973 réponses à ce sujet

[Klidi]

Zevran can feel cold, but he won't be frozen to the bone, like the enemies.When I started to write my story, I thought about it a lot - about magic and everything related to it. I prefered to make their whole life difficult, not just during the fight.

The mages have to learn the spell, either from the book or from the tutor; the more powerful the spell is, the more difficult it is to learn. That's why my Surana always carries what Zev calls 'half of the Redcliffe library' with him and often studies till late hours. They have to practice casting it. A spell cast for for the first time won't reach its full potential. They also need to train their mind and will. They need to learn to focus so fully that even if they're in the middle of battle - in chaos, noise, and under attack - they don't make any mistake. 

 But once they get over through all that, they can shape the reality according to their own will. It means, they don't summon the fire ball or blizzard. They create it. It follows their rules - including who will be affected. A mage who would hurt their allies by casting a fireball would be considered a dangerous fail and quickly turned into a Tranquil.

How powerful and reliable it will be depends on many things - their intelligence, strength of the will, state of the mind (if drugged or drunk, they won't be able to cast), emotional state (strong negative emotions or stress makes it much more difficult to control the spell), experience with the magic, amount of energy they can draw from the Fade, etc. So not all mages can be badass... take that senior enchanter who asked you to help with the spiders (which is where my Surana started to hate them ). She's senior enchanter, but she has no real fighting experience and rather weak mind. She'd never be able to cast blizzard or a fire ball.

 

Modifié par Klidi, 24 mai 2012 - 04:41 .

[Rinshikai]

Will we be doing these challenges once a week? Or will it be more random then that?

[Muirin]

Klidi, your piece was fun to read and I enjoyed doing this so would be interested in going another round.
SoLD put up some good suggestions as examples. We could try one of those. I guess there are only a few of us playing right now though. Is there something else people out there would like to try?

[Klidi]

I also think it was fun. ^^ We could try something else, but we could leave all challenges open, so anyone can join in and write and choose an older prompt.

[Muirin]

Well I liked the suggestions of SoLD

Write close combat. Goal: To make the reader feel heart-pumping adrenaline.
Write a heated dialogue. Goal: To make the reader feel anger between two or more characters.

Corker, Klidi, Rinshikai, either of those appeal to you ? (or anyone else out there?)

Modifié par Muirin, 27 mai 2012 - 08:07 .

[Corker]

Ha, I'm in the middle of grinding through a combat chapter. We'll see if I get any adrenaline pumping or not. >.<

Generally, what appeals to me right now is not being on the hook to organize anything. Dare to be the rebels that you truly are! Pick a prompt and declare it open!

[Rinshikai]

Sounds good to me, just have to get into the mind set.

[Muirin]

Well alrighty.

Write close combat. Goal: To make the reader feel heart-pumping adrenaline.

There we go, I've thrown down the gauntlet (via SoLD)

Modifié par Muirin, 27 mai 2012 - 09:11 .

[Rinshikai]

I think I'll give your other challenge a try Muirin.

[Muirin]

Rinshikai wrote...

I think I'll give your other challenge a try Muirin.

I have to credit SoLD for the challenge ideas. But anyway hey yeah, it's all good, no strict rules around here huh!

[Tryynity]

I hate coming on here and asking dumb nooby writer questions and baring my dumness to all and sundry, but I have tried other avenues and come up zero...

so here goes *sighs*

How would one write someone telling a story. e.g Varric telling Hawke's story to the Seeker - how would that look grammatically.

Would it be one big dump of text consisiting of paragraphes etc between two " .... " marks? Not broken up with dialogue with other party present and listening to the story. Or would it be in italics, or maybe indented.

I will start in present tense dialogue between the two parties, but then Varric will start his long story to the Seeker which is where it goes more into past tense with Varric telling the story not so much me.  Like a court stenographer recording court proceedings I guess.

I cant even find a book in my house written in that person(?) past tense. We are like peepingtoms/eavesdroppers to the story.

Modifié par Tryynity, 28 mai 2012 - 10:08 .

