I just want to know, how do you manage a person dear to you meeting a tragic end, in a rather depressing way? How do you manage knowing you didn't get to say goodbye or couldn't help them through it, and when your last time with them was an argument?
How do you handle death...?
Débuté par
DRUNK_CANADIAN
, févr. 22 2012 03:40
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#2
Posté 22 février 2012 - 03:59
John Brightman
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I go to church.
Then act as the sane one in the family and move on while burying my emotions and living a good life as my deceased loved one would want me to. If I go to the gravesite again, as I just recently lost a loved one then I'll dump a bottle of Jack Daniels by the grave. Then move on and live my life.
If I have offspring then I'll take them to the grave to lay flowers.
If I was invited to a grave site then I'd lay flowers unless it was a party. If that was the case then I'd pay respects.
I think to many people hide behind death and think it as a way to make amends. You say what you say to a person when they are alive and if they were even a blink in your eye. You pay respects and move on. Never talk ill of the dead.
I ws introduced to death when a classmate passed away when I was a child. The only thing you can do is be strong and move on. Life Goes On.
Then act as the sane one in the family and move on while burying my emotions and living a good life as my deceased loved one would want me to. If I go to the gravesite again, as I just recently lost a loved one then I'll dump a bottle of Jack Daniels by the grave. Then move on and live my life.
If I have offspring then I'll take them to the grave to lay flowers.
If I was invited to a grave site then I'd lay flowers unless it was a party. If that was the case then I'd pay respects.
I think to many people hide behind death and think it as a way to make amends. You say what you say to a person when they are alive and if they were even a blink in your eye. You pay respects and move on. Never talk ill of the dead.
I ws introduced to death when a classmate passed away when I was a child. The only thing you can do is be strong and move on. Life Goes On.
Modifié par John Brightman, 22 février 2012 - 04:03 .
#3
Posté 22 février 2012 - 04:58
chunkyman
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Video games are a great way to take your mind off of negative things like death.
Ice cream works too.
Edit: Dangit, this thread already has me depressed. Here's a puppy to cheer this thread up.
Ice cream works too.
Edit: Dangit, this thread already has me depressed. Here's a puppy to cheer this thread up.
Modifié par chunkyman, 22 février 2012 - 05:01 .
#4
Posté 22 février 2012 - 05:02
Homebound
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I accept it, then I move on.
I understand most people can't do this without some sort of grieving process first.
I understand most people can't do this without some sort of grieving process first.
#5
Posté 22 février 2012 - 05:05
Tazzmission
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well... my grandmother passed before christmas a 2 months ago and i was really close to her.
i admit i cryed like a baby and almost tackled a guy do to rage ( but didnt)
honestly i blog about it because that helps me go from thinking negative to thinking possitive.
whats crazy is we buried her on my bday ( dec 28th) and instead of feeling sad about it i look at it like its a sighn saying we are even closer
i admit i cryed like a baby and almost tackled a guy do to rage ( but didnt)
honestly i blog about it because that helps me go from thinking negative to thinking possitive.
whats crazy is we buried her on my bday ( dec 28th) and instead of feeling sad about it i look at it like its a sighn saying we are even closer
Modifié par Tazzmission, 22 février 2012 - 05:05 .
#6
Posté 22 février 2012 - 05:07
The Jackal
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chunkyman wrote...
Video games are a great way to take your mind off of negative things like death.
Ice cream works too.
Edit: Dangit, this thread already has me depressed. Here's a puppy to cheer this thread up.
Who's a cute puppy. Yes you are, yes you are.
#7
Posté 22 février 2012 - 10:38
OmegaXI
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I remember them for who they were and how they lived not how they died. If you only focus on a person's death then you are missing everything that made them who they were while they still lived. Death doesn't define a person but their life does.
