192 réponses à ce sujet

[android654]

Whenever you hear a "nice guy" complaining that some girl doesn't like them, its never because they're nice its because they're needy. If you're a genuine nice guy, then be that way with everyone because its part of your personality. If you're being nice in hopes that it's gonna pay off in sex, then you failed right there. It's a sucker's move to think that s**t even makes sense.

[Vez04]

Speaking of the thread.

Why does girls always say ''Aw or Awwwww!'' when i talk nice to them?

[thatguy212]

Peanut Butter Jelly Time wrote...

i've been talking to this girl for a year now and she is complicated.  I really like her and we built a trust between us.  She confided in me, trusted me with private matters and spent evenings skyping with each other.

And here is where it gets complicated......

I'll never forget November 1st.  The day I told the girl of my dreams how I felt.  She called me modest compared to other guys (in a good way.  she was not a open person) and said when the time comes for her to move back to where i lived, she'd consider it. (i met her at school before she moved away for a year)  We suddenly stopped talking and when we do talk it is very short.  one lined messages, and just no interest in the conversation.  i asked her is she was ignoring me and she denied it.

But this is what I dont get.  This girl was always talking about guys being douchebags to her, yet guys that were nice to her, she treated like dirt?

i wish for the day, when man will understand women lol

After reading this its obvious what the problem was, you were being so beta its no wonder why she's ignoring you

[Hathur]

Jestina wrote...

For some guys, the nice routine is mostly just an act...which I never fall for now. Sure they are nice in the beginning, but after you've been with them awhile, then you'll find out what they are really like.

Like the saying, if it seems too good to be true....My ex was that way. Very nice when we met, but then he started getting abusive after about a year.

I agree with your assessment as well that the "nice guy" thing is an act by many men (I won't say "most men", just "many"... as I do know a few genuinely nice men whom I've known pretty much my whole life). I endured basically the same thing, met a great guy who was sweet and nice... a bit less than a year into the relationship his true colors came through.. was very Jekyll and Hyde actually.

It's a little easier to spot these days in guys, but that's just because I'm older now and also spend a lot of time around my dad and his guy friends, which has taught me a lot about men in general I think. 

In this regard the only thing I can suggest is to watch for actual acts of compassion and empathy in a man (not just directed at you but to others as well).. these are proper measures of "niceness" ... being a bootlicker, chivalrous, agreeing with you constantly, bending to your wishes and whims all the time, giving you gifts, etc.... these are not proper indicators of "niceness" -- more often than not it is merely part of the courting process or act that they go through to win someone over.... and while not always malicious or deceptive in intent, it is not an accurate indicator of what a man is really like.

The only way to understand a guy properly, in my limited experience, is to get them to lower their guard & act and just be themselves... to get them to stop worrying about impressing you or appearing ideal to their concept of what you want or expect. If they can talk to you like one of their pals while still being romantic and affectionate when appropriate, then you get a far better idea of who a guy is really.... the trick is getting them to talk comfortably and naturally with you as more often than not I think men are worried about saying the "right" or "wrong" thing too much.

............ To the OP... you're clearly very young so don't feel bad... boys and girls at your age have no clue what they're doing as you're still sorting out things like hormones and emotions... you'll still be doing that when you're older but they're a little more clear to comprehend at times as you age (arguably not much though). 

I'm sad to say that unfortunately many (not all though, as I wasn't one of them) girls / women are initially drawn to adventurous or rebellious men or (ugh) "bad boys" as some call them... and often claim publicly they want "nice" guys. Not having been one of those women I can't profess to understand this entirely but what it really boils down to is a delusion of power and influence... some young girls and women want to feel empowered by somehow finding a way to get a rebellious guy to bend to their whim, to break or control him in essence as if he were a wild horse that needed to be broken first... of course this either usually fails (or succeeds and she then gets bored of him) and the girl gets frustrated and upset and tells herself she wants a nice guy instead... only to find them "boring" because they won't fulfill their subconscious power fantasy of breaking them in.

What you need to do is find girls who are perhaps not interested in "bad boys"... we exist and in great numbers... but we're often shy or awkward and not good at talking to boys / men as we're not good at pursuing them or showing our interest..... we're also not often the "popular" girls either... so broaden your horizons and look elsewhere for interesting girls who might be too shy or nervous to express themselves directly to you. 

Anyway, that's my long-winded advice from my pathetic & limited experiences in romance and love in general (I'm 32 if that matters in terms of life experience).

