159 réponses à ce sujet

[xcrunr1647]

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To: Combat Drone c/o BobTheBuilder (Human Engineer)
From: Cerberus Commando Squad 5C

Really? You think you're cool because you're this little ball of light that kills three of our Assault Troopers and our last remaining Nemesis single-handedly? You think your missiles and electrocution attacks are that cool?

You're right =( You are. And they are.

P.S. Can you come fight for us, please?
P.P.S. Our Combat Engineer will let you play with his turret...

****************************************************************

[Imortalfalcon]

To: Speed Reader (Salarian Infiltrator)
From: Phantom

I don't always catch you when you're de-cloaking, but when I do, I make sure to one-shot you with my melee.

[KadianK]

To: Iova (Alliance Infiltrator)
From: Ceberus Engineer

OK, I've had enough. When I go down to place my turret that does not mean to say you can go ahead and shoot me in the head. Personally I enjoy the ability to see.
Now if you don't mind. Please allow me to place my Turret down before you try to kill me.


*************************************


To: Iova (Alliance Infiltrator)
From: Atlas

I know you have a widow, but that does not mean to say you can act clever and take me down in 4 shots.
Use a Missile Launcher like everyone else, that way I don't get this horrible panic feeling in the pit of my engines when my death comes.


**************************************

To: Einxam (Alliance Adept)
From: Ceberus Assult Trooper

It is not funny to use Singularity on me, and then once I've gone up in the air using it again, and again, and then watching me fall to my death.


*******************************************

To: Iova (Alliance Infiltrator)
From: Guardian

OK! I'VE FREAKING HAD IT! Learn to use a sniper instead of just shooting randomly into my shield, I'm fed up of you and that widow now, always killing me no matter how much I cover myself with my Shield.
Either learn to flank or aim. Thanks for reading.

************************************************

Modifié par KadianK, 23 février 2012 - 12:49 .

[Arcadian Legend]

Arppis wrote...

Moonshadow_Dark wrote...

Arppis wrote...

All I got was this...

To: Sgt. Kannisto (Human Soldier)
From: Morlan

"I am sorry, my mate, I leave you for a krogan because you are not endowed as good for your species."

Do you fear these words? Morlan's famous shop sells many enhancements online that are not restricted by Citadel trading regulations! Whether you require hormone augmentation, cybernetic enhancement, or genebiotic xenografting, Morlan has many things you will be pleased with!

All species and gender order online from Morlan's famous extranet site, hotlinked from this message!

(Product availability varies by local trade regulations, all element zero products require shipping subcharge, no shipping to Omega, krogan reproductive organs not available, other restrictions may apply.)

Dude, I get those ALL. THE. TIME.

So annoying.

Buy one sniper rifle from there and they hound you for life.


But anyway-

To Salarian STG Dorban
From: All Assault Troopers and Combat Engineers

Yeah we saw you, lizardbreath with that damn ****** rifle, hitting us in the head with those stupid lucky potshots from that high place, or your ******* annoying mines that you leave for us. But what really gets up in our grills is when you come in whern cloaked and revive our hard earned kills only to be knocked down by the little ******* moments later. It's idiots and aliens like you that ruin the fun for everyone else! I hope you and your your squad dies in a stream of our slugs! Speaking of streams of slugs, your ******* ****** cloak bypasses our turrets every ******* time you little only then you energy drain and blow them up you piece of **** you ******* ******* ******* ********** everyone in your squad too is a **** *********!!!!

Hope you get crushed by an Atlas!!!!

To: All Cerberus Assault Troopers and Combat Engineers
From: Salarian STG Dorban

You seem upset! =)


To: Salarian STG Dorban
From: All Cerberus Assault Troopers and Combat Engineers

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

[hawat333]

It gets funny when they start begging.

To: Pacifist (Urdnot Clan Warseeker)
From: Michael (Designated Atlas Pilot, Cerberus Mechanical Divison)

Please. Please. Don't headbutt my Atlas anymore. Poor machine can't take it.

[AngusJimiKeith]

hawat333 wrote...

It gets funny when they start begging.

To: Pacifist (Urdnot Clan Warseeker)
From: Michael (Designated Atlas Pilot, Cerberus Mechanical Divison)

Please. Please. Don't headbutt my Atlas anymore. Poor machine can't take it.

