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#876
Klidi

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I like present tense and past tense the same. I use present tense in stories/scenes where I need more tension and stronger emotion - e.g. when Zevran rushes into the battle with the Archemon to save the Warden, or when he insists, after the battle, that the Warden is 'only sleeping'. When I tried it with the past tense, it was much weaker.

#877
Sialater

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Oh, thank God. I finished one of my ME fics.

And now... back to Thedas.

#878
Muirin

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tklivory wrote...

Also, now that we've had this system in place for a full cycle, anyone have any suggestions for improvements?  Obviously, the life on the thread depends partially on the life in BSN, and ME3 kinda... well, affected it, certainly.  Please post/PM any thoughts regarding this process!


I guess recently we've suffered a little slowdown on this thread.

I wondered about trying something a little different, like perhaps some mini writing challenges.

For example, all (who have time and wish to) having a go at a prompted scene, something short, perhaps a few hundred words with a word limit imposed (it had better be short, as I spent a ridiculous amount of time on the Asunder contest, so that limit would be too high, for example).

Any sort of interaction between DA characters could be used, or just a scene for a single character.  Then we could post them all somewhere and crit them.

Just a thought (hey, it might prompt me to write something new again soon, and I need a little push right now).

#879
Corker

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Yay, Sia!

#880
Klidi

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Muirin wrote...

tklivory wrote...

Also, now that we've had this system in place for a full cycle, anyone have any suggestions for improvements?  Obviously, the life on the thread depends partially on the life in BSN, and ME3 kinda... well, affected it, certainly.  Please post/PM any thoughts regarding this process!


I guess recently we've suffered a little slowdown on this thread.

I wondered about trying something a little different, like perhaps some mini writing challenges.

For example, all (who have time and wish to) having a go at a prompted scene, something short, perhaps a few hundred words with a word limit imposed (it had better be short, as I spent a ridiculous amount of time on the Asunder contest, so that limit would be too high, for example).

Any sort of interaction between DA characters could be used, or just a scene for a single character.  Then we could post them all somewhere and crit them.

Just a thought (hey, it might prompt me to write something new again soon, and I need a little push right now).



Good idea! 

I'd prefer if it was more focused on writing than on DA characters - e.g. writing description, fight, characters, etc.. It would be of course based on DA world, but people would choose any character/situation they want.

If there would be a word limit (500? just a suggestion) perhaps we could post them here directly?

#881
Muirin

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Klidi wrote...


If there would be a word limit (500? just a suggestion) perhaps we could post them here directly?



500 was actually the number that sprang to  mind for me too.

#882
Shadow of Light Dragon

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Klidi wrote...

I'd prefer if it was more focused on writing than on DA characters - e.g. writing description, fight, characters, etc.. It would be of course based on DA world, but people would choose any character/situation they want.


I think that'd be very useful for a lot of people here, and the prompts could be phrased very simply.

eg.
Write close combat. Goal: To make the reader feel heart-pumping adrenaline.
Write a heated dialogue. Goal: To make the reader feel anger between two or more characters.
Write a description of a place: Goal: To make the reader feel the location is peaceful and beautiful, but with an underlying sensation that safety is an illusion.

#883
Muirin

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Shadow of Light Dragon wrote...

I think that'd be very useful for a lot of people here, and the prompts could be phrased very simply.

eg.
Write close combat. Goal: To make the reader feel heart-pumping adrenaline.
Write a heated dialogue. Goal: To make the reader feel anger between two or more characters.
Write a description of a place: Goal: To make the reader feel the location is peaceful and beautiful, but with an underlying sensation that safety is an illusion.


Yeah, I think I'd enjoy prompts like that.  Would give a bit more variety and more scope than my original suggestion

#884
Sialater

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Thanks, Corker.

Yeah, I like those ideas. But it's been such a long time since I played DA:O....

#885
Rinshikai

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Good job Corker. where there was just an ember, is now an inferno!

#886
Rinshikai

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Any suggestions on when this mini challenge idea should or will happen?

#887
Muirin

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Hey, if anyone has time and the inclination to crit my piece this weekend, it would be much appreciated. I only have one critique so far (sob) and have been looking forward to some feedback for so long...

#888
Rinshikai

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Send me a link and I'll give it a look Muirin.

#889
Muirin

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Thanks much Rinshikai, it is linked as a google doc from page 1 of this thread, ie current con-critter
(actual link too long to post here).

#890
Klidi

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Done. Sorry it took so long, but it was a hockey madness here. :D

#891
Corker

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Rinshikai wrote...