#8
Guest_Hainkpe_*
Posté 22 février 2012 - 12:30
Guest_Hainkpe_*
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When I was 19, I just got home for winter break from uni. My mother and I were at the store when my elementary schoool principle saw us. He hugged me and my mother. He asked me questions about uni and then teased me about things I had done when I was a child. He told me he was proud of me. Then he left. Later that afternoon he died in a car crash. He and his family were very close to mine. He knew my grandmother and I knew him everyday of my life.DRUNK_CANADIAN wrote...
I just want to know, how do you manage a person dear to you meeting a tragic end, in a rather depressing way? How do you manage knowing you didn't get to say goodbye or couldn't help them through it, and when your last time with them was an argument?
Its not the same situation but it is one where it was unexpected. I have experienced death many times both with friends and family. Each one is painful but each one taught me something about my life.
You see, loss is a process. One that you go through more times than not. Its how you cope with the loss is what matters. Not being able to say good bye is only one facet to your story. I suspect there is also guilt for the argument. That you didn't part in a way that allows you to feel their loss. But realize, just because they can't hear you or are there to see you doesn't mean thats how the argument ends. End it for yourself. Talk to them, write to them, have someone sit down with you and you tell them all of what you would have said. If you believe in a higher power, then the loved one will hear you. If you believe in life ending upon death, then you are forgiving yourself for the argument.
What is important here isn't how it ended but how it impacted your life. The moments where you laughed and cried with this person. The moments where you told them or let them know they meant something to you. Right now all you can see is what you didn't do, but forgive yourself then you can start to see all that you did do.
Grief is a process. It takes however long it takes. Be that weeks or months. No one has the right to tell you to get over it or get past it or let it go. That's your decision. Find ways, meaningful ways, that signify what they meant to you. Keep it healthy, but do it in a way that is personal to you.
Know that you will feel anger, wish that they would come back so you can have that last talk, resentment, or deny what happened in the argument. All of that and possibly more. That's okay. That's to be expected. Allow yourself to grieve. Realize your tears and pain will end. When that's up to you.
In my culture, life is a sacred hoop. Death is us returning to who we are and from where we came. Death isn't something to fear but is like an old friend who walks through us in life. We allow our grief to have us for four days then we mourn for a year. Grief and mourning are very different. Grief is the expression of that emotion, mourning is the recognition of that loss. After one year, the mourning is over and we continue to live.
Time doesn't heal the wound, you do. You do this by remembering them, finding meaning in their life and by acknowledging all that they were to you, both the positive and negative.
You can do this, you can find a way to keep going.
My sympathies and good luck.
Modifié par Hainkpe, 22 février 2012 - 12:34 .
#9
Posté 22 février 2012 - 01:23
Jedi Ninja
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Not very well at all the last time I had to deal with it's was when a very dear friend past we grew up together she was like a sister to me. When it happened I just totaly shout down everything thing just stoped it was bad it took a bit but with help from family and friends I got through it. What helped was remembering all the good times we had.
#10
Posté 22 février 2012 - 01:28
Chuvvy
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Probably poorly considering I have an, at best, limited reaction to it. I'll probably hit 30, have a mental break, and go out in som form of murder suicide.
Modifié par Slidell505, 22 février 2012 - 01:31 .
#11
Posté 22 février 2012 - 01:28
Sinmara
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How i handle death ?
Like life. with deep respect.
All living beings and souls are connected and death is a point in circle of life, when old connections change and new begins. Nothing to fear, nothing to wish for ... just a part of world we live in.
The lost is real and its not if we go deeper.
Like life. with deep respect.
All living beings and souls are connected and death is a point in circle of life, when old connections change and new begins. Nothing to fear, nothing to wish for ... just a part of world we live in.
The lost is real and its not if we go deeper.
#12
Posté 22 février 2012 - 01:31
Sinmara
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And to the TO:
Its tragic if an argument is the last memory you have. try to get contact in a symbolic way for you, to have the talk you miss. do it not for the other person. do this for you.