The best is when they try to turn traitor to make it the slaughter stop

To: Operative "Alpha" (Asari Adept)
From: Phantom

Please...no more stasis bubble...please!!! I'll come fight for you! Screw these Cerberus *****! Just make it stop!!!!

To: Operative "Shadow" (Quarian Engineer)
From: Cerberus Combat Engineer

Why does your turret get a flamethrower??? That's not fair! If I switch sides, will you teach me how to do that? Please??

To: Operative "Zulu" (Human Male Soldier)
From: Assault Trooper #7432-B

Ok, Ok, you've made your point. Working for Cerberus=getting headshotted. How much does the Alliance pay again?

Modifié par AngusJimiKeith, 23 février 2012 - 04:37 .

[Arcadian Legend]

AngusJimiKeith wrote...

hawat333 wrote...

It gets funny when they start begging.

To: Pacifist (Urdnot Clan Warseeker)
From: Michael (Designated Atlas Pilot, Cerberus Mechanical Divison)

Please. Please. Don't headbutt my Atlas anymore. Poor machine can't take it.

The best is when they try to turn traitor to make it the slaughter stop

To: Operative "Alpha" (Asari Adept)
From: Phantom

Please...no more stasis bubble...please!!! I'll come fight for you! Screw these Cerberus *****! Just make it stop!!!!

To: Operative "Shadow" (Quarian Engineer)
From: Cerberus Combat Engineer

Why does your turret get a flamethrower??? That's not fair! If I switch sides, will you teach me how to do that? Please??

To: Operative "Zulu" (Human Male Soldier)
From: Assault Trooper #7432-B

Ok, Ok, you've made your point. Working for Cerberus=getting headshotted. How much does the Alliance pay again?

I dunno. Having extra men on the side would be a great help.

[InstaShark]

To: Kina'Mareth vas Terra (Quarian Engineer)
From: Cerberus Trooper Squad #789

STOP SPAMMING US WITH CRYO AND INCINERATION TECH IT'S PISSING US OFF IT'S NOT FUNNY WHEN WE SHATTER INTO A MILLION PIECES

[Crawlingkingsnake]

Moonshadow_Dark wrote...

Crawlingkingsnake wrote...

This one was just rude:

To: Cmndr Holdtheline (Salarian Infiltrator)
From: Unit B456 (Geth Trooper)

Female parental unit fornicator,

Form a seal around my midsection armor plating. I find great displeasure in your constant use of tactical cloak to stealthily dispatch me from behind. I wish that you receive non consensual intercourse in your organic posterior.

+100 internets to you, sir.

By now my total is about 300 internets

[Crawlingkingsnake]

Wow, this guy doesn't give up

To: Rusty Shackleford (Alliance Soldier)
From: Unit B456 (Geth Trooper)

You male offspring of a female canine

This one believes that you find yourself a clever adversary, as your repetitive use of concussive shot is unprofessional. This one believes that you should go back to Modern Warfare 3, you female genitalia. If we were to interact outside of this recreational combat simulation, there is a 98.99% chance that this one would bludgeon the excrement out of you.

Also, this one finds your avatar's alias to be sub par, as King of the Hill is a mediocre television program. This one advises that you reconsider your existence, as you are nothing more than ametur when it comes to gameplay-related achievements.

[Xenolithium]

To: Turian Scum!!!!!!!!
From: Cerberus Guardian

I want you to know, I've reported you! Expect a ban soon! You think I wouldn't notice your hacked shotgun killing me instantly despite I have a shield?!?!?! NOOOOOOOOOOB!

To: Cerberus Guardian
From: Turian Sentinel

It's called Armor Piercing rounds. Get dunked!

[Moonshadow_Dark]

To: Urdnot Krulk (Krogan Soldier)
From: The Illusive Man

It has come to my attention that you have been quote "pimp slapping" various members of my company on the battlefield. While it is funny to you, it is nothing but a juvenile act in the eyes of the more advanced races. I'd prefer you stop doing this before you bring shame upon your clan.