[Shadow of Light Dragon]

I think this is the sort of thing you're after?
----

Hawke paused outside Varric's room. The dwarf was talking, as he usually did, but this sounded like a story about her. Pursing her lips, she drew back a little to listen to whatever tall tale he was regaling his unseen audience with. It seemed to have begun promisingly enough:

"'Like my new place?' Hawke asked. 'Only took a year of servitude and a trip into the Deep Roads to pay it off.'

"Merrill looked suddenly aghast. 'Should I have brought a housewarming present? Humans do that, don't they? What would be appropriate? I could find some flowers, or get you a kitten?'

"'No kittens, thanks. I'm allergic to cats.'

"'Ooh, but--'"

"Varric!" someone interrupted, sounding bored, "What is the point of this story?"

"It's funny, trust me! No ****, you won't believe what she gets." Varric cleared his throat and returned to his distressing impression of Merrill's lilting voice and accent just as Hawke, remembering how the story ended, strode into the room: "'Ooh, but they're so cute! And Anders likes them, and you like And--'" Varric choked. "Hawke! Didn't see you there..."

Modifié par Shadow of Light Dragon, 28 mai 2012 - 10:34 .

[Corker]

Depends. If you're doing a short bit, do it like SoLD says, with (at least for us USians and I guess you Aussies, but I think the Brits do it the other way around) single quotes to show when the speaker is quoting someone else.

If you mean a loooooong story, like DA2's entire framed narrative, I would show Varric talking to the Seeker, maybe have Varric start his "Once upon a time..." and then, yeah - some sort of page divider to show we're in story-land, and *everything* that follows is a direct quote from Varric. Whenever Cassandra interrupts, put another page divider to show that you're coming out of the narrative.

[Klidi]

In the story Varric would tell, he would be both narrator and POV, so it would be in the first person. It means his story would be biased, with his comments on Hawke's acts. Sometimes he could get personal, like when commenting her LI.

Most people don't listen to long stories without any interruptions, so there would be breaks with their questions and comments. In those part you can keep Varric as narrator or POV, or you can change it to Seeker, or you can have an omniscient narrator.

One of my favourite of such stories is Twice Bitten by Snarkoleptic at FFN. I just hope she'll come back and finish it This is part of chapter 6, with the first interruption:

**********************

And then he is there again, withdrawing his blade from the chest of the man whose honeyed tongue whispered pleasures into my ear, and his friend at the ratchet is no longer the Crow who so enjoyed his duty to test the constitution of the apprentices. A flurry of blades and a demonic shriek, and then the so-familiar man is cutting the bonds that hold me to the table. I have been freed. I have passed the test, yes? There should be celebration.

I appraise him with a glance. "Have you come with good tidings, my friend, or is that your desired reward?"

Surprise is now evident upon his face. Surely one cannot associate with Crows and remain unaccustomed to such remarks. "Zevran, damn it, think for a minute and tell me how you got here."

As I recall falling to a cold stone floor in a tower I entered with this man, his name appears in my mind just as he disappears from my sight.

Though I am uncertain how we will meet again, I am amused in myself. It will be most interesting to hear his opinions on what he has seen.


Memoria Interrumpida (break line at ffn)

"Hold on." Danica raised a hand as she rested her wine on the table at her side.

"My dear, did I not hear you promise to listen to this tale without interruption?" Though Zevran had not expected her to remain silent and, in truth, was surprised it had taken this long for a question to occur to her.

"If you didn't see this coming, I need a new bodyguard. Are you telling me you were looking forward to teasing Aedan with images of a ****house and a torture chamber?"

Of all the people he knew, she was the last from whom he would suspect judgment in an inquiry, and he did not hear it as such. "Of course. He was very much an enigma at the time, in part because I had not effectively been watching him and in part because he did not like to give away pieces of himself. Reminds me of another in my acquaintance," he added, arching my brow in her general direction.

[maxernst]

Klidi wrote...

Most people don't listen to long stories without any interruptions, so there would be breaks with their questions and comments. In those part you can keep Varric as narrator or POV, or you can change it to Seeker, or you can have an omniscient narrator.
 