Its tragic if an argument is the last memory you have. try to get contact in a symbolic way for you, to have the talk you miss. do it not for the other person. do this for you.
#13
Posté 22 février 2012 - 01:58
Elhanan
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Belief in the idea that wherever they are now, they know the truth of my love for their lives and the value they have for me; seems to help me.
#14
Posté 22 février 2012 - 02:07
Cartims
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I think the only death I will handle well will be my own.
#15
Posté 22 février 2012 - 02:07
mousestalker
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Badly. One of the paradoxes of life is that the more you love, the deeper you will mourn.
But life lived without live isn't worth living, so you have to be open to the pain of grief.
You never stop missing them, either. You just learn to live without them.
But life lived without live isn't worth living, so you have to be open to the pain of grief.
You never stop missing them, either. You just learn to live without them.
#16
Posté 22 février 2012 - 02:13
Aslanasadi
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mousestalker wrote...
Badly. One of the paradoxes of life is that the more you love, the deeper you will mourn.
But life lived without live isn't worth living, so you have to be open to the pain of grief.
You never stop missing them, either. You just learn to live without them.
This is the same way I feel about this.
#17
Posté 22 février 2012 - 02:15
Arch1eviathan
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My father died when I was 13. experiencing that at a young age gave me an invaluable (and hard) fact of life. Everyone and everything dies. Even memories you have of those people will eventually die with you. you. just accept it and move on.
I find it better to focus on the here and now rather then to dwell on the inevitable end.
I find it better to focus on the here and now rather then to dwell on the inevitable end.
#18
Guest_Hainkpe_*
Posté 22 février 2012 - 02:21
Guest_Hainkpe_*
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When I was in grad school, a classmate lost her grandmother. The grandmother was 104 years old. We went to the funeral to support our classmate. The funeral itself wasn't sad. There were some tears but more laughter and stories than anything else. The grandmother died in her sleep of natural causes. Family stood up and spoke about her. They talked about her life and her kids and all that she had done. It was one of the most amazing things I ever experienced. They loved her in a way that I don't think I would ever be loved. They were happy for her because they believed she was with her husband whom she adored. Our classmate was sad for a little bit and she grieved but the way her grandmother died was easy for her to accept because of the life she had lived.mousestalker wrote...
Badly. One of the paradoxes of life is that the more you love, the deeper you will mourn.
But life lived without live isn't worth living, so you have to be open to the pain of grief.
You never stop missing them, either. You just learn to live without them.
I think it comes down to many factors. Not just the love you had for that person but also your connection to their life. I think the deeper you love, the more likely you are to carry them with you for the rest of your life. They will continue to live on in your, in your actions, thoughts and beliefs. Their life will change yours and you will be better for it.
#19
Posté 22 février 2012 - 02:33
turian councilor Knockout
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It's the way of life, it just have to be accepted even if it's hard.
#20
Posté 22 février 2012 - 02:40
Phaffner
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I remember my love, I love her as much now as I did then, I mourn her loss every day but I live my life one day at a time for her in her name. Thats how I cope with her loss.
#21
Posté 22 février 2012 - 03:03
Little Queen
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Badly, very badly. I dont wanna think about it and i feel also uncomfortable talking about it, esp. when its about people that i really like or love.
#22
Posté 22 février 2012 - 03:36
Seagloom
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Rage. Unrelenting blinding rage that would almost certainly result in the destruction of personal possessions. I might develop a venomous hatred to whoever I felt was responsible for that untimely death as well. The instigator of the accident, the murderer, the doctor, or myself if I felt I could have done more.
I don't handle perceived unfairness well, and a tragic death will feel unfair by its very nature.
If I lost someone to death by natural causes, I imagine rage would be replaced by a long lasting depression. I can't say for sure, not having lost anyone. When I get right down to it, this whole post is conjecture. For all I know I'll just bawl uncontrollably for days or go catatonic.