-Illusive Man

To: Cerberus Recruitment Office
From: Urdnot Krulk

HAHAHA! PIMP SLAP! KRULK ENJOY GIVING BACK HAND TO YOUR TINY SKULLS AND WATCH YOU FLY AWAY! PIMP SLAP! KRULK SO GLAD HUMANS TEACH HIM THAT WORD!

[Crawlingkingsnake]

Moonshadow_Dark wrote...

To: Urdnot Krulk (Krogan Soldier)
From: The Illusive Man

It has come to my attention that you have been quote "pimp slapping" various members of my company on the battlefield. While it is funny to you, it is nothing but a juvenile act in the eyes of the more advanced races. I'd prefer you stop doing this before you bring shame upon your clan.

-Illusive Man

To: Cerberus Recruitment Office
From: Urdnot Krulk

HAHAHA! PIMP SLAP! KRULK ENJOY GIVING BACK HAND TO YOUR TINY SKULLS AND WATCH YOU FLY AWAY! PIMP SLAP! KRULK SO GLAD HUMANS TEACH HIM THAT WORD!

What have we done??!! 

[Zerohour0]

To: Rick Chumpface (Vanguard)
From: Cerberus Engineer Sentry Turret

Nice charge on my Engineer there. You almost took down his shields, right before I gunned you down in front of me and prevented your teammates from reviving you. And then I shot you again when you revived at the end of the round! Haha, good times. Anyway, I'm about to explode, since the next round is about to start, but I just wanted you to know you made me laugh in my brief existence. Thanks for that.

[Tangster]

To: Tabri'Zhorel vas Yorkshire (Quarian Engineer)
From: Cerberus Units Non-com's Tribunal HQ

If it wasn't bad enough that your repeated use of arson to dispatch our members, which directly violates many member's religious beliefs and burial preference against cremation, and the constant use of a Widow rifle to dismember our operative's bodies, again violating our member's preferences not to have a closed casket or shrouded burial...
These insults we will take in the knowledge that such injuries are expected as part of a galactic war.

However we will not stand for your constant hacking Cerberus Command's inter-unit com system to Rick roll our forces. Such mental warfare is extremely unfair and the largest cause for suicide among assault team survivors.

-Regards, C.U.N-c.T HQ

To: Cerberus Units Non-com's Tribunal HQ
From: Tabri'Zhorel vas Yorkshire

Guess what day it is?
Yep! You got it!

...Audio file set to autoplay...

"It's Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday
Gettin' down on Friday
Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend"

..Audio file set to background..

Have a great weekend! Tabri

Modifié par Tangster, 24 février 2012 - 12:05 .

[Moonshadow_Dark]

Tangster wrote...

To: Tabri'Zhorel vas Yorkshire (Quarian Engineer)
From: Cerberus Units Non-com's Tribunal HQ

If it wasn't bad enough that your repeated use of arson to dispatch our members, which directly violates many member's religious beliefs and burial preference against cremation, and the constant use of a Widow rifle to dismember our operative's bodies, again violating our member's preferences not to have a closed casket or shrouded burial...
These insults we will take in the knowledge that such injuries are expected as part of a galactic war.

However we will not stand for your constant hacking Cerberus Command's inter-unit com system to Rick roll our forces. Such mental warfare is extremely unfair and the largest cause for suicide among assault team survivors.

-Regards, C.U.N-c.T HQ

To: Cerberus Units Non-com's Tribunal HQ
From: Tabri'Zhorel vas Yorkshire

Guess what day it is?
Yep! You got it!

...Audio file set to autoplay...

"It's Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday
Gettin' down on Friday
Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend"

..Audio file set to background..

Have a great weekend! Tabri

Now that's just cruel, even by Vorcha standards.

[VarrenSoldier]

To: Karen (Human Infiltrator)
From: Cerberus Troopers

WTF? Cloaking is so cowardly and cheap! You just cloak and then sucker punch us with that electric-omni-blade or cloak and snipe! And sometimes, you cloak and then shotgun us, that tactic is also irritating! What kind of fighting is this!

To: Cerberus Troopers
From: Karen

I use cloaks, problem? *trollface* BTW, YOUR RAGE IS DELICIOUS!
******
To: Urdnot Kratash (Krogan Soldier)
From: Cerberus Troopers

Stop headbutting and charging us, it's so cheap! We don't care about learning that your Quad is made of iron!

