159 réponses à ce sujet

[FeralEwok]

To: Quad-buster (Krogan Soldier)
From: All of Cerberus

Please stop headbutting us. We surrender.


To: PrettySneakySis (Female Infiltrator)
From: Turret

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL LULZ!!!!!11111

[Virginian]

Crawlingkingsnake wrote...

This one was just rude:

To: Cmndr Holdtheline (Salarian Infiltrator)
From: Unit B456 (Geth Trooper)

Female parental unit fornicator,

Form a seal around my midsection armor plating. I find great displeasure in your constant use of tactical cloak to stealthily dispatch me from behind. I wish that you receive non consensual intercourse in your organic posterior.

I LOVE THIS ONE. :wub::innocent:<3<3<3<3<3

[Arppis]

All I got was this...

To: Sgt. Kannisto (Human Soldier)
From: Morlan

"I am sorry, my mate, I leave you for a krogan because you are not endowed as good for your species."

Do you fear these words? Morlan's famous shop sells many enhancements online that are not restricted by Citadel trading regulations! Whether you require hormone augmentation, cybernetic enhancement, or genebiotic xenografting, Morlan has many things you will be pleased with!

All species and gender order online from Morlan's famous extranet site, hotlinked from this message!

(Product availability varies by local trade regulations, all element zero products require shipping subcharge, no shipping to Omega, krogan reproductive organs not available, other restrictions may apply.)

[Moonshadow_Dark]

Epsilon330 wrote...

To: Koros Olarium (Turian Sentinel in Cooperation with the Alliance SpecOps)
From: Guardian (Registry #: 5497)
Subject: Mailslots
To you motherhumping cuttlefish.
We have these damn shields for a reason, you know! We can't do heck from anything other than shotgun range; so stop one-shotting all of us through our visibility visors, with that pathetic excuse for a weapon that the Alliance calls a "Viper"!
If you're gonna go out killing us all, at least do it with a proper rifle, like the Wid-

*MESSAGE TERMINATED: CONTACT WITH SENDER LOST*
*SENDER DECEASED. CAUSE OF DEATH: CRANIAL EXPLOSION VIA BULLET*
*BULLET MATCHES ALLIANCE LONG-RANGE RIFLE: "VIPER" MODEL*

Oh this one is my fav so far.

Remember, kids: Don't text while doing something important!

[Moonshadow_Dark]

Arppis wrote...

All I got was this...

To: Sgt. Kannisto (Human Soldier)
From: Morlan

"I am sorry, my mate, I leave you for a krogan because you are not endowed as good for your species."

Do you fear these words? Morlan's famous shop sells many enhancements online that are not restricted by Citadel trading regulations! Whether you require hormone augmentation, cybernetic enhancement, or genebiotic xenografting, Morlan has many things you will be pleased with!

All species and gender order online from Morlan's famous extranet site, hotlinked from this message!

(Product availability varies by local trade regulations, all element zero products require shipping subcharge, no shipping to Omega, krogan reproductive organs not available, other restrictions may apply.)

Dude, I get those ALL. THE. TIME.

[Arppis]

Moonshadow_Dark wrote...

Arppis wrote...

All I got was this...

To: Sgt. Kannisto (Human Soldier)
From: Morlan

"I am sorry, my mate, I leave you for a krogan because you are not endowed as good for your species."

Do you fear these words? Morlan's famous shop sells many enhancements online that are not restricted by Citadel trading regulations! Whether you require hormone augmentation, cybernetic enhancement, or genebiotic xenografting, Morlan has many things you will be pleased with!

All species and gender order online from Morlan's famous extranet site, hotlinked from this message!

(Product availability varies by local trade regulations, all element zero products require shipping subcharge, no shipping to Omega, krogan reproductive organs not available, other restrictions may apply.)

Dude, I get those ALL. THE. TIME.

So annoying.

Modifié par Arppis, 23 février 2012 - 08:58 .

[Moonshadow_Dark]

Arppis wrote...

Moonshadow_Dark wrote...

Arppis wrote...

All I got was this...

To: Sgt. Kannisto (Human Soldier)
From: Morlan

"I am sorry, my mate, I leave you for a krogan because you are not endowed as good for your species."