I don't handle perceived unfairness well, and a tragic death will feel unfair by its very nature.
If I lost someone to death by natural causes, I imagine rage would be replaced by a long lasting depression. I can't say for sure, not having lost anyone. When I get right down to it, this whole post is conjecture. For all I know I'll just bawl uncontrollably for days or go catatonic.
Modifié par Seagloom, 22 février 2012 - 03:39 .
#23
Posté 22 février 2012 - 03:52
swirlwind
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Grief. Guilt. Anger, both towards the deceased and myself.
Eventually, acceptance. Forgiveness, both towards the deceased and myself.
After many years, it still hurts sometimes, and you will find yourself missing the person who is gone at unexpected moments. And while you remember both the good and the bad, it's the good that matters the most. So you carry them with you, and are grateful for the time you had together.
Eventually, acceptance. Forgiveness, both towards the deceased and myself.
After many years, it still hurts sometimes, and you will find yourself missing the person who is gone at unexpected moments. And while you remember both the good and the bad, it's the good that matters the most. So you carry them with you, and are grateful for the time you had together.
#24
Posté 22 février 2012 - 04:08
Skypezee
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It's part of life and I accept it as such. But I will admit that I do experience anger if it was a death that could have been avoided.
#25
Posté 23 février 2012 - 01:24
Beba
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Hainkpe wrote...
When I was 19, I just got home for winter break from uni. My mother and I were at the store when my elementary schoool principle saw us. He hugged me and my mother. He asked me questions about uni and then teased me about things I had done when I was a child. He told me he was proud of me. Then he left. Later that afternoon he died in a car crash. He and his family were very close to mine. He knew my grandmother and I knew him everyday of my life.DRUNK_CANADIAN wrote...
I just want to know, how do you manage a person dear to you meeting a tragic end, in a rather depressing way? How do you manage knowing you didn't get to say goodbye or couldn't help them through it, and when your last time with them was an argument?
Its not the same situation but it is one where it was unexpected. I have experienced death many times both with friends and family. Each one is painful but each one taught me something about my life.
You see, loss is a process. One that you go through more times than not. Its how you cope with the loss is what matters. Not being able to say good bye is only one facet to your story. I suspect there is also guilt for the argument. That you didn't part in a way that allows you to feel their loss. But realize, just because they can't hear you or are there to see you doesn't mean thats how the argument ends. End it for yourself. Talk to them, write to them, have someone sit down with you and you tell them all of what you would have said. If you believe in a higher power, then the loved one will hear you. If you believe in life ending upon death, then you are forgiving yourself for the argument.
What is important here isn't how it ended but how it impacted your life. The moments where you laughed and cried with this person. The moments where you told them or let them know they meant something to you. Right now all you can see is what you didn't do, but forgive yourself then you can start to see all that you did do.
Grief is a process. It takes however long it takes. Be that weeks or months. No one has the right to tell you to get over it or get past it or let it go. That's your decision. Find ways, meaningful ways, that signify what they meant to you. Keep it healthy, but do it in a way that is personal to you.
Know that you will feel anger, wish that they would come back so you can have that last talk, resentment, or deny what happened in the argument. All of that and possibly more. That's okay. That's to be expected. Allow yourself to grieve. Realize your tears and pain will end. When that's up to you.
In my culture, life is a sacred hoop. Death is us returning to who we are and from where we came. Death isn't something to fear but is like an old friend who walks through us in life. We allow our grief to have us for four days then we mourn for a year. Grief and mourning are very different. Grief is the expression of that emotion, mourning is the recognition of that loss. After one year, the mourning is over and we continue to live.
Time doesn't heal the wound, you do. You do this by remembering them, finding meaning in their life and by acknowledging all that they were to you, both the positive and negative.
You can do this, you can find a way to keep going.
My sympathies and good luck.
Thank you for your words,Hainkpe...<3(Lost friend recently)