To: Cerberus Troopers
From: Urdnot Kratash

Whatever whelps, I will continue charging and headbutting, I don't care about your whining. And as of now, I need to focus on finishing my glass of ryncol and after that, I will have a "sparring match" with a fine Asari Adept. Cheers!

[Prom001]

once you have to fight reapers you will no longer laugh! ;-)

[incinerator950]

To: 6
From: Cerberus Command

We have tracked your movement from your initial departure from Cerberus, you cannot hide from us. We are coming for you.

[Sealy]

To:Rinna (Asari Adept)
From: Cerberus in General.

It would be greatly appreciated if you would allow us to come around the corner, and spread out, or even get up after a throw before you spam us with two more. Also Nemesis and Phantom hate you and your stasis, they wish you dead.

P.S. It is very hurtful to Stasis us and then saunter by and leave us there waiting for your team to headshot us.

To: Cerberus
From: Rinna

It would be greatly appreciated if you would stop spamming level 10 with Turrets so I can actually move without running into one. Until this demand is met I will indeed keep setting you up for Biotic explosions and killing your Atlas' with my pistol.

Modifié par Fleshdress, 24 février 2012 - 08:09 .

[UK Wildcat]

To: Jim (Human Soldier)
From: Cerberus Assault Trooper Union

Hey. We feel your pain. Constantly lobbing grenades PRAYING to get a kill, only to find that someone with actual guns or abilities shoots you from across the map with their guns or goes all shimmery and stabs you.

We have really good benefits over here at Cerberus, and the added bonus of being able to hide behind the Atlases. As a bit of advice, under no circumstance should you ever ask a Phantom on a date. It takes a really really long time to get un-neutered.

Please tell your friends to stop sending infiltrators or adepts.

Thanks,
Cerberus Assault Trooper Union

[Guaritor]

To: Guar (Human Vanguard)
From: AssaultTrooper5649

You think your cool with all your charging? I bet your terribad arse couldn't use more then those two move, charge, nova, charge, nova... do something original you wanker.

To: Guar (Human Vanguard)
From: ISnipej0069 (Nemesis)

What the frak is that stupid zooming thing you always do, its so cheap, all you do is spam that cheap ass little move you lazy noob!!!

To: Guar (Human Vanguard)
From: C3ntur14n (Centurian)

What kind of little girl carries that tiny pistol to a mans fight, you didn't even shoot the thing once during the whole game, your such a ****, real men shoot big guns.

To: Guar (Human Vanguard)
From: All Terrain Laser Armageddon Smasher (A.T.L.A.S)

Dear Guar,

I'm so sorry about your crushed skull, I was just trying to give you a hug but you charged a little too quickly to me and I accidentally went into my auto-kill animation.  It was entirely my fault, though you really should give your charge button a break every now and then.   I've already accepted responsibility for insurance purposes. Again, I apologize wholeheartedly, hope you feel better.

Love,
Atty

Modifié par Guaritor, 24 février 2012 - 08:45 .

[I-AM-KROGAN]

Just got this LOL:

To: Abe

From Ilussive Man

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUuuu

[MadMatt1990]

Got this just now:

To: Alliance Sergeant Major Timothy Donahue, 1st Special Forces, Soldier
From: 4th Brigade, Cerberus Assault Trooper Division

So you think you get a kick out of launching your 'concussion shot' rounds at our men? You think this is funny? Well I'll tell you this, it's not funny watching our men get knocked down, and when they try to stand back up, they get knocked down again! And those poor souls that we manage to save can't remember anything at all, and we have to retrain them on how to be killers.

The next time you try your fancy knockdown rounds, we will bring our own. And then maybe you'll get a taste of your own medicine. And you'll finally feel what we feel.

Disrespectfully,

Anonymous Cerberus Assault Trooper Commander

[Sinapus]

To: Sinbiotics (Human Adept, N7)
From: Cerberus Assault Troopers

Singularity + Warp is so uncool. Stop it.

To: Sinbiotics
From: Cerberus Guardian

Stop spamming shockwave at us and shooting us in the head. That hurts!