Do you fear these words? Morlan's famous shop sells many enhancements online that are not restricted by Citadel trading regulations! Whether you require hormone augmentation, cybernetic enhancement, or genebiotic xenografting, Morlan has many things you will be pleased with!

All species and gender order online from Morlan's famous extranet site, hotlinked from this message!

(Product availability varies by local trade regulations, all element zero products require shipping subcharge, no shipping to Omega, krogan reproductive organs not available, other restrictions may apply.)

Dude, I get those ALL. THE. TIME.

So annoying.

Don't you hate those chain letters that say if you don't forward them to at least two other species, the Geth will show up and turn you into a Husk?

Wait, that one may be real....

[Eclipse_9990]

To: Atellus Marius (Turian Sentinal)
From: Assault Trooper(Cerberus Grunt)
You think you're tough **** don't you alien scum? Why don't you stop spamming chain overload for a ****ing second, and fight us like a real man!? 

To: Atellus Marius (Turian Sentinal)
From: Assault Trooper(Cerberus Grunt) 
Man.. I thought Turians were supposed to be good shots, and didn't need to resort to cheap tricks to get their kills. How about you try shooting without having to stun us first!? This is your last warning...


To: Atellus Marius (Turian Sentinal)
From: Assault Trooper(Cerberus Grunt)  
YOU TURIAN ****GOT!! I THOUGHT I ****ING TOLD YOU TO STOP SPAMMING OVERLOAD! ITS ****ING CHEAP AND ITS STARTING TO ****** OFF OUR ENGINEERS! JUST MOTHER  ****ING STOP!

Also you gotta stop sniping our Guardians through their visors. Not cool.. 

Modifié par Eclipse_9990, 23 février 2012 - 09:17 .

[sirus1988]

To: Sirus (Alliance Sentinal)
From: Cerberus Guardian
Hey idiot. Stop hitting us with your throw biotic and then engage in the act of "shooting the crap out of us" when our sheilds are up in the air. ur such a ***.


To: Sirus (Alliance Sentinal)
From: Cerberus
We regret to inform you that your request for the "Illusive Man to host your birthday party at the Ramen Station on the Citadel"" has been rejected. Have a pleasent day.

Modifié par sirus1988, 23 février 2012 - 09:14 .

[N7Kopper]

Arppis wrote...

All I got was this...

To: Sgt. Kannisto (Human Soldier)
From: Morlan

"I am sorry, my mate, I leave you for a krogan because you are not endowed as good for your species."

Do
you fear these words? Morlan's famous shop sells many enhancements
online that are not restricted by Citadel trading regulations! Whether
you require hormone augmentation, cybernetic enhancement, or genebiotic
xenografting, Morlan has many things you will be pleased with!

All species and gender order online from Morlan's famous extranet site, hotlinked from this message!

(Product
availability varies by local trade regulations, all element zero
products require shipping subcharge, no shipping to Omega, krogan
reproductive organs not available, other restrictions may apply.)

+1

Crawlingkingsnake wrote...

This one was just rude:

To: Cmndr Holdtheline (Salarian Infiltrator)
From: Unit B456 (Geth Trooper)

Female parental unit fornicator,

Form a seal around my midsection armor plating. I find great displeasure in your constant use of tactical cloak to stealthily dispatch me from behind. I wish that you receive non consensual intercourse in your organic posterior.

+100 - and Tali approves.

Now to tell you some of the hate that I got.

To: Urdnot Kretch (Krogan Soldier)
From: Cerberus Guardian Squad #10

DON'T run around telling everyone how much of a quad you have, you so-called badass! What kind of krogan SNIPES anyway!? While quoting lines from 20th/21st century human entertainment no less? I don't care who stole your precious thing! Widow is so OP, I have an invincible bulletproof shield, and guess what that shield does for me? NOTHING! Come up and headbutt me or something!

(...because that I can deal with )

-------------------------------------------------------------------

To: Jeff (Human Engineer) and Susan (Human Infiltrator) Thorton
From: Cerberus Operatives

What's the point of spending 1000k credits on a giant robot if all you're gonna do is blow out the cockpit? You and your fancy Overloads and Incinerates and Cryo Blasts and Sticky Grenades and cloaked Viper shots and your Combat Drones with rocket launchers and your heavy melee fire-electricity combo and ARRRRGH. <_<

My sword can kill you in one hit, but what's the point of trying if you just blow my face off if I get close? These fancy power-blocking gauntlets don't work on Overload - and how the HELL does Overload take out biotics anyhow!?