If you don't want to break up the flow of the storyteller too much, you can have him say things that are clearly responses to his listeners without actually writing the listeners' dialogue in.  An example from my own writing:

Why? It's not that hard to understand, I think. Haven had been isolated from the outside world for a long time. And when they sent out scouts, they must have soon learned that their eccentric beliefs would not be tolerated by the Chantry. So they sought to keep their existence concealed.

Yes, Leli, no doubt the Chantry would merely have sent missionaries and attempted to convert them peacefully, at first. But if they had resisted—and you know that they would have—do you truly doubt that the Templars would have crushed them? What do you suppose happened to those who survived our visit?

Modifié par maxernst, 28 mai 2012 - 03:24 .

[Tryynity]

Corker wrote...

Depends. If you're doing a short bit, do it like SoLD says, with (at least for us USians and I guess you Aussies, but I think the Brits do it the other way around) single quotes to show when the speaker is quoting someone else.

If you mean a loooooong story, like DA2's entire framed narrative, I would show Varric talking to the Seeker, maybe have Varric start his "Once upon a time..." and then, yeah - some sort of page divider to show we're in story-land, and *everything* that follows is a direct quote from Varric. Whenever Cassandra interrupts, put another page divider to show that you're coming out of the narrative.

Yes exactly how Varric tells the Seeker the Champion's story, I know how that looks as a script but not in novel form.

Story opens Varric speaking to Seeker (present)

Story switches to (gameplay) which is apparently Varric relaying Hawke's/Our story to the Seeker.

Thank you, I was thinking it would be some kind of divider.  I wasnt sure about quotation marks (not concerned about single/double etc - I just use double).  I was concerned about how it should look on the page.

@SoLD - no not what I am after - but interesting nonetheless, thankyou

@Klidi - yes an example of such writing would be useful - I will look it up

@Max - a few breaks in story-telling as in DA2 (not sure if you have seen this) - are any of your fic's written in like Varric/person?  Does that make sense?  Not sure exactly what person Varric is in DA2.

Modifié par Tryynity, 29 mai 2012 - 12:09 .

[maxernst]

Tryynity wrote...

@Max - a few breaks in story-telling as in DA2 (not sure if you have seen this) - are any of your fic's written in like Varric/person?  Does that make sense?  Not sure exactly what person Varric is in DA2.

None of my stories are written from Varric's point of view but more than a third of Morrigan's daughter consists of chapters in which Aedan is largely monologuing to an audience.  I think the idea of having a few asides that imply that Cassandra has asked questions or reacted in some way to the story without explicitly writing her dialogue may still be a useful one. 

Peter S. Beagle does this quite a bit in the Innkeeper's Song.  Every chapter is written in the first person, but there are many different narrators, and the feeling that he generates is almost as if the reader is interviewing all the "witnesses".  It is a little differentin that while each chapter feels very much like a story being told to an audience, the audience is never defined.

[nightcobra]

 i'm no writer by any means but here's something i've been writing for a few hours.

the setting of this tale takes place after the events of DA2 and the war between the templars and mages has broken out and it takes place in Orlais.

The hero, Leander is a roaming adventurer, a man of the world and this story begins as he wakes up in an unfamiliar place.

I wrote this in his perspective from a first person point of view.

i hope you like it and any feedback and criticism is appreciated.

Ps: i haven't come up with a name for the story yet so suggestions are also appreciated;)










                                                                                          Chapter 1



“Where am I?” I ask… though all I see around me is nothing but darkness, pitch black as a
moonless night. Try as I might, I couldn’t get my bearings on my surroundings
and after wandering in what seemed like hours I started to hear something from
afar, a melodic and gentle voice calling for my name *Leander, Leander…*

As I try to make out more of its words I feel myself fading away. 

 
???: He’s awaking, sir…


???: Impressive, most only awake after a few days. See if he’s any different from the others.

 
I open my eyes only to notice that I’m strapped to what appears to be an operating table,
the stench of blood and rot is overwhelming and an old man looks down at me.

 
“W-who are you? What are you doing?”

