also sound like you need a way to raise your confidence on the whole op. Someone mentioned working out, truth be told, any sorry of activity where you're physically active will give you a fresh feeling and doing that helps a lot. I play tennis for instance when i'm feeling a bit tired. Another thing to do is to eat healthy, avoid greasy foods and try to stick to freshly cooked stuff and steamed veggies, doing so helps your mind more than you think.

[Volus Warlord]

Odds are if you try too hard you're going to end up with a succubus.