My troops - I can't put them anywhere without neural shocks of all kinds! The fancy toxins, the more direct brain-bursting bullets... those funerals won't be open-casket! Where do you keep all that ammo? More importantly, you have enough poisons to render the pre-genophage krogan extinct!
WHO'S PAYING YOU. I DEMAND TO KNOW.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

To: Lima T'Omeah (Asari Adept)
From: Guardians and Phantoms

Stasis this, Stasis that, Stasis the other guy! STASIS SHOULDN'T WORK THROUGH SHIELDS!
Our heads are squishy and not designed to be held in one place while Phalanx rounds peforate them!
And Throw and Warp! Half the time we can't even spawn on Firebase White! The other half you rip our reproductive organs apart! But. All. The. Time. STASIS. BUBBLE. GODDAMN. STASIS. SSSSSSSSTTTTTTTTTTTTTAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSS SPAMMING!

-------------------------------------------------------------------

To: Susan Thorton
From: Nemesis Sniper #55

You aimbot abusing daughter-of-a-leper with that six-shot-sniper! Me? I actually have to AIM. With laser sights and everything! You come out of nowhere and kill me in one hit when my shields are full! WTF.
Go sleep with an asari, you xenophilic lesbian little **********

_________________________________________________________________________________________

To: Cerberus Ragers
From: Team Andonuts (Kretch's idea)

Susan to Nemesis: Sleep with an asari? Gladly. so gladly. XENOS! But don't call me a lesbian, I only like asari. Pity. Met a nice one. Human. Kretch kept muttering something about a Jersey Sho... wait why am I telling you this?

-------------------------------------------------------------------
Jeff to Everyone: Less qq, more getting zapped. (also don't talk to my sister that way, although I've probably already killed yours - and our mother got leprosy after we were born kthxbye)

-------------------------------------------------------------------
Lima to Butthurt Petrified Guys: Status ailments! Spawnkills! Genital Mutilation!
Giving the enemy a chance? That's for idiots.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Kretch to Cerberus Guardian Squad #10: Get better shields. Or just stop hiding when you have superior numbers. I don't need to stoop myself to whelp levels. I'll kick your ass with a sawed-off shotgun all damn day... wait, this isn't Gears. Nevermind.

(edited for better readibility)

Modifié par N7Kopper, 23 février 2012 - 09:21 .

[emblemsage]

To: Kev'Toslin vas Inis (Quarian Engineer)
From: Cerberus Guardians

Quit it with the friggin' turrets!  We get ya cornered then boom, flamethrower to the back.  We turn to prevent getting cooked and you flash-freeze us.  Bet you're just hiding cause you're worried we're gonna put a few holes in the nice suit of yours.

To: Cerberus Guardians
From: Kev'Toslin vas Inis

Consider it payback for what happened to the fleet.  And on behalf of the Migrant Fleet, I hope you enjoy your appliances spitting out sewage for a couple weeks, thanks for the link to your network.

Modifié par emblemsage, 24 février 2012 - 02:28 .

[Rivercurse]

Funny thread. Nice work

[RSOG]

Oh man, memories of Xbox Live, and why I ended my subscription there.

At the risk of being too realistic...

To: Justicar Ashiria
From: BlackFeatheredEagle (Cerberus Phantom Corps)

u think stasis takes skill u ******* ****? u better sleep with 1 eye open because im going find where u live and stick this sword so far up ur **** that it comes out up mouth *****!!! ******* uncounterable cheap*** **** needs a nerf and u shuld apologize for using it!!!! l2p u cheap*** ****

[Moonshadow_Dark]

A very good friend of Maulin Delos just came out of a match to find this waiting for her on her answering machine....

YOU HAVE ONE NEW MESSAGE.

MESSAGE ONE: You little plastic ****. You think it's funny overloading our mechs? Do you have any idea how much a shield generator of that size costs? And then you BLOW IT UP. You and your little space gypsy friends are ****ing dead. DO YOU HEAR ME? DEAD! I'LL RIP THAT ****ING MASK OFF YOUR STUPID FACE AND STOMP YOU INTO THE DIRT YOU STERILIZED MOTHER FU-

MESSAGE ENDED.