Any suggestions on when this mini challenge idea should or will happen?


Yes!  I suggest that someone pick and post a challenge idea today.  :wizard:

#892
Klidi

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Weeeell... if I may, then. I'm currently struggling with a fighting scene. I'm always struggling with fight scenes, but this one is more difficult, because I want my Wardens to make a trap.

So if you agree, we can make it the first challenge: write a fight where the Wardens
a) make the trap for the enemy, or
B) fell into the enemy's trap

500 words, with +- 50 words tolerance. I think that should be enough for one scene. Or do you think more is needed?

#893
Corker

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Well, part of the challenge is scoping it to fit 500 words, I think. Makes you think about what *has* to be included.

It also prevents folks (or, well, it prevents me) from up and posting old chapters that fit the bill, since chapters are usually longer than 500 words. :)

#894
Corker

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This came in at 420 words, but I'm not inclined to pad it out.

Cross class Combo

Sigrun raced along the narrow path, as heedless of the chasm beside her as only a Deep Roads veteran could be. The sounds of pursuit behind her grew more distant, as the human bandits slowed to pick their way along the rocky face of the cliff. "Hurry!" she heard one of them call.

"Don't," barked Larson, their bloody-minded captain. "She's not going anywhere."

Coming to a wider section of ledge, Sigrun saw what he meant. This was the end of the road, unless she climbed either up or down. She peered up the cliff face, looking for likely hand-holds, as the first of Larson's Lunatics made it around the bend.

Crossbows. She wouldn't get ten feet up before they shot her until she fell.

"That wild knife-ear in the arl's hall thinks one dwarf is all she needs to send against me and my men?" Larson sneered as he made his way to the front of his men. Sigrun backed carefully away, watching as more of his men sidled out onto the ledge. "I think we need to send her a message that she'll need to try harder." He raised his crossbow. "Aim for her legs," he instructed his men -

- then shrieked and dropped his weapon, a grey goose-fletched arrow piercing his hand. "Message received," shouted Warden Commander Mahariel, stationed behind a rubble of low boulders across the ravine. Next to her, Velanna raised her staff, and Sigrun leapt out into the abyss. The force field rippled around her, and if she could have spoken, she would have giggled as she rattled and bounced, unharmed, fifty feet to the bottom of the chasm.

"Back! Back the way we came!" The Lunatics pushed several of their own off the edge of the ledge, trying to make it back to the narrow path that was their only escape - only to see the path pulverized to rubble as a sorcerous fist of stone smashed into the side of the cliff. In desperation, some turned their crossbows on their attackers - but the Wardens had ample cover, and the bandits none.

Nathaniel Howe ducked back behind a stone after firing another volley, grim-faced. "This is hardly a fair fight."

His commander stood, fired, and crouched again. "Not meant to be. If it makes you feel better - don't aim for their legs."

His eyes widened. "You're not - ?" The rest was lost to the boom of Velanna's fireball.

The commander nocked another arrow and squinted at him. "Not this time."

----------------------------------------
Notes:

My Dalish Warden seems to like ambushes.  As I rolled the idea of "trap" around in my head, it seemed that there are two main kinds: the kind you set and forget, like a tiger trap, and the kind you lead the prey into.  The second kind feel more dramatic for a fight scene.  But dropping a protagonist into a pit trap or similar, then watching how they try to get out, can be a good conflict even if there's no human antagonist around.

I went with the Awakening crew because Sigrun needs more love.  <3  Also, I haven't written much about Mahariel's days as Warden Commander of Ferelden.

I waffled a bit on the enemies.  I thought about trying to set it up as part of the escape from the silverite mines, but it wasn't working out for me.  Besides, darkspawn (even talking darkspawn) feel like sort of a cop-out.  Of course you can lay a trap for them to shoot them like fish in a barrel.  Using human bandits - even nasty ones with shades of racism ("wild knife ear") and sadism ("aim for the legs") - adds a different moral tone.  And in case it wasn't obvious enough on its own, I had Nate Howe call that out explicitly.  Mmmmay be marginally in-character for him; Nate's a nobleman but also an assassin, so I'm not quite sure where he stands on the whole 'fair fight' thing.  Of course, he's not exactly not firing arrows, so if it bothers him, it doesn't appear to bother him too much.

There's an ongoing theme in DA about security, showing up prominently in the mages vs. templars setup.  But overall, there are choices that pit lowered uncertainty vs. finer sentiments - say, the golems decision.  Or even your choice of low-level tactics - do you use stealth and backstabs, or valiantly charge from the front, waving the Grey Warden banner? 

