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[Imported_beer]

Some of you may remember a fan fiction floating about around here called Sten and the Warden.

It featured an imagined epilogue after the events of DA:O, in which the warden goes to Seheron with Sten, and among its highlights was a scene where they consummate their romance with a sex scene where his manly epic boyparts make her internally bleed. 

Now, it was a fan fic, and some people may like that stuff, and some people may not. Here is the issue.

The author then released a novel called The Commander and Den Asaan Rautu on Amazon.. This "entirely original work of fiction" features all of the following:
1. A race of giant people with dark skin and white hair named the Haata.
2. A surly hero named Den who is found stuck in a cage for murdering a bunch of villagers, has lost his sword, and is rescued by the female protagonist who helps him find his sword. Did I mention, he loves cookies?
3. A king named Alisdair, who hates being a King and is King only because his brother died.
4. A chantry religious organization that oppresses mages. Same in Den's home land.
Other such things that have absolutely nothing to do with Dragon Age. Absolutely nothing I tell you.

This novel got epic ratings including comparisons of the author to Jane Austen. I posted a review 5 months ago- the only negative review at that time- in which I pointed out the similarities between this book, the DA:O universe, and the fan fiction "Sten and the Warden". Then, many months later, one of her fans took umbrage, scolded me for negatively rating a talented author and claimed she spoke to the author who claimed she had NEVER heard of Dragon Age. The author discussing the number of times she played the game, and how much she loved Sten in this article here is clearly a doppelganger and I feel horribly that I accused her of such evil.

I shall now speak of the book Sten and the Warden because clearly if no one has written it, it must have been written by The Maker of Thedas Himself, and thus I shall be atoning for my terribly sins by spreading the wonders of its prose. And any similarities between this and the ENTIRELY ORIGINAL novel The Commander and Den Asaan Rautu is just your paranoia and bias towards talented authors everywhere.

I expect all of you to be properly respectful while reading this. Really.

Modifié par Imported_beer, 26 janvier 2012 - 10:54 .

[Imported_beer]

What happened to my EPIC introductory post? Clearly I am being punished for being unfair to talented writers everywhere!

Sorry. I fail at link.

Modifié par Imported_beer, 26 janvier 2012 - 10:55 .

[ColorMeSuprised]

[meme image removed]


It started with this little tweet by DG:

Plagiarize if you like-- hey, knock yourself out-- but claim originality, along with "I never even heard of Dragon Age"? ****, please.

And we were all curious to figure out what these nice little words actually meant. And we stumbled upon an epic story with epic characters never epicly seen or heard before. The love making was epic, the world was epic, the berobing was epic, the nail polishing the author sniffed on was probably epic, too. And DG himself wrote a comment on this epic masterpiece, voicing his opinion about this.... epicness.

"David R. Gaider says:

I am the lead writer of the Dragon Age series you say the author has never heard of, and I can confirm that she did indeed write the "Sten and the Warden" Dragon Age fanfiction novel and even sent it to me. While the characters and events described in this new book have more than passing resemblance to her fanfiction, I have no idea if they're exactly the same. Sounds like someone thought their fanfiction was so awesome they needed to turn it into something publishable. Whether people think that's a good idea or not I'll leave to those willing to read it-- but I'd say that, if there's anything that makes a "talented author" look bad it's outright lies."

This thread is about the severals works of one self-claimed author who thought changinga few names would be enough to claim it as original work. Well, we beg to differ, mind you.

Link to the book



What the books is about:

Imported_beer wrote...

Oh please! Let me illustrate the wonders of Sten and the Warden. I insist.

Where Sten returns to Seheron with the Warden only to leave it because his people do not like the Warden standing up for a midget Qunari female mage.

Where Alistair nurses a crush on the Warden years after their night together in the tent, but starts to fall for said Qunari female midget mage.