[snfonseka]

Nice.

[Eclipse_9990]

Stay classy Cerberus.

[snfonseka]

To: Jack (Human Vanguard)
From: Assault Trooper (#105667Y)

That was the most pathetic, cowardly tactic I have ever seen in my entire carrier. Charge+Nova+Nova+Charge, do you think this is a way of fighting? We call it cheating, pathetic cowardly attempt to avoid a real fight. Be a man and let's fight face to face like real men. Bring the best weapon you have, I don't mind; but no Charge or Nova, only ****** use Charge and Nova. Real men fight with weapons.

PS: I don't think you have nerve to do this anyway.

[Wheatax]

snfonseka wrote...

To: Jack (Human Vanguard)
From: Assault Trooper (#105667Y)

That was the most pathetic, cowardly tactic I have ever seen in my entire carrier. Charge+Nova+Nova+Charge, do you think this is a way of fighting? We call it cheating, pathetic cowardly attempt to avoid a real fight. Be a man and let's fight face to face like real men. Bring the best weapon you have, I don't mind; but no Charge or Nova, only ****** use Charge and Nova. Real men fight with weapons.

PS: I don't think you have nerve to do this anyway.

lol Vanguard: oh noes, shield depeleted. wait an enemy CHARGE! *instant100%shield*

Real men charge head on.

[Brownfinger]

Crawlingkingsnake wrote...

This one was just rude:

To: Cmndr Holdtheline (Salarian Infiltrator)
From: Unit B456 (Geth Trooper)

Female parental unit fornicator,

Form a seal around my midsection armor plating. I find great displeasure in your constant use of tactical cloak to stealthily dispatch me from behind. I wish that you receive non consensual intercourse in your organic posterior.

This, frankly, is amazing.

[Imortalfalcon]

To: Crint Eastwood (Krogan Soldier)
From: Cerberus Assault Trooper

Y U NO USE GUNS?!

[axes2t2]

lol....10/10

[Rodia Driftwood]

Arisugawa wrote...


Received at my N7 terminal today...these Cerberus types are pretty sore losers.


******************


To: Victoria (Alliance Infiltrator)
From: Rick (Cerberus Combat Engineer)

I thought  I said leave the tech behind, *****. Anyone can headshot an anyone with a Phalanx when they use a Cryo Blast first. How bad must you suck at combat if you can only Tac Cloak headshot or Cryo Blast with a pistol? Stop ruining the war for everyone else.

*******************

How is Rick sending you those messages if he has no head?.

[N7Kopper]

Rodia Driftwood wrote...

Arisugawa wrote...


Received at my N7 terminal today...these Cerberus types are pretty sore losers.


******************


To: Victoria (Alliance Infiltrator)
From: Rick (Cerberus Combat Engineer)

I thought  I said leave the tech behind, *****. Anyone can headshot an anyone with a Phalanx when they use a Cryo Blast first. How bad must you suck at combat if you can only Tac Cloak headshot or Cryo Blast with a pistol? Stop ruining the war for everyone else.

*******************

How is Rick sending you those messages if he has no head?.

Lazarus.
Or respawns.
Or a wizard did it.

[xcrunr1647]

Brownfinger wrote...

Crawlingkingsnake wrote...

This one was just rude:

To: Cmndr Holdtheline (Salarian Infiltrator)
From: Unit B456 (Geth Trooper)

Female parental unit fornicator,

Form a seal around my midsection armor plating. I find great displeasure in your constant use of tactical cloak to stealthily dispatch me from behind. I wish that you receive non consensual intercourse in your organic posterior.

This, frankly, is amazing.

[Moonshadow_Dark]

Rodia Driftwood wrote...

Arisugawa wrote...


Received at my N7 terminal today...these Cerberus types are pretty sore losers.


******************


To: Victoria (Alliance Infiltrator)
From: Rick (Cerberus Combat Engineer)

I thought  I said leave the tech behind, *****. Anyone can headshot an anyone with a Phalanx when they use a Cryo Blast first. How bad must you suck at combat if you can only Tac Cloak headshot or Cryo Blast with a pistol? Stop ruining the war for everyone else.

*******************

How is Rick sending you those messages if he has no head?.

There are a lot of Rick's in the Combat Engineer family. Like Officer Jenny and Nurse Joy.