Probably the rub is that nobody calls for the Lunatics' surrender.  It's a straight-up slaughter with no mercy, which doesn't exactly sit comfortably (which is intended).

As for the trap itself, I wanted to strand the bad guys in an inescapable location, then subject them to withering arrow-fire.  Chasm/cliff came to mind quickly, and then the answer to 'how does the bait survive?' was Force Field.  My first thought was to have Anders as the bait, with him casting Force Field on himself after he jumped, as Velanna cast Stone Fist to cut off the retreat.  But then I pushed all casting duties onto Velanna so I could fit Siggers in.  Because glowing dwarf pinball is fun!

And that was pretty much it.

Modifié par Corker, 21 mai 2012 - 05:06 .


#895
Rinshikai

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Muirin wrote...

Thanks much Rinshikai, it is linked as a google doc from page 1 of this thread, ie current con-critter
(actual link too long to post here).


I added my review to the doc Muirin. I hope it helps you.

#896
Muirin

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Death of a Templar

This feels beneath him. It's been a long walk and he is tired and hungry. The circle tower beckons in the distance: if he can collect his coin and get back to the camp tonight, then they can head to Redcliffe tomorrow, start doing something more worthy of the griffon crest emblazoned across his chest plate.

He tries to pick up the pace but his templar boots are heavy and uncomfortable, and he soon slows down. His white cloak catches on his sword again. He shrugs it back over his shoulder with an exaggerated motion, born from annoyance. 

Templar cloak and shield, warden ring and armor. What a mess. No wonder you don't get any respect.

Now the mage is dragging her feet.

"Come on," he says. His hand is on her  arm and he pulls her along.

She walks more quickly for a short while, and he starts to think about what he might buy with the payoff from this job.

Suddenly the mage  twists her arm and slips out of his grasp. She breaks into a run, heading into the woods beside the road.

He curses loudly. Heart pumping and spurred by a burst of adrenalin, he powers after her.

For a few minutes she remains tantalizingly out of reach. Then she stops.

His intuition screams a warning and he skids to a halt.

All is silent for a moment. He steps back and then he hears it, a clean sharp snap. For a second he doesn't associate it with anything. Then he tries to move and realizes his leg is pinned to the ground. The leg-hold trap has pierced his armor, but hardly grazed his flesh. He stamps his foot, to try and shake it off, and as he looks down, a flurry of arrows ping off his armor. He raises his gaze to see three men, bearing down with blades.

He slams his shield into the man on his left, who staggers backwards and collapses. Another disappears from view but  then there is a pain down the back of his leg. Blood pounds in his skull. He lashes out at a man on his right, his long sword slicing straight through the assailants armor, piercing his chest.

Two down.

He twists around, dragging the trap on his leg with him. The third man looks at him, then runs.

He stands there for a moment, breathing heavily. When no more men appear, he kneels awkwardly, using a stout dagger to prize the trap from his foot.

The girl is long gone. Templar bait. An old trick.

He looks at the thin, poorly armed men at his feet.

This is pathetic. It is beneath me.


He throws his templar cloak and shield at the dazed man, who is stirring.

"Tell them you killed a templar today," he says. And with that, the warden walks away.


[word count 483]

Modifié par Muirin, 22 mai 2012 - 02:09 .


#897
Klidi

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These are really great!

Corker - I liked that you first made me worry about Sigrun and then killed off the bandits, showing them how pathetic they are compared to Wardens. :)

Muirin - that was brilliant ending. I loved all the frustration and anger that he has to kill those people, and that he simply walked away without finishing it. You created a wonderful character there. :D

Here's mine - the part of the scene I've been struggling for quite some time. It's in the Deep Roads, the fight with spiders. My Warden hates them since he had to fight them in the Circle Tower. :D So when they find out a cave full of huge, poisonous spiders, he comes with the plan. He and Morrigan will wipe out the spiders with their spells. But to do that, they need to see the spiders without being attacked. So someone must distract the monsters. Someone who is good at sneaking and can get deep into the cave without being noticed. :)

This is the trap part and it has 527 words.
********************************

If he survived this, he would never again tease Airam about spiders. He halted, avoiding a spider crawled right into the place he wanted to step in the last second. It was almost impossible to sneak. The blasted creatures were everywhere, covering almost every centimeter of the floor. Three times already he was almost sure they noticed it; luckily it was always a false alarm. He was drenched in cold sweat. Never in his life had he been this afraid – not even in the Circle Tower. Could spiders smell? Or hear? He hoped they couldn't.