And the lovemaking. Oh...I don't know if my limited command over the English language can even express that scene of passionate culimination of hours of festering sexual tension where despite him warning her that physical intimacy with him CAN KILL YOU, she shows interest in his ...other sword. You know...the one attached to him. And would you believe it? It is HUGE! Unlike any human "sword" she has ever seen. After a few remarks she makes about its size, shape and "general grandeur" (I AM NOT KIDDING),  he gets right down to his "well-knit thighs" (sic) and gets started with insertion.

I guess the qun doesn't demand foreplay!

But instead of "sweet succulence" (sic), he causes- internal bleeding, a broken sacrum, broken ribs, and pain which only serves to excite him to further...er..lengths. After all that...err..tender intimacy, he is amazed that she is still alive- broken but still alive. And she speaks about how his style of love-making is what women want more than anything else in a mate because it is ENTHUSIASTIC! This is also illustrated in her fan-art section where there are a lot of illustrations of the warden and Sten in various copulation poses.

Now, I can understand there are some women/men who enjoy the fantasy of very er...large men. So, well, though I think it is possible (personal opinion) Bioware cringed and poor Mary (writer of Sten) had a fit over the transformationof practical, by the rules Sten into some kind of shirtless, bodice ripper guy, fan fiction is something where that happens and is enjoyed by many. It could have ended there. Sure, it would have had people like me who thought it was hilariously bad to the point of quoting random passages out of it for pure amusement value, and people who enjoyed it, but that is the way of all fan fiction.

BUT, she wrote this other kindle book. In that she meets the giant who is locked in a cage for killing innocent villagers, frees him, helps him find his sword (not *that* one, that comes later...*shudder*), he helps her fight for king AlistairAlisdair and then BAM! They are in the boat to whatever she named Seheron and it proceeds just like the book. So even the parts she added to not make it like an epilogue, are from the game. Cage, murder of villagers, missing sword, etc.

So, I wrote a review 5 months ago.I didn't bother Mr. Gaider with it. I also have TONS of reviews and I don't send him my reviews of girly beauty products either. But someone got upset recently that I wrote that negative review, claimed the authorhadn't even heard of Dragon Age/Sten and the Warden and that is what I forwarded to Mr. Gaider because the fan fiction was very visible here.

And of course, few people seem to be keen on downrating everything either Mr. Gaider, Mr. Ryan Farmer or I said purely because it was Anti Sten Porn. Once he laid the smackdown and said- email me if you dare, they stopped downrating him, but Ryan Farmer and I are still getting "your comments do not add to the discussion" dings because we don't happen to be telling everyone how awesome and original the book is.



SO...that is more of the story for you

Modifié par Stanley Woo, 28 janvier 2012 - 08:49 .

[Klidi]

*waits eagerly for the disrobing scene*

[Merilsell]

Imported_beer wrote...

3. A king named Alisdair, who hates being a King and is King only because his brother died.

I think this is my favorite part.

[Imported_beer]

The Canticle of Epic Disrobing [verse 1]

"We, totally not the qunari, have a tradition of breaking our women" the totally not Sten told her emotionlessly.
"In half of just in general?"
"Once we are rooted in the laps of our victims, we cannot abandon them until the act is finished" The totally not Qunari explained.
The not the Warden gave the Sten a mystified and disbelieving look. "I don't think I follow."
The NOT STEN hesitated for a moment and then began to undo the fasteners that held his mail skirt around his thickset waist. He tossed his mail skirt aside and removed his lengthy loin cloth.
The totally NOT the Warden raised her mouth to her agape mouth in alarm as the NOT QUNARI uncovered himself. "BY THE MAKER!" She swore loudly, unable to look away.
He looked down at himself. "You are dissatisfied?" he asked, uncertain of what to make of her stunned expression.
[Edited the rest]

[To be continued]

Modifié par Imported_beer, 27 janvier 2012 - 04:34 .

[ColorMeSuprised]

Couldn't help myself. I just had to post my threadtext, too. Sorry, Imported_Beer. =)

I love you messing with the story. Totally not Qunari. Epic!