Modifié par Hathur, 03 février 2012 - 07:41 .

[JeffZero]

People are individuals. Broadly, there are some pertinent similarities across large groups. But generally speaking, the first error is in labeling an entire gender as unable to be understood.

[Arcadian Legend]

JeffZero wrote...

People are individuals. Broadly, there are some pertinent similarities across large groups. But generally speaking, the first error is in labeling an entire gender as unable to be understood.

This is also true for all groups of people and subcultures, not just gender-limited.

[King Minos]

Siansonea II wrote...

King Minos wrote...

I can't tell if they are serious or not, always get the feeling that they have a hidden agenda.

If the hottest girl came up to me and said 'Do you like me?' , i would say no incase (but secretly i do) she was not serious and just trying to show me up. Quite a few good looking girls have asked me out and i always say no.

Screw risking my social reputation and making myself look like a muppet in front of people if she says that she is not interested in me.

Coming from the other side, a lot of so-called "nice" guys have chatted me up in the past, only to later make it clear that they wanted the sexytimes. And then they got mad that I wasn't interested, that I was some kind of **** because I wasn't attracted to them. That's when it became clear just how skin-deep that "nice guy" act had been. On the other hand, I have lots of male friends who never pressured me in that way. There's no formula. The bottom line is not every "nice guy" that gets friendzoned is actually a genuinely nice guy. If you're nice to a girl because you want to get in her pants—come on now.

I see those guys all the time and find out they cheated on their current partners. I'm not a nice guy i'm rude, sarcastic, obnoxious or just plain insulting but i won't stoop that low to cheat or get with a girl just for sex then dump her, unless the girl makes suggestions of a one night stand then sure, why not? But overall, i'm not that type of douchebag.

I'm just a suspicious person thats all, i always keep feeling you girls are planning something. There was this lad who was not the most popular guy in the school, strange looking guy but he was friendly and i liked him.

Anyway, he fancied this girl who was one of the 'popular' group and she asked him, he happily agreed. Turns out 10 minutes later she did it as a joke. I thought it was bloody horrible what she did to him, completely humiliated him in front of the class and the poor bastard still fancies her.

I am well aware that not all girls are like this but i get suspicious if one talks to me

Anyway i am only semi interested in a relationship, my education comes first. A relationship at college or uni always ends up messy. Either one or the other cheats.

Modifié par King Minos, 03 février 2012 - 07:47 .

[FeralEwok]

To OP

You were put in the friend zone a long time ago bud. Happens to us all sometimes. If she wanted to be with you then it would have happened all ready. Yeah sure you may have confided in one another and she may have told you things she's "never told anyone else before," but chances are you were there for her to talk and feel good about herself. Not saying that's women for you, but it's most likely the one in question.

When someone starts getting brief with you when previously use to talk volumes, then something's up. In this instance things got to real for her and she bailed.

Maybe it's more complicated but at this age you do not need to get involved with that kind of drama. Don't let the way you feel for her cloud your thinking and talk to other people because I really doubt you will get back what you had before.

[MASSEFFECTfanforlife101]

This is what I fear every time. I feel like I'll never find someone. I see a lot of women dating guys who are tough, "manly," and some guys who can be complete. I'm always one of those guys who finishes last. I don't know why. Maybe I'm not meant to be happy with a woman who likes me for who I am, and not what I'm supposed to be for the public's best interest. I'm not strong enough to hold a relationship either. I've been told that it was not me, but that pretty much means that it was me. I don't know when I'll find that certain woman out there. I just hope it's not impossible for me.

I just hate it THE SAYING "Nice guys finish last."

How far do I have to push myself in order to impress a woman?

Modifié par MASSEFFECTfanforlife101, 03 février 2012 - 07:57 .

[DiebytheSword]

Peanut Butter Jelly Time wrote...

i've been talking to this girl for a year now and she is complicated.  I really like her and we built a trust between us.  She confided in me, trusted me with private matters and spent evenings skyping with each other.

And here is where it gets complicated......

I'll never forget November 1st.  The day I told the girl of my dreams how I felt.  She called me modest compared to other guys (in a good way.  she was not a open person) and said when the time comes for her to move back to where i lived, she'd consider it. (i met her at school before she moved away for a year)  We suddenly stopped talking and when we do talk it is very short.  one lined messages, and just no interest in the conversation.  i asked her is she was ignoring me and she denied it.