At least they were not very fast. Wit those big, fat bodies and thin legs it was a wonder they could move at all. They were ugliest and creepiest creatures he had ever seen – especially their eyes. They had a huge pair of eyes in the front, and with two smaller eyes at each side; but they had another two pairs in the rear. He only knew what was front because one of them was feeding on an unfortunate hurlock.

He decided he was far enough, and turned back to watch the entrance. There was no sign of others yet. What took them so long? What if something happened? What if they couldn't come? What if they didn't want to come? The Crows wouldn't. They'd use him as a sacrifice and sneak unnoticed through the room. Of course, Airam wouldn't do it... but Sten? Or Morrigan? What if they convinced Airam – A wave of panic rushed through him. No. No, they wouldn't do that. They wouldn't!

Then a rock projectile hit the spider nearest to him. Shale! They were here! Now to do his part. The spiders jumped at him the moment he appeared. Literally. How could they jump like that? But the shield and glyphs Airam cast on him resisted, and the spiders bounced back. It would be funny, if it didn't attract the attention of every bloody spider in the room to him.

Brasca, what were those two doing? How long could it take to cast two spells?

As in the response, the temperature in the cave dropped rapidly, and the air sizzled with lightning. Here it was – the combined power of Airam's blizzard and Morrigan's tempest. He almost cried in relief, as he watched the ugly creatures freeze. And a moment later, Sten, Oghren and Shale ran to his side.

“Ah, there you are,” he said with a wide grin. “You almost missed all the fun. I started to think you gave up on our bet.”

Oghren snorted. “Heh. As if I would lose to the likes of you. I can kill more spiders with my fart than all of you together.” He swished his axe and cut the nearest spider in half.

“I have no doubt of that,” said Sten dryly, as he shattered another. “Don't.”

Shale didn't say anything, just slammed her fist into another spider.

Zevran grinned. Together, they were unstoppable, ridiculously awesome –

“Zev! Sten! BEHIND YOU!”

He swirled around and saw legs. And the bottom of a huge belly. What the - then it dawned on him. The spider queen.

Modifié par Klidi, 24 mai 2012 - 12:12 .


#898
Corker

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@Klidi, maybe the reason you're having a hard time with this part is that... maybe Zevran isn't the right bait for the trap? I'm not exactly understanding how he survives being at ground zero for Storm of the Century.

If the plan is to kill the spiders with SotC, and the problem is the casters have to get near to the spiders without drawing aggro, the better solution (IMO) would be to send Shale barreling straight into the room. Every spider would lunge toward the motion; either through Airam's spells, or her own Stoneheart ability (once she got a bit into the cavern), Shale could mostly ignore them. And I can believe a stone golem being unaffected by SotC a lot easier than I can believe that for Zevran.

Then everyone strolls into the cavern, congratulating themselves on being ridiculously awesome and it's Surprise Spider Queen time.

Unless, of course, you've already established that there's no friendly fire in your story-world? In which case... never mind...

#899
Klidi

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Yeah, I should have mention that - there is no friendly fire in my world. It's only there so the game wouldn't be too easy, but there's no reason for it to exist in a story.

In my world, magic reflects the will of the caster, do what the caster wants it to do, hurts only those he wants to hurt. In other words, if someone can create terrible blizzard by the power of his mind, he can also decide who will freeze. So in the fight, it will not hurt allies. On the other hand, a mage can freeze people also outside the battle, even if they are allies... as Alistair can confirm. :D

#900
Corker

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Klidi wrote...

 It's only there so the game wouldn't be too easy, but there's no reason for it to exist in a story.


Sure there is.  Consider a spell that summons a blizzard vs. a spell that deals cold damage to every hostile in its AOE.  If you summon a blizzard, congratulations.  You're in a blizzard.  It's cold there.  The other spell doesn't affect you (so I wonder why Zevran can feel it getting cold in the cavern?)

Same with fireball.  Did you really summon a giant ball of fire?  If so, congratulations.  Everyone is inside a giant ball of fire and Fire, Our Dangerous Friend, will be taking charge from here on out.  If you did not summon a giant ball of fire, but rather are doing heat damage to all hostiles in an AOE with SFX that look like a ball of fire, that's different.

Personally, I prefer spells that Summon [Thing] and make the caster deal with the inconveniences of [Thing.]  I could say why, but I'm afraid it would sound like I'm harshing on your preference for direct damage, and I'm not - it's just a matter of taste.  But the difference of taste is plenty reason for it to exist in a story.