draken-heart wrote...
post-game fan fiction story:
*Sam's P.O.V.*
Do you mind if I give you some quick concrit (constructive criticism)?
(If you do mind, please ignore the rest of this... But this is probably of use to anyone who wants to write. My apologies if this comes across as overly pedantic and/or condecending.)
1) Punctuation, capitalisation, and grammar. All three need some work, particularly capitalisation.
Capitals should be used for proper nouns (names), some pronouns (such as "I"), and at the start of sentences and paragraphs.
2) Do not be afraid to use "said". It doesn't matter if your conversation goes "he said" "she said" "he said" "she said", so long as it is clear who is actually speaking. Think about how people really speak, as well.
Be aware that people don't tend to scream ("to utter a long loud piercing cry, as from pain or fear.") in words, though it does have that definition too ("to speak or write in a heated hysterical manner.").
(For instance, when Shepard screams Samantha's name in the story, I'd have used "shouted" or "yelled" or even just "exclaimed" - though the last is definitely a more muted reaction.) Try to be as unambiguous as possible when describing how a person is speaking.
(On the word scream, the second time you use it is perfectly acceptable since it's being used by a character in conversation in a colloquial manner.)
3) In prose, there is no need to use *x does action y* to convey action. Just describe the action - "I launched myself at Shepard, and felt warm when her arms wrapped tight around my waist." rather than *Samantha and Shepard share a loving embrace* (which is doubly odd given the story is supposed to be in the first person).
This can be summed up as "show, don't tell", the golden rule of all fiction writing. Some authors like bending this rule, but unless you're David Webber, you're not likely to get away with it.
4) Consistency. Remember what tense you're writing in, and don't switch it up. Also, remember which perspective you're writing from, and don't switch. (ETA: Actually, that last depends on the perspective you're writing from, and whether or not you've made it clear that you've switched points of view.)
5) Try to keep characters in character. You can feel free to characterize Shepard however you wish (within limits), but Samantha and Hackett have their own distinct personalities. It can be difficult to achieve this with what little characterization there is for both characters in the game, but just stop and think about how the character might react before writing. Sometimes, particularly with the "scripts" being posted in this thread, the characters just seem off, either over the top, or melodramatically so - Liara seems to bear the brunt of this. If you don't like a character, fair enough, but please don't let that bleed into your work, and end up with terrible mischaracterization.
6) If I've broken any of the points I've made while writing this, I am human and can make mistakes. My mistakes don't invalidate anything I've said, as these are pretty much the basics of good writing taught in any writing course, diploma, or degree.
Modifié par Zandilar, 07 juillet 2012 - 08:47 .
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