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Mass Effect: Deception Discussion Thread (Updated 2/2/2012) *Now with 30% more links!*


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#9351
Yuoaman

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Xaero_Dumort wrote...

Lord Aesir wrote...

Yuoaman wrote...

Xaero_Dumort wrote...

I was serious. I'm re-writing the book. Here is a re-write of the prologue. I'm hoping to try and get a chapter done a day. With today being just the prologue to gauge people's interest and support. This isn't being done as a back handed malicious slap to Dietz or BioWare. I'm doing this because I'm a fan.

http://www.mediafire...v6gflhwbv1h6931

Take the time to read if you can, I need to know if this is a futile effort, what I should change, what people would like to see and the like.


I just read the prologue and it is better - the actions taken are for more in line with Kai Leng's character, and the auction makes far more sense, though I would maybe have done something else with the turian saint's tears - have Kai Leng know that there are no turian saints and consider that perhaps it's a codename for something else - otherwise it's fairly good. The pacing is a little jittery, and it could use some rewording and tweaking in places, but all in all it is a definite improvement.

Might I suggest you also remove Dietz habit of calling him just Leng?


Noted. But I feel it is a two edged thing, Dietz shortened to Leng, but Karpyshn called him by his full name the whole time. Which is really better to go with? Also, I make no claims about turian religion as ME: Evolution gave me the impression that it used to be as such and may still be in some areas of turian space/planets. Jittery yes, but it is a first draft and I'm working without a proper editor.


If you're going to shorten it I would recommend "Kai", it's weird having a bunch of people going by thier last names - Anderson only does it because he's in the military. And ME: Evolution's religion always struck me more as this ancient sect that was never a huge thing, but y'never know.

#9352
Heimdall

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AVPen wrote...

Ok, tell me if I'm misinterpreting this scene or not:

The asari led them to a small waiting area behind the Petitioner’s Stage. Then, once the turian left, it was their turn to walk out onto the platform. Even though Kahlee had been there before it still felt strange to look out across the gap to the Council members on the other side. The asari sat on the far left, flanked by the salarian, the turian, and the human. They were dwarfed by the five-meter-tall holo graphic likeness that hovered over their heads.

So, from how it's described in the scene, the Citadel Council members are all sitting down in front of the "Petitioner's stage" where they meet with people, while giant holographic respresentations of themselves are presented over their heads...

Funny, I don't recall them ever doing that anytime during our meetings with them in the games....:whistle:

They do actually have that in the first novel, but then it seemed more like something that Drew thought would be in the game.

#9353
Sailears

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mineralica wrote...

Relix28 wrote...

Just a reminder.

We have 26 forum pages to go, until we reach 300.

So keep it up guys, and let's reach that 300 mark today.

400?

Indeed. :huh:

It's getting to you!

#9354
ZLurps

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ForteSJGR wrote...

Dietz just twitter posted that deception was number 6 on B&N's Bookpicker picks for February.


www.barnesandnoble.com/u/Books-Sci-Fi-Fantasy-Steampunk-Favorites/379002533/

#9355
Yuoaman

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Guys, we're basically posting around 100 pages a day, how is this even happening?

#9356
WizenSlinky0

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Someone should probably mention that sales on the "expectation of the book" aren't the same as sales on the "actuality of the book". The actuality spreads long term sales and sales on future books. The expectation gets you a few weeks before everyone goes "Wow, this is terrible".

#9357
Iohanna

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ZLurps wrote...

ForteSJGR wrote...

Dietz just twitter posted that deception was number 6 on B&N's Bookpicker picks for February.


www.barnesandnoble.com/u/Books-Sci-Fi-Fantasy-Steampunk-Favorites/379002533/


Must-reads? Really, Mr. James? /EDIVoice

Modifié par Iohanna, 01 février 2012 - 09:54 .


#9358
XXIceColdXX

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LPPrince wrote...

felipejiraya wrote...

It's really amazing, BSN was severely divided in issues like MP and Origin but here it's close to a roman triumph against Deception.

This brings tears of joy to my eyes.


I wonder if Bioware is proud of us.


They should be, were helping them in the long run...

#9359
Relix28

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LPPrince wrote...

Thargorichiban wrote...

Wow...

William C. Dietz himself just twittered this: twitter.com/#!/wcdietz/status/164825799680208896

William C. Dietz[/b]
@wcdietz

MASS EFFECT DECEPTION is no. 6 on Barnes & Noble's Bookseller's picks for February. tor.com/blogs/2012/02/….


I say we all tweet him back telling him how terrible the novel is.


Aw, HELL NO! He did not just do that. Guys, start spamming Dietz' Twitter account. NOW!

Modifié par Relix28, 01 février 2012 - 09:54 .


#9360
Sailears

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Iohanna wrote...

Curunen wrote...

ForteSJGR wrote...

Dietz just twitter posted that deception was number 6 on B&N's Bookpicker picks for February.

Uh oh...

Hey, think positive! It could have been number one! :ph34r:

Who am I kidding? This is so undermining of our efforts it's not even funny! :crying:

(I mean, damn! Did they even read it?)

Surely he must be aware of the criticism by now. But yeah, it could have been no.1!

Although I do hope he doesn't take it personally and harm himself, that would be unfortunate (seriously).

