Journal Entry #4
This crew is very interesting. If nothing else, the coming days and weeks won’t be dull.
Joker
Joker is an unbelievable pilot. But I already knew that. He’s also a sarcastic a**. We ALL already knew that. What I didn’t know until yesterday is that he has a brittle bone disease (no wonder I NEVER see him out of that chair. When does he use the john? Two in the morning?). He has been through a lot and overcome incredible obstacles. He has a lot of guts and focus. I’m not going to lie, I really like that miserable a-hole. I think that big chip on his shoulder is his way of coping. Kind of like me showing no emotion to anyone (except when I’m ranting in this journal of course). He has the distinction of being the only person on this ship that can crack wise with me and not suffer for it. Well him and Wrex.
Garrus
Garrus is a person that is fed up with bureaucracy and protocol hindering his “getting the job done”. I empathize. However, I think if given free reign, he’d break any and all rules when there are other alternatives. He fancies himself a Mr. Maverick Renegade Guy. While I don’t roll that way, we are not necessarily at odds (assuming he can follow orders). I’m accused of being cold, calculating, ruthless and unfeeling largely because I take emotion out of the equation when choosing the most efficient option to achieving the objective. Many times that requires action that Garrus would seemingly relish. As long as he keeps control of himself, we’re going to get along fine. It’s good to have someone on board that is willing to get their hands dirty if it’s a necessity. I’m not sure Alenko and Williams have that in them.
Wrex
Wrex is basically pissed off. He is carrying a lot of resentment about the genophage. I made the big mistake of approaching the subject a bit too casually and I could tell if he were not under a contract, a contract where the terms are that I’m in charge and he has to follow orders, he would have ripped my head off on the spot. But that’s the thing, Wrex is the consummate professional. While he is working for me, he will do what I say, so I don’t really care what his f**king baggage is. He hates everyone, can kill anything but follows orders. Of course when this is all over, I may have to shoot him out of self preservation. But I don’t have to worry about that until his contract is up because he goes about his profession honorably.
Tali
This kid is a genius. We had a really nice talk about her people, their history and customs. I found the pilgrimage to be particularly fascinating. Besides being uncommonly brilliant, she is courageous, honest and kind of pure. That is to say there is a childlike innocence to her. I will not take her out in the field unless absolutely necessary. She’s pretty decent with a weapon for a civilian but not the combat beast that is necessary for our work. And if I’m being truthful with myself (and I can be since no one else is in the room), I have a big soft spot for her. I can’t risk jeopardizing an objective when we’re out in the field because I’m so determined to protect her (What the f**k is wrong with me lately?).
Ashley
Ash is a damn fine soldier and a person of solid character from what I can tell. I can’t understand why she hasn’t been promoted with her scores and skills. I noticed she got a bit sketchy when I approached that subject so there’s more to it. I don’t think she’s being sneaky per se, it seemed more like she got really uncomfortable. I’ll let it go for now.
While I respect Ash, I do have a couple of concerns. One is that she comes off as such an ultra right wing pro human (Me, a lifer in the military complaining about that? Ha Ha). It’s not really that IN ITSELF but some of her attitudes make her sound like a borderline Xenophobe. While in the field, you have to be dispassionate (or try to, can’t say I always succeed even if it looks like I do). There’s just too much emotion and bias wrapped up in some of her staunch immovable beliefs for me to feel confident that she can be clear headed at the most crucial time. I don’t need to be shot in the back by some human a-hole because Ashley is focusing all her suspicion on an innocent Turian or Salarian.
My other concern is that on some levels, she may be too much of a Mary Sue to make the cold hard choices that we’ll inevitably need to make. True it’s ME making the choices and not her. But is she going to turn her gun on me if I give a command that she simply just can not live with? I could be wrong about this though. I’ll continue to observe.
Kaiden
I had a long talk with Alenko. I’m surprised this guy is such an effective soldier with all that sensitivity (I don’t mean that in a derogatory way. I’m being sincere). He seems like he should be an English professor or something. I got a lot of insight into him as he told me about his experiences on Jump Zero. At one point he was telling me about this girl he was close with and while describing her, he said something along the lines of her being beautiful but not stuck up about it………like me. Huh? I did not see that coming and I’m not going to lie, that put me on my heels? Did he mean anything by that? Or is he maybe trying to soften me up because he thinks I’m an unfeeling ice queen that will likely get him killed? I was so rattled I didn’t know whether to bat my eyelashes or punch him in the face. I chose to continue like I didn’t hear it and managed to get out of there gracefully.
There have been many times since I’ve been here where I thought he might have been staring/looking at me and turned a way just in time. Figured it was my imagination. I mean, he’s not terrible to look at but…..I don’t have time for this sh*t. And even if I did, Joker would probably be more my speed.
That is to say he WOULD be more my speed if his bones weren’t made out of flippin glass.
Forever alone
Rhynne Shepard
2183
