159 réponses à ce sujet

[Arisugawa]

Received at my N7 terminal today...these Cerberus types are pretty sore losers.

****************

To: Victoria (Alliance Infiltrator)
From: Rick (Cerberus Combat Engineer)

You suck. Go back to the kitchen and make me a sandwich. You think you're big stuff shooting me with a sniper rifle from across the field, huh? I bet you used a Tac Cloak when you did it as well. You can't fight. I'd like to see you come face me one on one without the fancy tech. I'll even leave my turrets behind. You suck. Don't come back.

******************


To: Victoria (Alliance Infiltrator)
From: Rick (Cerberus Combat Engineer)

I thought  I said leave the tech behind, *****. Anyone can headshot an anyone with a Phalanx when they use a Cryo Blast first. How bad must you suck at combat if you can only Tac Cloak headshot or Cryo Blast with a pistol? Stop ruining the war for everyone else.

*******************


To: Victoria (Alliance Infiltrator)
From: Rick (Cerberus Combat Engineer)

You think it's funny to hit someone with a sticky grenade? You think that takes skill? You've got nothing. I'm sick of your pathetic attempts to fight against me and my teammates. We're done. I'm reporting you to the Illusive Man. We'll see how long it takes before the Alliance bans you from the field.

********************

[Moonshadow_Dark]

Think that's bad? Here's a lovely message I got just last night.

To: Maulin Delos (Salarian STG)
From: Phantom (Cerberus Black Ops)

Hello, you scum sucking salamander looking waste of alien seed. You think you're so cool draining my barrier and shooting me in the head when your little Asari Adept **** has me on Stasis. Does she enjoy fighting your battles for you? I bet you like it when she does. You and your kind are the reason this galaxy is going to hell. I hope those Reapers destroy your mother's home on that back water pond world where you come from. Screw you, you sniper rifle toting lizard. You stay behind while everyone else does the dirty work. Real man you are. Burn in hell.

[Scouren]

Mechs + rocket launchers please.

[Luxure]

How do you get these ?

[Moonshadow_Dark]

Luxure wrote...

How do you get these ?

From being awesome.

Haters gonna hate.

[BaneTheSpecTRe]

To: Fury (Alliance Vanguard)
From: All of us from Cerberus Team

Please stop charging us. =(

[Luxure]

Moonshadow_Dark wrote...

Luxure wrote...

How do you get these ?

From being awesome.

Haters gonna hate.

You're so constructive. Cut the crap.
Back to my question please :]

[Wasted10Dollars]

To Paco (STG infiltrator)
From Cerberus
Why you make so many puns? Our heads getting blown off not funny >

To Cerberus
From Paco

Don't lose your head

To Paco
From Cerberus

FUUUUUUUUUU

[Wasted10Dollars]

Luxure wrote...

Moonshadow_Dark wrote...

Luxure wrote...

How do you get these ?

From being awesome.

Haters gonna hate.

You're so constructive. Cut the crap.
Back to my question please :]

*cough* made them up *cough*

[Chriss0978]

KeyBane wrote...

To: Fury (Alliance Vanguard)
From: All of us from Cerberus Team

Please stop charging us. =(

No more charging?
This is just deppressing.

[Landamskarn]

I got one from an unlikely source...

To: Gorshin (Alliance Engineer)

From: Turret #2584-C

I'm flaming quick death
A quick end for the careless
I'll never be nerfed!

May I ask why sir
When we meet you don't cry sir
Instead I explode

Incinerate sucks
Overload broken garbage
I hope they nerf YOU!

[Luxure]

Wasted10Dollars wrote...

Luxure wrote...

Moonshadow_Dark wrote...

Luxure wrote...

How do you get these ?

From being awesome.

Haters gonna hate.

You're so constructive. Cut the crap.
Back to my question please :]

*cough* made them up *cough*

I feel stupid right now. Thanks for solving the mystery. Back to My Little Pony

[Wasted10Dollars]

Luxure wrote...

Wasted10Dollars wrote...

Luxure wrote...

Moonshadow_Dark wrote...

Luxure wrote...

How do you get these ?

From being awesome.

Haters gonna hate.

You're so constructive. Cut the crap.
Back to my question please :]

*cough* made them up *cough*

I feel stupid right now. Thanks for solving the mystery. Back to My Little Pony

Happens to the best of us bro

*Brohoof*

[RogueKrogan]

To: Beefyman (Krogan Soldier)
From: Cerberus Nemesis
Subject: Stand still, please

BZZZT PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS UNIT IS NOT SPECIALIZED FOR ENGAGEMENTS AT A RANGE OF 10 METERS OR LESS. PLEASE ALLOW SUFFICENT DISTANCE FROM OPERATIONAL CERBERUS UNIT "NEMESIS" DURING AN ENGAGEMENT. DUE TO THE 187% AVERAGE HEAD SIZE INCREASE OF SPECIES "KROGAN",TARGET ACQUISITION AND SUBSEQUENT ASSASSINATION IS 64.5% QUICKER. PLEASE REMAIN IN A SEDENTARY POSITION DURING AN ENGAGEMENT WITH ONE OR MORE "NEMESIS" UNITS FOR QUICKER DELIVERY.