Modifié par ColorMeSuprised, 26 janvier 2012 - 11:06 .

[Imported_beer]

Hey, more the merrier, buddy! Where else can we rant?

[Klidi]

Oooh! Lulzy bad smut! [smilie]../../../images/forum/emoticons/joyful.png[/smilie]

Buuut, shouldn't that be 'BY THE NON-MAKER'?

[ColorMeSuprised]

I do wonder... Aren't Qunari women better off in certain parts than, let's say, humans? I mean, I don't think Mother Nature works the way that most species kill their partner during the act. I mean with spiders the female part sometimes kills the male, but the other way around? I don't think so. Now, if the male happen to bear the children than I would understand the women being in danger...

Great, I read that abstract and what song plays in the packground?

Kevin Little - You turn me on

Modifié par ColorMeSuprised, 26 janvier 2012 - 11:13 .

[gugbunk]

I am disgusted. This is, by far, the biggest insult to an IP that I have ever seen. I hope this chick gets busted for this. Seriously.

[Imported_beer]

The canticle of the epic disrobing part 2 (May contain some explicit euphemisms. Deaths caused due to metaphor overload is NOT my responsibility)
Edited out

/Worries that she is going to get labelled as the resident pervert because of this.

Modifié par Imported_beer, 27 janvier 2012 - 04:33 .

[Klidi]

omg. Lol if I had Kindle, I'd so sacrifice 3 USD just to check if she put this in the published novel, too. xD

[Imported_beer]

Oh it is very close.

I have it on good authority.

[ColorMeSuprised]

Oh Imported-beer, you seriously make my day with these abstracts.

[thats1evildude]

 The images are in my head and they are never, ever going away. 

"Well-knit knees"? 

Modifié par thats1evildude, 26 janvier 2012 - 11:35 .

[gugbunk]

ColorMeSuprised wrote...

Oh Imported-beer, you seriously make my day with these abstracts.

Mine too.

[Most Definitely Sane]

Holy crapasaorus...This is so laughably bad...
I do not know whether or not to sigh in disappointment with humanity, buy the book before it gets taken down due to plagarism so I can laugh even more, or just forget about it.

[Imported_beer]

I am but the humble dispenser of that book without an author.

The wise unknown being who left us with words of wisdom like:

On the matter of size, to subject it to measurement would be to diminish its splendor! I would rather liken it to something more familiar: a large and delicious piece of cake! If placed out and not devoured immediately, it will take to hardening on its own. I maintain that if we women are forced to birth children, we can accommodate decidedly smaller things moving in the opposite direction. You shall not be disappointed!

[JRain]

I'm sorry, but I would NOT want "murderous hands" down there, even if I am sexually attracted to the man. And "well-knit knees" makes me think he's wearing crocheted knee pads.

[ColorMeSuprised]

Most Definitely Sane wrote...

Holy crapasaorus...This is so laughably bad...
I do not know whether or not to sigh in disappointment with humanity, buy the book before it gets taken down due to plagarism so I can laugh even more, or just forget about it.

Just ask imported_beer. She has the pdf of the fanfiction. And the "Original" work on her kindle (I guess?). So maybe she sends it to you, but I'm not sure about the copyright issue (what a laugh).


And well... me being a woman and all, I advice those in precariousness what does or does not fit: Believe in yourself and you can accomodate to everything! You just have to believe! Or be appropriately prepared. Some lube and staring should do.

Modifié par ColorMeSuprised, 26 janvier 2012 - 11:41 .

[JoeLaTurkey]

PLEASE tell me Gaider's going to crush this clown!

[Klidi]

BullionRouge wrote...

I came here hoping the hilariously disturbing consummation scene would be written. I leave disappointed.

I would have found myself a large and delicious piece of cake with which to comfort myself...but enh...now I cannot have cake without imagining it to be Totally Not Sten's [censored].

THANKS FOR RUINING CAKE FOR ME.

Don't worry. The cake was a lie.