#9361
LPPrince

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https://twitter.com/...828232007434241

#9362
CG50

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ZLurps wrote...

ForteSJGR wrote...

Dietz just twitter posted that deception was number 6 on B&N's Bookpicker picks for February.


www.barnesandnoble.com/u/Books-Sci-Fi-Fantasy-Steampunk-Favorites/379002533/




LOL so it's going to be number 6 even though when you scroll down all the reviews are 1 star

#9363
izmirtheastarach

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I'm really having to hold myself back from posting something profane on Dietz's twitter or facebook.

#9364
LPPrince

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Yuoaman wrote...

Guys, we're basically posting around 100 pages a day, how is this even happening?


Dedication.

Where were we at midnight, anyway?

#9365
ZLurps

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Iohanna wrote...

ZLurps wrote...

ForteSJGR wrote...

Dietz just twitter posted that deception was number 6 on B&N's Bookpicker picks for February.


www.barnesandnoble.com/u/Books-Sci-Fi-Fantasy-Steampunk-Favorites/379002533/


Must-reads? Really, Mr. James? /EDIVoice


I'm never going to buy anything that guy recommends.

#9366
ForteSJGR

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LPPrince wrote...

https://twitter.com/...828232007434241


Was that you?  Cus you just earned yourself a follow.

#9367
Thargorichiban

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LPPrince wrote...

Thargorichiban wrote...

Wow...

William C. Dietz himself just twittered this: twitter.com/#!/wcdietz/status/164825799680208896

William C. Dietz[/b]
@wcdietz

MASS EFFECT DECEPTION is no. 6 on Barnes & Noble's Bookseller's picks for February. tor.com/blogs/2012/02/….


I say we all tweet him back telling him how terrible the novel is.


Well I just checked twitter and the only thing that anybody has told him via it regarding Deception is this:

C.Y. Reid
@ReidFee
[/b]31 Jan
I know that @wcdietz wrote a terrible ME book, but realistically, SOMEONE working with the ME IP must've checked it at some point, right?

Jay Hawk
@jayhawknj

30 Jan
Thank you! @StevenBoriack Received @wcdietz's MASS EFFECT: DECEPTION! Look forward to reading it!

Modifié par Thargorichiban, 01 février 2012 - 09:56 .


#9368
JoeLaTurkey

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LPPrince wrote...

https://twitter.com/...828232007434241


*pulls O-face* 

#9369
didymos1120

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Relix28 wrote...


Aw, HELL NO! He did not just do that. Guys, start spamming Dietz' Twitter account. NOW!


No, don't.

#9370
LPPrince

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ForteSJGR wrote...

LPPrince wrote...

https://twitter.com/...828232007434241


Was that you?  Cus you just earned yourself a follow.


Yes, that was our leader, yours truly.

#9371
Sailears

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LPPrince wrote...

https://twitter.com/...828232007434241

You have a quad. ;)

#9372
Yuoaman

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My tweet to Dietz: "@wcdietz I didn't know that Barnes and Noble's employed comedians..."

#9373
Someone With Mass

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I'm glad that Kai Leng isn't the "adrenaline junkie" in ME3.

He's just arrogant and eager there.

#9374
LPPrince

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didymos1120 wrote...

Relix28 wrote...


Aw, HELL NO! He did not just do that. Guys, start spamming Dietz' Twitter account. NOW!


No, don't.


Spam- Bad idea.

Honest reactions- Good idea.

#9375
Xaero_Dumort

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Yuoaman wrote...

Xaero_Dumort wrote...

Lord Aesir wrote...

Yuoaman wrote...

Xaero_Dumort wrote...

I was serious. I'm re-writing the book. Here is a re-write of the prologue. I'm hoping to try and get a chapter done a day. With today being just the prologue to gauge people's interest and support. This isn't being done as a back handed malicious slap to Dietz or BioWare. I'm doing this because I'm a fan.

http://www.mediafire...v6gflhwbv1h6931

Take the time to read if you can, I need to know if this is a futile effort, what I should change, what people would like to see and the like.


I just read the prologue and it is better - the actions taken are for more in line with Kai Leng's character, and the auction makes far more sense, though I would maybe have done something else with the turian saint's tears - have Kai Leng know that there are no turian saints and consider that perhaps it's a codename for something else - otherwise it's fairly good. The pacing is a little jittery, and it could use some rewording and tweaking in places, but all in all it is a definite improvement.

Might I suggest you also remove Dietz habit of calling him just Leng?


Noted. But I feel it is a two edged thing, Dietz shortened to Leng, but Karpyshn called him by his full name the whole time. Which is really better to go with? Also, I make no claims about turian religion as ME: Evolution gave me the impression that it used to be as such and may still be in some areas of turian space/planets. Jittery yes, but it is a first draft and I'm working without a proper editor.


If you're going to shorten it I would recommend "Kai", it's weird having a bunch of people going by thier last names - Anderson only does it because he's in the military. And ME: Evolution's religion always struck me more as this ancient sect that was never a huge thing, but y'never know.


Which was my point, only fring turians would believe such a thing, I'll try and make that apparent in the writing. I thought about Kai, but with his militaristic nature, despite everything I think Leng fits more, especially as the apparent Cerberus foil to the Alliance Shepard.