I could work as a temporary substitute.
Although, I need to fix up the Brain to English translator, it's running like a Model T at the bottom of the Atlantic right now. That and it took a bit out of me reviewing Ar Tonelico in the JRPG thread.
It'll probably still look better then me trying to piece 2 thoughts together on 4 hours of sleep after an 11 hour shift
Right now my brain is jumping all over the place.
Your first project is to watch SSY and gush with Rah about how amazing the ending was 
Can't really blame you to be perfectly honest. It has moments that make even the Red Wedding look tame. For me I was already too invested in the story by the time I reached the "holy ****** ****!
" parts.
Berserk has an amazing story, but it is one of the most disturbing pieces of work I have experienced too.
The story sets out to display the worst of humanity (which it succeeds at) but also the best aspects of it too. Berserk has some genuinely beautiful and profound moments that are hard to explain to someone who hasn't read the manga, moments in which a character can make you cry without even having to say anything.