Journal Entry #12
Now that I’ve gotten to know the crew so well by interacting with most of them quite a lot either through work or socializing (I know right? Me socializing) I don’t really have to go out of my way to talk to them, poke and prod, to evaluate them like I did in the beginning. However I still feel the need to put down my observations here. It helps me for reasons I can’t articulate.
Ashley stopped by to see me. Things have been very cool between us (not surprising) so I was surprised to see her at my door. Not so surprised that I didn’t have my guard up and my Ice Queen mask on. I crossed my arms, “What can I do for you Chief Williams?” There was something really bothering her, I could see it in her face. There would have to be something really wrong for her to come to me of all people. Wouldn’t there? “Commander, will you please have a drink with me?”
Good bye Ice Queen.
Instantly softening a bit I said “Sure Ash, come on in, what’s up?” We were done for the day so I made my way to my mini bar to pour a couple glasses of wine while she sat down on my couch looking uncomfortable. She reached out to accept the glass I held out to her as I sat down next to her on the couch, keeping a foot or so of distance between us.
“It’s Armistice Day, my family always marks it. I’m the only Williams here and I don’t really want to drink alone”. I couldn’t figure out why she was coming to me. Why not Alenko? I mean, Ashley is even closer to Kaiden than I am. Maybe not in the same way (I still don’t know what the hell Kaiden and I are. Of course I’m most or all of the reason that situation is muddled) but the two of them are like Tali and I.
That glass of wine must have been really interesting as she wouldn’t look at me. I paused for what seemed a long while before remarking “That seems an odd thing to celebrate”. Ash was quiet for a moment and then said quietly “Don’t tell me you don’t know about my family. My commanders always find out. It’s not in my files or something?” Without hesitation I said “Ashley, I have no idea what you’re talking about”.
She went on to explain she was the granddaughter of the General Williams who surrendered the Shanxi garrison in the first contact war (The first human ever to surrender to aliens). Not just her grandfather but her father and now Ashley have been paying ever since. I just sat quietly listening to her relate the tale of how her grandfather was cast aside by the Alliance, and how her dad could never get promoted (I found it heart breaking to be honest and I could feel tears threatening for the second time since this all started. Really it was only the second time since I was TWELVE when Tommy Bush dumped me. But like last time with Kaiden, I squelched it. I do NOT cry). It really explained so much about her, her attitudes toward everything. I barely suppressed a smile when she said “It takes a special kind of thick headed to sign on for a job from which your family is blacklisted”.
Once she finished she asked me “So, are you going to kick me off your ship Commander?” I replied as eloquently and sensitively as I could; “What the f*ck for? Ash I don’t give one red f*ck what your granddad did. Besides I don’t think he had a lot of options. The point is it had nothing to do with you”. I smiled at her “Besides, this mission requires a “special kind of thick headed””. She looked down at her hands and said quietly “Thanks Commander”. I gently pushed her shoulder “Don’t call me that in here”. Rolling her eyes “Okay, Thanks Rhynne”. I pushed her again, “And don’t be going all quiet and mousey on me. You ARE still allowed to be a loud opinionated b*tch you know”. I felt my smile vanish as I became more serious. I scooted closer to her and put my face in her line of sight so she had to look me in the eyes.
“Ashley, I really AM truly sorry about what happened between us on Amaranthine. I’m not sorry I shot that piece of crap but about what….uh…happened between us. I value your opinion and next time, I will take a minute to calm down and consider it before making my decision. But when that decision is made, just promise me you’ll abide by it and not try to restrain me again. Ashley, I really am…….trying…..to…..” I trailed off. Trying to what? “I still don’t know how to react to what you did, even though you meant well, without hurting someone. Ash, I can’t do this without you, I need you on my six”. She looked me in the face, a little bit of the frustrating haughty b*tch was back in her eyes. “You got it Skip. But just so you know, you caught me with a lucky shot. I mean, stomping on my foot? Who DOES that? You KNOW I can take you Rhynne.”
“Two hit fight Ash. Me hitting you and you hitting the ground.”
“F*ck you very much COMMANDER”.
We laughed for a full minute before she scooted slightly closer to me and grabbed my hand. I looked at her, still smiling but a little disarmed. My eyes probably said “What gives?”
“Rhynne, are you and Kaiden…..” I just kind of shook my head and said “Ashley, I really don’t know” as I gently pulled my hand away. She seemed to gather herself and maybe…..accept things as she straightened up and got to her feet. She cleared her throat, her voice sounding more professional as she said “Don’t worry Commander, we’re good. I’ve got you”. She turned and walked to my door standing very straight. Very Alliance-like. Yeah things were fine between us but I wasn’t going to leave things like that. I’m terrible at these kinds of talks but I had to say what was unsaid. I got quickly to my feet and stopped her at the door by grabbing her shoulder. I turned her around and pulled her to me giving her a hug, the kind I give Tali, which after a stiff hesitation she returned. I felt stupid, but I knew I had just hurt her and HAD to say something even if it is more comfortable for me to just let her walk out. I held her face in my hands our eyes locked. “Ashley, I’m so sorry. I just……..can’t”. She sighed and nodded her head, “Yeah, I know Rhynne. It’ll be fine. Like I said, I’ve got your back. I mean it”. She turned, not so rigid now, and left.