 
???: Who I am is something you don’t need to know, my friend. And as for what I am going
to do, rest assured. I already did what I set out to do with you, right now I’m
just observing for interesting results.

 

“Results?! What in the maker’s name did you do to me?!”  feeling my chest start to burn as I shout with
anger.

 
???: Interesting, the implant seems to be working just as I predicted but… some more
tests couldn’t hurt I suppose.

 
As the old man paces around the room contemplating what he should be doing next, a guard
enters the room.

 
Guard: Sir, Master Octiénne requests your presence immediately.

 
???: Annoying orlesian, what does he want now?!

 
Guard: I believe he requests a report on your progress.

 
???: *sigh* Fine…since you’re here anyway, take our guest on the table to his
accommodations.

 
Guard: do you mean the dungeon sir?

 
???: No I meant the suite, Of course I meant the dungeon you idiot! Andraste preserve us,
I swear I’m surrounded by incompetents.

 
The guard then proceeds to take me off the table and brings me to my cell.

“Oh Leander, How did you get into this damned mess? The last thing I remember is sitting at
the tavern having a meal like usual and then…nothing, can’t remember anything
after that.”

I then remember the burning feeling from my chest earlier, I examine my chest for what
the man referred to as an implant but to no avail, as far as I can see nothing
seems out of the ordinary which makes me all the more worried.

 
Out of desperation, I shout to the guard.

“Let me out! Did you hear you me you nug sucking bastard, let me out!”

 
Guard: pipe down will ya! You’re lucky the master has more important things to do right now
than to deal with you, but don’t worry your pretty little head. You’ll be in
there again soon so you might as well enjoy what little you have right now
hehaha.

 
The guard then leaves the dungeon, I start to look for anything that can help me escape this
place and I notice a small window on the wall closed with iron bars, I look out
the window…water below, it seems that this place is situated In the middle of a
lake, thankfully the iron bars are feeling loose so it shouldn’t be a problem
to take these off although attempting it will most likely alert the guards to
what I’m doing.

Days pass by and I dare not fall asleep lest these bastards take me again, I’ve been
loosening the iron bars little by little and it feels like my time is near,
just as well since I can’t wait to get out of this nightmare. Day in and day
out I hear horrible screams coming from the other rooms, never have I heard
such a pain inducing shriek.  

It’s been more than  a week now… I’m tired and
about to keel over but I won’t give my captors the pleasure of my company
anymore, no…tonight I escape once the guard leaves his shift.

Impatient to get out, I tore out the iron bars injuring my hands in the process as well
as alert the guards of my escape. I promptly prepare myself to jump off.

“I seriously didn’t think this through!” I thought, but I knew I didn’t have much
choice in the matter and jump into the water.

 
Guard: The prisoner has escaped, sound the alarm, sound the alarm!

 
I hit the water pretty hard injuring myself further and swam ashore, barely able to stand
I run for as long as I can, running and stumbling for what felt like hours I finally
get pass through the forest and into a cave. I sit down hoping to get some rest
and then I hear a growl… further inside the cave I see two, bright yellow
lights and as I squint my eyes I realize that they belong to a bear. In no
condition to fight I try to back away, the bear moves ever closer and stares
into my eyes. Suddenly the bear lets out a roar and runs out of the cave into
the wilds, somehow that bear was so terrified of me that it chose to run away.

“what the hell did they do me?!”

Tired and on the verge of passing out, my eyes finally give in and close as I pass into the realm of dreams and spirits.

 
Darkness once again, but now it quickly becomes a war torn village with flames spreading
all over as well the rampant screams and the smell of blood, my body is not my
own. It moves towards the villagers and it takes their lives one by one, I can
hear the militia cowering before me, too afraid to pick their weapons.


Village militia: Those red eyes! I-It’s a Demon! Don’t kill me please! I’ll give you
everything I have but please spare me and my family.


“Stop! Stooop!” I shout as I watch my own body slaughter the remainder of the
villagers. Just then I wake up, and find myself lying on a soft bed with my
wounds bandaged asking a familiar question.

“Where am I?”