But this is what I dont get.  This girl was always talking about guys being douchebags to her, yet guys that were nice to her, she treated like dirt?

i wish for the day, when man will understand women lol

I wouldn't push.  If they are being evasive they need time to sort things out themselves.  This sound very familiar to my first girlfreind, and because I kept pushing I ruined it bad.  Things would have never worked between us anyway.

I have the wisdom to see that now in hindsight, but it took me a long uncomfortable while to get over her.  If she's conflicted, pushing her is only going to make her close herself off to you.

[android654]

MASSEFFECTfanforlife101 wrote...

This is what I fear every time. I feel like I'll never find someone. I see a lot of women dating guys who are tough, "manly," and some guys who can be complete. I'm always one of those guys who finishes last. I don't know why. Maybe I'm not meant to be happy with a woman who likes me for who I am, and not what I'm supposed to be for the public's best interest. I'm not strong enough to hold a relationship either. I've been told that it was not me, but that pretty much means that it was me. I don't know when I'll find that certain woman out there. I just hope it's not impossible for me.

I just hate it THE SAYING "Nice guys finish last."

How far do I have to push myself in order to impress a woman?

You're problem is that you're trying to impress anyone at all.

[FeralEwok]

MASSEFFECTfanforlife101 wrote...

How far do I have to push myself in order to impress a woman?

First step is to stop feeling so damn sorry for yourself.

Second step is to stop trying to impress a woman.

If you evaluate your self worth to be poor then that's how others are going to see you.

You don't have to buy into manly macho-ness but gain some confidence. Even if it's false confidence.

[chunkyman]

MASSEFFECTfanforlife101 wrote...

How far do I have to push myself in order to impress a woman?

Get a gun. Intemidate the competions. Win girl.

Trust me I'ma pro.

[happy_daiz]

FeralEwok wrote...
First step is to stop feeling so damn sorry for yourself.

Second step is to stop trying to impress a woman.

If you evaluate your self worth to be poor then that's how others are going to see you.

You don't have to buy into manly macho-ness but gain some confidence. Even if it's false confidence.

^ No sugar coating there, but it's true.

Stop fixating on it, and live your life! Love will come to you when you are ready for it.

Modifié par happy_daiz, 03 février 2012 - 08:06 .

[Hathur]

MASSEFFECTfanforlife101 wrote...

This is what I fear every time. I feel like I'll never find someone. I see a lot of women dating guys who are tough, "manly," and some guys who can be complete. I'm always one of those guys who finishes last. I don't know why. Maybe I'm not meant to be happy with a woman who likes me for who I am, and not what I'm supposed to be for the public's best interest. I'm not strong enough to hold a relationship either. I've been told that it was not me, but that pretty much means that it was me. I don't know when I'll find that certain woman out there. I just hope it's not impossible for me.

I just hate it THE SAYING "Nice guys finish last."

How far do I have to push myself in order to impress a woman?

Have you considered you're looking for the wrong women? Don't look for a woman who wants an Alpha male, you don't sound like an Alpha male (that's not an insult) yet it sounds like you're pursuing women who want an alpha.... don't do that. Look elsewhere and look often... romance is often a numbers game, you need to meet a lot of people and fail a lot before you find the right one... don't get depressed with each rejection, just sigh a bit and move on to the next.

For me, there's only a SINGLE beneficial quality in alpha males - they are usually better guardians or instinctual guardians... this is obviously beneficial in an instance where my life is in danger.... other than that I find Alpha males more often than not to be insufferable control freaks or douches (not all.. but most of them seem to be).

Alpha males were useful to the species centuries ago... not really so much today (in my opinion anyway).

There are plenty of women who don't want a dominant Alpha male in their life.

[FeralEwok]

happy_daiz wrote...

^ No sugar coating there, but it's true.

Stop fixating on it, and live your life! Love will come to you when you are ready for it.

People close to me use to sugar coat it. Doing so was only a disservice to me. People don't want to face brutal truth and instead start making excuses. Don't. It just made me confused and more frustrated when I was down on my luck.

You can still be a sweet, sensitive, caring, and intelligent person, but none of that will matter if someone of the opposite sex feels like they have to constantly build you up.

[happy_daiz]

^ Exactly, and coming from the other side of that coin, feeling like you're responsible for someone else's emotional well-being is tiresome.

Modifié par happy_daiz, 03 février 2012 - 08:20 .

[King Minos]

MASSEFFECTfanforlife101 wrote...