I slumped back down on my couch and downed both of our glasses of wine. I was f*cking SPENT. It had been a long day between the mission and the long, intense talk with Ashley (and a bunch of other crap that makes up my day that I don’t feel like writing down), so I decided to take a nap. After a quick shower, I flopped onto my bed wearing only a pair of baggy shorts and a muscle tank top. Sleep was going to be SO GOOD.
So of course my door buzzes again. I muttered something to my self like “Really? I mean…….really?????” I got up out of bed and yelled a “come in!”
Liara.
“Hello Shepard, can I have a minute of your time?” I motioned for her to sit down and I sat down next to her ready for another f*cking therapy session. We shot the breeze a bit about the Protheans and the visions I’ve been having thanks to contact with the Prothean Beacon and the Cypher I got from the late Shiala. We also talked about how her previous impressions of humanity had changed from spending so much time with us. She sees us as creatures of “action” which she finds so impressive but intimidating. That’s when the conversation took a bit of a turn.
She mentioned that the rest of the galaxy doesn’t feel the way she does and sees humanity as something of a bully. And it’s up to me to change there minds. Huh? “Why me?” I asked her. “Rhynne, there’s a reason the council chose you to be the first human Spectre. They see something in you”. I retorted “Hell no Liara, they just didn’t want to go after Saren in the Terminus because they have their panties in a wad about the prospect of sparking a war. There’s nothing special about me. I’m just a b*tchy redhead that’s good at shooting things”. I looked away starting to feel uncomfortable and suddenly feeling a bit naked. Believe me, I’m a textbook pasty ginger and if I’m wearing nothing but shorts, you look at the risk of blindness.
“Rhynne, I know what happened on Torfan, not many could have come through that the way you did”. Great Torfan again. I said a bit too harshly “So why go sneaking behind my back Liara? ‘The Butcher of Torfan’ is right here. Ask away”. I instantly felt bad (Been doing a lot of that lately. Where’s my self control? What am I? A toddler?). At first she flinched, then composed herself reaching out to put a hand on my arm “I’m sorry, I wanted to know more about you. What made you into the person you are and I was afraid of saying something stupid…..again. And you don’t seem to be very good at talking either Rhynne. So I did some digging. I’m sorry”.
I smiled weakly “Digging. Prothean ruins. I get it.” Liara’s patented confused expression showed up and I met that with an eye roll and a laugh. “Why so much interest in me Liara? Is it because of my contact with the beacon?” She seemed to consider this before saying “Well yes there’s some truth to that, especially at first, but it has grown beyond that. You intrigue me Rhynne, but I wasn’t sure if it was appropriate to act on my feelings.
This is the part where my jaw hits the ground. Feelings? What feelings? I mean….WTF?????
“Are you already involved with Kaiden?” I was dumbfounded. I stammered a bit before answering truthfully “Uh…no Kaiden and I are not in a relationship” (Please God not twice in one day. I don’t have enough left in the emotional tank to do this again). She looked at me very directly “Do you feel anything for me?”.
Oh sh*t I am not any good at this. Please Geth attack right now!
“I don’t know Liara, I’m not any goo….I mean…..” I gave up and threw my hands in the air. “I mean….you really want a relationship with me even though I’m a woman?”
Okay that was stupid.
It was Liara’s turn to roll her eyes “You know we’re mono gendered Rhynne. Male and female means nothing to Asari. I’m not actually a female”. Technically I already knew all this but I was so rattled I was having trouble articulating.
Here’s the thing, Liara is one of my favorite people. I probably do love her on some level. And she is literally the most beautiful person I have ever seen. The rest of us all look like 13 year old boys next to her. But I’ve never really been interested in girls. Yeah I know she’s not a female but here’s the crux of it. Here boobs are bigger than mine, her legs are longer, her voice is higher (not hard to do) and her butt is cuter (very hard to do. Ha ha). I know anyone reading my journal to this point would probably assume I’m uptight sexually. But I’m not. I’m pretty liberal in that area (my sex life is only non existent because I’m a dumpster fire emotionally). I’m not OPPOSED to dating another species or the same gender. I’ve just never found myself attracted to a girl. I could probably be totally happy with Liara but what about passion? I just don’t see it. But I could not come up with this while I was sitting there in front of her, mush mouthed.
“Do you care about me Shepard?”
“Well…uh…..yes”.
She persisted “Well, do you find me attractive?”
“Well um….er……I mean, you’re very beautiful Liara but….”
Whoops wrong words. Her face lit up “I feel the same way. We should wait until the mission is over though. We have a very important task ahead of us after all.” She leaned over kissed me on the cheek and floated out of the room seemingly walking on air.
Great.
I asked my empty room out loud “What the f*ck just happened? Geez. Five long years of NOTHING and now suddenly, everyone wants to get in my knickers. What the f*ck! I’m not even that pretty!”
I flopped face down on my bed and whined into my pillow “Ooooh gawd, I don’t have time for this”. Even more whiney, “My head hurts”.
Rhynne Shepard
2183
Modifié par Demonhoopa, 29 février 2012 - 08:35 .
Retour en haut
It's kinda similar to the one I have now but a bit tougher, looks like she has actually moved around with it.