 
This room…if I didn’t know I was awake I’d say I was still dreaming, this place
looks like a palace, gold framed paintings hanging on the walls, beautiful
furniture, this whole place feels like something out of a fairy tale.

Still in awe of my new surroundings I get up from the bed still sore from the injuries
though they look as almost being fully healed, how long was I out? I wondered,
just then someone entered the room.


Elven servant: *Gasp* What are you doing standing up?! You should still be resting,
your injuries are still too severe!

 
“umm… who are y-“

 
Elven servant: Oh I should get the master right away, he’ll want to talk to you I’m
sure! *runs off*

 
Well  that was interesting, still…anything’s better than that nightmare I went through.
I don’t know if I can trust these people though, at least if they wanted me dead they could have just left me in that cave, I’ll know where they stand soon enough.

*a little kid storms into the room*

 
Kid: It’s true, you’re already awake! And your wounds are already healed, how did you do
that? Do you have magic? Can you teach me magic? Are you a hunter? How did you
scare that big bear? What’s your name? How did you end up in that cave anyway?

 
???: whoa there little lion, let our guest breathe first. Be a good boy and go tell the
cook to prepare lunch for five today.

 
Kid: yes father.

 
The kid leaves the room as fast as he entered, the kid looked like he had enough energy
to run across the country and back.  

 
Father: *smiling warmly* heh, I swear that boy will be the death of me. Well then…how
are you feeling? You were practically dead when we found you and yet here you
stand with almost no scratches at all. Care to tell me your secret… maybe
healing magic?

 
 “And what if I am a mage, what will you do?”

 
Father: That’s entirely up to you, but I assure you, give me and my family trouble and
I won’t hesitate to bring you to justice. Meet me on the courtyard as soon as
you are able, then I’ll learn just what kind of a man you are. Oh and before I
forget my manners, my name is Ser Cyrus Dralas, master of this house and
chevalier at the service of her esteemed empress. And might I know your name?

 
“Leander, my lord.”

 
Cyrus: Good name, we’ll see if you are fit to use it.

 
A chevalier? I thought to myself, just what does a chevalier want with me?
Should I tell of what transpired in that tower? And why does he want me to go meet him at the courtyard anyway? Too many questions swirl in my mind right now, might as well just go with the flow for
the time being. And so, I go to the courtyard where I find him practicing swordsmanship.

 
Cyrus: Good, you’ve finally come down. Now let us see what kind of man you are, pick
up that sword and let us begin.

 
“excuse me?”

 
Cyrus: Are you deaf boy? Pick up that sword and spar with me!

 
“why?”

 
He readies himself and strikes at me, leaving me no choice but to block the attack.

 
Cyrus: Ah! It seems you do have a spine, now let’s see you use it.

 
We then proceed to have a sparring match that went long through the rest of the morning,
I always fancied myself a decent fighter and while I held my own, there was no
doubt that Cyrus had more skill as a warrior than I, countering every strike by
tenfold and even I couldn’t tell if he was holding back or not. His attacks
were overwhelmingly strong and accurate almost as if he actually wanted to kill
me but never actually inflicting any wounds upon me  He then throws me into the ground and points
the blade onto my throat.

 
Cyrus: That’s enough for now. Join me and my family for lunch, I’m sure you’re pretty
hungry by now.

 
“Just like that? You beat me up and now you invite me to your table?”

Cyrus: I’ve learned what I need to from our match, if I thought I couldn’t trust you…the
match would have ended in a more fatal outcome.

 
“Even so*gulp*, that seems reckless to me”

 
Cyrus: Perhaps, but my instincts have never led me astray…that bear you saw, we have
been hunting it for a few days, it was the most vicious wild animal I have ever
saw. Our hunters were no match for it and then we see it running from a cave as
if it was terrified, imagine our surprise when we found nothing else but you in
the cave. I know you’re not telling me the whole story so I used my own methods
to better judge you.

 
“By fighting me?”

 
Cyrus: If there’s one thing I learned in war Leander, is that people tend to show their
true colors when in danger. It’s in those moments that you see who your friends
really are.