This is what I fear every time. I feel like I'll never find someone. I see a lot of women dating guys who are tough, "manly," and some guys who can be complete. I'm always one of those guys who finishes last. I don't know why. Maybe I'm not meant to be happy with a woman who likes me for who I am, and not what I'm supposed to be for the public's best interest. I'm not strong enough to hold a relationship either. I've been told that it was not me, but that pretty much means that it was me. I don't know when I'll find that certain woman out there. I just hope it's not impossible for me.

I just hate it THE SAYING "Nice guys finish last."

How far do I have to push myself in order to impress a woman?

You will be fine, trust me, i am useless with women. Go to a house party, get laid. Happened to me.

Some women have high expectations and want the best looking guy, only to be ignored themselves.

Modifié par King Minos, 03 février 2012 - 08:26 .

[suprhomre]

Dude she is just not into you. Life is what it's. Love can be as complicated as an mathematic equation but it's also about chemistry. In this scenario I think she doesn't like you as a lover. But, more like a friend and is clearly avoiding you because she is more confused then you are and don't know how to deal with it. Trust me one day you will meet someone that will appreciate you. It's all about chemistry. Be patient and wait.

[Gotholhorakh]

@OP

You've got to bite the bullet and establish how she really feels, however hard it might be to hear. "Person up" before you do this so you can take it whatever it is. Expect it to be a kick in the guts and resolve not to come across as bitter and horrible if it is. Now go and ask her.

 If it is anything except her liking you, make a clean break of it for now, and let her come back later, see if she does and see if you feel ok with it.


Of course, if she tells you she likes you, go in for the kill, young man. [smilie]../../../images/forum/emoticons/smile.png[/smilie]

DiebytheSword wrote...

I wouldn't push.  If they are being evasive they need time to sort things out themselves.  This sound very familiar to my first girlfreind, and because I kept pushing I ruined it bad.  Things would have never worked between us anyway.

I have the wisdom to see that now in hindsight, but it took me a long uncomfortable while to get over her.  If she's conflicted, pushing her is only going to make her close herself off to you.

That's terrible - I think a lot of people have taken a shine to GMag even if he posts in text speak tbh - I think people are basically being snobs.

Milana_Saros wrote...
There really isn't much to understand. The whole girls vs. boys thing is pretty much BS...a pundle of excuses. There was a brilliant episode in Sex in the City back during the day where Berger told Miranda that mostly if a guy doesn't want to go to your place after a date then he is just not that into you.

Ha, that show is full of little pearls of wisdom that fail to understand people so much it's not funny, and that's a perfect example.

Modifié par Gotholhorakh, 03 février 2012 - 10:09 .

[CmndrFisher]

Hey PB&J, don’t even try to figure them out. I’ve had a handful of GF’s and then after being married for 21 years I still haven’t a clue what makes women tick. So , after my marriage ended (she left for another man), I decided to give up and just go with the flow. One of Life’s Great Mysteries, I suppose.

[Volus Warlord]

Jestina wrote...

Siansonea II wrote...
If you're nice to a girl because you want to get in her pants—come on now.

That probably applies to ninty nine percent of the male population. They tend to have a one track mind.

Yeah, well, um..

We tend to come hard-wired with what I like to call "the little voice." Appropriate enough euphemism, right?

Something in the back of your mind wants to nail girl x. It says, "Who cares? Look at her! She's beautiful, and would be fantastic..."

And I'm pretty sure you know the rest.  Some of us try to control it, some of us do our best to indulge it, but we all have it and that is not changing. It will always influence our speech and actions to a lesser or greater extent. Nothing I can do about it. 

Yes, I know our "little voice" hurts people. I know too many of us hold a damn loudspeaker to it. But at the same time, it's not like you don't benefit from it at times. Hell, more than a few women build their entire careers taunting the little voice. I'd be downright ashamed to say what I've done for absolutely nothing because the "client" was motivating. Just the right smile and she can get 2/3s of guys to do  damn near whatever she wants. 

So, in my opinion, the little voice is not a curse but a trade-off for your end. For my end, eh. All I know is it's not going anywhere... and that girl isn't half bad looking.. 

[Stanley Woo]

Off-topic posts removed. Bans handed out.

[Homey C-Dawg]

Welcome to the wonderful world of women OP. Just a little bit of advice, women enjoy messing with your head, so don't let it get to you and just be yourself. Not being yourself is the biggest problem young men (especially geeks) make when dealing with women.

[DRUNK_CANADIAN]

I understand money, and in the end, that matters much more.