-THANK YOU FOR READING

Modifié par RogueKrogan, 23 février 2012 - 03:37 .

[KayB1991]

To:Bouch (Alliance Infiltrator)
From: Cerberus Assault Troopers Union
We have noticed that you like to aim at the heads of cerberus members and thus "blow their heads clean off". While this may be fun and entertaining for you we will not allow this to go unpunished. Therefore, we kindly ask that you refrain from aiming at their head so that they do not have to have a closed casket ceremony in the event of their untimely demise. If these demands are not met then we shall be sending endless combat engineers to spam the placement of turrets so that you will not be able to move out of whatever corner you are hiding in during your next mission. Thank you for your time.

Modifié par KayB1991, 23 février 2012 - 03:49 .

[Dark Eff3ct]

To: Urdnot Krentik (Krogan Berserker)
From: Cerberus Nemesis

You ****ing space turtle. GOD HATES YOU!!!!!!!

[Crawlingkingsnake]

This one was just rude:

To: Cmndr Holdtheline (Salarian Infiltrator)
From: Unit B456 (Geth Trooper)

Female parental unit fornicator,

Form a seal around my midsection armor plating. I find great displeasure in your constant use of tactical cloak to stealthily dispatch me from behind. I wish that you receive non consensual intercourse in your organic posterior.

[Stephenc13]

To: The Warden (Turian Sentinel)
From: Assault Troop, Assault Troop, Assault Troop, Assault Troop, Assault Troop, Assault Troop, Assault Troop, Assault Troop, Assault Troop, Assault Troop, Assault Troop, Atlas

Dear Turian scum,
Drop the Revenant and pick up a real gun.
Do you know how much trauma we get from 30+ bullets pounding at our armor?

p.s. your damage resistance is annoying.

[Wheatax]

To: Gizmo (Salarian STG Junior Rank)
From: "Handsome" Cerberus Combat Engineer

Dear Gizmo (if that's your name, I've been searching for it in the special forces leaderboard database),

Please stop shooting at my backpack turrets. I work so damn hard to get them in the veteran packs (yes, we Cerberus need to buy our own veteran packs too you know, to fight you guys.. since Mr Harbinger can't afford to supply one). It's annoying and it electrified me. Do you know how much it hurts?! And how much it costs?! 20,000 credits! I had to play strip poker with my phantoms colleagues to get one and you don't EVER want to see them naked. So stop doing it!

p/s: your side step roll is not as cute as you think

--- Logging off ---

Modifié par Drotter, 23 février 2012 - 05:57 .

[LadyAlekto]

To: Alekto (Alliance Sentinel)
From: Cerberus Commando Team

Dear ****

We would appreciate if you would stop standing on your teams flank
We just try to earn our pay and you keep saving ammo with your Widow, and your stupid avenger you can put where the sun wont shine, our poor phantoms cant handle warp and so much bullets

ps: DIE ALREADY!

Me likes this

[Moonshadow_Dark]

Crawlingkingsnake wrote...

This one was just rude:

To: Cmndr Holdtheline (Salarian Infiltrator)
From: Unit B456 (Geth Trooper)

Female parental unit fornicator,

Form a seal around my midsection armor plating. I find great displeasure in your constant use of tactical cloak to stealthily dispatch me from behind. I wish that you receive non consensual intercourse in your organic posterior.

+100 internets to you, sir.

[Epsilon330]

To: Koros Olarium (Turian Sentinel in Cooperation with the Alliance SpecOps)
From: Guardian (Registry #: 5497)
Subject: Mailslots
To you motherhumping cuttlefish.
We have these damn shields for a reason, you know! We can't do heck from anything other than shotgun range; so stop one-shotting all of us through our visibility visors, with that pathetic excuse for a weapon that the Alliance calls a "Viper"!
If you're gonna go out killing us all, at least do it with a proper rifle, like the Wid-

*MESSAGE TERMINATED: CONTACT WITH SENDER LOST*
*SENDER DECEASED. CAUSE OF DEATH: CRANIAL EXPLOSION VIA BULLET*
*BULLET MATCHES ALLIANCE LONG-RANGE RIFLE: "VIPER" MODEL*

Modifié par Epsilon330, 23 février 2012 - 07:50 .

[Maurodax]

To: Bob (Salarian Infiltrator)
From: Assault Trooper (Cerberus)
Subject: Please stop throwing mines at us!

Stop running around invisible and throwing proxy mines at us!
Anyone can do that! Man up you damn squid-big-eyed bastard!

[Sergeant Novak]

To: Sergeant Novak (Human Engineer)
From: Ceberus Commander Kieth Manning

Alright we've had it with your chain overload ****. You don't even give us a god **** chance when we come in. It's always zap and all of us are on the ground. You think you're pretty slick now don't you? Strutten all around with your fancy omni-tool upgrades while I can't even get my people ten ****'n feet without seeing my squads being chased around by combat drones that fire rockets. Do me a favor and jump off the highest building you can find you piece of ****.

To: Ceberus Commander Kieth Manning
From: Sergeant Novak (Human Engineer)

So, I'm taking it that you're mad?

****Ceberus Terminal now defunct*****