 
He stares at his sword for a few moments without muttering a word.

 
Cyrus: Come now, before my wife kills us for being late *Ha Ha!*

 
I was then introduced to the rest of his family, a beautiful wife, a baby daughter and the
energetic son I saw earlier. I could see that Cyrus was the light of their
lives and them, his. He also had the respect and adoration of his servants,
something I never thought I’d see in my lifetime.  If I didn’t know any better I’d say I was
getting jealous of him, and I wouldn’t be too far off either.


After seeing all this, I told him what happened to me…the kidnapping, the
experiments, the torture, everything…

 
*Later that afternoon…*

   
Cyrus: What has this war turned our countrymen into? *sigh* this matter must be put under
investigation at once, in a few days I’ll ride to Val Royeaux and report this…Travesty
to the Authorities, I trust you’ll be coming with me, I Do need a witness after
all.  But there’s still one matter. I believe what you told me, but we need proof that what you say is true.

 
“I heard one of the doctors call their master Octiénne, does this help in any way?”

 
Cyrus: Octiénne…the name is unfamiliar to me, but it’s our only lead right now. We’ll
investigate it further when we arrive at the capital. In the meantime I’ll be
training you how to fight properly?

 
“Why would you train me?”

 
Cyrus: you have potential and fire in your eyes boy, to let all that go to waste is an
insult to the art of battle. Besides, it’s good practice.

 
And so for a few days I find myself living with Cyrus and his family. 

Modifié par nightcobra8928, 29 mai 2012 - 12:33 .

[Tryynity]

maxernst wrote...

Tryynity wrote...

@Max - a few breaks in story-telling as in DA2 (not sure if you have seen this) - are any of your fic's written in like Varric/person?  Does that make sense?  Not sure exactly what person Varric is in DA2.

Peter S. Beagle does this quite a bit in the Innkeeper's Song.  Every chapter is written in the first person, but there are many different narrators, and the feeling that he generates is almost as if the reader is interviewing all the "witnesses".  It is a little differentin that while each chapter feels very much like a story being told to an audience, the audience is never defined.

Ahh good so Varric speaking is still considered first person - I really enjoyed that aspect of the Story-telling in DA2 and why I am running with it, as if my story is just an add on of one of his.

Also Varric was my favourite companion and I think easy to mimic.

Thanks to you and everyone for your replies

Modifié par Tryynity, 30 mai 2012 - 03:14 .

[Klidi]

@ nightcobra8928 - at least you could edit the broken lines, it's difficult to read it like this.
As for concrit - get rid of ??? and *things between stars*, immediately and without mercy. Replace with narration.
Instead of ??? and all other indications who's speaking. He's awaking, ser, try, "He's awaking, ser," I heard an unfamiliar voice.
And istead of "Even so *gulp* that seems reckless to me." try "Even so." I gulped. "That seems reckless to me."

Turn the little bit of exposition between dialougues into scenes. Show us the beautiful daughter and energetic son. Add description, narration and emotions. This could be interesting story, but it still needs a lot of work. Just don't let it discourage you and keep writing. Beginnings are always difficult.

[nightcobra]

Klidi wrote...

@ nightcobra8928 - at least you could edit the broken lines, it's difficult to read it like this.
As for concrit - get rid of ??? and *things between stars*, immediately and without mercy. Replace with narration.
Instead of ??? and all other indications who's speaking. He's awaking, ser, try, "He's awaking, ser," I heard an unfamiliar voice.
And istead of "Even so *gulp* that seems reckless to me." try "Even so." I gulped. "That seems reckless to me."

Turn the little bit of exposition between dialougues into scenes. Show us the beautiful daughter and energetic son. Add description, narration and emotions. This could be interesting story, but it still needs a lot of work. Just don't let it discourage you and keep writing. Beginnings are always difficult.

thanks for the pointers 

[Rinshikai]

“Grand Cleric, the decision is final!” says the Second Warden, “I will not have the Chantry butchering the Mages under the mire suspicion of corruption.”

Infuriated the Grand Cleric replies “Second Warden you have no say in how the Circle is run. Should we see it as irredeemable we must do the merciful thing and end their suffering.”

“Agreed Your Grace” the Knight Commander says beside her. “Second Warden, you have no authority over the Mages, or how we do our duty.”

Rising from his seat the Second gives them a cold stare “Knight Commander, I allowed you to search the Circle for any signs of corruption or abominations. Only if your Templars quarters where searched as well.”

“The Guard no right to do that” protested the Knight Commander.

“Yet their search found a great deal of evidence Knight Commander.” He steps forward from his seat. “Not only were no abominations present.” The Second moves closer to the pair. “They found beaten, starved and abused Mages from the ages of ten to sixty.”

Before either can get a word in, the Second continues. “Templar quarters with imported Orlesian goods from furniture and silk sheets.” He then turns to the Grand Cleric. “To add insult to injury, none of these abuses were reported, nor were those who committed the abuses punished.”
Desperately trying to defend herself “I was not aware of these abuses Second Warden!”

“As Grand Cleric, it is your job to insure that the Templars do not abuse their authority!” Then giving the Knight Commander a death glare he says. “And you!” Pointing a finger in a low threatening tone “Allowed your Templars to commit these crimes with no repercussions.” Turning away from the pair, the Second returns to his seat.

“Everything that I have done has been to protect the people from the Mages!”

“Yet you failed in your duty to protect the Mages from others!”

“What would you have us do Second Warden?” protests the Grand Cleric “Allow them to govern themselves?

“No, but it is obvious the Chantry and the Templars are incapable of guarding them without turning into jailers.”

Not liking the sound of this, the Commander argues “No one is capable of keeping the Mages in line other then the Templars Second! The Maker demands that Mages must be watched to insure that they don’t create a new Tevinter.”

Leaning forward is his sit “I will not allow you to intrastate a Civil War while the Dark Spawn are at our door Knight Commander.” Once again rising from his seat “It would appear that I have no choice, Knight Commander, I hereby revoke your authority over the Circle. Turning, “And as for you Grand Cleric, you will also lose all of your authority, and will be confined to the Chapel under guard.”

“You cannot do this Second Warden” Says the Knight Commander in protest.

“I just did” says the Second Warden as he exits the room.

Well here is my short, trying one of SoLD ideas

492 words

[Muirin]

Write close combat. Goal: To make the reader feel heart-pumping adrenaline.


As she hits the wall, the air is knocked from her lungs and she gasps.  She slumps to the ground and the pommel of her sword slips from her sweaty palm. There is a pounding in her head and she blinks back the pain, turning to reach for her blade. 

She's too slow. He's upon her already, his great bulk bearing down on her. 

She rises and twists in a single motion, knocking her elbow into his unguarded face, hard. Then she drops, scrabbling across the floor for the sword. As her fingers close around it, his boot comes down on them; hot pain shoots up her arm and her mind goes blank. He shifts his weight and her foot shoots out, finding his shin.  He staggers backwards. She finds her feet  and runs at him.

They fall backwards together, clumsy in their heavy armor. She grabs his wrist and slams it down. His sword skitters across the flagstones.

She twists, trying to force his arm up behind his back, but he is slick with sweat and she cannot get traction.  They flail around then suddenly he has her pined beneath him, the enormous weight of his plate mail crushing her chest.

Her mind goes blank. Her limbs are  numb. The gasps and cries of the crowd around them fade until a  sharp rasping noise is all she can hear.  She knows it is coming from her.

One  -  last  -  chance.

Two good fingers from her right hand shoot up and catch him in that tender exposed spot beneath the knot of his throat. He chokes out a cry of pain and falls to the side. She squirms out from under him,  her good hand finding the hilt of his sword.

A flick of her wrist and the tip of his own blade is at his throat. She has him,  and five score of eyes are upon her as she stands above him in the Landsmeet.

It is time to end this.

Modifié par Muirin, 02 juin 2012 - 01:09 .

[Corker]

I outlined my Hell Chapter! Woooo! The end is in sight!

Y'all who write mixed DAO/DA2 fic, especially with Anders in it: how do you handle the spells?